Broken Love

by Jillian Dodd

  Although I'm ready for some rough, dirty fucking, when Cameron arrives, she wants to talk. We've been texting off and on since I got hurt. I was hoping that would be enough.

  "How has it been living with your sister?"

  "She tries to mother me. But at the same time, I'm really grateful. I needed a lot of help at first. I'm pretty sure my sister is going to need her walls repainted when I leave. I was not a good wheelchair driver."

  "And what about your career? The papers say your injury is such that you'll never be back."

  I sigh. "The papers might be right."

  "Are you giving up on baseball? Retiring?"

  "Mentally, I'm not ready to say that yet. But the more time I spend with my sister, the more I realize how much of life I've missed because of baseball."

  "You're basically traveling for six months of the year. At first it seems really glamorous, but people don't understand the reality. Sure you travel in a private team plane, and you stay in beautiful hotels, but travel is stressful on your body. The planes, the different beds."

  "I opened a bottle of wine for us, but I couldn't carry it in," I tell her, wanting her to relax.

  "I'll go get it. Why don't you sit down on the couch and get comfortable."

  "You travel a lot for your job," I say.

  "Yeah, and it gets old. Sometimes, I want to just stay at my house."

  "Do I dare bring up the engagement? Ask what happened?"

  She sighs as she's pouring the wine. "Are you on pain medication?"

  "Only to sleep," I lie.

  She pours me a glass half the size of hers, regardless.

  "Cheers," she says clinking my glass and sitting on the couch next to me. She takes a big sip of wine and then walks her fingers down my new cast.

  "No one has signed it."

  "I just got it today. Don't you think I'm a little old for that?"

  "One would think you're a little old to choose the neon green color as well, but there it is," she teases.

  "I thought it would cheer me up."

  "Did it?"

  "Not really."

  "Are you all depressed, Pike?"

  "First, I was just in pain. Then the realization that my career could be over hit. It's tough to give up something you've worked your whole life for. It'd be like you learning you could never act again."

  "That's why I broke off the engagement," she admits, pushing her now blonde hair behind her ear. It looks odd on her.

  "Is the hair color for your role?"

  "No, I always go crazy and dye my hair after a break-up. I went flaming red after you."

  "But you broke up with me."

  "Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. It's hard choosing your career over love."

  "I'm retiring," I blurt out.

  "Really?"

  "Really. Just think, I could travel with you and be your sex slave."

  "Sex isn't that hard to find, Pike. Love is."

  "Cam, you know that I loved you. That I've always--"

  "I know, Pike. I know." She leans over and kisses me, avoiding the topic. Honestly, I didn't want her to come over to talk. I wanted her to come over and fuck. But something about her always makes me want more. Her lips are soft and tender. Her hair smells like jasmine. Even though the color is different, she always uses the same shampoo.

  My casted leg is up on the sectional's chaise, which makes it hard to twist my body toward her like I should. The cast is like an anchor weighing me down.

  "I'm dying to properly kiss you, but I can't fucking move."

  She glances at my leg and smiles at me then slides onto my lap and kisses me.

  I feel the rush of excitement I always feel when she gets close to me, especially when she slides her hand down the front of my shorts.

  Palmer

  We chat through dinner, me entertaining him with funny stories from the press junket, like how one of my costars had his black t-shirt turned inside out half the day because he was hung over and had literally rolled out of bed and pulled on whatever clothes were lying on the floor.

  Things are going well until he mentions my brother in passing.

  And something inside me clicks.

  I can't bring a baby into a world where the uncle and father hate each other.

  Which means I have to choose.

  I'm lost in thought when Cade gets up, takes my hand, and says, "I want to show you something," and leads me to an elevator.

  He presses a button, and we emerge on a rooftop terrace with sweeping views of downtown, romantically lit with lanterns. It reminds me of our first date and the night we got engaged.

  "It's gorgeous up here," I say. "And the views are incredible." I turn in a circle taking it all in.

  Cade takes my hand, leading me to the center of the circle of lanterns.

  Oh, no. Is he going to propose? Now?

  I start to panic. My mind racing. My heart feeling like it's beating out of my chest.

  No. No. No.

  "Palmer," he says, dropping to one knee.

  "I'm sorry," I cry out, then I turn and race toward the elevator.

  I'm sobbing by the time I reach my car. Cade shouts from behind me, telling me to stop.

  But I don't.

  I get in my car, quickly start it, and drive away.

  My heart hurts. Tears are blurring my vision--much like they did when I broke up with him six years ago.

  I drive home in a flurry of tears, barely paying attention to where I'm going. I'm so mad I can hardly see straight.

  And I'm sobbing.

  How could Cade, the man who is supposed to love me unconditionally do this to me? This is my big break! And he was willing to jeopardize it just because he didn't want me to do a sex scene? No matter how much I love him, I can't marry someone who doesn't support my career.

  I bawl and slam my hand on the steering wheel.

  A car behind me honks, letting me know that a light has turned green. I look up to see where I even am.

  My hands are shaking, my whole body shaking, as I try to make it home.

  When I finally get to my parents' house, where I'm living in the guest house, I completely break down, leaning my head against the steering wheel and letting it all out.

  I was supposed to come here with Cade to tell Mom and Pike the good news, but now--

  Now, I just--

  I don't even know what to do.

  I get out of my car, slamming the door with way too much force, as my brother pulls into the driveway.

  "What's wrong?" he asks, immediately looking worried. "Is Mom okay?"

  I can't say anything. I just sob some more.

  Pike

  Cameron is bouncing up and down on my dick in the middle of what's been an all-night fuck fest.

  The back door opens with a bang, my sister walks into the room, and yells, "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Then marches off to her room.

  "Shit," I say as Cameron jumps off me.

  Then she starts giggling.

  "It's been a long time since I got caught having sex. Remember that time on the beach in Miami? I hadn't seen you in two weeks and was so fucking horny I could barely stand it."

  I laugh, too. "Those were the good old days."

  She slips back into her clothes. "I thought tonight was pretty damn good, but that's besides the point. We need to check on your sister. She looked really upset."

  "I suppose so, since she just caught me with my dick in you."

  "No, I mean she had mascara running down her face, like she'd been crying."

  "Really? I didn't notice."

  "Why don't you get dressed, and I'll go check on her."

  She goes down the hall and knocks on my sister's door. "Hey, Palmer, sorry about that. I'm headed out. Um, it's hard for him to get around. Thus, the couch."

  I hear the door squeak open. Cameron asks my sister if she's okay. Palmer replies with a sob.

  When Cameron escorts her out to the family room, she's got her arm wrapped tightly
around her, making it look like she's holding her up.

  "What's wrong?" I ask as she sits in a chair across from me. "You haven't looked like that since the day you and Cade broke up. Do I need to go kick someone's ass again? Mop up?" As soon as it comes out of my mouth, I realize it was a mistake to bring up the past. Must be the meds, the wine, and having Cameron on top of me. My mind is not fully functioning.

  "Cade was going to propose," she stutters out between crying, which causes Cameron to stop in her tracks.

  "To who?"

  "To me." Instead of leaving as promised, Cameron returns to the couch and takes my sister's hand.

  "Why?"

  "Because we're in love. We got back together in Tahoe, and I've been seeing him since."

  I'm immediately pissed. "Why would you do that? He broke your heart."

  "I got over it. You should, too."

  "Are you fucking kidding me?" I say, not even able to believe this is coming out of my sister's mouth. "How could you be so stupid after what he did to you? How could you ever trust him again? You're an idiot if you think he's going to change for you. Once a cheater, always a cheater."

  Her face twists and she stands up and yells at me. "Don't you dare say that! Ever! Cade would never cheat on me!"

  "What are you talking about?" I ask her, confused. "He already did. That's why you broke up!"

  Her eyes get big. "What are you talking about? That's not why we broke up!"

  She buries her face in her hands and starts bawling again.

  "Tell me what happened between you and Cade!"

  She shakes her head. "I can't. You'll hate me."

  "Palmer Alexis Montlake, you better fucking tell me what happened."

  "Sideboob, Pike. We broke up because of a sideboob."

  "I don't understand."

  "We got into a fight over the nudity clause in a contract."

  "But you told me he cheated on you," I say, trying to understand. "I beat him up because he cheated on you."

  "No, Pike, I didn't say that. I would have never said that."

  "What did you say then?"

  "I don't remember what I said. I was pretty hysterical, but I know I never would have said that! But I also didn't want to tell you the real reason. I didn't need you lecturing me, too." She stands up. "And I don't need you lecturing me now! He was going to propose again tonight, and I ran out!"

  "Again?" both Cameron and I say.

  "What the hell? When were you engaged?"

  She wipes the back of her hand across her face in an attempt to dry her tears. "We got engaged two days before we broke up. He recreated our first date, took me to the top of a mountain where there were lanterns and a table set for two. It was so romantic, and I loved him so deeply."

  "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

  "We were going to tell you and Mom the night we broke up."

  "That's not what I'm talking about. If you got engaged, you had been dating for a while. Behind my back. Why?"

  "Look at your body language right now, Pike. Your fists are balled up, your chest puffed out, ready to whip someone's ass. Cade wanted to tell you. I wouldn't let him until I knew it was serious. Then Dad died. And I couldn't do it. Couldn't cause our family any more heartache." She stands up. "I'm going to bed. I'm sorry for interrupting your night," she says to Cameron before marching toward her room.

  "Wait," Cameron yells. "If he makes you so happy, you got back together, and he was going to propose, why are you home crying instead of happily celebrating?"

  "Because I would have had to say no, and I couldn't bear to see the look on his face when I did," she says, slamming her bedroom door behind her.

  "You called him an asshole," Cameron says to me. "I thought when he carried you out on the field that meant you two finally made up."

  I shake my head. "No, we didn't even talk. All the networks wanted us to be interviewed together, but he wouldn't. He hates me."

  "Sounds like maybe you were wrong about him."

  "I just don't get it, Cam. When I went to the bar that night, he didn't deny anything."

  "Did you accuse him of cheating?"

  "I don't even remember what I said, I was so pissed. I think it was something about seeing my sister behind my back and fucking with her heart."

  "You should call him," she says, handing me my phone.

  "I can't. I deleted his number after I beat the shit out of him. It was weird. I accused him. Punched him. He took it. Barely fought back. Now I understand why."

  "I think you owe him a long overdue apology."

  "If she loves him, why would she have said no?"

  "Too soon, maybe? When was Tahoe?"

  "A couple weeks ago."

  "That's a pretty quick proposal. That'd be like us getting back together tonight and then in a couple weeks you ask me to marry you."

  I scratch my eyebrow. "That's one thing Cade and I had in common. When we knew something was right, we went for it. We didn't take no for an answer. Neither one of us ever have." I reach out and touch Cameron's face gently. "What would you say?" I ask her, partially for some insight on my sister, and partly because I wonder if in some luck-filled world she would ever say yes.

  "If I felt it was too soon, I would have told you so. But I wouldn't have run out on you. I wouldn't be sitting in my room bawling my eyes out."

  "Putting yourself out there so soon like he did--that takes a lot of guts," I admit.

  "You admire him, don't you?"

  "He was my best friend, Cam. Would still be to this day if it weren't for my sister."

  "Maybe the reason she had to say no to him isn't about them, Pike. Maybe it's about you."

  After Cameron tucks me in and gives me a goodnight kiss, I lay in bed for hours, trying to remember that day. But all I can remember is the way I felt--pissed, hurt, and betrayed. I can still recall the way I felt, but not what was said.

  At some point, I drift off to sleep.

  I'm back in town and headed over to Mom's house for dinner.

  When I pull in the drive, Palmer is just getting out of her car. I watch as she slams the door shut and turns toward me.

  I instantly know something is wrong. I throw the car into park and jump out.

  "What's wrong? Is Mom okay?"

  Palmer doesn't say anything, just sobs. I put my hand on her shoulder. "Palmer, tell me what's wrong! Are you okay?"

  "Do I look okay?" she yells back at me. "Because I'm not. I'm horrible. And so incredibly hurt. My heart hurts, Pike."

  "What happened?"

  "Cade," she blubbers out between sobs.

  "What did he do?"

  "We've been dating--" she says.

  "Why didn't he tell me?" I ask, but I already know. That chicken shit bastard.

  "And then Dad died," she whimpers and drops to her knees. She's so filled with hurt she can't even stand.

  I drop to the ground and pull her into a hug. "I miss Dad, too," I say gently, knowing I need to tread lightly when she's this upset. But I have to know. I have to fucking know what he did before I fucking kill him. "It'll all be okay. Tell me what happened."

  "I thought I could trust him, but I can't," she says hysterically.

  I wake up with a start, her words still echoing in my head.

  "I thought I could trust him, but I can't."

  She was right. She never said he cheated on her. I just assumed.

  I was wrong.

  And I can't wait any longer.

  I grab my phone and text Carter, asking him for Cade's number.

  He replies with it even though it's three in the morning.

  I hit the number before I lose my nerve.

  I owe my friend an apology.

  November 16th

  Palmer

  My face is plastered to my pillow when I wake up. I don't know what time it was when I finally cried myself to sleep last night.

  I get up, needing to pee. I start to sit on the toilet, but see the pregnancy test I took last night
still lying on the back of the stool. I check it and see that the double pink lines are still there.

  I pull the package it came in out of the trash and reread it.

  False negatives can happen if the pregnancy hormone isn't strong enough yet. False positives are rare.

  I throw open the linen closet and grab the other two tests I bought yesterday. There's one of each brand.

  Maybe they will turn negative. Maybe the positive was just a rare fluke.

  But as I hold my stomach and rock back and forth, I don't wish for that. I want a baby. And to be pregnant with Cade's baby is everything I've ever dreamed of. As a young girl, I crushed on him. As a young woman, I loved him with everything I had. But now, I just feel jaded.

  And tired.

  I pull the packages open, read the directions for each, pee into a cup, dip each stick into the cup, and then sit on the edge of the tub and wait--crying both happy and sad tears, when each test turns positive.

  Wrapping a thick robe around me for comfort, I pad out to my kitchen in search of a cup of coffee.

  Pike

  I'm leaning on my crutches in the kitchen, waiting for my toast to brown, when my sister walks in.

  "I remembered what you said to me that night," I tell her. "You said you thought you could trust him but couldn't. You were so upset you could barely stand. I assumed you found him with another woman."

  "I got picked for the lead in a romantic comedy. Cade mentioned it was practically a done deal, that he just had to negotiate a nudity clause. It was my big break. I couldn't believe he would risk losing the opportunity because they wanted me to do a sex scene where I showed a little boob. I trusted Cade completely--as my agent and as my love. I accused him of just being jealous." Tears form in her eyes. She stops speaking to brush them away. "We had just gotten engaged. I was the happiest I had ever been."

  "But, I thought--all this time--that he cheated on you."

  "I didn't know you thought that, Pike, or I would have set the record straight. I thought you were mad at him because we dated and didn't tell you. You went and beat him up and then came home and told me that he'd never bother me again. Of course, that wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to do the movie."