Splintered Courage

by J. E. Sawyer

  I try to stay in shape the best I can. My grandmother, told me it was my mother’s heart that took her life so young, so I feel it’s necessary to try and stay in shape. But part of me has always felt as though she really died of a broken heart.

  I turn on the water and adjust the temperature before stepping in. I absolutely cannot stand to step it if it’s too hot or too cold. I shiver just thinking about it.

  I step into the warm stream and let it wash over me. Washing the day away, relaxing my weary muscles, I soap up, rinse off and turn to wash my hair.

  I step out of the shower feeling somewhat human again. Usually I just shower of a morning, but I have a feeling this dinner, even if it’s just at a pizza joint, is going to change my life forever.

  I blow dry my hair with a round brush so it will have a little bit of volume. I apply some rose gold and beige eyeshadow with brown eyeliner for natural look. Dab a little bit of pink blush. I don’t use any foundation just some moisturizer. My grandmother says if you ever start using foundation you will have to use it for the rest of your life. But, I do have some for special occasions. Though today, I just want him to see me. I have a feeling he’s going to do that anyway. I put on some mascara and some nude lip gloss. I can’t wear a lot of the trendy light pink gloss most of the girl’s wear. My lips have rather natural pink tint as it is, so they just end up looking weird if I wear anything different.

  I am just finishing up when the door bell rings. I grab my purse and gray light jacket. The days here in the mountains can be warm, but once the sun goes down it cools off tremendously.

  I head to the door, but first I take a glimpse out of the picture window to make sure it’s him. I’m sure it is since I don’t ever have any visitors.

  It’s definitely him. I take a second to observe him standing there looking rather antsy. I let him sweat it for a minute more.

  When I open the door, he raises his head and smiles an Oscar worthy smile, and hands me a single beautiful fuchsia rose. How did he know? Fuchsia is one of my favorite colors, along with black and gray.

  I thank him and take the rose.

  “Please come in, I’m just going to find something to put this in,” I tell him.

  He steps inside as I walk towards the kitchen. I grab a mason jar and fill it half full with water. I stick the rose inside and place it on the coffee table in the living room.

  “So, you live here alone?” He asks as he looks around the living room.

  “Yes,” I reply cautiously.

  He just nods, as if that was what he was expecting or confirming what he already knows. I’m not sure which.

  He glances at me, “You look nice sweetie, are we ready?”

  I am momentarily stunned by his words but recover quickly, “Yes of course.”

  He heads out first and I lock the door behind me with my purse and jacket in hand

  He goes to the passenger side of his truck and waits with the door open. Like a true gentleman. I notice his nice dark wash jeans, black t-shirt, leather boots, and black leather jacket that has a patch on the chest that reads. I file that bit of information away for later.

  I smile, thank him and hop in the truck. Black Beauty is just as impressive inside as it is out with soft black leather, white stitching, navigation, back up camera, all the bells and whistles.

  He jogs around the front of the truck, hops in and looks towards me “Which way are we headed?” He asks.

  I guide him down main street and through a few developments until we are headed up the river.

  Once we get there, the place is crowed as usual. We are able to get a table close to the front window looking towards the traffic of the sleepy town.

  Garret looks at me over his menu, “Any suggestions?”

  “I usually get a side salad and just a pepperoni, the dough is fresh, made in house, and all the ingredients are fresh and local. I hope you like it,” I tell him thoughtfully.

  He places our order for us and we wait for our waters. The silence is kind of awkward, but I don’t think either one of us really knows what to say.

  He places his hands on the table, “So have you given it any thought, coming to stay with me? I have a room available for you. You wouldn’t have to worry about bills or anything like that. I am already aware you don’t have any outstanding debt, which you highly have my praises for”

  Ok, that’s kinda creepy. “How do you know that?”

  He just looks at me and smiles, “Favors and strings, if you choose to come, you will understand.” He replies a bit cryptically.

  Since he seems kind of anxious, I give him a bone, “I have thought about it. I don’t really have much tying me to home. Home, if you really even call it that. To be honest, I feel like I’ve just been existing for a while. Trying to fill in the spaces. Am I sure about this? No, not really. Am I willing to give it a shot?”

  His head shoots up and makes eye contact with me. I hold his stare for a moment before I continue, “Yes”.

  He gives me that award winning smile again just as our pizza and salads come out. I duck my head down with a smile of my own.

  “Oh wow, this pizza is amazing. I’ve never had anything like it,” he says as he swallows his fifth piece.

  I have to smother my giggle. It really is great pizza.

  Gemma

  We finish our pizza in record time. Most of the other guests have already finished and left. Now, we have most of the place to ourselves.

  There’s a question that has been nagging at me, “So when did you plan on this happening?” I ask.

  “As soon as possible, I have duties I need to return to,” he replies.

  “Um, I should probably give a notice at my work,” I start. But, I’m interrupted when he says, “That’s already been taken care of. All I need to do is give the word. Trust me when I say they are very understanding and excited for you.”

  Startled I ask, “How?”

  He simply says, “Favors and Strings.”

  There’s that phrase again. I can’t help but wonder what kind of “favors” these are.

  “Ok, my rent has been paid for this month. I don’t really care about most what is in the house. But, I will need to box up my things,” I tell him.

  “Ok, how long do you think you will need to do that? I am more than glad to help,” he says.

  I shrug one shoulder sheepishly, “I don’t know probably about an hour or so.”

  His eyebrows go up towards his hairline. I have to smother another giggle from the look on his face.

  “Ok then, would you mind me helping you when we get back,” he asks.

  “Sure, it’s as good of a time as any I guess,” I reply.

  He pays the tab refusing to let me contribute. We make our way to his truck. He opens the passenger door, before I go to get in I stop turn around and hug him around the waist. I don’t know what prompted me to do so. It just felt like a natural thing to do.

  Stunned, I feel him tense up. I question whether this was the right thing to do. After a moment, I feel him relax as I keep my arms around him, the side of my face just below his chest. He sighs and lets out a long breath that sounds like he’s been holding for years. I feel his cheek come down on the top of my head and I smile. I have a dad. I might not know him yet, but I have a dad. And, right now that is the best feeling in the world.

  He kisses me on the head and l let go. I feel my cheeks heat a little and he chuckles. We get in the truck and head towards my house. I’m not going to say home. I don’t think it ever was my home.

  About 10 minutes later we arrive, he pulls in beside my Nova. I hope out and head to the door with Garret right behind me.

  Not really sure where to start, I turn to Garret, “So Garret, is that what you want me to call you?” I ask.

  He looks at me inside the doorway with a half-smile and replies, “Gemma my darling, you can call me whatever you want, or whatever your heart desires, as long as you are calling me I’m happy.”

  I feeling t
ears start to well up in my eyes at his heart felt words. I simply smile and give a single nod.

  I head towards my bedroom and go to the closet. I think I still have a few empty boxes in the bottom. I grab them and a few duffle bags. I collect what few clothes I have from the closet and dresser and put them all in one bag. I grab my toiletries, dryer, brush, razor and makeup bag. I place them all in another duffle bag. I get my Kate Spade tote bag and put in my tablet, a few pieces of jewelry, chargers, my favorite water bottle and extra clip and bullets for my gun. I’m able to fit the few shoes I have besides the ones I have on, a pair of gladiator sandals, a pair of running shoes and my converse. Well, it looks like I don’t need the boxes after all.

  I look around my room one last time. I’m kind of sad, but I can’t deny I’m excited for a new start too.

  I walk back in the living room with my bags. “Ok, I think this is it.” I tell Garret.

  He looks at me with confusion written all over his face. “Are you sure? I can wait if you want to get some more of your things.” He says.

  I tell him, “This pretty much is all my things. I really don’t need much.”

  He seems somewhat satisfied with that answer. “Ok, then. If you don’t mind heading out tonight we can cover some ground, get a room somewhere, and then pick back up in the morning.”

  “Sure, that would be fine. I am just going to put these in my trunk.” I tell him as I head for the door.

  He nods and heads outside. I stop in the doorway and take one last look around. “Goodbye Grandma, goodbye old life. I’ll see you on the other side.” I turn off the lights and lock the door. I place the key under the door mat.

  Garret

  I stand beside Gemma’s car with her bags in my hands. I give her a few minutes. I know it’s hard to say goodbye. My sweet, brave girl. She probably doesn’t even know it, but she walks around with her heart on her sleeve. I wouldn’t consider bringing her home with me, but after her display in the hotel parking lot, I think she will fit in just fine. Besides, the guys know better than to mess with my little girl if they know what’s good for them.

  Gemma unlocks the trunk and I place the bags inside. I look in her eyes and see a sea of emotions waving over. “All good?” I ask. She simply nods.

  She goes to the driver door of her car. I stop her door with my hand on the top before she closes it. “If you don’t mind following me to the U-Haul store, I figure it might be a good idea to rent a dolly so we don’t have to drive both vehicles. I thought it might give us a little more time together before we arrive if that’s ok,” I tell her.

  “I think I’d like that,” she responds softly.

  I give her a single nod and head towards my truck. I’m grateful she didn’t try to buck with me on this. In truth, I didn’t want to worry about my daughter driving that far. I’m sure she is capable, but she is still my little girl, even if she doesn’t realize it.

  One of my guys already arranged for a dolly. I just have to pick it up.

  We arrive at the U-Haul store, I hook up to the dolly and proceed to back it to the rear of her car. I easily hook her car to the dolly. I look to Gemma, “You ready to head out?” I ask.

  She smiles and nods, her eyes a little brighter than they were when we left her house. I hope I can eventually get the full sparkle in her eye. I want to make her happy. I know it will take some time for her to trust me and feel comfortable with me. But, I feel like we are already taking steps in the right direction.

  I was terrified confronting her for the first time. I have dealt with mafia, drug lords, criminals, gangs, MCs, and some of the scariest people you could meet. But, nothing was scarier than meeting my little girl.

  I was afraid of the hate, rejection, blame, and neglect. All of those things. She has every right to associate with me.

  I didn’t see any of those things. I saw a beautiful young woman who didn’t care to stick a pistol in my face and demand to know who I was before I gathered to courage to tell her.

  She is definitely a Bradford through and through. I chuckle to myself and shake my head. I hope I am not biting off more than I can chew. Who am I kidding, she deserves everything. And, I am going to give her everything I can. I have some lost time to make up for. I have every intention of making it right.

  I walk to the passenger side of the truck and hold the door for her to get in. She climbs in. She has to use the step boards on the side, she is such a tiny little thing. I climb in the driver seat.

  “Alright munchkin, let’s hit the road,” I say with a smile. I am already happier than I can remember being in my whole life.

  Gemma

  We’ve been on the road for hours. It’s about one o’clock in the morning. Garret suggests getting a room for the night so we can have a fresh start in the morning. I don’t disagree. We’ve fallen into a comfortable silence, the kind where neither feels the need to fill the void with jibber jabber. Suits me just fine. I’ve never been much of a talker.

  I see signs for lodging off of I-40, we’re just outside of Nashville. Taking the next exit, Garret pulls into a quaint motel.

  The Chesterville Inn seems pretty harmless. I don’t think we have to worry about any shady business like some of the seedier places. Still, Garret does a full sweep of the property. Once he seems satisfied, we continue to check in.

  The room is clean and two double beds. I grab one of my bags from the car and toss it onto the farthest bed from the door. I’m ready to call it a night. I’ve never had the opportunity to travel before, who knew riding could be so exhausting.

  Garret tosses his own bag on the bed, “I’m ready to call it a night kiddo, how about you?”

  I give him the best response I can, “Um hum,” I’ve all but fell asleep on top of the covers.

  I feel my shoes being removed and the gentle tug of the covers.

  I awake with a start. I look around trying to remember where I am. I hear the shower running and see Garret’s open bag on the bed. I’m still in my clothes with the blanket tossed over me. Garret must have covered me up when I fell asleep. When I hear the shower stop I grab my own bag to clean up.

  Garret emerges from the bathroom, “Rise and Shine sweetie, sleep ok?”

  I stifle a yawn, “Yep, slept like a rock. Thanks for covering me up, I must have passed out.”

  Garret chuckles, “No problem, how about some breakfast?”

  “Sounds good, let me get cleaned up real quick,” I reply.

  Garret just responds with a nod.

  I shuffle to the bathroom and take a quick shower. I dry my hair quickly and brush on some mascara, lip balm and deodorant. I finish with brushing my teeth. I glance at myself in the mirror before I head out and smile. So far, I couldn’t ask for things to go any better. Maybe this was a good idea.

  There is a small diner across the road from the motel, seems just as good of a place as any for breakfast, so we pack our bags away and head across the street.

  The diner has four booths on either side of the door, red benches with grey tables. It hosts a counter that spreads along the back wall with several stools and a cash register. We choose the second booth on the left. There are menus stacked on the far end of the table. We both grab one.

  The waitress makes her way over in a light blue dress with a white apron adorned in ruffles around the edges. She has big hair that’s been teased, sprayed and apparently fried. It’s yellow blond with dark roots. She’s chomping on a piece of gum and smelling of her recent smoke break.

  She looks directly at Garret, “What can I get ‘ya darlin’?” She asks with a smirk and one hip cocked to the side.

  Garret looks at me, “Do you know what you want sweetie?” He asks.

  I smile and nod, “I’ll have stuffed French toast with bacon and a coffee,” I tell her. I look to Garret who is still looking at me.

  He smiles and says, “I’ll have the same.”

  I smile to myself, it’s hard to deny that he’s making an effort. I guess it’s possibl
e we just have the same taste in food, but I know it’s more than that. I can feel the swell in my heart, the feel of belonging, the realization of where I need to be. My grandmother always told me our hearts are smarter than our brains. I’ve never known her to be wrong.

  The waitress brings our food and places in on the table. This time she makes little effort to get Garret’s attention. I guess he made it clear she doesn’t hold any of his interest.

  We finish our meals in silence. Garret tosses some money on the table and we head out the door and across the road to the truck. Garret hold open the passenger door me and continues to the driver seat. We continue on I-40W for a couple more hours, then onto I-30W.

  I look at Garret who is concentrating on the road. His eyes constantly scan the highway, always aware of our surroundings.

  “I can drive if you need me to, I’m sure you still have to be tired,” I tell him.

  He looks over and smiles, “Thank you, I’ll let you know if I start getting sleepy.”

  We continue down the road, neither of us seems to have much to say. I know we are supposed to be getting to know each other. But, I feel like I’m learning plenty about him just by observing. I can tell he is constantly aware, polite to most drivers, take no crap of those who ignite a slight case of road rage. I chuckle to myself, at least I’m not the only one. The way he holds his shoulders and the steering wheel tells me he demands respect and power, he’s used to being in control. Unlike the Garret I was first introduced to, he seemed more nervous, unsure. He is strong and sturdy, everything a father should be.

  I take a deep breath and settle in my seat. We still have a long way to go.

  We continue on for several more hours. I see a sign that says ‘Hot Springs’. I check GPS on my phone. This seems to be the last leg of our trip. I can feel the flutter bugs wiggling in my belly. I’m surprised they hadn’t arrived before now. We’re getting close and my nerves are aware.