Forgotten: a truly gripping psychological thriller

by Heleyne Hammersley

  On Mark’s suggestion she’d brought her journal – he thought it might help to read about the journey as they were on the road. Kai was doubtful, but it might be an interesting exercise to try to remember where the bus broke down or to see if Pai rang any bells with her. Sitting in the bus station she began to understand why she hadn’t liked this town the last time she’d been here. The waiting hall seemed permeated with a chill despite the heat of the day and she had an urge to wrap her shirt more tightly around her. The concrete pillars were grimy with the dirt of travellers, the darker stains lurking around head height as though people had leaned there, in despair, for hours. To add to the dungeon-like feel of the place someone from the department of transport had thoughtfully posted graphic photographs of accident scenes as a reminder that the roads were dangerous places for the unwary. The blood and broken bodies was no encouragement to travel and Kai felt herself losing confidence.

  She craned her head, trying to spot Mark through the throng of bodies, but he’d disappeared. Kai tightened her grip on the bamboo walking pole that Mark had presented her with so proudly when they’d met in the hotel foyer earlier that morning. She felt much stronger than she had a few days ago, but she was still worried about doing some serious walking and the pole would be a useful aid if she grew tired. At that moment she had an urge to use it to poke the filthy child next to her as he’d become even more agitated and delivered a hefty kick to her leg. His mother smiled at her in apology but the brat still wriggled and squawked, forcing Kai to shift position again, if only to avoid the snail trail of snot that was going to transfer itself to her sleeve at any moment.

  Just as she thought she would have to leave her seat, Mark appeared through the throng, towering above the Thai crowds like Gulliver among the Lilliputians. Despite her reservations about this trip Kai smiled, glad to see that he was waving the tickets and looking relieved.

  ‘You took your time,’ she complained. ‘I nearly had to murder a small child and it would have been your fault.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Mark said. ‘I had to go to a kiosk round the back, near the stand for our bus. We’ve got ten minutes before it leaves. Do you want to buy some more water or anything?’

  Kai shook her head and hefted her shoulder bag in her hand. ‘I’ve got enough in here to rescue a small third world country from drought. I do need to use the toilet though.’

  Mark grimaced and pointed to the sign. ‘It’ll cost you and I’m not sure it will be worth the money.’

  ‘I’ll risk it,’ Kai decided, shouldering her pack. She left her walking stick with Mark and headed for the surly looking woman guarding the entrance to the toilets.

  ‘Three baht,’ she announced as Kai approached.

  Kai handed over the coins and plunged down the stairs waiting for the smell to hit her. To her surprise the place was quite clean and smelt of bleach. She quickly used the toilet and washed her hands in the trickle of cold water from a leaky tap and, as she checked her reflection in the grainy mirror, she caught sight of the row of doors over her shoulder. A blonde woman pushed open one open and locked it behind her. The snap of the catch suddenly blurred the scene in the mirror as though another view had been superimposed over the real one. This one was of the same toilet cubicles but slightly skewed. Kai closed her eyes trying to shake the vision, but it seemed to stand out bright against the inside of her eyelids and it was accompanied by the sound of frantic chatter in Thai and running water. Another memory. Kai had used these toilets before and her subconscious was reminding her. She opened her eyes and smiled at her reflection, pleased that it was still happening, that she was still getting snatches and glimpses of memory, tantalising, frustrating but, ultimately, very reassuring.

  ‘Okay?’ Mark asked when she returned to the waiting hall.

  ‘Fine,’ she shrugged. ‘Not at all smelly.’

  ‘Good. Ready for the bus? It should be here by now.’

  Kai nodded and took her stick from Mark before following his lead through the crowd.

  The bus wasn’t as busy as the one Kai had described in her journal. Mark allowed her the window seat in the hope that she would see something familiar – he squeezed in next to her, his long legs sticking out into the aisle causing problems for people heading to the rear seats. He tried to force his legs into the gap between their seat and the one in front but the fittings on the bus had not been designed for someone over six feet in height and it was hopeless. Kai was entertained by his apologetic shrugs and smiles every time someone struggled to get past him.

  ‘Maybe we should have found seats further back,’ she suggested.

  ‘Too late now. Anyway, there won’t be any more room back there. This bus was obviously built for midgets,’ Mark grumbled.

  Kai turned to the window as the bus jolted out on to the streets of Chiang Mai, hoping for the strange overlapping effect that had startled her in the toilet, but all she saw were the hot, busy, dusty roads. Perhaps the problem was the city. It could have been anywhere; it was just another crowded place, noisy with traffic and heavy with exhaust fumes. The only familiar thing Kai saw was the hospital, glaringly white in the early morning sunshine and she felt an unexpected tug of nostalgia, despite the fact that she’d been there the day before for one of her regular visits to Ekachai. It seemed like her amnesia had made her unreasonably attached to anything she could remember, however unpleasant or uncomfortable. The hospital made her think of Ellen, of her optimism and kindness. She turned to the opposite window in a desperate attempt to focus on the trip rather than her sorrow.

  An hour later they’d left Chiang Mai behind and the road started to climb through mountains thickly covered in forest. The morning mist still lingered in the valleys giving the landscape a prehistoric feel, which was heightened by the circling birds of prey lazily riding the currents of warmer air.

  ‘God, it’s beautiful out here,’ she murmured.

  Mark nodded, his eyes fixed on the road ahead as though he were driving rather than being driven. Kai was puzzled by his frown of concentration.

  ‘You okay?’ she asked.

  ‘Mmmn?’

  ‘I said, are you okay? You look like you’d rather be driving.’

  Mark shook his head. ‘I would. I hate being driven anywhere, especially on roads like this. I can’t help it, I just don’t like not being in control. It makes me nervous.’

  ‘Well, look at it this way: this guy’s probably driven this road hundreds of times. I’m sure on this particular route, he’s a better driver than you are.’

  ‘I suppose so,’ Mark shrugged, but still kept his eyes fixed on the view through the windscreen. Kai left him to his mistrust and went back to her own view.

  Pai was very much as she’d described in her journal. They pulled in next to a small café full of western faces. The few other foreigners who were on the bus grabbed their luggage and climbed off, yawning and stretching as though they’d just completed a long-haul flight. They all gravitated towards the café, lured in by the signs for cold beer and many flavour pizza. Mark got up and mumbled something about stretching his legs. He too disappeared inside the café only to appear again a few minutes later looking more relaxed.

  ‘That’s better,’ he announced as he sat down again next to Kai. ‘I was beginning to give up all hope of a toilet stop.’

  The ‘toilet stop’ turned out to be a break of nearly half an hour in which Kai didn’t dare leave the bus in case it left without them. She knew that if she ever had to describe the café to anyone she’d remember the most minute details – including the huge cockroach she watched crawl slowly down a shadowed part of one of the outside walls. She read every poster in the window, every advert pasted onto the telegraph pole next to the bus stop and every notice inside the bus. Just as she thought she was going to have to get off or go mad, the driver appeared from the café and crunched the aging vehicle into gear.

  The scenery beyond Pai was even more spectacular as the mountains
suddenly sprouted rocky tops above the tree line. The day was very warm despite the fact that it was only a little after ten o’clock and a haze was already building, obscuring some of the most distant hills, making them look impossibly huge. The road degenerated to a seemingly endless series of hairpin bends and several of the passengers were turning an alarming shade of green. Just as Kai expected someone to shout to the driver to stop the bus, the road levelled at a high pass. Again they pulled in but this time it was for some sort of police check. Several men in dishevelled uniforms clambered aboard the bus using both exits in a pincer-like approach. They demanded papers from the bored-looking Thais while pointedly ignoring Mark and Kai and then, seemingly satisfied, they went back to the game of cards that had been interrupted by the arrival of the bus.

  ‘Not much further,’ Mark said, consulting the map that he’d dug out of his day sack.

  ‘Good,’ Kai responded, not because she was eager to start the walk but because she wanted to get off the bus, out into the fresh air and away from the danger of someone throwing up all over her.

  The road descended sharply but the bends were less tight and the views more expansive until they reached the valley floor where the road became a ribbon of grey disappearing into the distant haze and the mountains stood well back, allowing room for the bus.

  Suddenly Mark leapt from his seat and started shouting at the driver.

  ‘Stop here! Stop here please!’

  The man looked puzzled and Kai wondered why Mark thought he might understand English, but Mark’s urgent tone and expression had obviously convinced the driver that something serious was about to happen and he floored the brake. Several of the other passengers were muttering and gesticulating angrily but Mark was oblivious as he pointed out of the window.

  ‘We’re here.’

  Here looked suspiciously like the middle of nowhere to Kai but she decided to trust Mark’s map-reading skills, grabbed her bag and stick and leapt out on to the tarmac before she could change her mind. The bus pulled away with a dusty roar of disgust and they were alone.

  Mark folded the map so he could see the section they would need then he studied their surroundings.

  ‘There should be a track off to the left,’ he mumbled.

  ‘Can’t see anything,’ Kai informed him after a cursory glance. Suddenly this seemed like a really stupid idea, a dangerous idea. She felt like running after the bus or just running anywhere away from this road and the building heat.

  ‘Wait, hang on. We’ve just come from the south, crossed the river back there so the path should be just up there on, oh, on the right,’ he decided turning the map round.

  ‘There’s something that looks like a track,’ Kai pointed and Mark’s expression brightened.

  ‘All right,’ he announced, marching off in the direction Kai had pointed. Kai lagged behind, reluctant to rush in the increasing heat, until Mark seemed to realise that he was hurrying and stopped to wait for her.

  ‘Sorry,’ he grinned. ‘I was just keen to make sure we were in the right place. Is there anything about this in your journal? It might help us to check where we are.’

  Kai shook her head. ‘The last entry was written in Mae Hong Son the night before I set off. It describes the bus journey that we’ve just done but that’s all. I would’ve had a look at it on the bus but the road was so bad I knew that trying to read would have made me sick.’

  ‘Never mind. I’m fairly convinced that this is the track. It’s a well-known walk, I read about it in a guidebook and it’s marked fairly clearly on the map. Are you sure you’re up for this?’

  ‘Well, at least I have some support,’ Kai laughed, brandishing her walking stick at him. ‘If it’s too much we can always rest or turn back. It says in my journal that it only takes about three hours or so to the next village and, as I obviously didn’t make it, I reckon we only have to walk for a couple of hours max. I’ll be fine. Anyway, it’ll probably be all downhill on the way back.’

  ‘Let’s go then,’ Mark suggested, already heading off down the track. Kai watched him for a few seconds as he strode confidently down the path; shirt sleeves rolled up, rucksack slung casually over one shoulder, his long limbs moving in loose, easy rhythm. Not for the first time Kai was struck by how attractive he was, especially when he was in charge and relaxed.

  ‘Okay, let’s go,’ she whispered as she set off after him.

  XVI

  Away from the road the track degenerated into a dusty path through a thin covering of trees which soon became a sprinkling of squat bushes and dry grass. The path climbed gently but steadily and Kai found herself leaning heavily on her stick trying to conserve as much energy as possible. If Mark was aware that she was struggling he showed no sign – he barely looked back until the path levelled off and the bushes started to thin out. He sat on a rock and waited for her to catch up, throwing his face up to the sunlight and basking like a lizard.

  ‘You okay?’ he asked without looking at her.

  ‘Fine,’ Kai panted. ‘Not used to the exercise, but I’m not doing too badly.’

  She flopped down on to another rock a few feet away and hung her head contemplating the dusty ground and the busy ants. The sun was hot on the back of her head and she found herself wishing that she’d thought to bring a hat of some sort. She’d expected to be walking in the shelter of the trees all the time – she remembered the mountains as being heavily forested – but they were walking above the main tree line. It looked like they’d managed to find the only exposed track in the whole of northern Thailand.

  Mark pointed ahead. ‘It looks like we’re coming out on top of a cliff. I reckon you must have fallen somewhere around here. It might be best if we slow down so you can take it all in. Maybe you should go in front.’

  Kai shook her head. ‘You lead, I need to take my time and I’d feel uncomfortable with you behind me, like I was holding you back. Why don’t you look ahead for likely spots and I’ll try to get a feel for the place?’

  ‘Fine,’ Mark shrugged. ‘Whatever you think’s best.’

  They set off again, more slowly this time, with Mark stopping every few yards to peer over the cliff. Kai kept well away from the edge of the path, unwilling to trust the uneven ground and loose rock of the trail. Instead she concentrated on the view. The cliff rose above a valley carpeted with rice fields, each one clearly defined by a raised boundary of brilliant green. The shapes were almost random – curves and ovals following the contours – rather than harsh geometric divisions. Above the fields the trees swayed in a gentle breeze, still in full leaf this late in the year, a sea of dark green. Fascinated, Kai moved closer to the edge to get a clearer look at the valley below; her view was partly obscured by trees but through them she could catch intermittent glimpses of a broad stream flowing lazily down towards the road. The water was speckled with the pattern of the trees and sparks of sunlight reflecting off ripples and waves.

  She set off again, following the track carefully as it wound its way through a small thicket of bushes and then she checked the view again.

  This was the place. She was sure.

  ‘Mark,’ she shouted. Up ahead he stopped and looked back, startled by her sudden call. She pointed over the edge and he trotted back to where she was standing.

  ‘Is this it?’ he asked.

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘Do you recognise it?’

  ‘It feels right. I haven’t looked closely yet, I’m a bit nervous about going near the edge. I’ll have a look in a minute.’

  ‘You look pretty tired. Is this all a bit much for you?’

  She shook her head and sat down on the path.

  ‘Does this feel right? Familiar?’ Mark asked squatting next to her. Kai just shook her head and concentrated on trying to get her breath back. Mark put an arm round her shoulders, its weight heavy rather than comforting. Annoyed, she tried to shrug him off but he just held her more tightly.

  ‘Take it
easy sweetheart, you need to conserve your energy, remember.’ His voice trembled with emotion as Kai allowed him to pull her closer.

  ‘You know, ever since I saw you in that hospital bed I’ve been waiting to get you on your own, completely on your own. I don’t want to share you with doctors and other people. You are mine you know. It’s meant to be.’

  ‘What…?’ Kai began. Then she froze. Something about the light, or maybe his expression. Why hadn’t she realised? She risked a glance at his face – he was lost in some memory of his own, gazing out at the trees below them. Of course it was him. How had she not known? On the bus, the control thing – that should have set alarm bells ringing. The way he’d manipulated her into coming here with him. How could she have been so blind? Looking at him now, how clear it suddenly became – the odd feelings she’d had towards Mark, the weird mix of attraction and repulsion, trust and suspicion. And he’d got her exactly where he wanted her. She had nowhere to run – she couldn’t hope to escape from him out here. Fighting the rising panic she forced herself to be calm as she spoke to him, willing her voice not to betray her.

  ‘That’s why I’m here. I want to be with you. I’m tired of pretending that we don’t know each other. I know there’s something between us, I know you’re part of my past and that you’re important to me, I just can’t remember how or why.’

  David looked down at her, his eyes in shadow – he was clearly David now – she couldn’t believe that she’d ever thought that he was anyone else.