Honesty (Mark of Nexus)

by Butler, Carrie

  Careful street justice.

  “Welcome back,” she said.

  “Thanks.” I threw my keys on the counter. “Where’s Tits?”

  “Playing video games with my mom.”

  “Well, that’s not at all weird,” I lied, breezing through the kitchen. “Does that mean we have the living room to ourselves?”

  She flashed me a coy smile. “I believe so.”

  “Then let’s enjoy it.”

  We settled in on the couch, and she tucked one leg under herself. “Did your errand go well?”

  “It resulted in a decent outcome.”

  Her eyes betrayed the humor she found in my statement. “That’s…good?”

  “Mhm.”

  I wanted to brag about the mad manipulation I’d just laid down, but that would open a whole other can of worms—starting with the I’m not human thing. While the knowledge would certainly make our communication easier, I didn’t want to explain a fleeing, terrified girl to the new neighbors.

  “You know, I must admit I find this arrangement oddly comfortable.” She rubbed her knee, avoiding my gaze. “Is that weird?”

  I stretched my legs out and leaned back. “Not to me.”

  Again with the lip. She nipped at it with her teeth, sneaking glances at me every few seconds.

  “You wanna say something else?” I offered, resting my arm on the back of the couch. The relaxed posture was a ruse, of course, but I had to keep it up. Anchoring myself down was the only way to keep from pinning her to the cushions and showing her how to really work that bottom lip.

  “I’m not sure,” she murmured.

  “Okay.” This wasn’t awkward at all.

  Her slender fingers toyed with a coppery strand, curling it one way and then another. Slow enough to imagine how silky it felt, slow enough to let the light reflect in each bend. In my peripheral, Tits’ stupid Kit-Cat Clock flicked its eyes back and forth.

  I’m going to combust.

  “I…” She frowned and blew out a breath. “It’s stupid, but I want to tell you how much I appreciate this thing we have—whatever it is. Knowing I have someone I can trust, knowing we can be honest with each other about anything, it means the world to me right now. You have no idea.”

  My chest swelled at the confession, only to collapse at the end. Rachel had crossed the line of attachment, and even worse, had done so under a false impression. We didn’t have the honest connection she spoke so reverently about. We barely tiptoed through conversations without hitting landmines. She just didn’t know it.

  I liked Rachel. A lot. Hell, I’d almost come to view her looks, a known weakness of mine, as secondary. That spirit of hers had been shattered so many times, but she still managed to let all this light pour through. No matter what. The girl was stained glass—more beautiful in her brokenness.

  “Did I say too much?” she asked, lines creasing her forehead.

  “No, no. I, uh…like what we have, too.”

  Her hazel eyes dimmed. “That was really convincing, Cole.”

  Shit. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I didn’t want to lead her on, either. It’d occurred to me in that moment that Rachel Ranford was not a two-to-five-weeks type of girl. She never would be. If a guy broke down her wall of insecurity, he better damn well stick around to protect what it’d been guarding.

  And I couldn’t do that. Not with all this ERA shit about to hit the fan.

  “Sorry, I—”

  “Do you feel bad for me?”

  I scrunched up my face. “What?”

  “My house, my situation—have I been misinterpreting your philanthropy as interest?” She paled, putting both feet down. “I can’t believe I assumed. I feel so foolish.”

  “That’s not it.” I rubbed the back of my head and sucked in a breath through my teeth. “Come on. I asked you out before I ever knew you were—”

  SHUT UP. SHUT UP NOW.

  My heart tried to forcibly eject from my body as I realized how shitty that sounded. I’d almost called the girl poor. To her face. Right after she’d opened up about that fear.

  Tears trembled in her eyes as she stared at me, betrayed. “Were what?”

  “Having a hard time,” I finished in a quiet voice.

  She nodded and made a move to get up, but I caught her wrist.

  “Rachel, I’m sorry.”

  Her hair fell across her face, cloaking her expression. “Please just let me go.”

  “No.”

  “I’m embarrassed, Cole.”

  My throat constricted. “Yeah? Well, I’m a selfish asshole.”

  She jerked her head back to gape at me.

  “It’s true,” I went on. “I also curse like a fuckin’ sailor and have a two-second fuse. With most people, at least. Present company excluded.”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m being open.” I tugged her back down beside me, unable to contain the fire I’d lit. “And you know what? I have secrets. Like a metric shit-ton of secrets. Stuff that would make your ears bleed.”

  “Cole…” She squirmed in my grip, but I couldn’t let go until she realized I wasn’t the guy she’d developed feelings for.

  “I am not a nice man, Rachel,” I admitted, trying to convey the truth’s harshness with my eyes. “I thought we could get by with a few dates here and there, but I was wrong. That’s not the type of situation I should’ve put you in. I’m sorry.”

  A tear spilled over and glided down her cheek.

  “Please don’t get upset.” The request borderlined begging. I could not take the thought of putting her through any more pain today, especially after what had happened this morning. Damn it. I should’ve just waited with this.

  She shook her head. “You don’t get it.”

  “Rach, come on…” I cupped her face with my other hand, brushing the tears away. “It’s not that bad.”

  “I’m upset for you, Cole.” The words ignited a spark in her eyes that had me leaning back.

  “What?”

  “You don’t know yourself at all.” She reached up and held on to my wrist, her lip trembling. “And it’s sad, because you’re really missing out.”

  I didn’t have a comeback for that.

  CHAPTER 29

  When I didn’t answer, Rach pressed on. “You may be into things I don’t know about, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know you. Look at the man who protected me and my mom, the man who let us both stay under his roof without question—you tell me what’s so wrong about that guy.”

  “I wish I could,” I muttered, closing my eyes for a moment. “Really.”

  “Cole, you’re tired.” Her voice softened. “Whatever you’ve got going on inside is getting to you. I can see it. Even if you want to scare me away for romantic reasons, at least let me be your friend. Let me be here for you.”

  This fluffy shit was going to be the death of me.

  For half a second, I considered her offer. The thought of ditching this weight around my shoulders was all too appealing, but I knew the relief would only be temporary. Like I told Rena back in that warehouse where she happened to be incapacitated, knowledge is a heavy burden. It comes with serious consequences.

  Wallace had been backed into a corner when he’d told her about us, and even then, he’d had second thoughts. Sure, it’d worked out for them—Rena turned out to be a spitfire with a violent streak—but the girl I’d fallen for happened to be gentleness personified. Bringing her into our world would put an ERA-sized target on her back, and I’d never forgive myself.

  Did I say fallen for?

  “It’s okay.” Her fingers slid down from my wrist. “Take your time.”

  Yeah, no pressure there. What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn’t go into anything too compromising. Maybe just enough to scare her into backing off…

  “All right,” I told her, lowering my hand to my lap. “But you’re not going to like it.”

  “Me liking what you have to say has nothing to do
with it.”

  “Okay.” I blew out a deep breath and double-checked the hallway. No Tits or Wanda on the radar. I’d just have to contain her reaction, so we didn’t attract unwanted attention. “When I lived in Columbus, I used to blow off steam by walking around the neighborhood, picking fights with bad guys.”

  Her brow crumpled. “Bad guys?”

  “Drug dealers, car thieves, guys disrespecting women on the street—you name it. If they were stupid enough to do it in front of me, they got their ass kicked.”

  I watched her carefully, trying to gauge the shift in her expression. Her mouth quirked in disbelief. “But wasn’t that dangerous?”

  “Kind of.” I hefted my shoulders. “But I’m really good at it.”

  “I guess I did notice that last night.” She tried to smile despite her tear-stained cheeks. “So, what stopped you?”

  “Huh?”

  “You said used to,” she explained. “I assumed there was more to the story.”

  “Oh.” Well, shit. I rubbed the back of my neck. “I caught up to this drunk guy stumbling to his car one night, and you know how I feel about people who get behind the wheel like that. I might’ve directed his skull toward the hood of his vehicle until he lost consciousness…”

  Rach cringed.

  “That’s not the bad part,” I warned her. “Turns out, his kid was waiting for him. He’d freakin’ left her in the parking lot, so he could get trashed. Do you believe that? Anyway, she didn’t see what happened; she just burst out of the car and started freaking out. I had to act like I’d stumbled upon the scene and wait for the ambulance with her.”

  My gut knotted up, just thinking about it. “So, yeah, kind of put me off the whole reckless vigilante thing for a while.”

  Her gaze had glossed over, studying some indiscriminate spot on the cushion between us. “I see.”

  “I told you, Rach, I’m not a nice guy. We should’ve just left it at that.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed, “you beat that guy to death.”

  Huh? “I didn’t beat him to death. The loser was only out for a few minutes. I doubt he even got a concussion.”

  She lifted her gaze to mine, eerily serious. “Yeah, but you left that little girl there to fend for herself.”

  “Um, did you check out for a second?” I dipped my head down, questioning her. “I called the damn ambulance myself. Remember?”

  “So, you’re saying you kept a guy from endangering his daughter, probably taught him a lesson he’ll never forget, and then took care of her until the authorities came.” She raised her thin brows. “Right?”

  My nose wrinkled in disgust. “You’re trying to make it sound like I did something good.”

  “Maybe.” She shrugged. “But you’re trying to make it sound like you did something unforgiveable. I may not condone the way you handle things, but I don’t doubt your reasoning, Cole.”

  I didn’t know how to process her words, her understanding. It was too much of a good thing to be true…

  So, I brushed it off. “You don’t wanna go there, Rach.”

  “I’m sorry, but I think a person is more than just their past.”

  “Yeah,” I practically snorted, “says the saint.”

  “Really?” Hurt clashed with the briefest flash of anger in her eyes. “I gave up my son. I think I know something about it.”

  Shit.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  “You’re right.” I winced and ran my hand over my hair. “Sorry, I didn’t even think about that.”

  “It’s all right.” She patted my leg. “Really.”

  Her easy acceptance relaxed me, despite my protests. I had a feeling I could say anything to this girl, and she’d still assume the best of me—unlike the other ninety-nine percent of the population. It didn’t make sense. Did she have a bottomless pool of goodness inside her, or had I accidentally done something to inspire that faith in me? Either way, I didn’t deserve it.

  “So, are we still friends?” she asked, her bright eyes hopeful as she stuck out her hand. “No hard feelings?”

  I stared at her offering, the platonic seal to whatever it was we’d been building over the past few weeks. I knew I had to back off, but suddenly, the thought seemed panic-inducing. There were still so many things I wanted to do. Watch the sunrise together, taste her lip gloss, listen to her favorite song, show her where I grew up, memorize every slope of her body.

  Before I realized what I was doing, I grabbed her hand and yanked her toward me. “No.”

  Her eyes barely had time to widen before I closed the space between us, but the second our lips touched, I knew she’d been waiting.

  The kiss started soft and curious, both of us testing the boundaries we’d been oh-so-careful to avoid, but the apprehension didn’t last long. Mutual attraction burst through like steam from a broken pipe, and it was all we could do to breathe. Her free hand slid up my chest, and I pulled her in.

  If you’re going to break a rule, you might as well smash the damn thing to pieces.

  She responded way more eagerly than I’d expected, and holy hidden talent Batman, the girl was a great kisser. I pushed in an effort to get closer, and she reclined until her back hit the cushions—never breaking contact.

  I braced myself, pressing her wrist against the worn fabric, and lived out the PG portion of my Rachel Ranford fantasies. Her mouth, her neck, her…

  “Cole,” she panted, beneath me.

  I pressed my lips against the smooth, warm skin of her collarbone. “Busy.”

  A few seconds ticked by, and she fisted the back of my shirt. “Cole, my mom and Larry are just in the other room.”

  “We’ll be quiet,” I assured her.

  A giggle trembled through her core, and she squirmed against me. “You know what I mean. Come on.”

  Ah, hell. I was gonna get blue balls. I knew it.

  I backed off of her and collapsed onto my side of the couch. My rocket thruster hadn’t seen action for weeks, and this almost-launch made things worse. I needed a smoke… and some privacy. But damn, it was worth it.

  Rachel eyed me as she patted her hair down, her cheeks glowing red. “Has anyone ever told you that you give mixed signals?”

  “Has anyone ever told you that your lip gloss tastes like watermelon?”

  She blushed even deeper.

  About that time, the sound of canned chaos ceased in Tits’ room. He walked out with Wanda, joking about a banana peel on the track, completely oblivious to what had just happened in the living room—which was fine, since even I didn’t know. I’d snapped, and by the time logic had set back in, she was already an active participant. A line had been crossed, and I found myself without two shits to give.

  I leaned over the back of the couch. “So, who won?”

  Wanda took a seat at the table to catch her breath. “I did.”

  “Beginners luck,” Tits muttered, pawing around in a cabinet. “She’d never touched a console before.”

  Speaking of consoles… I covered my joystick with a pillow.

  “Did you have fun, Mom?” Rachel tried, and failed, to appear unflustered.

  “Yeah, it was a neat little machine.”

  Tits pulled a bag of pretzels down and tugged them open, nodding to Rachel. “You should play with Cole sometime.”

  Her face contorted in horror.

  “He’s competitive as hell,” Tits went on. “Once kept me up until seven in the morning, trying to unlock something.”

  She stammered some kind of a reply, and I almost snorted, realizing what she must’ve imagined. Oh, you should play with Cole, all right…

  Gah! No. Thinking this way wasn’t going to get me off the couch without a pillow. I needed to re-evaluate the situation. Thanks to my hallmark self-control, I’d managed to botch the whole part-with-a-handshake plan. So, distancing myself was no longer an option.

  That, and after having kissed her, I didn’t really want to back off. Thrill aside, I couldn’t remember ever conne
cting with someone on such a personal level—despite the fact that I’d committed far more intimate acts with other women. It didn’t make sense.

  My lineage still posed a serious threat, but it didn’t seem nearly as insurmountable as it had five minutes ago. Maybe it was the blood being redirected from my brain to other parts of my body. Who knew. The point was, I almost wanted to take the gamble.

  Being fast and fast-healing did have its advantages. Physical assaults were mostly a joke. So, as long as I was around, Rach would be fine. Of course, that begged the question of what would happen to her when I wasn’t around…

  I scratched my chin. Okay, she and her mom would both have to rough it in the steam tunnels with Gabby and Corynn for a while. Maybe we could turn it into some kind of shelter for human liabilities. Then I could—

  “—stening?”

  My gaze flicked to Tits, before scanning the room for an expression consensus. Apparently, I’d missed something. “Say that again.”

  He threw a glance at the ceiling. “Rachel said she has to work tonight, and I asked if you were gonna take her.”

  “Oh. Yeah, no problem.”

  “I go in at eleven.” She winced. “And I get off at seven, so I’d hate for you to have to get up that early. Maybe I can find a bus headed this direction.”

  “A bus from Wilcox to Cleveland?” I narrowed my eyes. “You think I’m going to let you ride that far alone?”

  Wanda frowned down at the table. “I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

  “Relax,” I told them both. “It’s no problem. I’m usually up a lot earlier than that to…jog.”

  Rachel shot me a private look, giving me a chance to back out. “Are you sure?”

  The girl was nuts. We’d swapped spit and secrets, but she still didn’t feel comfortable asking me for a favor? “Positive.”

  “Well, thank you.” Another blush.

  Yeah. If she understood the other things I had to worry about, she’d realize a forty-minute drive was the least of my concerns.

  ~

  We rode with the windows down, spring air whipping off the highway.

  “Wait,” I said, passing some idiot in a truck. “Don’t you have church tomorrow?”

  She nodded. “I don’t plan on attending, though, given my current situation…”