Tawny blinked. She hadn't thought of those things. Those, she thought, would be the rewards at the end of the road--the little presents under the tree after all the groundwork had been laid.
"We can't control everything. That's clear, I think. So let’s try it my way, okay?” Resting his hands on his thighs, he pushed himself from the sofa, then held his hand out to her. "Come on."
She stared blankly at his palm. "What?"
"We're heading out. Come with me."
"I don't--"
"Just come, okay? You’re going to have to learn to trust me. After all, we're going to have this baby together."
Together. There it was again. He was still all in for this.
So, even though she didn't know what was waiting on the other side, she took his hand and allowed him to take her wherever it was he was determined to go.
"The Baby Market." Tawny read the bright blue and pale pink sign twenty minutes later, then turned her incredulous gaze on him. "Doesn't that sort of make it sound like they're selling babies in there? Are you...trying to sell our baby?"
Luke chuckled. "This, as it happens, is the biggest baby store in the state. Almost everyone registers here and we are going to do exactly that."
"I'm telling you, we can't register."
"Then think of it like a shopping list. Just think, a whole new list of things to check off. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
"You're mocking me."
"Only a little." He climbed from the truck, and before she knew it, her door was being opened for her and he was leading her from the parking lot toward the huge automatic doors of the mega-complex.
When he'd said the store was big, he hadn't been kidding. It was the Disney World of baby stores, complete with pallets upon pallets of formula, car seats, and strollers. Before they entered, a man stopped them at the door and asked for their ID.
"Oh, we should--" she started, but Luke held up a hand. "I've got it covered."
He pulled a laminated slip from his wallet, showed it to the man, and then he handed them a forklift-sized shopping cart.
"Congratulations on your bundle of joy," the man muttered, and Tawny thanked him sheepishly before following Luke into the store.
"You're not the only one who did their homework this morning," he said, and she stared at him again, incredulous.
"My mom always said this was the best place to go for baby stuff so I thought--" He shrugged. "What the hell, let's check it out."
He led her through to a maze of baby clothes and she stared at the sea of pastel colors and sparkly tutus with a growing sense of excitement and anxiety.
"How could we even...I don't know where to start," she murmured.
"Start wherever you want. I've got an app on my phone and all I have to do is scan the barcode in order to enter something onto our shopping list."
"I..." She blinked and with a little surge of humiliation realized that tears were stinging the back of her eyes. Stupid pregnancy hormones, they got her every time.
"Um, right." She swallowed back her tears. "Okay. So...we need clothes for all months. Sometimes kids skip whole months so we've got to sort of get ourselves covered."
"Well, we clearly need this, then." Luke held up a tiny cowboy outfit and she giggled.
"I was thinking something more mechanic-like. Maybe a bandana? For when he helps you in the shop?"
Luke's eyes went soft. "Yeah. I hadn't thought about that."
"Overalls, then." She picked some up from a nearby shelf and allowed him to scan the barcode before putting them back.
Together, they sifted through the clothes, picking out all sorts of bibs, bandanas, and bonnets along with his everyday jumpers and onesies, and by the time she reached the end of the ocean of clothes, she was sure they had a thousand dollars worth of clothing in their cart. Admittedly, she'd gone a little off the rails with her planning--especially when they got to the Halloween costumes.
"Oh my god." She snatched up a baby-sized lobster costume and shoved it toward Luke.
"No way. My son is not going to be a crustacean for Halloween."
"You have a better idea?" she challenged.
He reached past her, her body sizzling at the faintest brush of his skin against hers, and grabbed a tiny Dalmatian costume.
"You want him to be a dog?" she asked, realizing she was slightly breathless.
"We could paint his nose and I could dress as a firefighter. It would be adorable."
She swallowed hard. That would be adorable. And the idea of all of them trudging from house to house, son and father wearing matching outfits... well, that was the best part of it all.
This was bad. Like, so good, but also really bad. After all her careful planning and internal warnings, she was starting to have hope.
Hope that this baby would be able to grow up with happy, stable parents. Hope that he would be enough to make Luke want to stick around. And, worst of all, hope that maybe the two of them actually had a chance in hell as a couple.
Shit.
But as she stared up at his excited face, she couldn’t resist it another second. If she was setting herself up for a fall, so be it. She was going to fall hard and suffer for it. It was too late to stop this train now. She was half in love with her baby’s daddy already.
"You're right. Add it to the list."
Luke scanned the tag and they moved on, glancing at cribs and strollers until her head was spinning. There was so much to think of and decide. They would need to get two of everything and she still hadn’t picked out the color scheme for the corner of her apartment that would be the baby’s nursery.
She just had to clear her head and…and—
Pain raked over her abdomen like she’d never felt before and her breath caught as panic rose up inside her.
“Luke,” she gasped. “Something’s wrong.”
Chapter 16
She gripped his arm tight and tried not to let the panic clawing at her seep into her voice.
“My stomach."
His eyebrows caved into a frown. "What do you--" He broke off and stared at her as the meaning of her words sank in. "Is it the baby?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
She shook her head furiously. "I don't know. Maybe it was something I ate, but I'm getting sharp pains."
She blinked hard, willing the hot tears away. Freaking out wasn't going to help. Stress was terrible for the baby. Wasn't that half the reason she'd convinced herself to stay away from Luke in the first place. But staying calm when her body was telling her in no uncertain terms that something was seriously amiss was no easy task.
She mentally did the math that she'd been doing every day since she'd learned of her pregnancy.
“It-it's way too soon," she whispered, just a second before a second wave of pain tore through her belly. It was a pain like she'd never experienced. One that stole her breath and bowed her back. Vaguely, she felt Luke's hand gently massaging her shoulders as she tried to breathe through her nose.
"Shh, it's okay. You're okay," he murmured. "Once this bout passes, we're going to call the doctor and let her know we're coming in."
As the pain faded to a dull ache and then disappeared, she realized that he sounded so much calmer. Totally in control. She clung to that, and to him.
"Okay. Okay, should we get my bag? It's-"
"I've already got one in my truck," he said as he dug his cell from his hip pocket. "I made a spare bag for my place, just in case. Figured it couldn't hurt to have it on hand."
Just in case she'd been sleeping at his house when she'd gone into labor.
Before she could decide whether or not to be mad at the presumption, he was on the phone with the doctor's office. "Can you tell the doctor that Tawny Mitchell is having some pain and we need to come in right away, please?" He paused for a long moment and then nodded to himself. "We'll meet her there then."
"What did they say?" she asked, taking the hand he held out.
"They checked your file and asked that we meet the
m right at Brighton General."
A thousand questions shot to her lips at once, but she voiced none of them. Clearly, Luke didn't know anything more than she did. He was becoming a dad for the first time, and he wasn't a doctor. Instead of asking him questions he couldn't answer, she said, "Tell me it's going to be okay."
He squeezed her hand firmly and held her gaze. "It's going to be okay. I promise, Tawny. I'll be right by your side and we'll get through this, whatever it is, together."
It wasn't forever, but for now, it was enough.
They drove to the hospital, both trapped in their own thoughts and fears, and she stared out the window, wondering what would happen next, what she’d do if…
She couldn’t bring herself to think about that.
Glancing at Luke, she wondered if he was thinking the same thing or if maybe, just maybe, he thought this might be a blessing in disguise. Like, if they didn’t have the baby, he wouldn’t be saddled with her and he could go back to the way his life would have been.
But he couldn’t be thinking that. Not only because that would be awful and unthinkable, but because his face was white and he gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles had paled, too.
“Maybe we should turn the radio on. It’ll give us something else to think about.” She reached for the dial, but he took her hand instead.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, and though he kept his eyes trained on the road, she knew every ounce of his attention was on her.
“I’m okay now. Just…” Scared.
But she couldn’t, wouldn’t say that. After all, there was nothing to be scared of. She’d just had a little pain.
The car revved, but Luke kept her hand in his, his thumb tracing circles over her knuckles one at a time. “You’re going to be just fine, Tawny, okay?”
She nodded. “I just need to talk about something else. I need some kind of distraction because I can’t think about…”
I can’t think about losing this baby. Or you.
“Let’s talk then. Um, what do you think about names? I know Caroline is out.” The joke was weak and fell flat, but it was still something to diffuse the mounting tension.
Quickly, she was realizing that no matter what she said, it wouldn’t change the growing sense of dread and panic in her heart. It wouldn’t change the fact that she could no longer picture her life without the thing that made it whole—her unborn child.
“We’re almost there,” Luke offered and she nodded again.
“Maybe we could name him after one of your brothers?” she asked.
“Rex would love that. Which is all the more reason not to do it.”
The hill in front of them began to descend and slowly but steadily the hospital came into view.
“It’s going to be fine,” Luke told her again, but now that she saw the building—so sterile and white even from the outside—she wasn’t so sure. The doctors would poke and prod her and then…
Her throat went dry.
“What if it’s not okay? What if something happened?”
What if it was my fault?
Internally, she ran down the list of things she’d learned in all the handbooks and pamphlets she’d read. Ever since she’d seen that positive strip, she’d been on top of making sure that she hadn’t stepped over the line—she hadn’t even had so much as an ounce of alcohol or any kind of fish and if she knew there would be smoking somewhere, she avoided the place altogether, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t overlooked something.
Silently, she wondered at the acidic content of strawberries and whether the sheer consumption of them could have thrown off something in her ph balance but…
But that was all gobbledygook. She knew better than that. Or at least her logical mind did.
As it was, she was beginning to think she was a medical anomaly. That maybe she’d done something—had some rare type of disease—that had hurt her baby somehow and she’d dragged Luke into all of this just to be hurt in the end.
Just to lose everything.
Her heart pounded faster and blood thrummed in her ears as she gripped the passenger side door, closing her eyes to concentrate.
“I need you to do me a favor.” Luke’s voice broke through the panic and she peeked out the corner of her eye to look at him, calm and sure as ever.
“What?” she murmured.
“Breathe in.”
She did as he commanded.
“Breathe out,” he told her. And she did.
“Just follow my instructions, okay? Breathe in, count to four.”
One. Two. Three. Four.
“Breathe out and do the same.”
One. Two. Three. Four.
He repeated the instructions a few more times and to her shock her heart rate began to slow and steady. She loosened her grip from the door and, as she slowly opened her eyes, she found herself breathing without his instruction, slowly and surely, focusing only on her breath.
“Hey.” For the first time in their trip, Luke tore his eyes from the road and looked deep into her face, studying her. She held her breath, waiting for him to say something.
“You’re a champion. You know this medical stuff and you’ve read the books. You know this might be nothing.”
It might be. Or maybe not…
She nodded, trying to stay strong for him, and she was on the point of speaking when the light they’d stopped in front of went green and he squeezed her hand before focusing on the road again.
He pulled up to the hospital and popped the car into park, heedless of the fact he’d settled in the middle of two spots, then rushed around the car to help her from her seat.
It was stupid, but the idea of moving at all sent another thrill of terror up her spine, and she pictured herself crumpling with pain again, blood gushing from between her thighs this time.
She gasped, ready to heave a sob, but then Luke’s arm was around her and he was guiding her toward the desk where a bored-looking receptionist glanced up at them with tired grey eyes.
“This is Tawny Mitchell,” Luke said, and he motioned to Tawny.
“Right this way. The doctor is expecting you.” The nurse pulled out a wheelchair and motioned for Tawny to sit, and as she did, the familiar rush of anxiety swelled inside her again.
This was it. The moment of truth.
And there was nothing she wanted to face less. Just when she’d started to think this all had a chance of working out…she might just wind up losing everything.
Seeing her like this was sheer hell. The fear on her face that he could do nothing to erase. The lines of pain etched into her forehead.
He fucking hated every helpless second of it.
And when the doctor came in and asked if he’d like to step out, he thought he might lose his mind.
“C-can he stay?” Tawny turned her panicked gaze to his, her throat working as she swallowed hard. “Is that okay, can you stay?” she asked him.
He looked to the doctor for approval and the older woman nodded.
“Of course.”
The next thirty minutes went by in a haze of fear as he held Tawny’s hand and the doctor examined her. It was only when the doctor assured them the baby’s heartbeat was strong that he felt like he could breathe.
They weren’t out of the woods yet but it was something.
When had that happened? he wondered, staring down into Tawny’s eyes. When had he started to want this so fucking badly? He still had no idea how he was going to manage. He’d never planned to be a father, especially not at this stage in life. He’d certainly never planned to stay in Alhouette. Now the thought of leaving Tawny and their baby behind made his stomach clench, and the baby wasn’t even born yet.
The doctor rolled over the ultrasound machine and Tawny clenched his hand as her belly was prepped with gel.
The heartbeat was strong. The baby was all right. He had to be.
“The baby looks really good, Mom and Dad,” the doctor murmured, shooting a reassuring smile t
heir way. “Are you having any more pain?”
Tawny shook her head, biting her lower lip. “No. Not for a while now.”
“What did it feel like?”
“Like really bad cramps but all at once and then they would go away. I-I thought I was going into labor.”
“Braxton Hicks,” the doctor said with a nod.
“I thought those usually came later?” Tawny asked. “Are you sure?”
“Well, I’m as sure as I can be. You’re not dilated, the cramping has stopped and the baby doesn’t seem to be in distress.”
Luke blew out a sigh as relief coursed through him like wildfire.
“So everything is okay? Tawny…the baby?”
"She's going to be just fine, and so is the baby, all right?” the doctor said, pulling the device away and setting it in its holster before swiping the gel off Tawny’s stomach. “Try to lay low for the next couple weeks and we'll see you at your next appointment, okay? If the cramping returns and starts to increase in intensity and move closer together, or is accompanied by blood or fluid, call me immediately.”
Luke thanked the doctor and shook her hand and Tawny offered her a weak smile. "Thanks so much, sorry we panicked."
"Totally normal for first-timers and better safe than sorry."
Luke watched as the doctor exited the room, and wished he could go with her. He felt raw and beat up, emotionally. Like this incident had taken years off his life, which led him to one very scary realization that he couldn't quite get a handle on.
If he was this much in love with his baby and it wasn't even born yet, what was going to happen in a few months? The emotional weight of it lodged in his chest like a stone.
"I'll let you get dressed," Luke murmured.
She shot him a grateful glance and he realized he wasn’t the only one feeling overwhelmed at the moment. He backed out of the room and made his way into the waiting room, running through the past couple hours in his mind.
He never wanted to feel like that again, and part of him couldn’t help but wonder if all of this hadn’t been his fault. If he hadn’t been so hell-bent on seducing her, maybe the Braxton Hicks thing never would’ve happened. He had to stop thinking about himself and what he wanted and start thinking about Tawny and his baby.
Knocked Up Page 11
