"What do you mean?" Something cold was trickling down her spine now, and though she couldn't name the feeling exactly, it felt an awful lot like dread.
"He didn't tell you about all this? To be honest, I didn't think he was capable of talking about anything else. He’s going to open a bike shop in the city."
Rex stared at her for a moment, apparently catching sight of something in her expression. Then, slowly, he put down his bagel and gave her another lazy shrug.
“He might not want to anymore. Priorities change, you know? The baby is going to be the focus for him now and then, when the time is right, I’m sure he’ll get to the bike shop. I mean, I'm sure it's the same for you, right? And even if things aren't how everyone thought they'd be..." Rex chuckled. “I was running off at the mouth to make conversation, is all. Fact is, we’re all happy to have you around and we're all so sure you're going to be a great mother. I mean, you should hear my mom talk about you and the baby. You've never seen anyone so excited.”
"That's very sweet,” she said dully, swallowing the lump in her suddenly too-tight throat. “She's going to be a great grandma."
“Exactly. Luke’s going to be a great dad, and you're going to be a wonderful mother." Rex offered her another nod.
"Thank you.” The words were brittle and tears pricked at the back of her eyes, but she pushed them away. No point in making Rex feel bad.
Facts were facts.
Luke was giving up everything for her and the baby. He'd had dreams and goals and plans--just like she'd had--but he was throwing everything away for her.
And what choice did she give him, really? She'd done the deciding--she'd been the one who'd kept the pregnancy from him and by the time he found out...
He’d had no option but to settle. He was a great guy with a loving family and a good moral compass. He’d done the only thing he could do, and had made the best of it.
Damn it, why hadn’t she seen it sooner?
The door opened again and Luke stomped in, offering a wide grin from her to Rex and back again. "I'm missing the breakfast club?"
"You're just in time. There’s still an everything bagel and a sesame." Rex offered his brother a plate, but the more Tawny looked at him, the more she knew she couldn't stand to be here another second longer.
"I've got to go, actually." She forced a smile and shoved her chair away from the table, fighting tears with every motion. "You guys have a good morning, okay? I'll call. Rex, thank you so much for breakfast.”
“No problem,” he said with a wave. “I didn’t mean to interrupt though, I can bounce of you guys—”
“I have a lunch date with Suzette anyway,” she said brightly, hoping that she could hold the tears in long enough to make a graceful exit without letting on. “Enjoy your bagels and I’ll talk to you later, Luke.”
She passed him as she headed for the door and he swooped down to press his lips to her ear.
“Rain check?” he murmured, his warm breath caressing her ear.
She offered him a shaky smile and gave his hand a squeeze, then scurried toward the door. She didn’t need to check. It was definitely raining. In fact, the skies had never looked so dark.
By the time she'd climbed down the stairs and started to make the short trek toward Suzette’s house, she was in a daze.
Why had Luke never mentioned his dream to her? Why hadn't he thought he could go on with it with her by his side?
Because he couldn't.
Not realistically. She was an anchor around his neck, pulling him down and forcing him into the same life he'd never wanted to have.
Another surge of tears threatened to overwhelm her, but she sped up her pace to Suzette's house. When she got there, she'd be able to let it all out, but until then she had to keep it together and figure out her life.
Which was to say she had to figure out a way to end it.
Sure, Luke could still see the baby and have a relationship with him. But if he didn't have to worry about supporting her, too, he'd have enough money to still do everything he wanted to do and see the baby.
And he would move on. A strong, sexy guy like that? He'd find someone who would add to his life rather than take away from it. It would be hard, incredibly hard to watch him move on, but it would be for the best.
He could still have everything he ever wanted.
And she'd make do. She'd have a small town that felt like home, and a little family of two. That was all she'd ever really wanted, to begin with. A place to hang her hat and to call home.
So why did that dream feel so hollow now?
She walked up to the front of Suzette's house, not bothering to knock before heading straight to Suzette's room and opening the door.
Her friend was still in bed, her blond hair splayed out in every direction, but when the door banged against the wall, she shot up and stared around in shock.
"W-what? What's wrong?" Suzette drawled, rubbing her fist over her eyes.
"I-I-" She what? She didn't know.
There were no words, no thoughts anymore. All she could do was close the door behind her, slip into the bed beside Suzette and let the tears she'd been holding back fall one by one until the pillow was soaked and Suzette's protective arm was stretched around her, shielding her from all her self-inflicted pain.
It took a solid twenty minutes for the tears to slow and another five to get the words out.
"Did you know Luke wanted to open a bike shop...or that he hated Alhouette?" she asked softly, pulling back and meeting Suzette’s gaze.
"Darlin', what did he say to you?" Suzette rubbed Tawny's arm, but she shook her head.
"He didn't say anything. I just...did you know?"
"Well, considering we've been living in the same town since we were toddlers? I had an inkling that he wasn't the biggest fan of living here, yes. As for the bike shop, I thought everyone knew about that. It was pretty much the only reason he raced."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the races were Rex's idea. Luke was working on people's bikes on the side and then Rex started the racing so he could bet. They both always gamble on Luke and, from what I hear, it's starting to get hard to find anybody who'd bet against that boy at this point." Suzette shrugged. "Now will you tell me what happened? I just want to help."
So Tawny told her everything--about what Rex had said, about how guilty she felt for holding Luke back from his dreams, and how she knew that her only option to get him to live his dream was to lie to him. To tell him she’d decided she wanted to raise the baby alone and just have him visit Luke on weekends. That a relationship between them wasn’t going to work for her after all.
“Oh, girl, no. You can’t do that,” Suzette said, shaking her head slowly. “He’s a grown man. He has the right to make that decision for himself, don’t you think?”
“So far, I’ve been the one making all the decisions because it’s what I want. What about what Luke has always wanted?” She blew out an unsteady breath and ran a hand through her disheveled hair. “All he did was have a sexy night in the lake with some girl he barely knew. He didn’t sign up for all this, Suze. I don’t want him to resent me. And more than that,” she paused to rest a protective hand over her belly, “I don’t want him to resent our son.”
“I want to go on record here as saying I think you’re wrong this time, Tawny,” Suzette said, and then reached out to squeeze her hand. “But I’m with you whatever you decide.”
So it was done then. She’d cry it all out for a day or two, work up the nerve and then she’d break it off with Luke.
He’d stick around for the baby’s birth and then he could move where he wanted and start the life he deserved.
And she'd be alone.
This wasn't about her, though. For once, she had to make something about Luke.
But, damn, it was going to hurt.
“Sorry, bro. I feel like I cock-blocked you. Did I?” Rex asked, staring at the spot where Tawny had just disappeared and Luke shrugged
.
Fact was, he had, but there would be plenty of time for that. Especially if his plans went accordingly.
“She had to go soon anyway.”
"Well, if you're not worried about it, I'm not." Rex took another bite of his bagel and Luke glanced down at his own, his mind racing.
"I'm actually a little glad we got this chance to talk alone."
"Why?" Rex frowned.
"I need to ask you something." Luke stood and made for his bedside table.
Ever since he'd gotten it, he hadn't worked up the nerve to take it from the place he'd hidden it. But now, after last night...
He couldn't keep it secret anymore.
Velvet box in hand, he returned to the table and flipped open the little box, showing his brother the simple silver ring and circular diamond that had seemed so perfect for Tawny.
"Woah." Rex blinked down at the ring, then took the box, examining it closer. "Are you serious?"
"Dead serious. I wanted to know if you might help me come up with a proposal plan. I mean, the baby and everything didn't go the way she'd hoped, so I thought if I did something extra special--"
"Wait, wait, wait." Rex held up his hands. "Pump the breaks. Are you sure about this? Getting married is huge. And if you're just doing it for the baby?”
"I'm not, though. I love her. It's like everything that happened between us--the accident, the lake, the baby--it's like it was fate." Luke shook his head. "I can't explain it. I just feel like this is right. It's what I'm meant to do."
"But your shop…are you going to throw that dream away?”
“Nope. That can still happen. There's time. It’s not now or never." He took the box from his brother and stared down at the ring, imagining it on Tawny's finger. They'd probably wait until after the baby was born. "I think this is the best decision I've ever made."
"Not a whole lot of competition on that front, though, is there?" Rex raised his eyebrows and Luke rolled his eyes.
"Alright, so what do you think Tawny would like? I thought about waiting until the baby was born and trying to make him part of things, but I want her to know that this isn't because she's pregnant, so..."
"So just do it when it feels natural to you. If things are right, you'll know."
"Yeah," Luke nodded, "maybe you're right."
But he still couldn't help feeling the sooner he asked her, the sooner the best chapter of his life could begin--with her by his side.
Chapter 20
He stared at the clock again, then looked at the strawberries, already rinsed and freshly cut with a side of chocolate and whipped cream. It was simple--he knew that--but if he knew anything about Tawny, it was that she didn't want some big spectacle. His words would have to be enough, and he'd spent the whole of the day composing them, making sure every last one was right for her. That it was a speech they could frame and show to their son when they explained their love story to him.
Clearing his throat, he pulled the sheet of paper from his pocket and scanned the lines again.
Tawny, I've had some incredible high points in my life and still you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You, not just the idea of our family, but you--your kindness and your good heart. Your humor and your grace. You're everything I've ever wanted and now, looking at you, I know that this was fate. That, no matter what I did with my life, it would have been less special without you in it. You are my dream come true.
I can't think of spending another day without you in my life, and because of that I--
There was a knock on the door and he shoved the paper back in his pocket before sweeping toward the door and opening it. Tawny stood there in a pretty white maternity top and a pair of black leggings looking cute as ever and it took all he had not to scoop her up, but something in her expression stopped him cold.
He hadn’t seen her for two days because she’d been under the weather and had just wanted to sleep, but looking at her now, it didn’t seem like she’d done much of that at all. Under her eyes were dark purple smudges and he rushed to pull out a chair at the dining room table before asking her to take a seat.
"Are you okay? You look like you haven't been sleeping."
"I'm fine, I'm fine. This late in the pregnancy...well, you know the deal."
She sank into the chair, then, with wild eyes, looked down at the strawberries. "What's all this?"
"I haven't seen you for a couple of days. I thought our reunion could be special. Still craving strawberries?"
"Oh." Her face fell and she averted her gaze from him. "Um, yeah. Thanks. You didn't have to do that."
"I know I didn't have to do it. I wanted to." He studied her, wondering if this was really the right time after all.
Maybe he ought to have gone bigger--drawn her a bath with rose petals and candles and everything she liked. Maybe he should have...
But that didn't make any sense. When love was real, it didn't matter when he asked, the answer would always be the same, wouldn't it?
"Tawny, are you sure everything is alright?" he asked.
"Yes, everything is fine. I just...I wanted to talk to you."
"I actually wanted to talk to you, too."
"Okay, well, I'll go first. These past couple of days I've been by myself, I was thinking..." She let silence fall heavy between them and she twisted her hands in her lap. Still, she wouldn't meet his gaze and he had half a mind to tuck his hand beneath her chin and pull her toward him, forcing her to show him whatever was waiting there behind her eyes.
But he didn't. Instead, he sat there, waiting for whatever it was she had to say, his senses on high alert with apprehension.
“Look, Luke…you’re amazing in bed. Truly, amazing. And you're so smart and good-looking. You're a great guy in every way and I know you're going to be a great father." The words came out in one breath and his brain scrambled to untangle them even as his gut clenched with dread.
He knew this speech. Hell, he’d said it in some form or another a dozen times. And he knew what came next.
"Wait, Tawny--"
"No, let me finish." She held up a hand. "Pregnancy is a really emotional time for women and sometimes our hormones get in the way. I mean, you of all people know that I had plans for my life before you and the baby came along."
He said nothing, waiting for the inevitable shoe to drop.
"Well, I've just been thinking.” She let out a long breath. "And I came to the conclusion that what we have here might have just all been in my head, you know?"
“What was?” he started and she shook her head.
"I liked the idea of a big happy family, but that's not who we are. I don't love you. I hardly even know you."
He could see the determined set of her jaw. Hear the chill in her voice, but still, he couldn’t stop himself from trying. “We’ve spent months together now—”
"Months doing what?” she asked with a shrug. “Preparing for our baby. I love this baby with all my heart and all that energy...well, somehow I think it got passed on to you, and I don't think it's right to lead you on. When the baby is old enough to be away from me overnight, we can talk about custody days and things like that, but I think it would be better if we were co-parents at a distance rather than a couple."
Was this seriously happening? His brain reeled wildly, running through the past few months, combing through every memory for some clue that this was on the horizon, but he came up empty. “Tawny, I don't know what the fuck happened in the past two days, but if you just tell me--"
"Nothing happened, Luke. I just came to my senses. This baby is coming. Soon. And we need to make sure we're being practical. Our decisions now lay the groundwork for the rest of his life."
"And two loving parents together--"
"Look, don't make me say it," she snapped, and then he looked at her--really looked at her and saw the hurt and pain on her face. The way her mouth twisted and trembled.
"Tawny--"
"I don't want some life where I'm stuck with you f
orever just because we had a baby together. Is that what you want me to say? Is that what you want to hear?"
He swallowed hard. "Only if it's the truth."
"It is."
Fuck, that hurt.
He stood from the table and paced toward her. "You love me. Three days ago, you loved me. I could feel it, Tawny. What happened?"
"I'm not going to argue this with you. I'll text in a few days and we can discuss if we need a mediator or if we should get lawyers involved."
"Lawyers?" He blinked. "What the hell? What are you--"
"Custody. You can keep everything from the baby shower here. Your family gave most of it to you anyway--it wouldn't be right for me to keep any of it besides the crib from Suzette."
"You can't afford to replace all that stuff.”
"I'll manage." She stood and stalked toward the door, her shoulders high and proud. “Goodbye, Luke. I’m sorry to put you through all this.”
“Don't go--"
But it was too late. With a click of the door behind her, she disappeared and he was left in his room, staring at the stacks of gifts from the shower and wondering what the hell had just happened.
How had it all gone so wrong? And right when he was about to propose...
For the briefest moment, the shock wore away and he was left alone with what replaced it--a deep, seething grief. And anger. And confusion.
It all came over him like waves and he found himself running to the door to chase after her one minute, then stalking back across the room and punching the fucking wall the next.
He needed to get out of this room--to go to a bar, to find some release and vent. But then, if he went someplace like that, everyone would know. Word would spread around this town that he and Tawny had split and, before long, people would be coming up to him, asking him about how he was holding up. He didn't want that--couldn't handle it.
So, instead, he hauled the box with the crib inside down the steps and into his car, then did the same with the rest of the gifts. Tawny didn't want this stuff?
Knocked Up Page 14
