Beautifully Destroyed

by Gracie Wilson

  Hours go by and it’s after midnight when I hear people coming back. They are all loud and clearly intoxicated. It’s the first week so this is what some of us do. But that’s not me. I’ve never even had a drink or smoked a cigarette. Drugs, not ever going to happen, being in my own head is bad enough without added influences. I hear a slam and I look out of my room to see if it’s Cameron. It isn’t. The neighbor just got in. I go back to my reading and I’m startled when I feel the wall behind me bang.

  It’s steady and consistent, proceeded with lots of moaning from a clearly happy girl on the other side. I’m not a prude, I just…I just don’t. I hear mumbling words, but I try to block them out and go back to my book. The banging and moaning only continues to get louder. At least someone is having fun. The picture that is hanging above my bed on the wall falls down and that is the last straw. I bang and bang on the wall. “Can you please move the bed away? I would like to not get killed by my pictures,” I yell at the wall. For a moment the noises dissipate, but then they are back to it again.

  “Oh, yea.” I hear and my heart stops. “Say it, baby, say my name.”

  “Ah…oh…” she says between moaning.

  “Cam,” she says and just like that, everything I felt is gone as the walls go back up around me. The banging and noise from them picks up pace and I hear her yell out. Just like that, it’s done. No sounds. They’re finished. Five minutes later, he is stumbling through the door. Walking up to my bedroom doorframe, I lean against the door.

  “What, no cuddling or sleep over?” I say sarcastically.

  “Sorry, ice princess, this ain’t a fairytale,” he slurs out. Great, he’s loaded. He uses the back of the chair to hold himself up.

  “Some fairytale that would be, getting it on when she didn’t even know your name. That just sounds magical. It’s what I’ve always dreamed of,” I groan.

  “Cut the cute crap, Fate. It’s only going to lead where you don’t want to go. Or do you?” he says, raising his eyebrow.

  “Is it so bad that I just want to be your friend? I don’t need to screw you to prove that, do I? Didn’t know that was a requirement, but I do know as a friend I didn’t deserve to hear that,” I say firmly.

  “Why do you even care, Fate?” He walks toward me and my hands automatically go up as a barrier between us. His chest is right against my hands. I don’t flinch, I don’t pull away. “Hear something you’d want to try?” Something in me snaps. I push him as hard as I can.

  “Just because I wasn’t trying to get you into bed after knowing you for all of five minutes doesn’t mean I needed to hear that. I’ve never even done most of that. You didn’t have to prove anything by taking our neighbor home,” I say quietly.

  “Next time I will put music on so you don’t hear.” His words are like ice running through my veins. “Did we interrupt your sleep, princess?”

  “No, you didn’t. I don’t sleep at night, only during the day. And no, don’t put music on. That’s what he did,” I say without thinking. His words have me unable to think.

  “Fate.” Looking in his eyes, I see he’s trying to see into me. My walls are too thick and I’ve already let him in too much with my words.

  “As soon as you walked out that door, I wanted to go after you, and I’m glad I didn’t. You just proved you are exactly what those articles said you were. You don’t want to be judged, Cameron McAlister. Then don’t do those exact things. I don’t need to judge you, you did that one all by yourself,” I say, closing my door.

  Chapter Five

  Cameron

  Watching her close that door on me, damn. Hard shit right there. Not that I didn’t deserve that. I was an idiot. I wouldn’t blame her if she never talks to me again. Where did half that crap I said even come from? Oh hell, that would be the whiskey. She just had me so riled up I had to get out of the apartment. When I got here, I expected to have some roommate who was either a guy who wanted to get in on this wingman action, or a girl trying to get me into the sack. Never did I think that Fate would be the one to come walking into my life, and I royally screwed that shit up. Not saying I’m trying to get in her pants, but I’m not saying I’m not either. That whole night I was talking out my ass about not wanting a girl like her. She’s fricking beautiful but someone got there first. Instead of showing her every damn day how amazing she is, they fucking destroyed her.

  It’s been three weeks since that night. She hasn’t said anything to me other than a hello or goodbye. I’ve tried to get her to talk¸ but she just isn’t having it. All the usual stuff isn’t working either. Charming Cameron didn’t get anywhere due to my anger being the first side she saw of me. Classes have been kicking my ass, mostly because she is in most of them. She’s studying Law and I’m Legal Studies with a Business Ethics Concentration. I wanted to go straight Law same as her, but I’m kind of glad I didn’t. I couldn’t handle being with her in all my classes. Not with her shutting me out.

  I haven’t even touched a girl since that night. Not because I’m trying to get with Fate. Coming here, I was supposed to be getting my shit together but the first person who gave me a chance, I showed them I was that guy in the articles. Usually I don’t care what people think of me. All a part of the world I live in, but this girl just saw through me and screwed all my shit up. I didn’t even see her coming. She just showed up in my room introducing herself like it was an everyday conversation. Then to see I was a man, well, I’m sure that didn’t make her feel better, but I wanted to get along with her. I definitely thought when she ran away she knew who I was and wanted to get dolled up. Nothing surprised me more when she opened that door still in those kitty pajamas. She still had no idea who I was and I loved it.

  Telling her should have been the easy part, but I didn’t want her to get a preconceived idea of who I was. I hate being judged. When I met that girl at the party she was wearing a little badge that said which residency she was from and there were a bunch of the girls from this floor. When I heard she was our neighbor, it would be awesome to say it didn’t have anything to do with why I choose her, but it did. My dumbass drunk brain decided I’d show her. Well, I sure did, exactly what she thought of me. I’ve been giving her space in classes these past three weeks, but that shit is about to change.

  Walking up to her, I take the seat right next to her. I waited until the last minute so she couldn’t move. Okay, I trapped her, but she really didn’t leave me many options. Not talking to her ever again definitely wasn’t one.

  “What are you doing?” she whispers at me and I can see the irritation all over her face. Giving Fate the sexiest grin I can, I just look at her and shrug. “Cameron, this isn’t funny, I’m here to learn. This isn’t helping.”

  “Well, if you didn’t ignore me at home, I wouldn’t have to go to such fricking lengths to get to you,” I say quietly.

  “I’m not ignoring you, I just don’t have anything to say. I think we’ve said enough, don’t you?” she questions me. Damn, she’s good.

  “Yes, but did we say all the right things?” She gives me a confused look and I know I’m getting somewhere. Best trick confuse her into agreeing to what I want. “I have a lot I need to say and a whole different way to say it. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’d be too pleased with those actions.” She just stares and starts to fidget.

  “Are you flirting with me?” she asks and her voice is full of shock. Shit, she’s more confused and now I’m getting confused. Was I flirting with her?

  “When I am, you will know it,” I say confidently. Hopefully, that will bring some order back to this conversation. This isn’t about anything other than being her friend. Right now at least. “I won’t stop, Fate. We have a lot of classes together and I will sit next to you in every one until you let me say what I have to say.”

  She huffs and her shoulders sag. Victory. “Fine, but if you are drunk or bring a groupie to that apartment tonight, I’m never even going to look at you again much less talk to you.” Is she jealous? God Dammit
. This girl screws with me in ways that should be illegal.

  “I swear.” She just nods in response and I let it go. She’s going to talk to me. Damn, now what the hell do I say?

  When class is done, she gets up and just looks at me. I didn’t get a single thing out of this class. My mind was trying to figure out how to deal with our talk. “Well, let’s go talk, Cameron.” Quickly, I haul my ass up and grab my shit. It’s go time.

  As soon as we get home, she puts her stuff away and comes to sit on the couch. Instead of doing the same, I just put it all on the table. If I go in my room, I might take a page out of Fate’s book and hide. “Cameron, let me start. I shouldn’t have been so catty. You are free to do what you want and I have no business passing judgment. You’re wrong in thinking I’m perfect. I’m far from it. I’m tainted too, just as you said.”

  I think back to what she said about ‘him turning music on too,’ but I don’t push. Someone made this girl into who she is. These walls and issues aren’t here because of an okay life. They are here because someone completely screwed her up.

  “Fate, stop. The only one who should be apologizing is me. I shouldn’t have gone off on you the way I did. Calling you those names and saying everything I did was wrong. So wrong. I knew it the moment you shut that door. You said you wished you’d come after me that night. I wish you had too. I was out there knocking back drinks, telling myself to just come back and talk to you. But I was worried you’d shut me out. So I just further screwed it up more. You have your ways of dealing, so do I. If I think someone is judging me I do exactly what they expect because…hey, it’s expected so why not?”

  “That’s not really helping your case, McAlister,” she says with a smirk. People have called me that before, but coming from Fate it just sounds sexy.

  “Right. Okay, well, I’m a fuck-up. It’s kind of my thing, but maybe with a little help from fate that doesn’t have to be my future.” She smirks and I know I’m getting some ground here.

  “Now that’s helping your case. Nice play on my name, McAlister.” She has the sexiest and most beautiful smile when she lets it out. Not that fake shit she puts out to the world. Yeah, she looks damn sexy, but right now I see the real Fate. She’s so beautiful and this girl doesn’t even know it. She barely comes up to my shoulders, she’s slender but not a stick. She has the figure that drives us guys crazy. Her body has curves and I know every inch of her is perfect.

  “If you keep saying my name that way I’m going to have a really hard time being just friends,” I say, hoping it comes off as a joke, but I’m dead serious. This girl has no idea of her abilities. Natural talent that is, and shit, I’m going to be pissed if it comes out with anyone else. Those ocean blue eyes should only ever look at me this way.

  “Cameron,” she says with this big ass grin on her face.

  “Fate, that really didn’t make a difference.” Her face changes and she looks either pissed or upset. What the hell did I say?

  “I am not calling you Cam,” she says, never looking at me. Damn, that’s what’s got my girl all down. My girl…where in the hell did that come from? This girl has her claws in me and she doesn’t even know it. I slowly bring my hand up to her face as not to startle her. I only have it hover over her skin, but shit, I can feel the effects of being this close to her. She flinches but only slightly. It’s progress.

  “I don’t want you to. People who know me call me Cameron. I want you to know me. I feel as if you already do. Don’t ever call me Cam,” I say, trying to convey my true feelings. Cam is what I tell girls I’m screwing around with to call me. I don’t want my name tainted with that shit. This girl is different. I want her to see it all. The fricking flaws, the whole Cameron, definitely not just rock star Cameron McAlister. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

  “I have been saying that, glad we agree,” she says jokingly and pushes her hair to the side. It’s some messed-up shade of red and blonde but this girl pulls it off. It’s exclusive to her, it’s Fate only.

  “No, well, yes. Girl, you have me all twisted with my words and shit. I meant I don’t even know your last name. I know you clearly have a thing for nature, maybe fish with all those schooling fish comments, and you like quiet. You’re eighteen, which was a huge shock. From class I know you’re smart as hell, but I don’t even know your last name.” How did that not ever come up?

  “It’s just a name, Cameron. I’d rather you know me than my name.” She’s being evasive.

  “Come on, give it up, Fate,” I say, grinning.

  “McKenzie. Fate McKenzie,” she says with a smile that reaches her eyes and I see those walls coming down. With that it’s decided, I never want to not know this girl.

  “Fate McKenzie and Cameron McAlister. Sounds like fate,” I say, nudging her.

  “Lay off, McAlister.” She pushes me jokingly.

  “Fine, McKenzie, now that we’ve done the I’m an asshole talk and you forgive me, can I take you to get something to eat? My treat.”

  “Well, the forgiveness depends…” She trails off. She’s being coy and she knows it.

  “On?” I say, hoping it’s something I can make happen.

  “Depends how good dinner is,” she says with a smirk, and I just want to keep her here to myself. Screw sharing this girl with the outside world, but I did promise dinner.

  “Oh, that will not be a problem, get ready for the best damn dinner of your life, McKenzie. One order of forgiveness coming up.”

  Chapter Six

  “The food was amazing, Clarissa. We have to go there when you come to visit. I have never tasted anything like it,” I say excitedly to her. It really was the best thing I’ve ever had.

  “So you forgave him?” she asks in a serious tone. I didn’t tell her everything, definitely not about the neighbor. Just that he was being a jerk, but she still had her mom voice on.

  “I wasn’t so wonderful either, Clarissa. We both said things we didn’t mean. Must have been first week frustration,” I say to her, trying to downplay all this. Cameron has been the friend I’ve never had since I was a child. Yes, there are some feelings there, on my part. He doesn’t know. I haven’t said anything. It isn’t as if I can do anything about it. I can’t even handle being touched. How would that work with someone as experienced as Cameron? Plus, he’s a rock star. I don’t need that kind of spotlight put on me and the fact that he is entirely out of my league makes it impossible.

  “McKenzie, it’s dinner time, let’s go,” he yells from behind my door. “If you don’t come out, I’m coming in, you know I can get in there.”

  “I will take that as you have forgiven him then?” Clarissa asks.

  “Yes, I have, he’s given me no reason not to. You know how I am, you have nothing to be worried about. Everything is fine.” Cameron starts banging on the door like the crazy man he is. “I’m coming, Cameron. Don’t go all lock picker on me.”

  “Last warning, Fate,” he says with a few more bangs to my door.

  “Lock picker,” Clarissa says from the other side of the phone. Crap, just what she needed to hear.

  “It’s an inside joke thing, I have those now because I have friends. Be happy for me. I’m fine, I promise,” I say truthfully to her.

  “I will see for myself on Thanksgiving if I don’t see you before then.” Wow, was that a warning? Just then, my door bursts open and I jump.

  “Time’s up, say bye,” he says with a serious look on his face, but I can tell he’s fighting to hide a grin.

  “I have to go before I get thrown over a shoulder and carried away to dinner. Bye, Clarissa.” Reluctantly, she says goodbye, and I hang up.

  “I didn’t know that was an option,” he says, trying to hold that serious look.

  “It’s not,” I say and I know he knows I’m being truthful.

  “Not yet. One day, Fate.” I give him a look, trying to show my doubt, but he just laughs it off. “I’m going to help you and you’re going to help me.”

  “I know what I�
�m going to need help with, but what could you possibly need from me?”

  “You sell yourself short, Fate, there are lots of things I can learn from you. You’re my grounder.” Never have I been so confused by anyone. He says things that make me wonder if he’s truly seeing the real me. “You keep me level, which is something I need. When shit is left up to me, only God knows what the hell I’d get up into. Plus, you’re not bad company,” he says and when I look at him the smile he is giving me makes me want to shiver, but in a whole new way. This is not what I need right now, definitely not with my roommate of all people. This can go wrong in so many ways…all leaving me completely wreaked.

  “Cameron,” I say with such desperation. I don’t know what I’m really asking him when I say his name. All I feel is this need to be close to him, to touch him, and I’m just not sure where that would lead.

  “Fate, don’t over think anything, okay? I have no agenda here. We are friends. I understand that’s what you need and want.” His words are like something from my own head but they are a bit off.

  “What I need is you to be my friend, but what I want is something completely different.” I hear his breath catch and I quickly try to repair the damage I’ve done. “I know I’m not the kind of girl you go for, but you’re a rock star, can’t blame a girl, can you?” I say, trying to come off as joking.

  “What do you want from me, Fate? I need you to lay it out for me because sometimes I’m just not sure with you and I don’t ever want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable around me.” He is putting me on the spot and the attention begins to get to me.

  “Dinner,” I say, trying to remind him of his early rush to get something to eat.

  “You mean a date?” he says with a grin and I know he’s trying to get a read on me. It’s what Cameron does. Since I have been here, I’ve been watching him. Even when I wasn’t talking to him all that time, I couldn’t help it. He just looked so withdrawn, which seemed to be so unlike him. At night in my room, I’d look at pictures of him and his band. He looked so at peace on stage, it’s his happy place. I had to know what someone like that had to prove by being the way he was to me. I couldn’t shake him off.