A Way (The Voyagers Book 1)

by Tara Lutz

  “You know I will, Dex. I promise you if you ever need me to, you know, in the other realms,” he rolled his eyes, not believing he was actually saying the words, “I’ll help you find her.”

  “I guess that depends on if we can even find each other.” Even if he didn’t sound like it, Dex was grateful for his friend’s attempt to help.

  They started walking again, and stopped when they reached, what they was sure was, the edge of the frozen, snow packed lake. The island sat still, in the middle. From the shoreline, it shared the appearance with what it was concealing. Another world.

  As they eased onto the ice, Dex started to run through all his favorite moments of the life he was about to leave behind: finding Jessie in the barn, swimming with Gerald, laughing with his mother, fishing with his father, giving Sammy piggyback rides, tricking Peter into doing his chores, Jessie, Jessie, always Jessie. He heard the words before he saw what he was straining to find, but hoping not to.

  “There it is.” Dex eyes followed in the direction to where Gerald was pointing. It looked like a regular rock.

  “That’s it.” They moved towards it slowly.

  The feeling that surged through Dex’s body when he had stood in front of it with Jessie, was gone. He looked at their tree. He would never forget her face when she saw it. Jessie had already forgotten that it ever happened

  “That’s it. Pa said you just have to walk behind it and poof….”

  Where had Gerald been while pa had been explaining the gateway to me? Dex wondered and almost cracked a smile. And poof? If his father had put it that way he never would have agreed to do what he was about to do.

  “Dex, there is something I didn’t tell you about Jessie, and her forgetting who you are.” Gerald glanced at him nervously. Dex felt like a cold liquid had been poured over his brain.

  “What? Don’t tell me it didn’t work? I can’t….”

  Gerald cut him off. “It worked. I’m sure of it, it’s just that while I was talking about you, she kept rubbing this stone hanging around her neck. I asked her where it came from; I knew it was from you. For her birthday right?” Dex nodded and revisited the memory that seemed to have happened so long ago.

  “She said she didn’t know where it came from, just that she would never take it off. I just figured you should know that, thought it might help.”

  “You’re right, it was from me, and thank you; it does help.” He didn’t care. There was no one around to laugh or smirk, so he hugged his friend and patted his back. “It helps a lot.”

  Gerald stood rooted to the spot for hours, after his friend, Dex, vanished behind the rock. He stood while the tears he didn’t know he cried, left frozen streaks on his cheeks, his feet grew numb, and the sun moved lower and lower in the sky. It wasn’t until he heard a twig snap behind him and his father came into his sight line, that he allowed himself to turn around and leave the island he would never set foot on again.

  *******

  The logs cracked on the fire, shifted, and sent ashes floating through the air. Ellie brushed one off the arm of the chair. “I won’t lie to Dex again, Benjamin. That wasn’t the deal when you agreed to bring me into this”.

  Benjamin crossed one leg over the other, placing his hands on his knee, staring into the fire. “Whether it was the deal or not, we did what we had to do, to protect the gateway. We took the risk bringing them together again, we all knew what the consequences could be.” He considered the subject closed and lifted himself off the chair to leave his wife to her misgivings. She grabbed his hand roughly, before he had a chance to exit the room.

  “We lied to our son. What are we going to do when he finds Jessie again and she doesn’t remember him? We convinced him that wiping her memory was temporary, that it would be intact when her soul entered the next realm. He believes that he will remember everything instantly. All so you, Jed, and the others could betray the voyagers that don’t want the gateway used for selfish purposes.”

  Benjamin yanked his hand from her grasp and stood unmoving, looking straight ahead into the darkness of his house. “You’re just as excited, as Jed and I, of what you refer to as ‘selfish purposes’. What Dex could achieve for us is too important. He won’t have a chance to find her again. I’ll never let that happen.”

  He left the room, not giving her a chance to continue the argument. He was right. There was nothing left for her to defend. She had sold her soul to their cause, long ago.

  Ellie sat ridged, watching the flames until there was nothing left of them, but smoldering coals.

  Dex

  Dex knew, after he had made the decision to leave his family, his friend and Jessie, that his parents had not told him the whole truth. When he arrived in the next realm he vaguely remembered his parents and the girl, whose name was just beyond the reach of his imagination, and existed only in his dreams. She started visiting him during his unconsciousness first a few times a month and then reoccurring more and more. When the images and daily thoughts became more vivid, he started to question his mother. With her help his memories developed, but when Dex questioned her about the girl in his dreams, she would dismiss him and tell him it was all in his head. Yes, they were voyagers. No, they had never met any others. They only knew there were more like them and that his father was one of the protectors of the gateway.

  His father was even more closed off about the subject; a shadow drifted over his eyes whenever his son questioned him about the past lives his soul had encountered. Giving Dex limited information, his father encouraged him to learn more and insisted that he was the future of the voyagers. Dex was the one that could make the difference in discovering new ways to use the passage into new realms. His father took him to the location of the mysterious gateway. Dex led the way, like he was walking a well-worn path that he travelled daily. For a few months, after, he would visit the rock on the island, hoping for a resolution to show itself, to appear out of thin air. None ever came, and Dex felt himself slipping into a darkness. He knew there was something missing. If his parents wouldn’t tell him what it was, then it was up to him to discover it without their assistance.

  This determination is what lead him to make the decision jump for the second time. He was nervous that if he influenced the gateway to his own advantage, he could cause irreparable damage to it. His parents assured him there was no danger to the gateway or the other voyagers. The longer Dex stayed in this present realm, the more he felt less like himself. He could feel the reality he lived in evaporating. The blond haired, blue eyed girl invaded his thoughts when he was awake and haunted them when he was asleep. He looked for her in stranger’s eyes. Finally, his mother, after watching her son being consumed with an obsession he wasn’t sure was even real, stopped him when he was leaving for the island. She was aware he had started spending most of his days there, but he hadn’t revealed his new plans.

  “Dex!” She called to him, as he was exiting the back kitchen door. “Before you leave, can you sit for a bit?”

  She decided to remain calling him by his nickname, Dex. Benjamin thought it would be too risky; he wanted to limit his son’s memory, but he was unable to change her mind. She reminded her husband of the promise they had made to Dex, and risks he had taken to protect them, that she had made a vow to her son too. Today was the day she was going to make it right. She had watched him flounder for too long.

  He displayed a look of anticipation as he backed up and sat in the chair opposite his mother. She reached for his hand, but he jerked his away. He was impatient; he needed answers, not her sympathy.

  “I was right, wasn’t I?” Dex asked, his clenched jaw flinching.

  She knew what he meant and nodded slightly.

  “You have always been intuitive. Your soul has always been so open. I warned your father that the more we kept the truth from you, the more you would dig to find the missing pieces.” She placed both of her hands, palm down on the table, steadying herself. “What do you know?”

  “I know that you
told me the voyagers are protecting themselves, the gateway, and by doing this they don’t care who they hurt. I remember Jessie. You promised me that I would find her again, but that hasn’t happened, has it?” Dex started to raise his voice. It was the first time he realized that he had known the mysterious girl’s name all along, he was just afraid to speak it. It was with false pretenses that he left everything he knew to save the voyagers.

  “Do you know where she is? Can you explain to me, exactly why you thought it would be ok, to keep her existence hidden from me? I remember, ma. I remember you filling my head with ideas of soul mates and how they’re never separated. If any of that was true, then why is the only place I can see her, is in my dreams? My whole life here has been a long feeling of déjà vu and she is the only thing that is missing.” He didn’t tell her that he also remembered his best friend, Gerald, and Jessie’s little sister, Sammy.

  “I don’t know where she is Dex. Her protectors took her away, we haven’t been in contact with them for years. A few days after you left I was told that they met with other voyagers and there was an agreement the five could never meet again. We would continue to protect you and Peter, and Jed would still look after the souls of Gerald, Jessie and Sammy. We could all lose our privileges that came with this responsibility, if we ever allowed the five to connect again. We would lose our children. Your soul, and theirs, would be given to someone else to protect. I couldn’t risk that, so I agreed. It came down to losing my sons or you being happy with Jessie.” Her voice broke. “I’m so sorry, Dex. I relinquished your happiness for mine.”

  Dex tried to contain his boiling rage. He stood up and paced back and forth from one end of the tiny kitchen to the next.

  “I’ve made the decision to go back into the gateway, today, to find Jessie. If I don’t find her, where my soul ends up, then I will keep entering it until I do.”

  Her face held no emotion, his declaration wasn’t a surprise to her. She knew that once he figured out what the voyager’s had done, she wouldn’t be able to keep him from leaving.

  “There’s something else you need to know.” His mother continued with her confession. “When Jessie’s memory was taken from her, I was made to believe that it would only be in that realm.”

  This was the part that hurt her the most. When Benjamin had told her the real truth about what they had done to Jessie, she felt betrayed. She was terrified of how Dex would react.

  “What do you mean?” Dex banged his hands down on the table and leaned across the table to her, his eyes a dark storm.

  “Jessie won’t know you. She’ll remember nothing of the time her soul spent with you. The memory loss was implanted in her to follow her to any realm she entered. I didn’t know, Dex. I didn’t know it was possible, but that was what your father and hers had been working towards during those times they disappeared for days. They discovered a way to suppress memories permanently.”

  “Then I will make her remember.” Dex thought of what Gerald told him before he faded away from his past. He was thankful he had trained himself to be so in tune with his memory recalls and visions. Dex was sure that dream was not just a figment of his imagination; it was a sign. Jessie had not fully forgotten him. She remembered her promise about the necklace.

  A sudden understanding passed though him. “The five never asked for our souls to be the saviors of the voyagers or the gateway. I’m going to find all of them and we’re going to end this together.” The single souls had never been a danger to them, it had been the voyagers all along.

  He stormed out of the kitchen. Without any resistance, his mother let him go.

  Ellie was tired. She would be happy when it ended. She still had Peter, but when the voyager’s learned that Dex was working against them, he would be taken from her.

  “Good bye,” she whispered, to nothing, but an empty space.

  PART 3

  JESSIE

  1963

  CHAPTER 25

  The room was hot, and while she stared out the window, she wondered why the building wasn’t constructed with ones that opened. She saw the slight spring breeze rustle the maple leafs; jealous of the air they were receiving. Even the multi-colored garden of tulips, in full bloom, were enjoying the soft gust. She didn’t hear her friend whisper her name, until she felt a rolled up piece of paper bounce off her shoulder.

  “Jessie, didn’t you hear my question?” Becky hissed. She glanced nervously towards the front of the classroom, hoping their teacher didn’t hear her.

  Jessie pivoted in her chair and stopped chewing on the pencil that she had wedged between her teeth; bad habit. “Sorry, what?”

  She touched the pencil to the notebook sitting on her desk to give the impression that she was actually doing math problems, and not day dreaming about being able to breath air that wasn’t stuffy and stale.

  “Tomorrow night, do you want Will to pick you up?” her friend repeated.

  Right, the dance. She forgot that she promised Becky she would go. Actually, Becky had promised Will that she would convince Jessie to go, so his friend, also named Will, wouldn’t feel like a third wheel.

  “Sure, why not?” She tried to hide the reluctance she felt from spreading to her voice. “I’ll be at the diner until 6:00, so he might as well just swing by there. I can get changed in the back.”

  Friday night would be Jessie’s second shift at the restaurant and she already knew she was going to like the job her mother had suggested she apply for. She had always been friendly, and being able to interact with the customers, gave her inspiration for writing the short stories, that filled up most of her free time. It drove Jessie’s parents crazy, when she would spend the day shut in her room, but it felt good to get her constantly streaming imagination down on paper; especially if she had one of her dreams the night before. She never told anyone about them and kept the dreams safe, in a book, where she could revisit them. Reading the words back and trying make sense of them helped.

  She realized that she had been distracted by her thoughts again, and tried to focus on the end of the conversation Becky thought they were having.

  “I couldn’t do it, all those dirty dishes and stuff. And what about free time? When would I ever see Will if I had to work after school?” Becky finally took a breath. She noticed their teacher watching her and Jessie, and lowered her head to the assignment they had been given to complete, by the end of the class.

  “I think I’m going to like it,” Jessie shrugged.

  Her friend had stopped listening to her. Instead, she was flipping her raven black hair over her shoulder, and sparking a smile at whichever boy in their class she had decided to pay attention to. Jessie knew it annoyed the girlfriend if it happened to be their boyfriend Becky took special notice of. She didn’t get it, she thought it was kind of amusing, watching her friend trying so hard to gain attention.

  Jessie finished her school work, seconds before the final bell of the day sounded. The students noisily gathered their books and metal chairs scraped across the gray flecked, tiled floor. Becky and Jessie sat near the back of the class, on the far side from the exit. Even if they hurried to the door, to free themselves for the day, they would still be the last two students to leave the sauna-like room.

  “Do you need to go to your locker?” Becky asked. Her eyes were already out of the school. She was anxious to start the free time that she treasured.

  Jessie surveyed the books she was carrying and did a quick inventory of them in her head. She was pretty confident she had everything she needed. Their homework load was light, for a change, this day.

  “Nope, I think I’m good.” She scarcely got the words out. Becky skipped down the hall in the direction to where her boyfriend, Will, was waiting in the school’s main foyer. ‘Will 2’ was standing beside him, looking down at his shoes. When Jessie got closer, she could hear Becky instructing her Will that he would be picking Jessie up at the diner, the next night.

  He moved his attention off Becky to her. “G
reat Jess. Will and I were just saying we could grab a burger there before heading to the dance, so that’s perfect.” Becky showed her agreement, by squealing and jumping up and down.

  How many times I’ve I told him my name is Jessie? “Great.” She sounded as enthusiastic as she did when Becky reminded her about the dance. She made the commitment to go before really thinking about it.

  “My older brother said he would give us a few beers for before, if we wanted them,” ‘Will 2’ said, trying to sound conspiratorial. Becky’s eyes widened, like having a pre-dance beer was something only James Dean dared to do, in the movies.

  “Then it’s set. It’s going to be a blast!” The overly excitable Becky, exclaimed. She linked her arm through Will’s, and left Jessie and the other one, trailing behind uncomfortably. She watched them bounce down the steps, and was about to follow, when ‘Will 2’ put his hand gently on her arm, to hold her back.

  “Listen Jessie, I know this isn’t a date or anything. I mean, it can be, if you want it to be.” He was having trouble looking her in the eyes; a blush crept up from under the collar of his t-shirt. “I just wanted you to know that it’s ok, if you want to back out.”

  He had never spoken more than five words to her before, even though her best friend and his, had been dating for a few months. His attempt to give her an easy out, softened the regret she was having, for blindly promising to do something before knowing what it was.

  Jessie smiled at him. “There is something that has been bugging me. Before I start calling you Will 2, would you prefer something else?”

  He looked up at the cloudless blue sky, considering her question. “I don’t mind William,” he decided.

  “Well, now that we’ve cleared that up, I would be happy to go to the dance with you, William.”

  She may as well make the most of it, and try to have a good time. He would make a suitable distraction for her wild imagination. She would be happy to turn it off, for at least one night, to prove to herself that she could have fun. Jessie mimicked Becky, by looping her arm through his, and they rushed to catch up with their friends. Becky was already settled in the front seat, beeping the car horn impatiently.