by Jillian Dodd
"There's something I need to tell you, Palmer. Something you need to know."
"What?" she asks.
"I think it's all my fault," I admit. "I made him promise."
"Promise what?"
"When he became your agent, I made him promise to take care of my little sister. To not let her get taken advantage of. I told him our family trusted him. I trusted him. He didn't want to represent you--said mixing business and friendship was a recipe for disaster. What if you wanted to be naked in a movie? I made him promise he would never let you. Not long after Dad died, he came to me and explained how nudity clauses work. How as you were getting more famous, it would come up. How it could be done tastefully. I got really pissed. Told him our dad would roll over in his grave if that ever happened. I think that's why he was so against it. Why he fought you on it. Because he was being my friend."
"That's why he was so adamant? Because of his promise to you?"
"I think so. He was trying to juggle our friendship, your relationship, and your career. That had to have been tough for him. And then I thought he cheated on you, so I went and beat the shit out of him. He never told me. I completely ruined our friendship."
"You said he ruined it when he started dating me."
"Do you still love him, Palmer?" I ask her, knowing that's all that matters at this point. I want my sister to be happy.
"Yes."
"I don't understand, though. You've never appeared nude in any movie."
"I know. I broke up with him over it, but I couldn't do it. And then I couldn't admit to him that I was wrong."
"He was . . . my best friend."
She buries her face in her hands.
"Palmer, it'll be okay. Just call Cade and tell him everything. Sort it all out."
"I can't just call him, Pike!" She bursts out sobbing. "Because I'm pregnant!"
"You're what? Whose baby is it?"
She lets out a frustrated and pathetic sounding sigh. "It's Cade's."
"Is that why he was going to propose, because you're pregnant?"
"He has no idea. I just did the test yesterday before I went out. It was positive. I was freaking out. On the drive over, I was trying to figure out how to tell him. Then I decided I'd wait. Let myself get used to the idea first. We had an amazing dinner that he cooked for me at his place then he showed me his rooftop patio. It was gorgeous and I was mesmerized by the view."
"Then what happened?" I ask, trying to drag the story out of her.
"There were all these lanterns. And he dropped to one knee. I knew he was going to propose. I freaked out. Ran away. Drove home."
I hobble over, using the counter to support my weight instead of a crutch, and wrap an arm around her, just like I used to when she was little. I was never one of those mean older brothers who taunted or made fun of her. We've always been close despite our six-year age difference. I have always been her big brother and protector, and I realize I have completely fucked up those duties.
"It'll be okay, Peaches," I say.
"I'm not sure how it could be. You should have seen the look on Cade's face. And it was so beautiful."
"Why didn't you want to tell me? We were always so close. I just wanted you to be happy."
"That's not true, Pike. You were always telling your friends that I was off-limits. That I was young. That they couldn't even look. Remember when Cade came with us to Tahoe for a week and then all your friends were coming up to celebrate his twenty-first birthday?"
"Yeah."
"I snuck into his room. Into his bed."
"You did what? You were like twelve."
"I was fifteen, Pike. I'd been modeling. Traveling internationally. I didn't feel fifteen, but I was still a virgin. I wanted Cade to be my first. I'd always crushed on him."
"And what happened?"
"He turned me down. Gently."
"He's always been a good man, hasn't he? Even back in school when we were mowing through women, he always treated them with respect. It's why I was so adamant about him being your agent. I trusted him implicitly. So how did you get together?"
"When I signed with him, I was nineteen. I'd been around by then. Rock stars, movie stars, male models. None of them made me heat up the way Cade did every time he walked into a room. I hit on him again. He said he couldn't date clients. I told him I wanted to cancel our agreement. He told me that I needed him. But the way he looked at me when we were together, it gave me confidence. I knew eventually it would happen."
"When did it?"
"My twenty-first birthday. I pretty much offered my drunk self up to him on a silver platter. He took me home. I was in heaven. I was traveling a lot, suggested we keep it casual. Wouldn't let him tell anyone. He finally gave me an ultimatum. We date or we stop hooking up. He said I meant too much to him. I said let's date and see what happens, but I still wouldn't let him tell you. He took me on a first date, and what a first date it was. We helicoptered to a snowmobile lodge for a moonlight ride. But when we got to the top of the mountain, there were all these lanterns set up and a candlelit dinner just for us. It was amazing. He was amazing. And then Dad died. I told him I couldn't deal with it. When he brought it up a few months later, I told him I wouldn't tell you until I knew for sure he was serious. So he proved it to me by proposing. I'm so ashamed."
"Why?"
"Because I never told Dad about Cade. He loved him like a son, and he would have been happy that we were together."
"He would have been happy if you were happy. Same for me."
"I don't think that's true. You would have been mad at him for getting with your little sister. Tell me that you wouldn't have taken it as a betrayal."
I sigh. "You're probably right. It would have taken me a while to get used to it. It's a guy code thing. You don't mess with your best friend's little sister."
"See exactly."
I point a finger at her. "Unless . . ."
"Unless what?"
"Unless, you're serious about her. Then it's about being a good man for her. Taking care of her. It's a completely different thing."
"Then you've mellowed with age. So what's up with you and Cameron?"
"I'm not a good man. I wouldn't want you with someone like me."
"You are too a good man."
"Man, maybe. Boyfriend. Husband. Anything with a commitment, not so much."
"You travel all the time. That's hard."
"Plenty of the guys on the team are happily married. They have kids. They make it work. I've never wanted to make it work."
"Except with Cameron?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"So why don't you do something about it?"
"Look at me. I'm done. My career is over."
"You've earned a lot of money. You've saved most of it. You don't need to work ever again."
"But that's what you don't get. What people who aren't in it don't get. It's all I've ever worked for. And to have it taken away like that, it's hard to deal with, emotionally. Mentally. I've been a ballplayer my whole life. It's who I am."
"But it shouldn't define you. It's your job, not your life. At least it shouldn't be."
"None of that matters right now. When are you going to tell Cade about the baby?"
Her phone buzzes with a text. I read it.
Cade: I don't know what to say, Palmer. I must have misread things between us. Please call me.
She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "You're not the only stubborn ass in the family."
"But I still don't understand. If you're happy with him, why did you run out? Why haven't you answered his calls? I've heard your house phone ringing all morning."
"If you knew he was calling, and the phone was sitting right next to you, why didn't you answer it?"
"Because--"
"Yeah, exactly."
"Because he wasn't calling for me."
"I ran out last night because you and mom are the only family I have left. And I can't marry a man you hate. So I'm just going to raise the
baby alone."
She walks away.
I hobble over to the kitchen table and sit down, absorbing everything she told me.
I understand why Cade proposed back then. Palmer needed him to prove to her that their relationship was worth it.
Cameron was right. This isn't about her and Cade anymore. It's about me and Cade.
I can't just talk about it. I can't tell her what she should or shouldn't do. I have to prove it to her.
I try calling Cade again, but he doesn't answer. If he doesn't answer my calls, it's going to be difficult to talk to him.
So I call someone else, make a few arrangements, and then hang up.
If I'm going to be an uncle, I'd better get my shit together.
Cade
I didn't sleep much last night. Mostly tossed and turned. Relived last night over and over in my head, trying to figure out where it went wrong. How I misread things.
I make myself some breakfast then poke around on the computer to kill time before I meet my trainer.
I check my phone for the thousandth time since last night to see if I have a missed call or text from her.
I don't.
But I do have a few missed calls from an unknown number. Probably another reporter. You'd think they'd give it a rest.
I press play to listen to the message anyway. Anything to take my mind off her.
Hey, it's Pike. Um, so, could we maybe get together? Talk?
Fuck that. I don't need to get my ass kicked by her brother. Her running off last night kicked it enough.
Shaking my head, I head to the gym. Carter and I meet most mornings, working with the same personal trainer, and they get pissy when I'm late.
He's not here when I arrive, so trainer Tom waits a few minutes then decides to punish me with squats.
Carter strolls in dressed in a suit and without his gym bag.
"You not working out today?" Tom asks him.
"Tom, could I speak to you for a moment in private?"
I wonder what the fuck is up, but I can't deal with any possible brother drama right now, so I continue my punishment, pushing my body until my muscles start shaking.
"Cade," the same voice from the message says to me.
I turn around and see Pike, my former best friend, confidante, and teammate, hobbling into the room on crutches while my traitorous brother holds the door for him. Pike looks rough. We've both had a lot of injuries over the years, but I've heard the news. This one is different. This one will probably end his career. And more than likely he knows I've been seeing his sister again. Otherwise, he wouldn't be here.
I flash a glare in my brother's direction.
"Just hear him out," Carter says, quickly exiting the room and shutting the door tightly behind him.
"Chicken shit," I mutter under my breath.
Pike doesn't move, just stands by the door, leaning on his crutches.
"Why are you here?" I ask him.
"Because I owe you an apology."
I sit down on an exercise ball, mostly from the shock of it. That wasn't what I expected him to say.
"That's good," I joke. "I'd hate to have to whoop on a guy with a cast."
We stare at each other in an awkward silence. Pike seemingly lost in thought.
Finally, he says, "Look, this isn't about me. It's about Palmer and her happiness."
"So you know we've been seeing each other again?"
He nods. "I do."
"So why are you here?"
"When you and I stopped being friends--when I punched you--it was because I got some incorrect information."
"I don't understand."
"I thought you cheated on her."
"What? I never would have cheated on her. I was in love with her! I fucking proposed!"
"You've always loved her, haven't you?" he asks softly.
No point in trying to deny it now. "Yes, I'm in love with your sister. I have been since she was fifteen. But I waited six excruciatingly long years before I acted on it, because I knew you would see it as a betrayal."
"I just want my sister to be happy."
"That's all I want, too."
"She came home upset last night."
"I was pretty upset myself. She won't return my calls. I'm not sure what to do." I run my hand through my hair in frustration. All these years, he thought I cheated on her? No wonder he beat the shit out of me. I would have done the same.
"Fight for her."
"I thought you said you owed me an apology?"
"I do. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. You were my best friend. I owed you the chance to explain."
I nod, accepting it. It's all I need to hear.
"How's the leg?" I ask.
"Fucked."
"How are you taking that?"
"I'm living with my sister and can barely stand and pee by myself. How do you think I'm doing?"
"Do you know why she ran off last night? Did she tell you anything?"
"Yeah, I know why. Because she can't marry someone her brother hates."
"Meaning it's on you."
"Yeah."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"Well, Mom's always liked you," he says with a grin.
I stand up, take a few steps toward him, and hold out my hand to shake his, glad this is behind us.
"Screw that, bro," he says, throwing a fisted arm around me in a man hug. "Now, what are you going to do about my sister?"
November 17th
Palmer
I moped around the house all day yesterday, crushed by my actions, but knowing I did the right thing. I honestly thought that Cade would text me, call me, come over--something. But other than his text the other night, I haven't heard from him.
Thank goodness I didn't let him propose or tell him about the baby. It's obvious now that it was just about the sex. Old feelings I thought were still there because the sex was so amazing.
I open my eyes and focus on the script changes in front of me. I've got to approve them and get them back to the production company today.
"Hey," Tory says from her desk directly across the room. "Ashlyn Roberts and I just had the most lovely conversation. She really is delightful."
"Yeah, she's a sweet girl."
"She said she tried to call you, but you didn't answer."
I look down at my cell and see I missed her call. "I didn't hear it vibrate, I guess." I point at the script. "Trying to get this done."
"She wants to invite you to dinner tonight. We got to talking, and she invited me, too. I think we should go. It will be fun."
"I've got too much to do," I reply, putting my head back down to continue my work.
Cameron wanders into the office. "Hey, I just talked to Ashlyn. She said she invited you all for dinner, too." Cameron has become a permanent fixture at my house, it seems.
"What's the dinner for?" I ask.
"She has a new house and wants to show it off. Cash has something work-related to do tonight, so she thought a girls' night was in order."
Pike hasn't said much to me since I told him I'm pregnant. I thought he'd lecture me about it, but he's hasn't, seemingly giving me the space I need.
Or it could be because I locked myself in my room all day yesterday.
"I didn't know you two were friends," I say to Cameron.
"Is it because I'm old?" she laughs. "Just kidding. Ashlyn and I did those 'beauty at every age' makeup ads together, where they highlighted every decade. She was twenties, and I was thirties. We had a blast together."
I nod my head, thinking it through. I like Ashlyn a lot. Yes, she's now Cade's sister-in-law, but if Cash is out, and she's inviting girls over, it's not like Cade would be there. It might be good for me to get out of the house.
"We'd need to leave the house shortly," Tory says to me. "What do you want to do?"
I make a snap decision. What the hell. "Let's do it."
"Um," Cameron says, scrunching up her nose at me. "You might wanna go change."
I look down at the yoga pants and T-shirt I put on when I got home from Cade's the other night. I wore them to bed, kept them on all day yesterday, and repeated last night. I didn't bother to change when I came to work this morning. I just put my hair into a messy bun and then walked across the courtyard to the guest house I turned into my office. Honestly, I'm not sure if I even brushed my teeth. I've just been going through the motions.
"Yeah, I probably should," I agree.
The shower water running over me is not only cleansing my body, but it's purifying my mind. When I emerge, I feel better.
I look in the mirror at my naked body and study it. Other than a teeny bruise where Cade gripped my hip the other night, it looks completely normal. My boobs don't look bigger. My stomach is still flat. I'm certainly not glowing.
I blow out my hair too quickly, which causes it to look frizzy, so I throw it into a messy braid. I focus on doing my makeup carefully--doing it so that I look naturally beautiful even though I'm wearing a lot of makeup. My makeup artist always says the key is blending and contouring. Ashlyn loves to take pictures, and I don't want Cade to see a photo of me looking anything other than amazing.
After my makeup is done, I realize that I look like I did the night of my first party as a Hollywood actress. The night I stopped by Cade's office all done up, hoping his plea for me stop by and sign a contract late at night was just a ruse to get me there so he could seduce me. I was disappointed when he actually had a contract waiting.
I dig through my closet and pull out the pink bandage dress he said he fantasized about, hoping it still fits right. I pull it on and take a look in the full-length mirror, adjust my boobs in my push-up bra to give me more cleavage, and throw on silver heels.
I don't know why, but this dress makes me feel like a powerful woman who is in control of her life, and it improves my mood.
When I meet up with Cameron and Tory in the kitchen, Cameron lets out a whistle. "Damn, girl. You've got it going on. It's too bad I like dick."
Tory bursts out laughing. "You and me both."
"I'm glad Cameron likes dick, too," Pike chuckles, causing the girls to giggle.
"Is it too much?" I ask.
"No," Pike says from the couch. "You look beautiful. I called a car for you girls, and it's waiting out front. Have fun."
Cameron leans over the back of the couch and gives him a steamy good-bye kiss. "You're the best," she says, mussing his hair.
