Awaken My Heart

by Maria K. Alexander

  He furrowed his brow. “Distorted how?”

  She took a deep breath. “Your father and I went to school together. We weren’t friends and didn’t hang in the same crowd but knew each other. We met up again after college, at a wedding.”

  “That much I knew.”

  At least she’d been smart enough to stick with basic facts.

  “Right. And I told you we were together one night, and I didn’t see him after that.”

  “And that when you found out you were pregnant, he gave away his parental rights because he wasn’t ready to be a dad.”

  Figures he’d have to remember everything she’d told him.

  “About that…” She rubbed her hands along her pants, knowing she was procrastinating. Get on with it. “I never told him I was pregnant.”

  “What! He never knew?”

  “I had moved to California before I knew I was expecting you. When I found out, I was planning on telling him, but he’d gotten back together with an old girlfriend, and they were engaged and expecting their own child.”

  “You mean he got two women pregnant at the same time?”

  “He’d broken up with the girl months prior to us becoming involved. He found out about her pregnancy later and proposed. I hadn’t known I was pregnant and didn’t find out until right before his wedding.”

  “Why didn’t you tell him?”

  The question of the day…from both father and son.

  “I was sick the first few months, even hospitalized for a little bit. Because of what happened with my mother, I was afraid he wouldn’t want you, since he and I didn’t know each other well. He had a history with the other woman, and I didn’t see the point. With his wedding days away, I didn’t see him stopping it because I was also pregnant.”

  Sean jumped up. “You don’t know what he would have done.”

  “I did what I thought was best for us and them. I was wrong.”

  “I’ll say.” His face got red the way it did when he was trying to stop from crying. “You made an assumption that left me without a father.”

  Ashley opened her mouth and closed it when she didn’t know what to say. He was right. She made an assumption—a bad assumption.

  “He could have been part of my life without marrying you. Forty point two percent of women give birth without being married.”

  Ashley hadn’t known that. And Sean’s point about Nick still being in their life even if he was married to someone else was valid, and she had no good reason why she didn’t tell him. She’d been embarrassed, sick, hormonal, and freaked about everything—none of which mattered now.

  “You’re right. I made a bad decision, and I’m sorry.”

  The words sounded hollow. The damage was done, at the expense of both father and son. She had to try and make amends…but how?

  Her father moved to Sean. “Your mother didn’t make the decision not to tell your father about you without considering her options. Being a parent involves making tough decisions, some of which aren’t the right ones.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better, Grandpa?”

  “No, but I’m expecting you to listen with your head and not your heart. Your mother made the decision she thought was best for all of you.”

  Sean turned back to Ashley. “Something must have happened for you to tell me this now.”

  Now comes the even harder part.

  She stood and took a deep breath. “I ran into your father the other day and have seen him a couple times since.”

  “You saw him and didn’t tell me?”

  She ignored his question and pressed onward. “His daughter is a classmate of yours. She was at detention with you today.”

  Ashley could see Sean thinking back through the day and saw the exact moment he made the connection.

  “You’re talking about Gina, aren’t you?”

  Ashley nodded. “Your father is Nick DiFrancesco.”

  Sean turned away and moved to the window that overlooked the back yard. “Was he there today? At the park.”

  “He was, and he saw you.”

  Sean swung back to face her. “He knows about me?”

  “He does now. Your resemblance to him is uncanny.”

  “I want to see him.”

  She’d expected that. It was a normal reaction. Still, a part of her couldn’t help feel like she was losing part of her son—the child she’d raised on her own.

  “He wants to see you, too. I asked him to come for dinner.”

  Sean looked toward the hallway as though Nick would come strolling through. “Why isn’t he here now?”

  “He would have been, but I told him I wanted to talk to you first.”

  “What’s another few hours when he’s been out of my life for fourteen years?” Sean said with uncharacteristic sarcasm.

  “Watch your tone, young man,” her father said.

  Remembering the yearbook, Ashley walked to a table where she’d placed it earlier. “I can show you a picture of him from high school.” She searched, knowing the page number by heart.

  She handed it to Sean, pointing to Nick’s handsome face which held a strong resemblance to Sean’s.

  He snatched it from her and studied it. “We look alike.”

  “There are subtle differences, but at first glance, yes,” Ashley said.

  “I’ve heard Gina say her dad’s a cop,” Sean said.

  “He’s a detective with the Northeast Philly Police Department,” Ashley said.

  Sean snapped the book shut and wiped a hand down his face. “Does Gina know? How am I going to face her at school? She already hates me because I’m smart.”

  “Nick wanted to meet you before he told his other children.”

  “Children? He has more?”

  “He has a younger son. I’m not sure what grade he’s in.”

  “Do you even get what you’ve done? When Gina finds out, my popularity level at school will go from bad to worse.”

  “No one has to know right now. We all need time to adjust,” Ashley said.

  “So, what, are you expecting we’re going to pretend we’re not related? What about at school events? Is he going to ignore that I’m his son?”

  Based on the determined look on Nick’s face earlier, he would never ignore Sean and would be there to right her wrong. Now she was the bad guy.

  “We haven’t worked through those details. As I said, we need time to adjust.” She tried to put an arm around him, but he flinched. The pain of that one move sliced through her like a knife.

  “You’re right, Mom. We need time.” He took a step back before turning and walking quickly out of the room.

  She took a step to go after him, but her dad touched her shoulder. “Let him be for now. I’ll check on him in a little while.”

  Ashley sank to the couch. “God, Daddy. Did you see the look of betrayal in his eyes? How will I make things right between us?”

  Her dad sat next to her and draped an arm around his shoulder. “Have faith. We’ll find a way, sweetheart.”

  Faith hadn’t been on her side when she was a kid. Ashley had prayed and kept her room clean. She ate all her vegetables—even broccoli, which she hated. She’d done her best to be the perfect kid, certain doing so would bring her mother back home.

  She’d been wrong.

  So she’d stopped believing in happy endings. She despised fairy tales. When her father had taken her to Disney World when she was ten, she refused to get autographs from any of the princesses, opting to stand in line for the villains and characters like Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger.

  Ashley appreciated her dad’s encouragement, but gaining back Sean’s trust and making amends to Nick seemed an uphill hurtle with the potential to backfire. And what if when the dust settled, she was left alone?

  ****

  After an early lunch with his sisters, Nick returned home to shower and change. With hours ahead of him until he was due at Ashley’s, Nick swung by the station. Maybe work would take his mind
off the thoughts that continued to spiral in his head.

  How would Sean react when Ashley told him?

  What would Nick say when he met Sean?

  How would Nick tell the rest of his family?

  As if it weren’t bad enough he and Franny divorced, now he was going to add to the fragile relationship he had with Gina and Joey by telling them they had a half-brother. Nick didn’t think Joey would have a problem, but Gina would be another story.

  But right now, their reaction didn’t matter. All Nick thought about as he wove his way to his desk was what he’d say to Sean that night at dinner.

  How did he make up for not being in the kid’s life for fourteen years? Sure, he couldn’t have helped it, but he still felt like a neglectful parent.

  A few hours later, Nick stood to stretch his legs and hit the vending machine for a soda, when his desk phone rang.

  “DiFrancesco.”

  “Hey, Nick. It’s Sandy at the front desk. There’s a boy on hold who’s trying to reach you.”

  Anxiousness settled in the pit of Nick’s stomach.

  “The kid have a name?”

  “Sean O’Neil. Says you’re his dad.”

  Nick’s heart skipped several beats. “Where is he, Sandy?”

  “He gave me the address of a park over in Wyndmoor.” She rattled off the name of the park and address.

  “Thanks, Sandy. I’ve got this. Tell him to hang tight until I get there.” He hung up and had the address programmed into his phone by the time he reached his SUV.

  Less than thirty minutes later, Nick pulled into a gravel parking lot. Exiting the car, Nick scanned the crowd of spectators in the bleachers of a baseball game in progress. No sign of a lone kid.

  He made his way to the playground on the opposite side of the park and saw a boy sitting on a bench. As he got closer, the boy shifted his gaze away from the game and watched Nick approach, his eyes widening. As he neared, Nick smiled, hoping it would relax him.

  Sean stood, the top of his head already up to Nick’s shoulders. He wore a navy sweatshirt over a green polo and jeans. Normal teen attire, but this meeting didn’t come close to normal.

  They stared at each other a few moments before Nick held out his hand, needing some contact. “Hi, Sean. I’m Nick.”

  Sean studied it a moment before reaching out and shaking it. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

  The kid may look like Nick, but he held himself like his mother.

  “Let’s sit.” He gestured to the bench Sean had vacated. “This must be weird for you, finding out I’m your dad.”

  Sean nodded. “Probably no stranger than you learning you have another child.”

  “True.”

  “I’ve asked Mom many times about my biological dad, but she never would tell me anything.”

  Damn you, Ashley. “I’m sorry. I wish I had known.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I was supposed to meet you later today. Does your mom know you’re here?”

  He flashed a sheepish grin, and Nick saw the boy also had the DiFrancesco smile.

  “No, sir. I sort of snuck out my mom’s balcony.”

  Nick reached into his pocket for his cell phone. “I’m going to call her so she doesn’t worry.” Concern flashed across the boy’s face.

  Ashley picked up on the first ring. “Please tell me Sean’s with you. I went to check on him and found his room empty.”

  “I’ve got him. He called the precinct, and they contacted me,” Nick said.

  “Thank God,” Ashley said. “Where are you?”

  “Ardmore Ave Park,” Nick said.

  “I’ll come and get him.”

  “I was thinking we could talk, and then I can bring him home for dinner.” Nick was pleased when Sean’s face lit up.

  There was a moment of silence on the phone, and Nick began to think Ashley would deny him this time with Sean.

  “All right, but I’d like to speak with him, please,” Ashley said.

  He held out the phone to Sean and stepped away to give him privacy. Nothing sucked more than getting chewed out by your mom in front of someone—even if she was on the phone. Nick had been on the receiving end of plenty of those conversations.

  A few minutes went by during which Nick heard mumbling.

  “Here you go, sir.” Sean handed over the phone.

  “Please don’t call me ‘sir.’ It makes me feel old.”

  “What should I call you?”

  “That depends on you. I’m your father, and I’d be honored if you’d call me Dad, but I understand if you’re not ready. In that case, Nick works fine.”

  “Okay…Dad,” Sean said, as though he was trying out the word to see how it fit.

  One hurdle gotten over.

  “Everything okay?” Nick asked.

  Sean looked down at his feet. “I shouldn’t have left the house. Mom’s going to punish me. No TV for a week.”

  Nick stifled a smile. “Could be worse. I used to get extra chores for punishment.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to wait until later to meet you.”

  “I wanted to meet you, too, but no more skipping out, okay?”

  Sean nodded. “Okay.”

  “Do you come here often?” Nick asked.

  “I’ve ridden my bike here a few times with Mom, and my grandpa and I have jogged here.”

  “You were watching the game. Do you like baseball?”

  Sean shrugged, but Nick caught the spark of interest in his eyes. “I like watching it.”

  “Ever played?”

  “Mom signed me up for Little League, but I wasn’t very good at it.”

  Nick laughed. “Learning when you’re young can be difficult without the right coach.”

  It frustrated Nick he hadn’t been there to encourage Sean and teach him the way he had with Joey.

  “How about you?” Sean asked.

  “I played from age five throughout school and into college. I had to stop due to an injury,” Nick said.

  “That’s too bad.”

  “I still play on a men’s league once a week—it’s softball, but it’s basically the same thing. Maybe you’d like to come watch me play sometime.”

  Sean’s face lit up with a smile. “Yeah, I would.”

  “We’d have to run it by your mom first.”

  He nodded. “Right.”

  A loud cheer came from the field, and a boy in a white pants and a red jersey ran to third base. Sitting with Sean reminded Nick of the times he watched Joey’s ball games.

  “Twice a month I coach a group of kids from St. Vincent’s Orphanage. My nephew was adopted from there by my sister, Kate, and her husband. A couple of us started a game during the summer, and the kids really liked it, so we’ve kept it going into the fall.”

  “Aren’t all the kids different ages?”

  “They are, but we find something for everyone to do. It’s all about teaching them how to play, sportsmanship, and fun. We keep score, but whoever wins or loses doesn’t matter—except the losing coach buys pizza for both teams.”

  “Sounds fun.”

  “It is. My nephew, Lucas, plays as does my other son, Joey. If you’re interested, you could come and watch or even play.”

  “Maybe.” They were quiet a moment, and Sean picked at the knee of his jeans. “Can you tell me about your family?”

  “They’re your family, too, now.”

  “It’s been Mom, Grandpa, and I my entire life. It’s a little weird knowing I have a whole other side of my family.”

  “There are a lot of us. I’m the oldest. I have two younger sisters, Kate and Vicky. Then there’s my brother, Vinnie. Kate lives and works in New York City along with her husband, Edward. They work for an architectural firm. Vicky owns a café, and Vinnie is the head chef at the restaurant my parents own.”

  “Wow, that is a lot of people.”

  “We can be pretty loud and overwhelming at times. They’re all going to love you.”
r />   “Gina won’t.”

  “Ah, right. You got detention because of her. Well, I for one am glad because if she hadn’t, I may never have found out about you,” Nick said.

  “Me, too. I liked working on the playground. Maybe I can come back next week if it’s okay with my mom.”

  “We’ll ask her later.”

  “You mentioned another son, Joey.”

  “Joey’s eleven and in middle school.” Nick figured he should come clean about how he ended up getting two women pregnant months apart from each other. “I dated Joey and Gina’s mother my last year of high school and off and on in college. We’d broken up months before I met up with your mom.”

  Nick ran a hand through his hair. “Franny’s pregnancy was a surprise. When I found out, I asked her to marry me. If I’d known your mom was also pregnant…hell, son, I haven’t a clue what I would have done, but I would have figured something out.”

  Sean nodded and wiped away tears.

  Nick put a hand on his shoulder. “Now that I know, I want to be part of your life, assuming you want that, too.”

  “I do.” He sniffled. “Won’t it be weird you having two families?”

  “Lots of people are from mixed families. Your aunt Kate adopted Lucas, and now she’s pregnant with twins. I’m divorced from Gina and Joey’s mom, and they’re going to have a new step-dad soon.”

  “My grandma left my mom and Grandpa when she was little. A lot of kids I went to school with in California and even here have parents who are divorced. I’m friends with this boy who was adopted from Korea.”

  “See. There are all kinds of different family combinations.”

  “What about Gina? She doesn’t like me, and that’s before she knows I’m her half-brother.”

  Nick was worried about the same thing. “We’ll take one day at a time.” Nick noticed a small food cart near the parking lot. “I’m thirsty. What do you say we get something to drink?”

  Armed with sodas and soft pretzels, they moved to the bleachers to better watch the game.

  Nick checked the time on his phone. “I hope this doesn’t ruin your appetite for dinner.”

  Sean laughed. “You wouldn’t say that if you’ve had Mom’s cooking.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Let’s just say Mom could be a contestant on Worst Cooks of America.”

  Nick didn’t care what Ashley had for dinner. He’d eat burnt toast if it meant he could spend more time with Sean.