Instead, he’d assembled cribs, toys, and played countless games. This man who’d always been quiet and reserved had gotten down on his hands and knees to give his grandson piggyback rides. Together, the three of them had put together endless puzzles and Lego sets. Team O’Neil, as they used to say.
Other than the four years she went to college and brief period of time her dad had moved to and from California, Ashley had never been separated from him. With his own parents deceased and no siblings, she and her father had been all each other had after her mom left.
When her father had accepted a job back on the East Coast earlier this year, he convinced Ashley to return with him. It made sense to look for a place large enough for the three of them, similar to how they’d lived in California. Although there was enough space in the main part of the house, her father insisted on staying in the attached in-law suite, which had its own entrance and a small kitchen.
It turned out having his living quarters on the main floor was a blessing when he’d hurt his leg. Handicap accessibility had made it easier for him to maneuver after he was discharged from rehab. Even now that he was mobile and working, it helped that he didn’t have stairs to climb.
Ashley checked her watch. Carole, the physical therapist, had arrived before Ashley had left that morning and should be gone by now.
Inside, she veered left off the main hall and headed to the door to her dad’s apartment. As she turned the door knob, she heard a muffled groan. Her heart thudded at the thought he could have fallen and need help.
She knocked once and pushed open the door. “Dad, are you ok—”
The word died on her lips as Ashley saw her father was indeed okay and currently being straddled by the physical therapist.
On the sofa.
And very much naked.
Her father’s face was flushed. Of course, that could have been from the climactic conclusion Ashley had heard or from embarrassment. Or both.
And eww, wasn’t that a traumatizing thought.
“Ashley. What you are you doing home so soon?” her father asked.
She’d forgotten her plan to run errands after dropping Sean off at detention.
Ashley backed up, her own face red with mortification from what she’d seen. Although her father had tossed a blanket over Carole’s shoulders, Ashley had seen enough bare flesh to wish the ground would swallow her whole.
Not to mention she would never be able to sit on that couch again.
“I’m sorry. Something came up…I needed to talk to you, but…” She reached for the door handle. “I’ll go now.” She turned, pulling the door closed.
“Don’t go. Give me a few minutes,” her father called after her.
Ashley ran into the main part of the house. In the kitchen, she plopped in a chair and slumped forward to cradle her head in her hands.
Her father was a handsome man with thick dark blond locks and a hint of gray at the temple. He worked out, which kept his tall physique lean and had caused many a woman to check him out over the years. Ashley’s mother had left so long ago, and it wasn’t as though she’d expected her father to abstain from sexual relationships, but in all Ashley’s thirty-seven years, she’d never so much as seen him with a woman let alone caught him in the act.
It had always been her father and her against the world. Although there had been rough times, they’d always been there for each other. Maybe her father never felt he could move on with someone else.
Ashley had excelled in academics, and could easily have skipped several grades. But her social skills were an entirely different story. Back then, her father had been a psychology professor at St. Joe’s University and had tried his best to help Ashley overcome her insecurities and shyness. Regardless of the variety of activities she attempted, the only things that made her happy were playing the piano, reading, and her studies.
She heard a sound and raised her head as her father walked into the kitchen. He wore loose fitting lounge pants and a long-sleeved shirt.
“Sorry,” her dad said. “You said you were running errands…” He trailed off, clearly as uncomfortable with the conversation as Ashley.
“You don’t owe me any explanations, Dad. Is Carole still here?”
“No, she thought we needed to talk alone.”
“How long have you and Carole been…you know?”
“A few weeks.”
“Are you going to continue to see her after your PT is done?”
“This isn’t a casual fling. We have feelings for each other.”
After only a few weeks?
“Oh, I see. Isn’t she a little…”
“Young?” he finished, when Ashley struggled to find a more tactful way of saying what was on her mind.
“Well…yes. What’s she, about ten years older than me?”
“Thirteen, which makes her ten years younger than me. Nothing wrong with that,” he replied.
A ten-year age gap when you’re older wasn’t the same as when you’re a teenager, so who was she to judge. And didn’t her dad deserve to be happy?
“Why don’t you invite her to dinner one night?”
“Thanks, sweetheart. I will.” He walked to the stove. “I’m going to put water on for tea. Do you want some?”
They always had serious discussions over tea. It was comforting to know he sensed something was wrong, and it had more to do with the fact she’d interrupted him having sex.
She shook the thought away. How was she ever going to be able to look at Carole without visualizing her bouncing breasts?
“Tea would be great.” She rose to get mugs and tea bags while her dad put the water on to boil.
When they were settled at the table, her father said, “Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
The downside of having a psych professor for a father was he knew when something was up—of course that could just be a dad thing.
“I’m planning on telling Sean about his father.”
Her father raised an eyebrow. “Why now?”
“I ran into his father the other day and saw him again today at the park for the detention. His daughter was there,” Ashley said.
She waited a beat to see if he could put the pieces together.
“Nick DiFrancesco,” her father said.
She forced herself to look him in the eyes and nodded. “Nick is Sean’s father. He saw Sean when I dropped him off.”
“How did he know?”
“Sean looks a lot like Nick at the same age.”
“I figured with Sean’s dark hair and olive complexion he took after his father. Not much Irish in him.” Her father scrubbed at his jaw. “Did Sean see him?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What happened?”
“Nick and I spoke. I told him everything.”
“And?”
“Naturally, he was angry.” Ashley paused to remove her tea bag. “He wants to meet Sean…I invited him to dinner tonight.”
“I’ll cancel my dinner plans with Carole.”
Ashley shook her head. This would be hard enough with three of them. “Please don’t, Daddy. I’ll be fine. Thanks for asking, though.”
She curled her hands around the mug. “I’m worried about how Sean will handle the news.”
“He’s going to be upset,” her father said.
“You know why I made the decision I did. I didn’t take it lightly.”
“I know you didn’t, but it doesn’t matter. All Sean is going to hear is how you kept his father from him.”
She looked away, unable to maintain her father’s gaze when every word of advice he’d given all those years ago came back to haunt her. Why hadn’t she thought beyond the moment?
She jumped when her dad covered her hand with his own.
“I know how much your mom’s leaving hurt you. Like I told you then, you don’t know how Nick would have responded. He wouldn’t have had to leave his family to be supportive. People do have two families these days.”<
br />
“What if he didn’t? What if he couldn’t be bothered by the complexity of everything?”
“What if he could have?”
“We’ve gone through this before, Daddy.” She crossed her arms around her middle. “I made the only logical choice at the time,” she replied a little more defensively than she intended.
Her dad’s voice dropped. “I would have wanted to know.”
Of course, her father wouldn’t have gotten two women pregnant. However, even if he had, he would have supported them both. With Nick living on the other side of the country, it would have been impossible for him to be more than a sideline dad.
“It doesn’t matter now. I made a decision, and now I have to live with the repercussions,” Ashley said.
“You’ll need to give Sean time to process everything. I’ll be here when you talk to him, okay?”
She nodded. “Thanks, Daddy.” She brushed her tear-stained face.
Would things ever be the same between Sean and her once he knew? Sure, they’d had their share of disagreements, but never something like this. What if he couldn’t find a way to cope? Could this lie irreparably damage her relationship with Sean and push him right into his father’s arms?
And wouldn’t that be a hell of a punishment?
****
Ashley spent the next two hours barricaded in her home office, during which she made a half-hearted attempt at working on the New Beginnings workshop schedule for next month and reviewing email.
She stood staring outside her office window when her cell phone rang. Seeing Patty’s name on the display, Ashley accepted the call.
“I want all the deets about yesterday’s lunch date,” Patty began.
Yesterday seemed like months ago as did the memory of sitting on a blanket eating sandwiches with Nick.
“Well?” Patty said.
Ashley cleared her throat. “He took me to Batter’s Park for a picnic lunch.”
“How romantic.”
“It was nice.”
“Nice is boring. Did he kiss you?” Patty asked.
More like ravished her into a puddle of lust.
“Oh…um…he may have…yes.”
“Squee! How was it?”
“It was…” Amazing…toe-curling…spectacular. “Fine.”
“Fine? That’s the best you can give me?” Patty said. “That’s not saying much for Nick.”
Ashley sighed. “If it was any hotter, the blanket we sat on would have gone up in flames. I may even have seen fireworks. The man sure knows how to kiss.” Not to mention his body with bulging biceps that held her tightly against him. The hard length of him touched her in all the right spots and had reduced her to whimpering moans while his tongue did amazing things to her mouth.
“That’s better.”
“Not really. He knows about Sean,” Ashley said.
“You told him?”
“He got a text from work before I could. But this morning, when I dropped Sean off at detention, Nick was there with his daughter, Gina. She goes to Chartwell and is the reason why Sean had detention.”
“Are you shitting me?” Patty asked.
“I wish. Nick saw Sean and pulled me off to the side. I had no choice but to tell him.”
“How did it go?”
“As good as could be expected, I suppose. He was upset—understandably. I tried to explain, but…well…it sounded like crap even to me.” Ashley’s shoulders sagged, and she lowered herself into her desk chair.
There had always been a nagging voice—damned conscience—that wondered what Nick would have done if he’d known she was pregnant. Prior to their drunken sex marathon, he’d told her he and Franny had broken up. Ashley wouldn’t have been with him—alcohol notwithstanding—if she’d thought he had a girlfriend.
“You were in a difficult spot. You moved to California only to find out weeks later you were pregnant. Then you were sick,” Patty said.
“That was a horrible time I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Still, I should have listened to my conscience, which said to tell Nick.”
“You had your reasons for keeping it to yourself.”
“I thought I did, but I don’t know…” Ashley closed her eyes and forced the buried memories to the surface. “It’s like all the light went out of me after my mom left. After counseling, I finally stopped blaming myself for her leaving, but a little part of me has always thought I wasn’t worthy of her love.”
“Neither of which was true.”
“The logical part of me knows this, but there’s still the hurt little girl in there who has wondered why we weren’t good enough. I still have that recurring dream where I’m with my parents. Sometimes we’re in the park. Other times we’re in front of a Christmas tree or at the zoo. The setting may change, but it’s always a mom, dad, and child, and always a happy moment. Moments I never had.”
“You suffered a great loss and may never get over it,” Patty said.
Ashley brushed a tear away from her cheek. “It doesn’t matter now. I shouldn’t have allowed my feelings about my mom influence my decision not to tell Nick about Sean. He’s a family-oriented guy. He says he would have been there for me.”
“You believe him?”
Ashley flashed to the intensity of Nick’s eyes—dark and mesmerizing. “Yes. I don’t know how we would have managed with us living on two coasts, but there had to have been a better path than the one I chose.”
“You’ll never know, and what’s the point in wondering? All that matters is right now. How did you leave things with him?” Patty asked.
“I told him I wanted to tell Sean—alone.”
“From what I remember, Nick’s not the sit-back-and-be-patient type,” Patty said.
Ashley had experienced first-hand how Nick liked to take control. On the dance floor…in the elevator…in the bedroom. Nick was all action.
“I don’t want Sean blaming Nick for a decision I made. If Sean’s going to resent anyone, it should be me.”
“When’s he going to meet Sean?”
“Tonight. I told him to come over for dinner,” Ashley said. “It’s going to be awkward, but there’s nothing more I can do. It needs to play out now.”
“Good luck. Call me later if you want to talk,” Patty said.
After disconnecting, Ashley went to the cedar chest at the foot of her bed, which held blankets and childhood mementos. At the bottom, she withdrew her senior-year high-school yearbook. She flipped to the page she’d earmarked and slid her finger over the photos, stopping when she got to Nick’s picture.
His dark brown hair had been cut into a shorter version of how he wore it now, parted in the middle with wavy locks pushed to either side. His olive complexion looked sun-kissed even in the dead of winter. The dimple in his chin sat below a wide smile that held the hint of someone who was fearless and ready to take on the world.
Ashley was one of the many girls in school who had a crush on Nick. It was hard not to. Although he was a jock, playing football, baseball, and wrestling, he wasn’t conceited or rude. She remembered staring at his photo for hours, imagining what it would have been like to go to prom with him…or even to ask him to sign her yearbook. She’d never gotten up the nerve to do either.
She set the book aside to show Sean. Rising, she headed downstairs to fix a cup of chamomile tea while she waited for Sean and her father. Maybe she shouldn’t have taken him up on his offer to pick Sean up from detention. It seemed a good idea when he offered. Now it gave her too much time to think and obsess about what to say.
When the door slammed shut, she wiped her hands on her pants and met Sean and her father in the living room.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, sweetie. Everything okay at detention?”
“I got to help mix cement for the swing set and set the poles in the ground. It was kind of fun.” He brushed at his jeans. “I got a little dirty.”
“I’m sure it will come off in the wash.”
“Mr
. Carroll, one of the Drama Club directors, was there and asked Sean if he would be interested in helping out on the fall play,” her father said.
“You’ll be playing with the concert band,” Ashley said to Sean. “What else does he want you to do?”
“Assist the backstage crew director. He knows I draw and wants me involved with designing the sets,” Sean said.
“It could be an opportunity to get to know more kids,” she said.
Sean shrugged, a gesture so similar Nick it pained her. “Yeah…maybe. I said I’d think about it and tell him on Monday.”
As much as Ashley had tried, Sean had issues fitting in with his classmates. He could have easily skipped a grade, but Ashley refrained for social reasons. She knew how it felt to be a social outcast and wanted to spare Sean a similar fate. Despite her efforts, he was headed down the same path.
He needs his father.
Maybe Nick could help in areas Ashley couldn’t. Nick knew what it was like to be a teenage boy. While Ashley doubted he had issues interacting with people, maybe he could offer a new perspective.
It was worth a shot.
“Why don’t we sit in the family room? There’s something I want to discuss with you,” Ashley said.
He trailed behind her. “Something’s wrong.”
Sometimes he was a little too perceptive for his own good.
“Not wrong, but we need to talk.” She patted the seat next to her. The room felt warm, and a trickle of sweat broke out across her brow.
She cleared her throat. “We need to talk about your father.”
His eyes widened. “You’ve never wanted to talk about him before.”
Ashley glanced at her dad, who gave her an encouraging nod.
“True, and it was wrong for me not to tell you about him.” This was harder than she expected.
“You told me he wasn’t ready for the responsibility of being a father.”
She cringed, recalling the fabrication she told him in order to quench his curiosity and not cause him to want to pursue his father’s identity.
“I may have distorted those details.”
Awaken My Heart Page 7
