by Martha Long
‘Bonjour, Madame,’ I gushed, rushing in and sitting myself down.
‘Bonjour, Madame,’ she said, nodding slowly, letting her eyes light up in a smile.
I knew she was wondering what has me in good humour. But she could take one guess. ‘Lovely,’ I said, as she put a basket of hot rolls in front of me and a lovely plate of fried eggs with tomatoes. I told her I like eggs and she always checks with Ralph to find out what I would like. Or at least she did! Until he disappeared. Which, come to think about it, I wonder where he is?
Just then I heard the front door slamming and my heart leapt with the sudden excitement. Ahh, he’s coming. Gawd, I must have died and gone to heaven because, Jaysus, here I am now, still here! But I wonder for how long more? No! Don’t think about that, let the time come when it does, I thought, nearly losing my appetite at that sudden worry.
The door opened and I turned my head slowly, holding my breath, waiting to see if there was a change in him. You never know, it could be all a flash in the pan. He could get fed up with me, maybe think I’m crowding his space.
I watched as he paused, taking me in, seeing me digging into the big breakfast. Then he turned and shut the door.
‘Good morning, my lovely. Did you sleep well?’ he said, rushing to make his way over with a big smile lighting up his face.
‘Yes, great,’ I said, hearing meself croak with the nerves.
Then he bent down to kiss my cheek and hesitated, giving me a kiss full on the mouth instead, saying quietly, ‘It is lovely to see you, darling. How are you this morning?’
‘I’m feeling great, Ralph. I had a lovely deep sleep. I’m fresh as a daisy. What about you?’ I gasped, losing the run of myself with the excitement of seeing he loves me and getting that kiss.
‘Oh, very well, thank you, but I dare say I was rather tired. One very late night followed by a particularly energetic and most enjoyable night spent with you, darling, had me sleeping like a log.’
‘Oh, it’s like I said, Ralph, you are going to need stamina if you intend keeping up with me!’ I droned, then stared at him, keeping my face straight.
He stared back, letting a slow smile light up his eyes, then he bent close, whispering in my ear, ‘You will eat those words!’ Then he straightened, lifting his chin, saying, ‘I shall see you later, meanwhile . . .’
‘What have you got there, Ralph?’ I said, seeing him handing me something.
‘For you, darling,’ he said, grinning as he handed me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers.
‘For me! You bought those flowers for me?’
‘Yes, of course!’ he said, wondering why I should think twice about that idea.
I looked at them, staring at how lovely they are. Then I looked to see Madame smiling, looking at me and the flowers, giving a sideways glance to Ralph, seeing him with his hand resting on my shoulder. Then she turned back to her business, looking like she had a secret smile on her face, with her taking it all in. Uh-huh, she definitely sees what’s going on, I thought, looking over to Ralph, seeing him leaning and down writing something in a notebook. Then he was gone out the door, leaving me to point the flowers at Madame, wanting to get myself a vase.
Gawd, he really is romantic, I thought, making myself a lovely display. Then I put them on the table and myself and Madame stood back, smiling and admiring them, nodding our heads as she said one thing and I said the other. But it sounded like we were agreeing with each other. Then I gave her an extra big smile, feeling the happiness should be shared.
I sighed, letting out a big breath with all me contentment. Then I waved, heading out of the kitchen, seeing her shake her head in a grin. Jaysus, she’s probably asking herself now how long we will last this time!
No sign of Ralph, I thought, looking around for sight of him. OK, get your bath and get dressed, then head off for a walk, it will do you good. I put on my coat and looked down at my jeans and boots. I’m grand, I won’t bother putting any make-up on. I can do that later when I change for dinner. I need to let the fresh air at my skin and get a good airing into my lungs, I thought, making my way down the stairs and out along the side passage. I heard a noise in Ralph’s study and stopped. Will I go in? He might be busy. I don’t want to get in his way and annoy him. Ah, go on, just let him know you’re going for a walk. Then get yourself a quick kiss. Lovely!
I knocked on the door gently then put my head in. ‘Ralph!’ I said, seeing he was sitting at his desk writing with papers streamed around him. ‘Sorry, I won’t disturb you, I’m on my way out,’ I said, seeing him lift his head.
‘Oh, good, excellent idea. Incidentally, darling, we shall be having some—’ Then the phone rang and he picked it up, saying to me, ‘Sorry, one moment!’
I waited, seeing him get bogged down in a conversation. ‘I’ll see you later,’ I said, seeing him raise his hand to me, then I shut the door quietly, heading off out for my walk.
I walked for miles along country roads, taking in the odd house here and there that could only be seen in the distance through fields and woods. Then I turned back and headed off in the opposite direction, making for the village. I wanted to take a good look around. I never really gave it much time, so now I can enjoy myself doing a bit of exploring. I have plenty of time and maybe the less Ralph sees of me the better. It doesn’t do to be hanging out of each other. He needs to get on and do what he wants to do. Yeah, sure, we have all the time in the evening. Oh, this is marvellous. Never but never have I ever been so happy and contented. Imagine if it was like this all the time! You never know, Martha, you could end up married to him . . . Hmm, bit too good to be true. If nothing, I’m a realist! Yeah, keep it that way, Martha. Hope for the best but expect the worst. Then you won’t be disappointed. Grand! I sighed, humming, ‘Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside!’ On second thoughts, it’s too bleedin cold! I grinned, feeling God is in his heaven and the world is put to rights.
I stamped up the drive, dragging my, boots, feeling all the puff blowing out of me as I rounded the last bend, bringing the house into sight. Then I stopped dead, taking in all the cars parked outside. What’s going on? Oh, he must have people over. I could feel my heart begin to start drumming. Wonder what’s happening? I better get in and make myself look decent! Jaysus, the one day I didn’t put make-up on, I thought, flying around the corner heading for the side door. I could hear voices coming from the sitting room and people laughing, then I turned into the main hall, hearing a familiar voice. I stopped. It was coming from the kitchen. ‘It’s that fucking one!’ I muttered, making straight for the kitchen, forgetting all about the state of me.
When I got to the door, I slowed down and sidled in, trying to look casual. But no, my heart dropped, there she is, looking large as life and ugly as sin! The fucking vamp trying to wrap herself around my Ralph. And he’s not exactly trying to fight her off. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I stopped dead, taking in the scene with my heart flying and blinking like mad to clear me eyesight because it fogged up from the shock.
Ralph was leaning over her with his hand resting on the back of her head, while she held his waist as he searched her eye with a white handkerchief. They were talking in French and she was moaning, ‘Ohhh, blah blah, pain, cry, moan, blah blah!’
I said nothing, wanting to take it in and keep my mouth shut. But I heard myself shout as soon as he stroked her face, smiled and let go, admiring his doctoring of her left eye. She blinked, then leaned into him, giving him a kiss on the cheek close to his lips. He tweaked his left eyebrow, smiled and shrugged, then put the hankie back in his pocket. That’s when I said, ‘Well, hello, Ralph! How nice to see yourself be so terribly helpful.’ I grinned, seeing his face whip to the door, looking a bit confused for a minute.
Then he said, ‘Oh, I did wonder where you got to, Martha.’
‘Well, here I am! I’ve turned up like a bad penny, Ralph,’ I grinned, making no move to go near him. I saw Madame Butterfly turn with a curious look to take me in, then she turned aw
ay, looking bored. I was definitely nothing of interest.
‘Oh, Martha! Do come and meet my friends, we are preparing to have a bridge party. Soviah,’ he said, taking her arm and walking her down to me, ‘may I introduce my dear friend Martha Long. Martha, this is Soviah de Montfort!’
‘How charming,’ she said, handing me a limp white hand with a long pair of red talons dangling at the end.
‘Oh, how lovely to meet you,’ I said, whispering in my sexiest voice, digging up the best manners I could scrape. I have no intention of letting this trollop think she has a clear field to my Ralphie! Then she dismissed me and turned to Ralph, saying something with lots of ouf-ing and pouffff-ing, and lifting the shoulder with the eyebrows raising and the eyes closing, fluttering the bleedin eyelashes. Jaysus, I hate her, I thought, smouldering with the rage at how lovely she looked. A soft, warm, dusty dark bluey-grey frock sat on her hips and breasts, and snuggled her legs and arse, to just hang on the knees. It was low cut in a V showing her lovely milky-white breasts large as life, looking like a man would kill to get his hands on them.
The frock had long sleeves and came to a V at the hands. Fuck, she’s disgustingly lovely! I wanted to slither out of the kitchen and nurse me wounds, having a marvellous time feeling terribly sorry for meself and sulk like mad. I hate that kind of competition when I’m not prepared for it. Ah, Jaysus, I bet them two are having a fucking affair. She can’t keep her maulers offa him, I fumed, watching her lean into him as he put his hand on her back, drawing her out of the kitchen.
‘Come along, Martha. Do let me introduce you to some friends of mine,’ he said, putting his hand around my waist while keeping his hand lightly on your woman’s back as the cow leant into him.
I could hear my heavy breathing, with the rage threatening to get the better of me. No, Jaysus, get the fuck out of here before you let rip and do something you will regret for the rest of your life.
‘Ralph! I just need to pop upstairs for a minute,’ I said, wanting to lean up and give him a kiss. But the tight feeling of fear and insecurity, and the madness of thinking he was enjoying himself with the fucker, wouldn’t let me. ‘I will be down in a minute,’ I smiled.
‘Yes, that is all right. We shall be in the sitting room,’ he smiled, waving me off then leading the bleedin Mona Lisa down the hall, heading for the sitting room.
I dashed up the stairs and into my room, closing the door and landing myself into the chair by the window. I grabbed my tobacco out of my pocket and lit up a cigarette. Then I took a deep drag, trying to get my senses back. Now, sit here and think quietly. No, lie back and sit on the bed. Jaysus, am I glad to be away from that. I could feel myself shaking from the shock and the rage thundering through me, knocking all the sense out of me. Jesus, Martha, what came over you? That kind of thing has never really bothered you before. That was always the least of my problems. Jealousy? No, Jaysus, no, I am never bothered by that. But now, I could easily mash that bleedin cow to mush! Then a thought hit me. I’m even in the right place to do that. What is it they say about murder in France? Oh, yeah, It voss a krime of passhione! I did it out ov lauve! It voss a ménage à trois! One of oze ad to go! It vas not go-ink to be meee! Non! So I keel her! She voz try-ink to take my luv-ver. Vell! I voz plan-ing eee shuld be my luv-er!
I sighed, looking around the room, thinking it would be lovely to have the comfort of a hot sup of tea to go with my cigarette. Or better still, a glass of wine. Then I heard a knock on the door.
‘Martha! May I come in?’
I listened, hearing Ralph’s voice. ‘It’s open,’ I sighed, lifting my shoulders, not wanting him to see the state of me.
‘Darling, are you OK? Why do you not come down?’
‘Oh, I am Ralph, just give me a minute! I just wanted to have a smoke and relax for a minute. It was a long walk. I didn’t realise how long until I got back. It only hit me then,’ I rushed, trying to smile but keeping my eyes rambling from the floor to the cigarette, looking anywhere but at him.
‘Darling, what is it?’ he said, sagging down on the mattress, landing me nearly on his lap as he sat down beside me, putting his arm around me.
‘Honestly, I am fine, grand, Ralph! Why would you think there’s something wrong?’ I said, flicking my eyes at him then turning away, feeling very foolish and very out of my depth suddenly. It was like I didn’t belong. I was punching above my weight with him and his friends. I knew this never bothered me before. I could always hold my own. But it was the terror of losing Ralph.
He sighed and took in a slow, deep breath. ‘Martha, look at me,’ he said, taking my face in his hands.
I couldn’t lift my eyes. Somehow I felt shamed by my awkwardness around him and his friends.
‘Listen to me. I know you are upset by meeting Soviah, and particularly my giving her what seems to be rather intimate attention. But, darling, please, I do know you very well. I understand your difficulty in dealing with this sort of thing. I know you are feeling terribly insecure and threatened by this lady. It is so sad, really, you do not see how worthy you are. Listen to me, darling!’ he whispered, taking me in his arms and cradling me. ‘You are no longer the waif made to feel unworthy, bedraggled and abandoned. You have endured and grown to become a very wonderful woman, darling. As a young girl, you had the courage of a lion, now you have grown to become a very formidable lady. Do not underestimate your worth, Martha. Goodness! Why do you think I love you, darling? I admire you greatly. It would be nonsense if one dared to compare you and Soviah. Simply ludicrous. She is a mewling, drooling infant, a pussycat compared with you, my love!’ he said, pulling me tighter into his arms and talking softly into my face.
‘I understand where this comes from. Our relationship is terribly important to you, as it is to me. I do not play games, darling. I would not hurt you in that way. Listen to me, Martha. Soviah is the wife of a friend of mine, Jacques de Montfort. He is a doctor, a heart surgeon. He has his mistress,’ Ralph said, grinning at me. ‘She takes her lovers! In France, within certain circles, this is quite acceptable,’ he said, shrugging his shoulders, dropping his mouth and lifting his eyebrows. ‘But we won’t busy ourselves in the politics of their domestic arrangements. But, yes, I think perhaps you are right. She is making it rather obvious she would like to add my name to her bedpost,’ he laughed.
‘Feck off!’ I muttered. ‘I see nothing funny about that, Ralph. You are really enjoying it!’
‘Oh, darling, please. Do you really think I would have difficulty in handling Soviah? Look at me, Martha!’ he said, taking my face and forcing me to look at him.
‘I don’t know,’ I muttered, still wondering just how much he was enjoying himself with all this grovelling and drooling your woman was giving him.
‘Darling, I am a man. I live in a world populated by you divine creatures. I am not immune to you all but I do know how to conduct myself. Certainly as a doctor, and indeed a priest, I have had experience with women showing a rather strong interest, sometimes more than I would consider healthy. I keep an emotional distance, darling. I have had years of practice. So you must not allow yourself to feel under threat. I would never betray you. You are the only one with whom I have succumbed,’ he laughed, grabbing me in a tight hug. ‘Now, come along, let us go downstairs. I cannot neglect these people. It is very bad form to abandon one’s guests.’
‘Yeah, OK, but who does your woman think she is anyway?’ I snorted.
‘Oh, she is really rather unhappy, darling. Do try to be kind to her. Just think, you could have been her! A thoroughbred who has learned the art of using her wiles to feed her wants but not her needs, poor girl,’ he said, looking very sorrowful.
‘What do you mean, thoroughbred?’
‘Oh, her lineage!’ he said, thinking. ‘Her mother’s line comes through a royal house. She is a countess! Soviah within her own social circle, well, they are two a penny, darling. Unlike you! You are a rarity. A colossus among these mere mortals,’ he laughed, trying to make his
face look sorrowful.
I stared, then lost the rag. ‘Stop, Ralph, cut that out. I thought for a minute there you were serious. I was beginning to believe you. Now you are just making an eejit outa me. Colossus, me arse, I just want to know you are not really interested in her, that’s all. Because if I think you are not serious about me, then I’m not wasting my time, Ralph!’
‘Oh, darling,’ he puffed, looking at me then wandering his head to the door, getting pulled with me up here and them down there.
‘I mean it,’ I puffed, snorting air in and out through me nose, letting him see I mean business. I can’t compete with a bleedin house of royalty, I thought, thinking the only house me and the ma had was under the fuckin stars!
‘Oh, yes! But you are, darling. To me, you are the morning sun that rises from the dawn, the moon that settles—’
‘Fuck off, Ralph!’ I shouted, seeing him with the hands looking like poetry in motion. ‘There’s no need to wax lyrical! I just wanted you to tell me in plain language. OK, I will ignore her,’ I said, feeling mollified, letting him look happy as he gave me a quick squeeze then went to grab my hand.
‘Yes, darling, you are wonderful. Forget all this silliness. Now, trust me, leave poor Soviah alone! Let her have the occasional nibble at me!’ he laughed, throwing back his head, thinking that was hilarious.
I didn’t laugh. ‘Fuck off, Ralph, you are not funny.’
‘Oh, Martha, do give me a smile,’ he said, leaning into me, staring.
I just stared then said, ‘OK, you go on, I need to change.’
‘Nonsense, come as you are. You look wonderful.’
‘Lying sod!’ I muttered, raging as I wasn’t looking lovely.
‘No!’ he said slowly, looking down at my boots and jeans and big woolly jumper, with the face looking like a ghost and me hair knotted in a plait, pinned on the back of my head.
