Awaken My Heart

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Awaken My Heart Page 6

by Maria K. Alexander

She gnawed on her bottom lip. “Of course they do, but…you were engaged.”

  “I wasn’t when we were together. Franny and I had broken up.”

  “That may be the case, but I didn’t see how that mattered. You were headed to the altar with another woman who also carried your child.”

  “So I didn’t deserve to know? Or was I just a casual fuck because you were drunk?”

  Her green eyes flashed to his, and a faint flush crept into her cheeks. “If you can think that, especially after lunch yesterday, then you’re an ass. And you were drunk, too. We had an enjoyable night of mutually satisfying sex. Let’s not make it more than it was, Nick. It’s not like we were dating.”

  Enjoyable? Sure, but it wasn’t the adjective he’d have used to describe their explosive all-nighter.

  “We never got the chance, since you snuck out while I was sleeping.” Nick would be damned if he would be the bad guy. “Why?”

  “Why do you think? I was mortified and worried over what you thought of me.”

  “I thought you were a beautiful woman who’d finally let go.”

  She straightened her shoulders. “I’m not a one-night stand type of girl.”

  Nick had known this, which was part of what attracted him. She was elusive, uncomfortable in her own skin. Nick had wanted to help her shed her inhibitions—and shed them she had.

  “Maybe it wouldn’t have been a one-night stand,” he replied.

  “I came back,” she blurted.

  “You did?”

  “I felt bad because I left and returned to find you letting your ex-girlfriend into the room.”

  Nick frowned and remembered his surprise when he answered the door to find Franny there. Hungover and annoyed that she tracked him down, he wouldn’t let her in, but then she burst into tears and said she was pregnant. Not in the frame of mind to have that type of conversation in the hallway, Nick had let her in the room. What followed was an awkward conversation where Franny insisted she was eight weeks pregnant, the timing which lined up to just prior to them breaking up.

  Nick wiped a hand down his face. “I let her in because she told me she was pregnant.”

  “I heard. She’s not exactly the soft-spoken type,” Ashley said. “After her hallway proclamation, I left.”

  “That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t call when you learned you were pregnant.”

  “What did you want me to do? Show up during the part of the wedding ceremony where they asked if anyone has any objections and announce you’d knocked up another girl?”

  “I had a right to know.”

  “At the time, I felt keeping my pregnancy silent was best for all involved.”

  The woman was infuriating. Clearly, she hadn’t fast-forwarded to present day. A son needed his father as much as his mother. Nick had been robbed of the chance to know the boy for fourteen years. He sure as hell wouldn’t stay in the background now.

  “It was selfish. How was lying to Sean best for him?”

  Thanks to Ashley’s bad decision, Nick would have to prove himself to a son who was on the verge of becoming a man and attempt to repair the damage Ashley had caused.

  And what about Sean? None of this was the kid’s fault. It was time—beyond time—to make things right. Would Sean welcome his father in his life, or would Nick have another child who resented him?

  ****

  The sting of Nick’s words hung too true for Ashley. Her decision to keep her pregnancy from him had been selfish—although she hadn’t thought so at the time.

  She wrapped her arms around her middle. “You’re right. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. Will you let me explain?”

  “Why, so you can give me some bullshit excuse?”

  “Nothing can justify what I did, but I need you to know the circumstances surrounding my decision.”

  Nick pierced her with dark brown eyes a beat before gesturing with his hand for her to continue.

  “I had been sick. So sick my father admitted me into the hospital. Severe dehydration. At first we thought it was a stomach virus, but after a few days, my father suspected it was more. My mother had a similar reaction when she was pregnant with me.”

  “This was before you knew?”

  “I had skipped my period, but that sometimes happened, and I didn’t think twice about it. Once I was in the hospital, they started me on IV fluids and did a blood test, which showed I was pregnant.

  “It took me a while to recover, and I continued to have issues with morning sickness throughout the first trimester, making it impossible to return here to tell you.”

  She held up a hand before he interrupted her. “And while I could have called you, I was too wrapped up in what was happening to me and making it through the first few months. While I hadn’t planned on having a child under the circumstances, once I found out, I’d have done anything to protect him.”

  “I’m sorry you had a difficult time, but I would have been there for you.”

  Ashley shook her head. “You would have up and left your bride to come to the rescue of your one-night stand, a girl you barely knew?”

  Nick ran a hand through his unruly mane of hair. “I’m not saying it would have been easy.”

  “We lived on two different ends of the country. I didn’t want to rip apart your family. I know what that’s like.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Come on. You had to have heard the stories from school,” Ashley said.

  “Only that your parents were divorced, and your dad raised you.”

  Ashley sighed. She hated recounting this story, and the humiliation of it burned her cheeks.

  “My mother walked out on us when I was six. She left with no warning and only a note to explain why she couldn’t be with us anymore.”

  “Which was?”

  “She met the love of her life and was moving with him to Hawaii. Oh, and did I mention she was pregnant with his child?” She lifted her chin and pressed her lips together to control their trembling.

  “You can hardly compare our situations.”

  A lone tear leaked out of her left eye and trailed down her cheek. “Can’t I? My family was ruined by an affair and unplanned pregnancy. I refused to do that to anyone.”

  “You didn’t have the right to make that decision.”

  “I didn’t want to be responsible for you leaving your family, and I didn’t want you to reject Sean because you already had other responsibilities. I’ve had to deal with the repercussions of that my entire life.”

  “And now you’ll have to live with knowing you kept Sean from me for fourteen years.”

  Which in hindsight is probably the more difficult burden to bear.

  “I’ve admitted I was wrong, Nick. I’m not sure what else I can do at this point.”

  Her words hung in the air. Where did they go next?

  “Tell me about Sean.” Nick’s voice interrupted the silence.

  She smiled with pride and straightened her shoulders. “He’s exceptionally smart—top of his class—loves all types of music, and even draws a little.”

  “What’s his best subject?”

  All of them.

  “His favorites are math and social studies. He loves to read and is fluent in both Spanish and French.”

  “What’s he do for fun?”

  “He tutors—mostly younger kids, although there are a few in his own grade and above. And he plays the piano and the French horn.”

  “Those are his fun activities?”

  Ashley fidgeted. Maybe Sean was a little over accomplished. She’d tried to get him interested in sports, but it had been an epic fail. Was it her fault he’d rather read a book?

  “Don’t judge me, Nick. I’ve done the best I could as a single parent.”

  “Which you didn’t have to be.”

  Nick was right. It had been her choice not to involve him in their son’s life. There’d been times Ashley had reconsidered her decision. Like when Sean needed his tonsils removed before he w
as two and when he’d been diagnosed with asthma. But whenever she’d inquired into Nick’s family life, he seemed happy and even had a second child. The more time that had passed, the less it made sense to contact him and rock his world.

  “He may not be an all-star athlete, but he’s a good kid.”

  “I’m sure he is.” Nick turned to where the kids had been put to work. “When can I meet him?”

  Ashley followed his gaze, and her eyes widened. “Not here. Not now.”

  “I will know my son, Ashley.”

  “I need to talk to him first.” How could she if Sean was stuck in detention most of the day?

  “When?” he pressed.

  She hedged before answering. “Today. After detention.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “No. Let me tell him privately…please.”

  It wasn’t right for Nick to be in the middle of the mess she’d made. And it was going to be a shock for Sean. He’d asked her many times over the years about his biological father. When he was younger, it had been easier to answer his questions, but as he got older, he became more curious and wanted to know more details.

  Nick opened his mouth as though he was going to push back but then closed it and nodded. “When can I meet him?”

  Ashley racked her brain and tried to work out the logistics.

  “Tonight. Come around six…you can stay for dinner, if you want.”

  “Fine. Do Sean and Gina know each other?”

  Ashley remembered the name from the conversation she had with Sean and her dad the other day and cringed. “Your daughter’s name is Gina?”

  “Yes. She’s here, too.”

  “Is Gina here because she painted the lockers at school?”

  He arched an eyebrow. “How do you know that?”

  “Sean found Gina vandalizing the lockers and got caught while trying to convince her to clean it up.”

  “What are the odds? And your father is headmaster,” Nick said. “I met him the other day. I take it he doesn’t know I’m Sean’s father?”

  “No.” She leaned back against the head rest. “I’ve made a real mess of everything. I’m truly sorry, Nick.”

  He turned cold, sad eyes to her. “So am I.”

  ****

  After Ashley left, Nick pressed the heel of his hand to his eyes. How could this have happened? He was the oldest child in his family and had been the more responsible of his siblings. How was he going to explain his carelessness to his family let alone a fourteen-year-old?

  A knock on the window startled him.

  Vicky stood outside, a worried crease etched into her forehead.

  He lowered the window another inch. “Not now, Vick.”

  “Yes, now.” She opened the door. “Get in the passenger seat.”

  Nick was prepared to argue, but one look at the firm set of her jaw and hands on her hips had him stepping out and around to the seat Ashley had vacated.

  Behind the wheel, Vicky fastened her seat belt. “It’s not a coincidence that boy looks like you, is it?”

  Nick stared ahead. “Not even close.”

  “Did you know?”

  “No.”

  “All right then.” Vicky’s small hand grasped his. “We’ll get through this.”

  He couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat, so he just squeezed back.

  She started the car and backed out.

  Nick wasn’t sure where she was going, but he needed to think so he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He opened them a while later when she stopped and turned off the ignition.

  They were parked in the small alley behind Decadent DeLites.

  “Why are we here?” Nick asked.

  “Because you need someone to talk to.”

  Nick snorted but followed her inside because she was right.

  The warm scents of apples, cinnamon, and chocolate greeted him and enveloped him like a warm blanket. Exhaustion from the past few nights’ lack of sleep had finally caught up with him, and he dropped into the high-backed bar stool next to the small table in the corner of the kitchen.

  Vicky came over and hugged him. “Be right back.”

  When she returned, she had a tray with three mugs, a plate of pastries, and their sister, Kate.

  “Is this an intervention?” he asked.

  “It’s your support system,” Vicky said.

  “Please tell me Ma isn’t here, too,” Nick said and reached for the mug of coffee Vicky placed in front of him, already fixed the way he liked it.

  “It’s just us,” Kate said and attempted to climb onto a stool, no easy feat being short and seven months pregnant with twins.

  “Need help there, runt?” Nick asked.

  “You try climbing onto one of these with this enormous belly. These kids are going to be ten pounds each by the time I deliver,” Kate said and settled into her seat, a cup of tea in front of her.

  Nick appreciated her attempt at diffusing the tension. “You look healthy to me. You feeling okay?”

  Kate lifted a shoulder. “Not bad considering I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since I started my second trimester, and I have to pee every thirty minutes.”

  “No more deflecting. What’s going on?” Vicky demanded.

  “Do you remember Ashley O’Neil from high school?”

  Kate and Vicky exchanged blank glances.

  “She was valedictorian the year I graduated,” Nick supplied.

  “The one who tripped walking down the stairs after her speech and fell into the band?” Vicky asked.

  Nick cringed at the memory Ashley was sure to never live down.

  “That’s her. We had a one-night stand over fourteen years ago, and I learned less than an hour ago we have a kid together.”

  “You’re sure?” Kate asked. “Maybe you should you get a DNA test.”

  “The kid could be the poster child for an Italian-American teen, and he has the unfortunate luck to look remarkably like this lug head at that age.” Vicky gestured to Nick. “I took a closer peek when you were talking with Ashley and snapped a picture.” She pulled her smartphone out of her back pocket. “It’s not the greatest but enough that you can’t deny the genetics.”

  Kate grabbed the phone and zoomed in. “Un-freaking believable.”

  She handed it to Nick who studied the blurry image of his son. His hair was short—shorter than Nick had ever worn his—with an olive complexion and dimple in his chin like Nick.

  “Why did she keep him from you?” Vicky asked. “It’s not like you’re some slouch who wouldn’t have supported her.”

  “She moved to California after our weekend together. Then Franny announced she was pregnant with Gina. By the time Ashley realized her own condition, it was days before the wedding and she was in the hospital with severe pregnancy-related dehydration.”

  “That’s no excuse,” Kate said.

  “It’s not,” Nick said.

  “Does Sean know?” Vicky said.

  “Ashley’s going to tell him this afternoon,” Nick said.

  “You’re not going to be there when she does?” Kate asked.

  “She wanted to talk to him in private.”

  “Why would you give a flip what she wanted?” Vicky said.

  Normally he wouldn’t, but Nick saw the regret etched on Ashley’s beautiful face. She may have thought she was doing the right thing all those years ago, but the error of her ways came smacking her back in the face—and she knew it.

  “I was thinking what would be best for Sean. Ashley needs to face our son and explain why his life is about to get turned upside down.”

  “What if she tells him you abandoned them?” Kate challenged.

  Nick had considered the possibility. Naturally, she’d want to tell Sean and explain—even justify—her actions. Nick didn’t care as long as she didn’t make him out to be the bad guy. And after what she’d shared about her mother’s abandonment, Nick couldn’t see her doing that.

  “Ashley is
not like Franny.” Far from it. “She won’t throw me under the bus.”

  Keeping secrets was hard. Nick had seen plenty of criminals get trapped in their own lies and web of deception. Despite the distress at having been found out, Ashley seemed almost relieved.

  Kate snorted. “I hope not, or she’ll have to deal with me.”

  “Us,” Vicky chimed in.

  Nick almost laughed. In her present roly-poly state, Kate wouldn’t be much of a threat to Ashley, who stood a good two heads taller than her. Nevertheless, he appreciated both his sisters’ intentions.

  “You have to tell Mama and Daddy,” Kate said.

  Nick pressed his fingers to his temple. “What the hell am I going to tell them? It was embarrassing enough when I got Franny pregnant. Now I have to tell them I got two women pregnant within months of each other.”

  Vicky grimaced. “How the hell did that happen, Mr. Always Prepared?”

  “Bad batch of condoms.”

  “Defective contraception aside, it was a long time ago, and even perfect you makes mistakes,” Kate added.

  He didn’t make them often, but when he did, it was a colossal one.

  “When are you going to tell them?” Vicky asked.

  Nick frowned. “I’m not sure I can get there tonight, so it may not be until dinner tomorrow afternoon.”

  “We’ll be there to support you,” Kate said. Vicky nodded and both his sisters reached across the table and squeezed his hands.

  Breaking the news to his parents would be hard but a cake-walk compared to telling Gina and Joey. Nick’s already complicated life was about to get even more complicated. The best he could hope for was that after the dust settled, there wouldn’t be any casualties.

  Chapter Six

  Ashley drove on autopilot and didn’t realize she’d arrived home until she was pulling into the driveway. She parked and leaned her head against the steering wheel. How was she going to tell Sean in a way he’d understand?

  He wasn’t going to understand, you idiot.

  She banged her hands against the wheel and yanked the key out of the ignition. She needed to make this right. It was time for accountability—something she’d taught Sean. Now she needed to follow her own advice.

  Her first stop was her dad. He’d been her rock, one of two people she could count on no matter what. When Ashley found out she was pregnant, he hadn’t reminded her of the times they talked about safe sex or pressured her to give the baby up for adoption when she refused to name or contact the father.

 

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