by Tara Lutz
“It can wait. You need to sleep.”
He turned his head and kissed the inside of her hand. She stepped down one stair, so they were face to face. Their breaths intermingled and the walls around them blurred. They were standing in an empty space, where only they existed. Jessie kissed Dex, like she did that day on the steps of the store, with a sureness, that they would always be each other’s and that he would always find her. Even if she had one thousand years, to describe the feeling that gripped her in that moment, she would never be able to. She pushed herself deeper into his arms, too far off the step, and Dex moved swiftly to stop them both, from tumbling backwards, down the stairs.
“Jessie,” he lightly, chided, “I just found you, please don’t kill us both.”
Her face was glowing from the kiss, and its abrupt ending, caused by her clumsiness. “I really need to work on that,” she giggled. When the laughter came out louder than intended, she clamped her hand over her mouth.
They climbed the remaining stairs, hand in hand, and tip toed through the sleeping cottage, that only hours before, had been so full of noise. Jessie looked at her surroundings with new eyes. She was right where she was supposed to be. The sister she never knew, but always felt was there, was in the next room. The missing piece of her heart, the one she thought she would never find, was beside her, holding her hand. Jessie flicked on the light in the bedroom and saw it instantly, knowing for sure, it hadn’t been there earlier.
Dex followed her eyes and spotted the notebook, with a pen teetering on top, sitting on the bedroom table. “Sammy,” he sighed.
Reluctantly, Jessie released Dex’s hand and picked up the book. Sitting cross-legged on the bed, she leafed through the blank pages, popped the lid off the pen and started to scribble, furiously. Dex sat across from her and brought his fingers up to her chin, gently tilting her head away from her new project, and up to his eyes.
“Jessie, you need to sleep. We can pick up where we left off tomorrow.” She blinked at him, like she had forgotten he was there. He recognized the determination in her eyes; she would be up for days.
“But, if I don’t write down all the things I’m thinking or all the questions I need answered, I might forget.” Jessie twisted her head away and pushed him back, gently. She lifted her knees up to block him and protect her note taking hand.
“You won’t forget.” Dex scolded himself, inwardly, the second the words left his lips.
“I won’t forget!” She laughed at the absurdity. “I’ve forgotten everything! I didn’t know you yesterday. I was talking to you, I touched you and you were nothing more than a stranger I met on the street. I didn’t remember I had a sister or another brother. What if I go to sleep, wake up and don’t remember, again? If I write it down….” She bit her lip, her damp eyelashes holding back another wave of tears.
“You won’t, Jessie. This isn’t a dream. It isn’t going to fade away.” He moved his hand from her face, to the book that she was gripping like a life preserver. She allowed him to remove it, folded her arms across her knees, and sunk her head into their cradle.
“You said you would always find me,” her voice was muffled against her knees.
Dex placed his hand on her soft hair and watched it cascade through his fingers. They stayed like that for a long time, listening to each other’s heartbeats, as they slowed to a relaxing pace. Dex felt himself being hypnotized by the steady beat and laid on the bed, pulling Jessie down with him. She lifted her heavy eyelids, smiled his smile and tucked her head under his chin, like she had never left. For the first time, in a long time, Jessie didn’t dream. The discarded book slipped off the bed, landing on the floor, with a thud. When they woke up the next morning, it was gone.
CHAPTER 49
Jessie felt Dex get off the bed, being careful not to disturb her, and heard him quietly cross the room, the door creaking as he left. She rolled over and buried her face into the indent his head left on the pillow. The smell of him consumed her: a scent crowded with the smokiness of the campfire and a spicy shampoo. Wearily, she opened her eyes and rubbed them with bunched up fists, dried tears from the night, coating her lashes. Sitting up in bed, she stretched her arms above her head; nighttime knots in her neck letting go, and releasing her into the new day. Jessie smiled, something she hadn’t done in months, so early in the morning.
Dex and Jessie first awoke at dawn. They forgot to draw the blackout curtains to shut out the inevitable brightness of morning. This morning’s light wasn’t sharp enough to warrant the thickness of the drapes. Jessie realized it was the storm clouds, rolling across the sky that dimmed the sunshine. Through her peaceful sleep, her head stayed on Dex’s chest and his arm’s held her tight. She shifted her eyes away from the ominous sky and looked up at Dex. He was watching her, a smile playing on his lips.
“Good morning,” he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose.
“Morning,” Jessie replied, shifting closer. Her socks were kicked off in the night and her shirt was bunched up, uncomfortably, under her. She could have stayed like that all day; they were back on the lake shore, the storm clouds replaced by the blazing sun. She was brought back to the present, when a door opened, closed, and footsteps passed by the bedroom.
“Peter,” Dex stated, “he gets up early to go for a run.”
She checked the time on her phone, they had only slept for three hours, but it felt like she had been asleep for a year. Dex made no indication he was ready to get up, so she laid back down and closed her eyes. It was after 9:00 when she opened them again and found him gone. This time she knew he was close; she was no longer a lost girl.
Bouncing out of bed, with surprising vigor, she slipped off her jeans and reached into the bag containing the green tights. After wearing the stiff fabric for a full 24 hours, the leggings felt like silk against her skin. She pulled the rumpled top over her head, and replaced it with the new tank top splashed with the name, Madison. It reminded her of something she wanted to do that day. Now that she remembered the life she had lived in the town decades earlier, she wanted to see it again through her fully opened eyes.
A soft knock sounded on the door and Sammy’s head appeared on the other side, as she tentatively opened it.
“Morning,” she said. “Is it ok if I come in?”
“Of course it is,” Jessie smiled, and waved her into the room. “Where’s everyone?” She noticed the stillness of the house. She didn’t think anyone else, other than Dex, was up yet.
“Dex is in the shower, Peter is making coffee and I think Adam took Duke for a walk. How are you feeling?” Sammy asked.
House sounds and smells came alive, with Sammy’s entrance. Jessie could hear the running water and smell the perking coffee.
“I’m good; great, actually. I was just thinking we should go into town today. I want to see our old house.”
The current situation drifted away and Jessie was in another room, with a younger Sammy. She was curling her toes into an orange shag carpet. The mirage faded; her memory was coming back in droves. She wondered why it hadn’t happened sooner. The realization, when it came, gave her the feeling that she had been punched in the face.
“That little bitch,” Jessie gasped, her eyes round.
Sammy bolted upright. “What is it? Do you remember something?”
“I was trying to figure out why I’m suddenly remembering so many things. Why everything is coming back to me now, when it wasn’t yesterday? It’s Allison, Rebecca, whatever her name is. She was always inviting me out for coffee and when I would get there she would’ve already ordered. She was putting it in my drink! That taste, that’s how I remember it; she was slipping that tea to me, and I had no idea.”
Jessie was so angry for allowing herself to be manipulated. She grabbed her brush off the dresser and pulled it, furiously, through her tatted hair, ignoring the pain. She knew it was completely irrational. There was no reason for her to have doubted her friend’s intentions. She turned back to Sammy, who was wa
tching her nervously.
“Did Dex know all along that Allison, was Rebecca?” She could tell by the way her sister’s face scrunched up, what her answer would be. “Why would he wait so long to get me away from her?”
“He was scared you wouldn’t believe him, and if he confronted you, then Rebecca would find out we were close.”
Jessie could tell she was hiding something. She may have changed her vessel, to be older in this realm, but it didn’t change the mannerisms that Jessie knew, as well as her own.
“She was at the bar last night, Sammy. She saw him! What if I wasn’t a crazy person who doesn’t think before she does something? Like showing up at a strange address in the middle of nowhere? I was on my way to meet her. I would’ve had the tea and gone back to my normal life.” Sammy winced, at her words. That wasn’t Jessie’s normal life, not the one she remembered. “You know what I mean?” Jessie said, apologetically.
“There is someone close to you that we trust; someone who gives you clues, and sent you down the path we needed you to be on.”
“Clues? This isn’t a Sherlock Holmes mystery; this is my life. Was my life. My head hurts.” Jessie sank onto the bed and kneaded her pounding temples. She felt the bed sag, as Sammy sat down beside her.
“This has been hard on Dex, Jessie. He still feels like he’s responsible for protecting the gateway, when it’s done nothing but provide us with grief. Peter and I want to let the single souls destroy it, but Dex sees it as a chance to go back and regain everything you’ve both lost.”
She was about to say more, when Dex entered the room, rubbing a towel through his freshly washed hair.
“Hey, is everything ok in here?” He asked, glancing between the two sisters.
“I was just about to tell Jessie, who helped us get her here without Rebecca finding out,” Sammy replied.
From her spot on the bed, Jessie observed Dex. He looked rested, but his shoulders still clung to a tension, that one good night of sleep, couldn’t erase. She softened the anger that the mention of Rebecca’s name splashed onto her face. This wasn’t how she wanted to start the first morning of the rest of their lives. Jessie stood, slid her arms around his neck, and rested her forehead against his damp chest.
“We can talk about it after we’ve had some coffee,” she said. She pulled back her head and looked up into his eyes, “I was just telling Sammy it would be nice to go back into Madison, today. It might help to fill some of the empty spaces in my memory.”
“I wanted to show you a few things on the island, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to be a great day for a walk.” He was talking about their tree, she wanted to see it too.
Jessie had already decided, when her head was buried in his pillow, that she would be there for an extended long weekend. Sam would be fine, as long as he was getting the overabundance of food that he was accustomed to. She sent Ger a text, asking her to feed the cat for a few extra day, but she hadn’t heard back from her. It was still early, she turned her attention back to Dex. He was watching Jessie with a peculiar expression on his face. He hasn’t answered my question about going into Madison. He’s waiting for me to change my mind.
“If you don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be out in the open, I could wear a disguise.” She was joking, but Dex seemed to consider it.
“I was worried about you leaving the cottage, but Rebecca has no idea where we are.” Dex kissed her and straightened her necklace. “I found that out for sure this morning. It’s nice to be the one deceiving her, for once. It should be fine.”
Another thought occurred to Jessie; she couldn’t stop them. “Are you sure? I left your address, for Ger, on my kitchen table. What if Allis….,” she corrected herself, “Rebecca, went with her to feed Sam, and saw it? She could be on her way here, right now.”
Dex looked up at the ceiling and inhaled deeply. Jessie could sense he was rethinking his decision and picking out a disguise for her to change into. The first sign of a raging storm rumbled over their heads. He didn’t know, until then, that she had left a trail to her whereabouts.
“She doesn’t know, but maybe we should wait to see what this storm is going to do, before we go anywhere.”
Jessie had been on the causeway, it wouldn’t take much for it to wash away. “You want to make sure we have access to the gateway?” She posed it as a question, but didn’t need his confirmation. “So we can leave together, in case Rebecca finds us.”
“Either way, we’re leaving today.” It wasn’t a suggestion.
Jessie went numb; it was too soon. There were still too many things she needed explained. She wanted to spend some more time with him, maybe swim in the lake and grab a burger at the diner, but she wasn’t on vacation. That was easy to forget, standing in his arms, in the quaint cottage. Sammy felt her hesitation.
“Don’t you think we should wait a few days, Dex? Jessie needs some time to get use to this. You and I might be ready, but she’s only known the truth for less than a day. Remember how long it took you to completely accept it?”
Sammy reached for her sister’s hand. Jessie felt like she was being pushed in two different directions, one towards the boy she had always loved, the other towards her family, she had always known. ‘Jesus. My family.’
“What about my brother, Owen, or my parents?” Jessie asked. Sammy looked down at her feet, her avoiding eyes answered Jessie’s question. “They know? Even Owen?”
The necklace. She could feel her mother’s gentle fingers closing the delicate clasp around her neck. “I have been keeping this for you,” she told Jessie, “it was your grandmother’s.” Jessie couldn’t help thinking, everything she was ever told had been a lie, but was that better than knowing the truth. She flicked her eyes up at Dex and knew that it wasn’t.
Dex nodded his head. “They have an idea. I’ve told them where we’re planning to go. You’ll see them in the next realm.”
Jessie started to shake and Dex put his hand on her shoulder to steady her.
“They’ve only known a few days. They don’t even know you’re part of the five. There are many types of voyagers. I know it’s a lot to take in, but it will all be fully explained. You just have to give it time. There are still some things I’m unsure of.”
She felt her anger abating. The trust she had in him was more powerful than any doubt. “But if they know where we are, what if Rebecca hurts them, to find out?” She still wasn’t sure why Rebecca was so intent on ruining her life and wished she could get her alone in a room for five minutes.
“Gerald won’t let that happen,” Sammy said, from behind them. She was sitting back on the bed.
Jessie was on a roller coaster that was about to drop over the top and she couldn’t wait to get off.
“So, where is Gerald?” The look on Dex’s face said that she knew exactly where Gerald was. After all she had been told, she was shocked it had taken this long, to figure it out.
“You have GOT to be kidding me!”
“Shit,” Dex muttered.
CHAPTER 50
Acceptance of her situation, came after her chat with Sammy and Dex. They were worried that it would be too much, but they hadn’t considered how Jessie felt, living with not knowing. The cloak was removed from her doubt and when her memories returned, so did the sureness and confidence that had been scraped from her soul by the years of deception. So much had been taken from her and swept into a locked room in her mind, without her being given a key. Now that it was unlocked, Jessie felt a euphoria that she only experienced in a rare dream. It was the sensation that overpowered her, the day she and Owen stumbled upon the tree carving. She didn’t need to confirm that they were on that same island now. It told her, when she stepped from the car onto its soggy ground. She just hadn’t been ready to listen yet.
The coffee brewing downstairs was beckoning, but the need to be alone with her thoughts, for a few more minutes, muted its cries. She showered, and while the warm stream flowed over her, she understood, like D
ex, she never had a choice. All the realms she had been through, put her on the path, to where she was at that exact moment. Jessie would leave with him today, to a future that had been put on hold, for too long.
They gathered in the kitchen, clutching mugs full of piping Seattle’s best, when the storm that had been threatening to rip apart the sky, began. The thunder and lightning came fast and furious and Adam was still drying off after he, and the not overly impressed, Duke, were caught in the epic downpour.
Jessie had been shell-shocked so often since she left the city, but the seismic meter was in new territory with the news about Gerald. Allison was Rebecca, Gerald was Ger. It all made perfect sense, the sarcastic devil, sitting on her shoulder, hissed into her ear. She looked around to make sure no one else had heard him.
She was doing a good job, so far, remaining calm and she didn’t want anyone to know the small crack that was starting to appear. Dex told her that Gerald would be there early in the afternoon. He would be back to the person they all knew and the five would finally be reunited. They had limited time to decide what they would do: destroy the gateway or leave. Jessie would support Dex. She knew what Sammy and Peter wanted to do, and it was up to Gerald to break the tie.
Dex was sitting on the stool beside her, one hand on her leg, the other nervously checking his cell phone. His brow was pinched together and he hadn’t said a word since he asked her to pass the milk. She wasn’t the only one who was worried.
“Are we going to be ok?” Jessie asked, low enough that the others didn’t hear.
He swept his eyes quickly around the kitchen before they rested on her. “We are.”
He squeezed her knee, “I’m just waiting for Gerald to text. He said he would let me know when he was leaving.” He left out the part that Gerald would be entering and exiting the gateway, and all the possible problems that could cause for them.
