No Limits (No Shame Series Book 2)

by Nora Phoenix

  He didn’t even try to find out about visiting hours and shit. If there was one thing he had learned in the last year, it was that people didn’t question who you were and what you were doing as long as you looked like you knew where you were going. If you looked legit, went about your way with confidence, nobody batted an eye. Indy had called ahead to the hospital to find out Noah’s floor and room number and walked straight in.

  Noah was in a private room, his face turned toward a big window where pastel yellow curtains had been opened. Indy swallowed back the nasty taste in his mouth hospital smells always brought.

  “Noah,” he said softly.

  Noah’s head whipped around. To his credit, he recognized Indy instantly under the disguise. “Indy…”

  The joy in his voice brought tears to Indy’s eyes. Tears that he pushed back hard as he closed the distance to the bed. His eyes fell on the covers, a flat area where Noah’s stump used to be. God, what had happened? Had he lost his entire leg? “How are you?”

  Noah smiled. “Much better now you’re here.” His face turned serious, anxious even. “What happened? Why did you take off? Is everything okay? Fuck, I was worried sick about you.”

  Indy pulled a folding chair close to Noah’s bed, not wanting to perch down on the bed in case a staff member would walk in and find them. How the fuck would Noah explain that one? As soon as he sat, Noah reached for his hands. His fingertips trailed the soft pink nail polish on Indy’s manicured hands.

  Indy bit his lip. “I’m sorry, Noah. I didn’t mean to worry you. I needed some time to figure things out.”

  Noah’s hand enclosed his in a firm grip. “What things? What had you spooked, was it Connor?”

  “I’m almost positive his story will check out, but I’ve sent a message through Professor Kent to send me proof,” Indy said.

  “Smart. But if that’s not what you were worried about, why did you run?”

  Noah’s face didn’t show mere worry. Indy had been right. Noah was blaming himself, for whatever reason.

  “I can’t do this,” Indy blurted out. “I can’t love you more every day, knowing it can’t last.”

  “What do you mean, it can’t last? Indy, I love you. You know that. I’m not going anywhere.”

  And how amazing was that? Here he sat, two days after he’d run off on a whim, dressed like a woman, and the man still told him he loved him and wanted to be with him.

  “I’ll have to leave at some point. It’s one thing to fear for my own life, but I can’t risk you and Josh. If Duncan ever finds me, he will not hesitate to hurt the both of you to get to me. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

  “Damn it, don’t you think I know that? I’ve known ever since I found out who you were. And I still wanted you to stay, and so did Josh. We know the risks, but we choose you anyways. I choose you. I want you. I love you too much to let you go.”

  “I’m sick with worry half the time that Duncan will find me and will hurt you… What kind of life is that?”

  Noah’s hand clamped his in an iron grip. “Are you sure that’s the only reason you want to leave?”

  Indy frowned. What other reason could he have? Noah was everything he’d ever dared hope to find in a man. If not for that stupid fuck Duncan, he’d be permanently glued to Noah’s side. Well, as long as the man wanted him.

  “Of course it is.”

  “This has nothing to do with my surgery?”

  At first, Indy didn’t even understand what Noah was asking. What surgery? His confusion must have shown because Noah added, “They had to amputate higher, cut out the infection. I’ll recover, but I’m missing an entire leg now. It’ll be a huge adjustment, you know, and I have no idea if I’ll be able to get back to my job.”

  When the realization hit, Indy blew up. “Who the fuck do you think I am if you think I would leave you over that? I love you, Noah. I don’t give a shit about your leg other than I’m fucking sorry for you. And whether or not you go back to working as a PA, as long as you’re doing something that brings you joy, I’m good with it. I’m not with you because of your paycheck, even if you do support the three of us. I don’t want you for your money. I want you for you.”

  He hadn’t realized how deeply he meant it until he saw the impact his words had on Noah. It was hard to comprehend, but the man had seriously worried Indy would reject him over his leg as much as Indy had worried about Noah rejecting him because of his background, his scars, or his female disguise. Fuck, they really were perfect together, weren’t they?

  Noah released the death grip on Indy’s hand, brought it to his mouth instead and kissed it softly. “Please, Indy, don’t give up on us yet. We’ll take it one day at a time, okay? For now, let Connor get his proof from the DA so you can let that part go, and we’ll figure it out from there. Together.”

  His eyes burned into Indy’s, and how could he say no to that? How could he let go of the one man who loved him for who he was, with all his hang-ups and luggage and scars, emotional and physical?

  He nodded, let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Okay.”

  “Don’t go home yet, okay? Josh's brother showed up unexpectedly, and he’s staying at the house. They’re trying to find him a different place to stay, but it will take a few days. Do you have a place to stay? Are you good on cash?”

  Indy hesitated. After his passionate speech of a minute ago, how stupid would it be to ask Noah for money now? Still, after buying a new car and the new disguise, he was dangerously low on reserves. He’d have to get a job at some point, as Laura. He’d have to work hard and be extremely careful to pull it off, but fuck, he needed the money. Houdini had provided him with a nice new social security number and credit history that would stand up to a standard background check, so he should be okay.

  “There’s a couple of prepaid Visa cards in the top drawer of the night table. I asked Josh to drop off a few in case you came and needed money. Please, Indy, take them. Let me take care of you as much as I can. I feel so fucking helpless already.”

  Again, Indy nodded, too emotional to say anything. Fuck, he was so tired of it all. Tired of running, of hiding, of pretending. How desperately he wanted to rip off that stupid wig, take out those contacts and wipe off the makeup—and crawl into bed with Noah. He longed to feel that big body close to his, to feel those strong arms come around him. Instead, he leaned in for a quick kiss that still managed to burn its way straight into his gut.

  Noah held his head when he pulled back. “I’ll be home in a few days, and I want you there, Indy. I need you there. Promise me you’ll come back.”

  Indy gave up. How could he stay away now? “I promise.”

  Just then, Noah’s cell phone rang. He grabbed it from the night table, scowled when he saw the number.

  He muttered a curse, then answered the call. “What do you want?”.

  His eyes narrowed at whatever the person on the other end was saying, and then he let out a colorful tirade of curses. What the fuck was going on? Was something wrong with Josh?

  Noah’s face was tight, his jaw clenched. “Thank you for letting me know, Dad. I’ll take care of it.”

  Dad? That was the general on the phone? What did he want?

  Noah threw his phone back on the nightstand where it sailed dangerously close to the edge before coming to a stop just shy of falling off.

  “Noah, what’s wrong?”

  “The three guys who raped Josh, they’ve been granted their request for an appeal. That not only means they’re released awaiting the appeal, but also that there will be another trial. Josh will have to testify again, this time before the Military Court of Appeals.”

  “Noah, he can’t,” Indy brought out. The thought of sweet Josh having to relive his worst memories made him sick. “He won’t survive mentally, not even with Connor’s help!”

  “I know. Fuck it!” Noah brought his fist down on his bed. “And I’m stuck in this damn bed and can’t do a fucking thing!”

>   “But why is there an appeal? I thought it was an open-and-shut case? They had physical evidence and all.”

  “From the beginning, they claimed the sex was consensual. Said Josh approached them, asked them to fuck him rough. The defense painted a picture of Josh as a sick fuck who had fantasies of being raped. They claimed to have gotten scared when he passed out, regretted they’d gotten too rough but insisted he initiated it. The jury didn’t buy it and convicted them, but now their lawyer states he has new evidence Josh asked them to rape him.”

  Indy’s fists were clenched, his body rigid. A holy anger burned through his veins. How dared they blame this on Josh? What sick motherfuckers raped a man till he passed out and then claimed he wanted it?

  “I’m sorry, baby. I wasn’t thinking… I shouldn’t have told you, not after what you went through yourself. I’m so angry, and I feel so fucking helpless.”

  Indy blew out a slow breath, steadied himself. “It’s okay. I share your anger. How the fuck can they do this to him? Let me handle this, Noah. There’s little you can do from here. Let me tell Josh, or do you think his lawyer told him already?”

  “No. My dad called him and asked him to wait a day so I could tell Josh. He’s a major bastard, but I gotta give him credit for this. Are you sure you want to do this?”

  “Yes.” A wild idea formed in Indy’s head. An idea that was not even close to being legal, which is why he wanted Noah nowhere near it. Those fuckers were not going to get away with this. He’d killed once to protect himself, and he had no qualms about using violence again to protect someone he loved. He forced a neutral expression. “I’ll take care of it, Noah. Trust me.”

  Noah’s face was so full of pain that Indy couldn’t help but offer. He wasn’t even sure if he could take what Noah would dish out, but seeing Noah’s pain was too much. “Noah, do you need me?” He deliberately used Josh's words, knowing Noah would understand the code.

  Noah’s jaw set. “No. Thank you for offering, baby. God, I love you.”

  “I want to help you. I can’t stand to see you in pain.”

  Noah’s face softened. “I know, baby. Damn, you and Josh are so much alike in that aspect. I know how much courage and love it took for you to offer, but I can’t. One of the things I’ve realized is that I need to take my responsibility. I can’t keep using sex as some sort of painkiller, or even a distraction or outlet. If we want to make it work between us, and fuck knows I want nothing more, then I need to find a healthier way of dealing with my pain, both physically and mentally. I’ve signed up for a pain management course that’s being offered by an anesthesiologist and a psychiatrist together, here in the hospital.”

  Indy honestly didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t dared to suggest it to Noah earlier, not wanting to seem jealous of what he and Josh had—and above all, not wanting to come between them. “You’re not going to use Josh anymore?”

  Noah shook his head. “No. It’s not healthy for us, and it’s not good for him either, especially now that he’s with Connor. I won’t deny it’s gonna be hard to let him go, but it’s the right thing. He belongs with Connor, like I belong with you.”

  13

  Josh told Aaron they were going somewhere, and Aaron didn’t comment. He simply put on his jacket with a careful move, indicating he was still in pain and got into the back of the car.

  “How’s the pain?” Connor asked, backing the car out of the garage.

  “It’s okay. Coughing hurts. And I have a mild headache all the time.”

  “Probably a minor concussion and bruised ribs,” Josh said. When Aaron looked surprised, Josh said: “You pick up a thing or two from living with Noah.”

  If Aaron thought it strange Josh mentioned Noah so casually in front of Connor, he didn’t say anything. “Can I ask you a question about your PTSD?” he asked Josh instead.

  “Can’t guarantee I’ll answer it, but sure.”

  “What are some things I shouldn’t do around you, to, you know, prevent problems for you?”

  Josh let that question sink in. It showed more kindness and consideration than he’d ever expected from Aaron. He cleared his throat. “I don’t deal well with surprises or shock. And violence is a big issue. No violent movies, games, or even play.”

  “Ok. I’ll remember that.”

  It was hard to reconcile his memories of Aaron with the man he was now, Josh thought. He remembered Aaron as arrogant and spoiled, but he spotted little of that now. Aaron seemed lost, broken. It made sense considering what he’d been through, but it didn’t mesh with Josh's image of him. He sighed. Best to let it go. Aaron wasn’t his problem, after all.

  When they entered the parking lot near the jiujitsu studio, Josh scanned it, searching for Indy’s car. It wasn’t there. Of course not. That would’ve been too easy. Still, he harbored hope Indy’s professor would know more. Kent wasn’t the friendliest guy, so Josh could only hope he’d be cooperative.

  Kent was in the hallway when they stepped inside, talking to an older guy. It appeared they were in the goodbye phase, and the man left with a friendly nod in their direction.

  “Hi, Professor Kent,” Josh said.

  “You’re Indy’s friend,” Kent said. “Josh, correct?” His eyes traveled to the two men behind Josh, then narrowed. “What happened to you?”

  Josh could only assume the question was directed at Aaron, considering his visible injuries.

  “I ran into some trouble, sir,” Aaron answered politely.

  “With these two?”

  Josh almost took a step back when he realized what Kent meant. “What the fuck?”

  Kent shot him a cool look. “In case you didn’t know, this is a registered safe haven for victims of domestic abuse. When a guy comes in looking like that, I ask questions until I am satisfied he’s safe, no matter who he’s with.”

  “Josh is my brother, sir, and Connor here is a cop. They took me in as a matter of fact after I got beaten up. It was my own fault, sir.”

  Wow, he’s being awfully polite. It felt genuine, though.

  Kent’s face relaxed a bit. “That’s where you’re wrong. Getting beat up is never your fault. No matter who you are or what you do, other people should keep their hands off you.” He nodded as to underscore his words. “You a cop?” he turned toward Connor.

  “O’Connor, I’m with the Albany PD. We okay here?”

  “You have your badge on you?”

  Connor reached for his wallet, showed his badge and ID. Kent studied them for a few seconds.

  “We’re good,” he said. He looked at Aaron, gestured toward an open door at the end of the hallway. “Can you wait in my office for a minute? I need to talk to Josh and Officer O’Connor.”

  Josh tensed. What was going on? Before he could say anything, Connor grabbed his hand, squeezed it firmly. As soon as Aaron was out of earshot, Kent looked at Josh.

  “Everything is okay. I have a message for you from Indy, but I needed to verify Connor’s identity first as I’d never seen him before.”

  “From Indy? Oh, thank fuck. How is he? Did you see him? Is he okay?” Josh fired off. Connor’s hand squeezed his again. Slow the fuck down, it seemed to say.

  “He asked me to tell you Connor needs to leave proof from the DA here. Indy will contact me, and I’ll get it to him. He said you’d know what that meant.”

  Josh breathed a sigh of relief. “Tell him Noah is recovering well considering the circumstances, but that he misses him like crazy.”

  “And I’ve contacted the DA through safe channels, and I’m awaiting his response,” Connor added. “I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything.”

  Kent nodded. “I’ll give him the message. Josh, about your brother. I run a ten-week course in basic jiujitsu skills purely aimed at self-defense. It may be a good fit for him.”

  Josh studied the man. If you got past his rather stern attitude, he wasn’t bad looking. He had dark hair, kept a tad too long so it curled at his neck, and piercing blue eyes that stoo
d in sharp contrast with his olive skin. Must be some Mediterranean blood in him. He was as tall as Josh, but more muscular, though nowhere near Connor’s size.

  “He got beat up because he was gay,” Josh said finally.

  Kent raised his eyebrows. “And that matters because…?”

  “Because the first time Indy came here with Noah, you didn’t seem to take too kindly to them being a couple. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to be an issue.”

  “I didn’t have a problem with them being gay or a couple. What I saw was a young guy, maybe still in his teens, coming in with an older guy while clearly being hurt. A broken arm and bruised ribs are classic injuries in domestic violence, so I was on the lookout for any signal Indy was being abused.”

  “He’s not. Noah would never hurt him,” Josh said.

  The corner of Kent’s lip pulled up. “I know that now, but I didn’t at the time, and as I said, this is a safe place for victims of domestic abuse. Some of them show up with their abusers, counting on me to pick up on their hidden signals and keep them safe.”

  Josh couldn’t help but admire the guy for what he was doing. From his point of view, it made total sense. Considering how young and innocent Indy looked and how they’d shown up here, you couldn’t fault Kent for being suspicious. “I’ll tell Aaron about the self-defense. Not sure if he’s planning to stay, though, as he’s out of a job and can’t stay with us.”

  He cringed as his own words registered. He didn’t mean to sound so cold, but Kent didn’t seem to take issue with it.

  “If he needs a place to stay, have him talk to me. I live close by and have several rooms available for short-term emergencies. We can work something out.”

  “Thank you,” Josh said, surprised. “I’ll be sure to tell him.”

  “You want me to move in with a complete stranger?” Aaron asked in the car after Josh had filled him in. The indignity in his voice was obvious, and it got Josh's back up.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in a position to be picky,” he snapped. Connor put a calming hand on his thigh, and Josh took a breath, exhaled slowly. God, he was worked up today. The stress of everything was getting to him for sure.