Chasing Love's Wings

by Zoey Derrick

  She laughs. “No, but if you want one...”

  “I’ll buy it myself,” I say with a big grin and a chuckle.

  I tear into the package, and the box inside says Rolex. She got me a watch? I smile and open the box. Inside is a silver-faced, black-banded watch. It’s good sized, too, but what catches my attention the most is that the face isn’t a typical watch face, but it is a holographic image of Cami. It’s the picture that is on the background of my phone and computer. But the image is such that you have to be looking straight at it in order to actually see it. “Cami, it’s beautiful.”

  “You like it?”

  “I love it.” I stand up from the couch and walk around the table, embracing her and kissing her like there’s no tomorrow. She laughs, ending my attempt to try and take her back to bed. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” I kiss her again and then reach for the box, pulling the watch free of its padded cushioning and unbuckling it. “Help me,” I say, though I don’t actually need her help with it. She does and she buckles it onto my wrist. I look at it, checking the time. It’s just after one, but I can’t stop staring at her face on the watch.

  “I didn’t know how you’d feel about walking around with me around your wrist. So when I was talking to the designer about it, he suggested this concept. It’s one of a kind, not only because of my picture, but it is the first one they’ve ever come up with.” She smiles and I can hear the pride in her voice.

  “It’s perfect. Thank you so much.” I kiss her again.

  Just then I hear the door chime and I know that our time alone has come to a close.

  “The girls do not know about the house.”

  “What?”

  “The boys agreed to unveil it to them after you’d seen it. So leave the plans. They’ve all already received theirs as well.”

  “Okay,” I say as I go to the door and open it. Beyond it is the entire gang, and they all serenade me with an awful rendition of “Happy Birthday” as they file into the penthouse.

  It doesn’t take long before everyone realizes that Cami has already given me my birthday present, and we spend the afternoon hanging around the pool, having a good time and talking about the house plans.

  Cami is very animated with her friends, and it strikes me that something might actually be bothering her. But I don’t want to spoil the fun everyone is having by pulling her away to talk about it.

  Shortly before sunset, we all leave the penthouse and go out to the entrance of the hotel. Sitting there, waiting for us, are two Jeeps. “Where are we going?” I ask.

  Cami wraps her arms around me. “It’s a surprise.”

  We all climb in and we’re off. I half expected the docks and a boat, but we actually go to the south side of the island, rather than the north where the boats are.

  When we arrive on the beach there is a bonfire going, surround by logs, and off to the right is a table set out for dinner. I smile when I see Jessie manning the bar, waiting for us.

  Everyone climbs out of the cars, and I pull Cami toward me. She starts before I can. “You said you wanted something small, and after I talked to Trav and Ty about your birthday, I discovered that neither one of them knew when it was.” She gives me a look that tells me she understands. “So, I thought tonight we’d spend it having dinner on the beach and hanging around the bonfire. Just the eight of us.”

  I kiss her. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

  She smiles and leads me toward the table, where we all gather around. I look at the group of people before me — everyone laughing and having an amazing time. I can’t understand it completely, but I am filled with an overwhelming amount of love and support that I never thought existed...or even realized I was missing in my life. Then suddenly Cami’s house plans all make sense. We’re a family. All of us. Whether we have our own families someplace else, we, right here, are one big huge family, and I want nothing more than to have every one of them around me for the rest of my life.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Before we know it, our friends have already left, our two weeks in Tarah have come to a close, and Cami and I are back in Phoenix with only a few days to spare before I head off to New York. Cami is staying here — well, on this side of the country, at least — for a couple of days. We both agreed on the plans for the house, so she is going to California to get that started and also to deal with the pressing issues of Bold and Vincent. But I managed to convince her to stay in Phoenix at least until I leave. I don’t want to miss any time I can spend with her.

  Our two weeks in Tarah were refreshing on the levels of needing to be able to reconnect with one another, to forgo life for a while, and we’re very good about doing that in Tarah. After the two weeks we spent together and all the talking we’ve done, I am starting to feel closer than ever to her, and I am starting to feel truly happy about wanting all the things she has lined up for us: the house in California and the bar here in Phoenix. Though her confidence regarding the bar is wavering slightly, I think our pep talks about it have helped; at least that is my hope.

  “I hate that you’re leaving again.”

  “You can always come with me.”

  “I know, but I can’t put this off any longer, I need to deal with Vincent, and then, to top that off, I need to get things started on the house. When I’m done with that, I’ll come to New York and spend the rest of your filming days with you.”

  “Sounds good to me.” I kiss her and grab my bags. “Ready?”

  “No. I hate this, you know that.”

  I smile at her. “I know, but it’s a few days, then we have until March before I’m scheduled on another set. But by then you’re going to be busy with Bold and I’ll be the one waiting for you.”

  “Don’t hold your breath,” she says as we climb into the car. “Oh, I forgot to tell you.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Mick and Beau have set a date.”

  “Oh, and it is what?”

  She laughs. “Valentine’s Day.”

  I laugh with her. “That doesn’t surprise me, though I expected something like eleven, twelve, thirteen or something like that.”

  “Hey, just be glad I convinced them to skip the Justice of the Peace. Plus, if we push it, the bar might be ready by then and they can get married there.”

  I laugh. “Why the bar?”

  “You know them, they don’t want anything over the top, they want to just get married and be done with it. If the house were going to be done by then, I’m sure they’d do it there. But at this point we’ll be lucky if we have it by May.”

  I shrug. “I’m in no hurry.”

  She smiles at me. “At least I know where I want to get married.”

  This surprises me and I look at her in mock shock. “Oh really, Madam Enders, where might that be?”

  She gives me a one-word answer: “Tarah.”

  “Penthouse or beach.”

  “Beach, sunset.”

  “I see you’ve already planned this out.” I can’t help the overwhelming warmth I feel at her talk of getting married. Especially considering everything she’s said so far is only consistent with me. It means she’s never thought about this until now.

  “All except the date.”

  “Shouldn’t you get engaged first? You know, before you start planning your dream wedding?” She punches me in the thigh. “Ouch.” She busts out laughing. “Subtle hint received.” I hold up my hands in defense and she laughs.

  Our routine at the airport this time is no different than the last time, only this time she’s crying a little harder. I can’t help but wonder what that’s all about. But I don’t question it, and faster than I realize, Tyson and I are in first class, one way to New York City. I don’t think I could get further away from Cami if I tried, and with each passing minute, the ache in my heart grows and I miss her already.

  TWENTY-NINE

  ******

  Cami

  ******

  “Ugh,” I say as I scramble out of bed and head str
aight for the toilet, where I unload the contents of my nearly empty stomach. I try and think about what would’ve caused this except for the fact that Beau and I went out to dinner at a new restaurant last night. But once I’m done, I feel a little bit better. I crawl back into bed and lie down. Before I know it, I’m sound asleep.

  I call Beau around eleven, after I’ve woken up again. Though I don’t throw up, I don’t feel much better. “Hey, girl,” I say when she answers.

  “Hey, wench.”

  I roll my eyes. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine, why?” she says. I can hear her concern.

  “I think whatever I ate last night doesn’t agree with me. I feel like crap.”

  “Do you have anything to do today?”

  “Not really, other than pack for tomorrow, but it can wait until tomorrow.”

  “Then I’d just take it easy today, see how you feel tomorrow.”

  “All right. Need me, call me,” I say.

  “Will do.” And she’s gone.

  I lie back down in bed and continue to doze off and on throughout the day. Finally around three I start to feel better, and I get up and go downstairs. I make myself some toast and grab a seat on the couch. I start flipping through channels and end up watching — against my better judgment - the first Love is Burning movie; though I’ve read the books, I’ve never seen the movie. Tristan will kill me if he knows I’m watching this. But I can’t help it.

  About an hour into the movie my phone rings. It’s Tristan. “Hi, beautiful,” I say before he can beat me to it.

  “Hi beautiful yourself. How are you?”

  “Tired and lazy.”

  “Oh, late night last night?”

  I debate whether or not to tell him about my being sick this morning, but it’s just what I ate, so I tell him.

  “Babe, why didn’t you call me?”

  I roll my eyes. “You’re in New York, what were you gonna do?”

  “Good point.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I think I just ate something last night. I went out to eat with Beau to some new place she’s been wanting to try.”

  “Is she sick?”

  “No, but we ate different things, so I’m not surprised.”

  “Did you drink?” he asks.

  “Nope, just had water and tea.” I haven’t drunk anything since my last binge in Montana, which is probably a good thing. Tristan brought it up when we were in Tarah and I told him that I just didn’t feel like drinking.

  “Well, take it easy and get some rest. What time is your flight tomorrow?”

  “Oh, I am. I’m watching a movie. My flight is at four.”

  “Okay, I should be able to call you before you leave. But please, call or text me if you’re not feeling well. What movie?”

  Oops. “Not much you can do from NYC, love.” I avoid the movie question.

  “I know, but I worry about you. What movie?”

  Relentless bastard. “Calling you while I’m sick will only make that worse. But I will let you know how I’m feeling, how’s that?”

  “All right, what movie?”

  “You’re relentless and you don’t want me to answer that.”

  “You better not be watching one of my movies.”

  “Maybe.” I bust out laughing.

  “Oh, I see how you are, laughing at my movies.”

  I sober. “No, Tristan, I’m laughing because you automatically assume it’s one of yours.”

  “Then tell me what movie.”

  I laugh again. “It’s actually a very good movie. Though I think I’m falling in love with the lead actor. He’s quite sexy, and I happen to know that he knows very well how to use his sexiness, which makes it that much more sexy.”

  “Grrrr...”

  “I love it when you growl.”

  “Grrrr...” He laughs. “I thought you said you never wanted to see my movies.”

  “Um, well, there wasn’t anything else on.”

  “Oh, great, so now I’m second best.” He is laughing on the other end of phone.

  “No, you’re the best, ever.”

  He laughs a little more. “All right, sweets, I have to go back on set. Call you later?”

  “Please.”

  “All right, love you.”

  “Ditto,” I say, and we hang up.

  I wake up the same on Sunday morning, but because I’m leaving, I don’t lie around in bed. I get up and start packing, but I quickly become exhausted. Before I can even begin to try and figure out what this is, Beau shows up to take me to the airport.

  “You don’t look good,” she says when I climb into her car, putting my bag between my feet on the floor.

  “Good to see you too.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just really tired. I don’t sleep well when Tristan isn’t here.”

  “That’s not it. Cams, are you sure—”

  “I’m fine, I’ll be fine. I have got to go and take care of this crap, I can’t keep letting it bug me. I’ll take something when I get to California to help me sleep.”

  She looks at me out of the corner of her eye. She’s watching me like she’s afraid of something. I don’t say any more about it, and it takes us but a few minutes to get to the airport from the condo. I hug her goodbye, and I’m through security and on the plane in a matter of thirty minutes.

  But something Beau said is nagging at me. I pull out my MacBook and begin looking at the calendar. It’s October seventh. There’s very little on my calendar for October, at least outside of Tristan being in New York. I click back to September. Nothing. August is a little fuller with the trip to Montana and my documentation of what happened, but...

  August 2nd, 2012 - 1:45 p.m. Dr. Shaw

  My heart starts pounding and my palms start sweating as I realize what I missed. I start counting the months and days, at least until the flight attendant tells me to stow it for takeoff.

  Getting my period or not getting it is nothing new: I’ve been on the shot since I was seventeen. I don’t get periods unless I miss an appointment. The skipped appointment was supposed to be in November, to give myself a chance to...

  I start to think, think about anything and everything that could’ve possibly—

  No, there’s no way.

  Is it?

  I land in L.A., but rather than take a cab to the hotel, I rent a car and stop at a Target along the way. I run in, hoping like hell that my jacket, glasses, rasta beanie and the less-than-elegant clothes I’m wearing stop me from being recognized. Though I’m a long way from Hollywood, this is California, and people snoop out celebs like nobody’s business.

  I’m wearing my skinny jeans, which, if I really think about it, were a little snug this morning. Not beyond wearing but— Damn it.

  I go to the family planning section of Target and grab two boxes each of two different pregnancy tests, then go to the grocery section and pick up a couple of bottles of water and go to checkout.

  After a few minutes I am back in the car. The white bag on the passenger seat taunts me on my drive from Target to the JW downtown.

  Once I’m in my room, I start to panic a little more. Should I take it now or wait? I look at the box for instructions; I’ve never taken one before, but I’ve helped Beau before. Though I still have no clue about it.

  The instructions say that I should use my first morning’s urine. “Damn it.” I really don’t want to wait. “You have four of them.” I talk myself into it. And I do; I open it and do the whole pee-on-a-stick thing. Then I sit there panicking. I finally manage to pull myself out of the bathroom and away from the ominous stick sitting on the counter.

  When I go into the bedroom, where my stuff is, I remember that I never turned on my phone when I landed; I was too freaked out. I go to it and turn it on. After a few moments it chimes with two missed calls, two voicemails, and then finally three text messages.

  Hope you made it to L.A. safe. Love you.

&nbs
p; Cams, where are you?

  Call me.

  The last one was sent just a few moments ago, as my phone was loading.

  “Hi,” I say when he picks up the phone.

  “Hi, beautiful. Did you make it?”

  “Uh, yeah, I forgot to turn my phone on.” That’s all I can manage. I keep looking over at the bathroom, wanting to go in there.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “What? Oh, nothing.”

  “You’re distracted, what’s the matter?”

  “Nothing, just tired and reading through emails.” That should do it.

  “All right. I’m shooting late tonight, but can I call you when I’m done?”

  “Of course.” Hopefully by then I will be relieved because that test will be done and negative and I can relax.

  “All right, sweets. I miss you.”

  Crap. “I miss you too.”

  “I love you.” His voice is sweet, and something about it is reassuring me.

  “I love you.”

  We hang up, and I stand there staring at the light coming out of the bathroom. It’s like the light at the end of a big, long tunnel: I’m drawn to it, but I can’t bring myself to walk toward it.

  THIRTY

  ******

  Tristan

  ******

  “Hey, Beau.”

  “Hi, Tristan. What’s going on?”

  “Did you take Cami to the airport today?” I ask her. I know she did, but I’m just trying to make sure.

  “Um, yeah, why?”

  “Was she okay when you saw her?”

  She doesn’t answer my question. “Why, what’s wrong?”

  I roll my eyes and hold my finger up to one of the stagehands. “Listen, I need to go, but when I called her a minute ago, she seemed frazzled and distracted.”

  “She didn’t look that well when I picked her up. But she said it was nothing.”