Welcome to Last Chance

by Cathleen Armstrong

  “Right. You want to wash or dry?”

  They finished the dishes saying little more than was needed to carry out their tasks. Steven worked with such concentration that Lainie could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. When she finally pulled the plug from the sink and he gave the dish towel a final snap and hung it to dry, the self-mocking grin had returned.

  “I need to run over and see Ray. Want to come? Or are you still mad?”

  “No, I’m not mad, but I guess I do need to talk to Ray. What about you?”

  “Nah, I’m good. I just let Gran get to me, that’s all. She just knows how to push my buttons.”

  “Really? I’ve never thought of Elizabeth as being much of a button pusher.”

  Steven leaned in, and Lainie felt his breath on her neck as he whispered in her ear. “She didn’t raise you. Believe me, she’s the queen of button pushers.”

  19

  The bar was nearly empty when Steven and Lainie walked in. The only occupants were a couple of younger men huddled over their beers in one of the booths. When they saw Steven, one got up and approached him with a wide grin and an outstretched hand.

  “Well, look what the wind blew in.” He grabbed Steven’s hand. “Heard you were home. Come join us. We’d be more’n honored if you’d let us buy you a beer, you and your pretty girl both.”

  “Thanks.” Steven returned the smile. “I’d be pleased to join you. I don’t know about the pretty girl, though. She’s not my girl, sorry to say.”

  “Oh?” Both men looked at Lainie with renewed interest. “Offer still holds if you’d care to join us.”

  Lainie shook her head. “Thanks, but no.” She climbed on a bar stool and nearly laughed at the apprehension in Ray’s expression. “Relax. I’m not going to kill you.”

  “That’s a relief. So just exactly what is it that I need to apologize for? Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. It’s been a really bad couple of days. I messed up that solo so bad. Everyone was telling me I did just fine and it all sounded so phony. I guess I was counting on you to, I don’t know, make me believe I was okay—even when I knew I wasn’t. Then when you couldn’t even face me . . .” Her words dwindled into silence.

  “It wasn’t about facing you. It was about facing everyone else. I told you how weird I felt going to church after being in here until 2:00 in the morning. I’ll be back one day. I’m really looking forward to it. But I just couldn’t do the prodigal son routine. Not yet.”

  “So where’d you take off to so fast?

  “I needed to get to my cabin. I’m working on a special piece right now, and all I could think about was that I’d missed half a day already.”

  Lainie’s smile was sad. “You’re really anxious to get back to your work, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah, I guess I am. I’d sort of pushed that part of my life to a place where I wouldn’t have to think about it, but now that Steven’s home, that’s hard to do.”

  Lainie fell silent. She watched Steven, lost in animated conversation across the room, until she felt Ray’s hand cover hers.

  “Wish I knew what you were thinking.”

  “I don’t know, Ray. Who knows what the new year holds? You might be leaving. I might be leaving too.” There. She’d said it.

  Ray picked up her hand and held it against his face. “I don’t want to think about that now. You’re right. We don’t know what the new year will bring, so let’s not waste the time we have now. Can’t we keep taking things one day at a time? When the time comes, we’ll know what to do.”

  Lainie looked away. She should tell him no. This was a recipe for heartbreak, and she needed to end things now.

  “Well? What do you say?” Ray’s smile was tender when she looked back, and his warm brown eyes caught her in their gaze and held her there.

  Her voice came as barely a whisper. “One day at a time.”

  Steven sauntered up and broke the moment. “Remember Tito and Phil, Ray? I played football with them in high school.” He turned to Lainie. “We were undefeated for eighty-four games straight. There were kids who entered high school as freshmen and who graduated four years later without ever seeing us lose a game. They even wrote about us in Time magazine. True, we were single-A, but so was everyone else we played. Man, it doesn’t seem like it could be that long ago.” He leaned against the bar and shook his head. “I remember one time when Tito, Phil, me, and someone else, maybe Manny, went to Juarez . . . How we kept from winding up in jail, I’ll never know.” He laughed. “Those were some good times.”

  Ray smiled. “You were something, all right. I don’t know how you made it out of high school. If there was a party anywhere within thirty miles, you were in the middle of it.”

  “Well, somebody had to uphold the Braden reputation in these parts after Dad quit rodeoing.” Steven clapped his brother on the shoulder. “You sure weren’t doing it. I think you were born old.”

  Ray glanced away. “Maybe so. There just never seemed to be time to get into trouble. Too much to do.”

  “Ah, I’m just giving you a hard time.” Steven looked at Lainie. “If you want to know the truth, I couldn’t be prouder of my big brother. He’s always known just what he wanted and gone after it with everything he had in him. And he’s made a success of it too. Look at this place. How he keeps it going is more than I know.”

  “Well, bro, I can show you anytime you’re ready.”

  “You got it.” Steven slapped the bar. “Just let me know when you have some time.”

  Ray looked out the front window. An eighteen-wheeler was rumbling through town, but other than that, the streets were empty. “What about right now? It’s a pretty quiet night. We could at least get started.”

  “Hey, why not?” Steven sounded enthusiastic. “Let’s get going on this thing.” He stopped as if he noticed Lainie for the first time. “Oh, but what about Lainie? I really should get her home first. We can’t very well leave her sitting here doing nothing.”

  “It’s okay, really. I’ll just sit and listen to the music. It feels good to get off my feet.”

  “No way, I don’t know what I was thinking. Ray, we’ll just have to do this another time. I need to get Lainie home. She put in a full day.”

  Lainie felt a flare of anger. “Are you even listening to me? I don’t need you looking out for me. You go on ahead with Ray. If I get all that tired, I’ll just take the truck and you can walk home.”

  Steven looked from Lainie to Ray. Both just stared back. He shrugged and grinned. “Okay, then, let’s do ’er. Just trying to be a good guy, but suit yourself.”

  “Well then,” Ray said, “I guess the first thing we need to do is get you on the schedule. How many days a week do you want to start with?”

  Ray led the way into his office while Lainie made herself comfortable in a booth. She slouched down, stretched her legs to rest her feet on the bench opposite, and cradled a mug of coffee in her hands. She shook her head as she gazed into the dark, steaming brew. How did she come to be sitting in a perfectly good bar drinking coffee? She must be hanging out with the wrong crowd—a crowd it was going to break her heart to leave. Through the open door to Ray’s office she could see his brow furrow in concentration as he consulted his computer screen. Steven leaned both arms on the desk and stared into space. When he caught Lainie watching, he rolled his eyes and gave her a wink. Lainie looked away. It was becoming increasingly clear to her, if not yet to Ray, that any enthusiasm for Steven’s taking over the bar was all on Ray’s part. Steven was a runner. She knew the signs too well.

  The breakfast crowd came in two bunches the morning of the Last Chance Christmas parade. The doors hadn’t been unlocked ten minutes before the first carload of marching band members poured through the door. And by the time the early morning sun broke over the mesas east of town, every booth and table was full of paraders, parents, and sponsors. Lainie, Fayette, and Monica—one of Carlos’s nieces brought in to help with the e
xpected crowd—ran from table to table delivering plates of pancakes and platters of ham and eggs. The din grew louder as tables of diners fought to be heard over the next booth until the walls themselves seemed to throb. Finally, a shrill whistle split the noise and attention turned to the bandleader standing at the door.

  “Okay, everyone, five minutes. Pay your tabs and be at the parade grounds in fifteen minutes, tops. Demerits for anyone who’s late.”

  Junior rodeo riders and 4-H members took the cue as well, and within ten minutes the diner was empty.

  “Well, that takes care of it till after the parade.” Fayette handed busing bins to Monica and Lainie. “We have an hour, if we’re lucky, before this place fills up again.”

  Lainie started piling dirty dishes into her bin. “Who’s left? I’d have guessed everyone in town has already been in.”

  “Nope. Those were just the kids. Everyone else will be in after the parade before they head up to San Ramon to start their Christmas shopping.”

  Lainie grinned at Fayette. “Sounds like you’ve got this all worked out.”

  “Honey,” Fayette said as she hoisted her bin and headed to the kitchen, “some things never change—the sun, the seasons, and the Last Chance Christmas parade.”

  Half an hour later, the dining room was spotless and Lainie poured herself a cup of coffee and slid into a booth by the window. The sun that poured through warmed her, even though outside the occasional passerby was bundled against a biting wind. Off in the distance, she could hear the muffled sounds of “Jingle Bells” being played by a marching band. She smiled and cradled her cup in her hands. The one thing she had always been able to count on in her life was that she couldn’t count on anything. It felt good to be someplace, even for a while, where a Christmas parade was as constant as the sun and the seasons.

  Sunday morning, as Lainie met with the choir in the adult Sunday school room before the service, she tried hard to focus on the music and not on the panic that was trying its best to swallow her whole. In a few minutes she was going to be standing in front of the church singing another solo. Everyone told her that she only had to sing her first solo once, and it was behind her. But the rapidly approaching second solo was even more terrifying than the first.

  “Okay, people, listen up.” Lurlene tapped the black lectern with a pencil. We’ve only got a couple minutes. I heard from the Christmas Eve Festival folks in San Ramon and we’ve got the 7:00 to 7:20 slot. So be there by 6:30 at the absolute latest, okay? We can work up some car pools if you want to. Any questions?”

  When the choir filed into the sanctuary, Lainie was surprised to find the stampeding butterflies in her stomach had settled down a bit. Lurlene had closed the brief rehearsal with prayer and specifically asked for peace and confidence for Lainie. To Lainie’s even greater surprise, Juanita had taken her hand and held it all during the prayer, giving it a warm squeeze and echoing Lurlene’s “amen.”

  The church was full, and Lainie read warm encouragement in every familiar face. Steven sat next to Elizabeth, and if his mocking grin tried to engage Lainie in a private joke, it was lost in the outright love emanating from Elizabeth’s warm smile.

  Just as the ushers began their procession to the front of the church to take the offering, the back door opened and Ray slipped in and sat in the back pew.

  The offertory was simple: two verses of “Silent Night” sung by the choir, Lainie’s solo on the third verse, and the congregation joining in on the fourth to fill the small sanctuary with the joyful celebration of the Savior’s birth. Instead of being tied in knots over the seconds ticking toward her solo, Lainie found herself enveloped by the beauty of the simple words, and when Lurlene turned to her with a nod, Lainie opened her mouth and sang.

  The notes were pure and sweet and filled every corner of the small wooden building, and as the third verse came to a close and Lurlene turned to raise the congregation to its feet, Lainie saw Elizabeth and a few others as well dabbing their eyes. In the very back, Ray stood with the others, and for a moment Lainie thought he might be going to stay. But he stepped to the door, gave her a wide smile, brought his index finger and thumb together in a sign of perfection, and silently slipped outside.

  20

  Ray came by just at dusk Christmas Eve to pick up Lainie and Elizabeth, and on the way to San Ramon, the orange and crimson sunset faded to purple and the first stars tentatively appeared in the growing twilight.

  Elizabeth peered up through the windshield into the darkening sky. “This is the time I used to watch for when I was a little girl—the moment when it was really, truly, Christmas Eve.”

  “Seem weird not being at the ranch Christmas Eve?” Ray pulled off the highway at the San Ramon exit and joined the line of traffic snaking toward the town plaza.

  “A little, maybe. But I’ve always wanted to see the San Ramon Plaza all lit up too, and with Lainie singing with the choir this year, well, here’s my chance.” She smiled at Lainie sitting between her and Ray.

  “And here we are.” Ray turned a corner that brought them onto the plaza.

  Lainie stared at the soft glow that surrounded them. Every path, every curb, every rooftop was lined with thousands of softly glowing brown paper bags.

  “I’ll let you ladies out and go find a place to park. Meet you inside.” Ray stopped the truck in front of a restaurant and came around to help Elizabeth climb down.

  The plaza was already filled with families and couples strolling the paths between the luminarias, their hands stuffed in their pockets and their collars turned against the evening chill. A mariachi band was playing “Feliz Navidad” in the gazebo in the center of the plaza.

  The warm, spicy aroma of chile drew them into the cheerful clamor of the busy restaurant, and Elizabeth waved as she followed the hostess across the red tiled floors to a table set before the kiva fireplace. “Oh, look. There’s Juanita and Russ and the Montoyas. Looks like they had the same idea we did.”

  Lainie was rereading the menu when Ray pulled out his chair and joined them. She looked up with a confused expression. “Do you all even eat chile and stuff on Christmas Eve?”

  “What do you mean, even on Christmas Eve? Especially on Christmas Eve is more like it. Why, what do you have on Christmas Eve in California?”

  Lainie tried to remember. “I don’t know. It depends, I guess. There was usually a party somewhere, so we had chips and some kind of platter from the grocery store.”

  Ray shook his head. “Trust me. This is better.”

  They were nearly finished with their meal when Juanita stopped by on the way out the door. Russ was still at their table counting his change.

  “Merry Christmas, you all!” She finished tugging on her gloves and pulled her knit cap from her coat pocket. “What happened to Fayette? She get held up at home?”

  “I never heard anything from Fayette. Was I supposed to? She’s riding up to the ranch with us tomorrow morning, but we didn’t talk about Christmas Eve.”

  “Russ and I asked her and Matthew to have dinner with us up here, but since we had to do some last-minute shopping in San Ramon this afternoon, she said she’d meet us. We haven’t seen her, so I thought maybe you knew if something had come up.”

  Ray rolled his eyes and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “Great invention, ladies. You ought to give it a try.” Elizabeth and Juanita watched as he punched in the numbers. “Fayette? Hey, everything okay? Here’s Juanita.”

  He handed the phone to Juanita, who muttered, “I hate these things,” before she smiled into the room and raised her voice so that people sitting across the room turned to see what was going on. “Fayette? Are you okay? We’re worried about you.”

  They all watched her shake her head and tsk, and when her brow furrowed, so did Elizabeth’s. “Oh, honey, I’m sure he’s just lost track of the time. I’m just sorry you had to miss the music. But listen, we’ll be done singing in the plaza at 7:20. Russ and I will stop by here and pick up your Christmas Eve
dinner and have it to you before it even cools off.”

  They could hear Fayette’s tinny protest, but Juanita would not be dissuaded. “No, this is one night you are not going to cook. Now, what can we bring you? Mmm-hmm. And Matthew? Okay, see you around 8:00. Now you take care and stop worrying.

  “Here, I don’t know how to turn this thing off.” She handed the phone back to Ray. “That boy! He’d better get himself turned around and right quick.”

  “So he’s not home?” Elizabeth’s face was a mask of concern.

  “No, she hasn’t seen him since three this afternoon when he promised he’d be home no later than five. You’d think on Christmas Eve, of all nights, he’d show a little consideration for his mama. After all she’s been through . . .” Her voice trailed off and the table fell silent for a moment. Juanita shook her head and puffed a loud sigh. “Well, I’d better go get that order in so we can pick it up after we sing.”

  “Wait, Juanita. Can I ride back with you?” Elizabeth called after Juanita. “I don’t want to rush Ray and Lainie.”

  Lainie dropped her hand to Elizabeth’s shoulder. “I think you just want to go check on Fayette.”

  Elizabeth reached up and patted her hand. “Well, Christmas Eve is never easy on her, and she should not have to sit there alone wondering where her boy is.”

  At 7:00, when the handbell choir from San Ramon Methodist Church filed out of the gazebo in the plaza and the choir from the Church of Last Chance filed in, Lainie couldn’t tell if her shivering was due to nerves or the cold. She could see Ray bend down to say something to two young men sprawled on a park bench in front of the gazebo, watched him clap one on the shoulder and shake the other’s hand when they got up to make room for Elizabeth, and then her attention was drawn to Lurlene standing just down the steps with hands and eyebrows raised. The choir drew a collective breath, and the plaza was filled with the sounds of “Angels We Have Heard on High.”