The Playboy's Proposal

by Amanda Browning

  A frown creased his brow. ‘That sounds like a loaded question. What exactly are you asking me, Kathryn?’

  She could have retreated, but she chose not to. ‘I guess I’m asking have you ever put yourself in someone else’s hands and trusted them not to let you down?’

  His frown deepened, and he released her hand, sitting back in his chair. ‘If this is about you and me, I can only assure you that I would never hurt you.’

  ‘Not knowingly, I agree. But has it ever occurred to you that you could? For instance, how do you know that I’m not in love with you right now?’ she asked daringly, and her heart thudded sickeningly in her chest, then squeezed painfully when he laughed.

  ‘Because I told you it would be a waste of time.’

  Kathryn sat back in disbelief. Had he really said that? Of all the answers he could have given, that had to be the most unexpected. ‘You think that’s all it would take?’ she asked incredulously. ‘A word of warning from you, and a woman switches her heart off?’

  He shrugged. ‘It’s as good a reason as any. Women tend to fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat anyway.’

  This wasn’t at all what this woman who had fallen in love with him wanted to hear. ‘Your cynicism is frightening. I think it’s just as well I’m not in love with you,’ she lied, out of necessity. If she told him the truth, she was sure he would be kind, but it was possible to kill with kindness. ‘I imagine you think one lethal cut is less painful than a thousand small ones when you end a relationship, too.’

  ‘The pain, if there is any, should be over more quickly,’ he responded blandly.

  Thunderstruck, Kathryn stared at him in total silence. ‘You’re right, you’ll certainly never fall in love if you believe that,’ she declared at last.

  He shrugged that off, too. ‘I told you I wouldn’t. I try not to inflict pain, but if I have, then I’m sure it passes the instant a new man comes along,’ he told her mockingly, and it rankled.

  ‘You do yourself a disservice. I don’t think you’d be that easy to forget,’ she retorted tartly, deeply hurt by his attitude. Women were no more fickle than men, and, for both sexes, the heart did not easily forget. ‘Honestly, have you never regretted ending a relationship with even one woman?’

  ‘Regrets are a waste of time and energy. I never allow myself to have them,’ he answered simply, and a lump settled in her stomach at his ability to cut himself off from all emotion. It made her want to strike back and get some reaction from him.

  ‘Have you heard of hubris? It’s the sin of pride. I have this awful feeling that one day you’re going to come down to earth with a bump. It will probably be painful, but at least you’ll be back with the rest of us mortals.’

  Laughing softly, Joel gathered up the dirty dishes. ‘If it happens, I’ll let you be the first to say I told you so,’ he teased, carrying the crocks to the sink, where he quickly rinsed them and stacked them in the dishwasher. ‘Right,’ he said, turning back to her, ‘I’m off outside to get started on the paths now the snow’s stopped. You’re welcome to join me.’

  Kathryn stood up with a shake of her head. ‘It’s a job which uses more brawn than brain, and that’s your department. I’ll get back to the computer,’ she refused with a sweet smile, and left him there, carrying back to the study a mental picture of him standing by the sink giving that laugh which always chased goosebumps up and down her spine.

  Back in the study, Kathryn didn’t immediately continue her search, for her thoughts were too full of what had passed between them in the kitchen. He had been cold to the point of being clinical in his determination to keep emotional ties out of his life. She frowned as something nagged away at the back of her mind. Finally it came to her, the contradiction in what he had just said. His opinion of her sex was far from flattering. Women were fickle, falling in and out of love, their emotions so shallow that any hurt they did feel would fade when the next man came along. It was strange reasoning for a man who had implied his faith in women was scant because they only saw him as a money machine.

  At that point Kathryn’s mind began whirling over past conversations. Joel had said once that no one woman had made him the way he was, yet she was beginning to think otherwise. He liked to give the impression that he couldn’t be hurt. Nothing meant anything to him. Yet time and again he’d proved he wasn’t a cold man. Inside there was a warm human being who could be kind and thoughtful in so many ways. So why did he give this impression that he wasn’t? Because he had once been hurt very badly, and was determined not to be again?

  Her eyes widened. That would explain the apparent contradictions. He had once trusted someone, and they had let him down. He had put up defences, as anyone would, and the wall he had erected to ward off hurt had become thicker and higher over the years, so that now very little dented it.

  Which would explain a lot, but didn’t exactly help her much. If she was correct, she was in love with a man determined not to love again. She didn’t have trumpets to bring his walls crashing down. She only had her love for him, and if that didn’t make a chink in his armour, then nothing would. She could not make him love her; she could only hope that he would want to be with her for longer than a few days. Of course, she could always hope for a miracle, but they were a scarce commodity these days. The unhappy truth was, nothing had changed, and his determination was such that in her heart she doubted that it ever would. Love didn’t always find a way.

  Sighing, she accepted that she had no answer to her own problem. Joel’s, on the other hand, she could do something about. Brooding was pointless; better to concentrate on getting into Gray’s database. Pushing all other thought to the far reaches of her mind until she could give them the time and care they needed, she forced herself to concentrate on the job at hand. Meeting yet another barrier, she was balked at every turn as she tried to circumvent it. Nothing worked until she had a brainwave. Following it up, the screen suddenly cleared and she was in.

  She ran a search for the files and found them surprisingly easily. Gray obviously hadn’t expected to be suspected, or that Joel would return the favour by having Kathryn follow Magda’s example. All she had to do now was download them onto disks, wipe the files and any backups there were on the hard disk, and her job was done. Restoring them to Joel’s computer was a cinch, and when she finally closed the system down, she did so with the satisfaction of a job well done.

  Locking the disks in a drawer, she rose and stretched, then went off in search of Joel to tell him the good news. Collecting her coat and gloves from her room, she let herself out of the house and followed the sound of shovelling around the side of the building. Joel hadn’t spotted her yet, and she paused, watching him work. He had slipped on a red plaid body warmer over his sweater, and the effect was exceedingly easy on the eyes. He wasn’t the most handsome man she had ever met, but she suspected he would be the only one who could make her heart go bump just by the way he used a shovel! If that wasn’t a sign she had it bad, then she didn’t know what was.

  She must have made some sound or movement, for he glanced up suddenly and caught her in the act. Straightening, he used the shovel as a prop and smiled quizzically.

  ‘You look like the cat who ate the cream,’ he remarked cheerfully. ‘Does this mean you have good news?’

  ‘Um-hm. Your files are back where they belong, and I’ve locked disk copies in your desk drawer. I don’t suppose anything like this will happen again, but to be on the safe side I think you ought to have some security installed,’ Kathryn suggested, and he nodded.

  ‘Better late than never. Can you arrange it?’

  ‘There are several programs on the market, or I could devise one for you. Of course I’d have to send it on to you, with instructions for setting it up.’

  Joel leant both arms on the shovel and crossed one foot over the other. ‘Still intending to leave tomorrow?’

  She would stay for ever if he asked, but he wouldn’t. Not now, and probably never. ‘I’ve done what I
came to do,’ she answered simply.

  ‘What about the unfinished business between us?’ he reminded her softly, and the words went right to her heart.

  Kathryn lifted an eyebrow and smiled faintly. ‘Maybe it would be better remaining that way—unfinished,’ she suggested, and was mildly amused to see him straighten up.

  Joel’s reply was uncompromising. ‘Not for me it wouldn’t.’

  His vehemence was good for her soul, but she didn’t allow it to show. Folding her arms, she pretended to give the subject more thought. ‘I don’t know, a woman ought to keep her mystery. Perhaps I should leave you wondering about what you might be missing,’ she proposed provocatively, and he growled low in his throat, rather like a peevish big cat. She laughed outright. ‘Now, now. Little boys who throw tantrums are certain not to get their own way.’

  Something dangerous flickered in his eyes as he tossed the shovel aside. ‘But I’m not a little boy, as you are going to find out,’ he promised, advancing on her with clear intent in his wicked grin.

  Kathryn’s heart leapt, and with a squeal she turned and ran, laughing helplessly at her inelegant efforts to escape over snow-covered ground. Seeing a path to her left, she headed for it.

  ‘No, Kathryn!’ Joel called out sharply, but she ignored him and in the next instant felt her legs fly out from under her. There was barely time for her to cry out in alarm before she hit the ground with enough force to knock the air out of her. Seconds later, Joel dropped to his knees at her side, his expression shocked and grim. ‘Are you OK, sweetheart? Did you hit your head at all? Talk to me, Kathryn!’ he ordered when she remained silent, his hands beginning to run over her, searching for possible injury.

  ‘What happened?’ Kathryn croaked out, now that she had her breath back, and Joel sat back on his heels, puffing out a relieved breath.

  ‘Black ice is what happened. It’s always under the snow on this path because it holds water. Are you sure you’re OK?’ he asked in concern, frowning as he helped her sit up.

  Kathryn winced. ‘Apart from having a bruise which will make it uncomfortable for me to sit down for a week, I’m fine,’ she reassured him wryly, probing tender spots and wincing occasionally.

  ‘I could always…’ Joel began, but her head shot round, her eyes flashing a warning as she saw the gleam in his.

  ‘No, you couldn’t,’ she declared firmly. ‘No part of my anatomy needs kissing better, thank you very much.’

  He didn’t deny that that was what he’d been going to say. ‘There’s no need to snap my head off. I didn’t make you fall over.’

  Kathryn shot him an old-fashioned look. ‘No, but you would have done if it had been to your advantage.’

  Joel grinned. ‘Whilst I might want you on your back, sweetheart, there’s a more subtle way of going about it.’

  There was something in the way he said ‘sweetheart’ that chased goosebumps up and down her spine. The man had everything. ‘I’ve no doubt you know every art of seduction ever invented, and then some,’ she returned mockingly, and he tutted.

  ‘The way you say that makes me out to be some kind of modern-day Casanova,’ he protested in hurt tones, and she gave him a look which told him he wasn’t fooling her one bit.

  ‘No, but you’d run him a close second,’ she riposted, laughing softly as she probed another sore spot. Glancing up, she found him watching her with the strangest look in his eyes. ‘What?’ she asked in confusion, and Joel looked at her with a faint frown.

  They were facing each other by now, and he reached out and cupped her cheek with infinite tenderness. ‘I was just thinking how much I love your laugh,’ he confided, and a frisson of excitement skittered along her nerves.

  Suddenly she didn’t feel like laughing. ‘You pick your moment to tell me. We’re sitting in a snowdrift, risking hypothermia,’ she said in a breathless little voice.

  His hand snaked round behind her neck and inexorably began to draw her closer. ‘Are you cold?’

  ‘Only on the outside,’ Kathryn admitted huskily, and a smile curved the edges of his mouth upwards.

  ‘Good, because I’m just going to have to kiss you,’ Joel growled when they were no more than a breath apart.

  Her hands fastened onto his body warmer as she leant towards him. ‘What took you so long?’ she demanded in little more than a whisper, and then his mouth took hers and the world spun away.

  It was a deep, soul-searching kiss that seemed to be seeking an answer from her, though she doubted if he knew the question. She didn’t either, so all she could do was respond to it with every ounce of the love she felt for him. It appeared to be what he wanted, for with a low moan he folded his arms around her and drew her across his knees, igniting the fire of their desire with the ever mounting passion of his kisses. Her eyes shut, caught up in the maelstrom, Kathryn responded blindly, and it was only when Joel lifted his head with a muffled curse that the world returned and she realised somewhere close by a bell was ringing insistently.

  ‘It’s the telephone again,’ he explained, taking a steadying breath. ‘I fitted up a speaker so I can hear it when I’m outside.’ The ringing stopped, but he was still listening as he set her aside. A few seconds later, it rang again.

  Shivering now that the heat of his body had been withdrawn, Kathryn scrambled to her feet. ‘I had no idea your work was so important,’ she remarked as he followed her up and headed for the house. She tagged along behind, more than a little peeved that he could so easily break off making love to her for the sake of his business.

  ‘This is not about work.’ He corrected her assumption without slowing his stride. ‘That particular ring pattern is a signal I arranged because sometimes I ignore calls that might be work-related. I’m part of the local search and rescue team. Somebody could be in trouble, and if they are, in these conditions, time is everything.’

  Kathryn immediately felt like a prize worm for being irritated, and at the same time felt her heart swell with pride that he should be part of such a worthwhile group. She admitted to being surprised, but, then again, knew she shouldn’t be. She was beginning to learn that he was a man who gave of himself generously, it was only where his heart was concerned that he posted ‘Keep Out’ signs.

  Entering the kitchen, Joel snatched the receiver off the wall phone. ‘This is Joel. What’s up?’ He asked the question briskly, then listened intently with lowered head to whoever was on the other end of the line. ‘I’ll be there in twenty minutes,’ he said finally, and hung up.

  ‘Is it bad?’ Kathryn asked when he turned and she could see the serious expression on his face.

  ‘Three walkers were out on one of the crags. Two fell and could have God knows what sort of injuries. The third managed to reach a farm and sent out the alarm. Damn it, it doesn’t seem to matter how many weather warnings are put out, some idiots always manage to ignore them and we have to go and pick up the pieces.’

  Kathryn felt her heart clench in sudden anxiety as she realised just what rescuing the injured walkers would mean. ‘Won’t it be dangerous for you, too?’ she asked unevenly, and he nodded, confirming her worst fears.

  ‘Of course it will. No matter how well we know these hills, the weather is the enemy. However, we’re committed to rescuing them. No way could we leave them there, unless the weather turns so bad we can’t see our hands in front of our faces.’

  ‘But…’ She began to protest, only he stopped her by placing his hands on her shoulders.

  ‘I’m sorry, Kathryn, but I don’t have time to talk now. It will be getting dark soon, and we’ll need all the light we can get.’ With that he walked round her and out of the room. As she stood there, biting her lip, she heard him taking the stairs two at a time.

  Her instinct was to tell him not to go, for she had this awful mental picture of him tumbling down a sheer cliff and breaking his neck. It made her blood run cold. Yet she knew, if she said it, it would change nothing. Joel would still go. So she held the words back, though her st
omach was churning anxiously. When she heard Joel come back down the stairs, she went out to meet him. He was dressed in heavy-duty climbing gear and carried a backpack. Seeing her strained face, he smiled.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. With any luck they won’t be too hard to find, or too badly injured.’

  ‘Be careful,’ she advised, her smile a wobbly thing at best, and he bent and pressed a swift, hard kiss on her lips.

  ‘I always am. I’ll be back before you miss me,’ he added, then turned on his heel and left her.

  Kathryn pressed a hand to her lips, for they had an alarming tendency to tremble. She missed him already. She had no doubt he had done this many times before, but she hadn’t been in love with him then. He was risking his life to save that of somebody who shouldn’t have been out there in the first place, and that made her both angry and frightened. She had absolutely no control over the situation. All she could do was sit and wait, and pray that he came back in one piece.

  It wasn’t easy. She went upstairs and changed into dry clothes, then spent the next hour wandering aimlessly from room to room, constantly looking out of the window, hoping to see his four-by-four returning, though her brain knew it was far too soon for that. Finally she decided to be positive, and went back to the kitchen, searching the freezer for something to cook for dinner. He would be back by then, she told herself firmly, as she defrosted some meat and prepared vegetables for a casserole. Something hot and tasty to chase away the chills of the hillside.

  When dusk fell, she went around lighting lamps and laying the table. The oven was sending out aromas that ought to have set her mouth watering, but as the minutes and then hours passed her confidence faltered. Where was he? What was happening? Turning off the oven, she paced back to the lounge and stood at the window, looking out, willing the flash of headlights to beam out through the darkness. But they didn’t. Eventually she left her post and curled herself up on the couch, cuddling a cushion to her chest and watching the pictures come and go in the fire. When it died down, she built it up again, determined that Joel should return to a warm house.