Chapter Forty Seven
The next day I called all my leaders together in privacy at my house, something I had never done before. Once they were settled I got right to business.
“I’m going to call a meeting of the entire tribe. I would like all the people to gather in the large square two days from now, on the rest day. When the sun is at its peak I will address the people. Please let all those that work under your direction know this. What I have to say is very important, and I want everyone in the city to be there.”
Catto was the first to respond, “What’s going on Cain? Can you tell us now?”
“No, I want to tell everyone in the tribe at the same time. It’s not an emergency and there’s no danger, but there are some things I want to tell the tribe about my past, and I also want to talk to everyone about God.”
All eyes shot wide open when I said this. My past had always been a huge topic of speculation and curiosity. Just by saying I would talk about my past, I had ensured perfect attendance at the meeting.
Cadune spoke up, “Are you sure there’s nothing you can tell us now; something we should know before the meeting?”
With a laugh I said, “No old friend, you’ll have to wait just like everyone else. But be assured, there's nothing to worry about. I need to tell the entire tribe some things, and I want everyone to hear what I have to say at the same time. You’ll all know soon enough.”
None of them liked that they didn't know what was going to happen, but there was nothing they could do to persuade me to tell them in advance.
All eyes were upon me as I went through the city that afternoon, and even more so the next day. I normally attracted minimal attention on my rounds, even though I was the leader of the city. I was accorded respect and a certain amount of deference by the people, but in general I was not given any special treatment. I knew I was esteemed by most and feared by some, but not revered or worshipped, which was just how I wanted it.
But now I was the center of attention, and everywhere I went people looked and whispered, many pointing and talking openly. A number of people, mostly men and women from the original tribe that I had known for many years, openly asked me what the meeting was about.
Whenever this happened I would respond with a joke such as, “I won’t tell Catto, you think I’m going to tell you? You’ll have to wait until rest day to hear my story.”
My easy attitude and laughing response calmed any fears that may have developed among the people, reassuring them in advance that nothing was wrong.
The anticipated day came and the sun rose the same as any other day. I was nervous, not sure how the people would react to the knowledge that their king, the man that led the tribe and held court as their judge, was guilty of murdering his own brother.
I needed to tell the people my history, but it was imperative that I properly tie in the existence and involvement of God. I wanted the tribe to hear the truth about me, but I needed to make sure they heard and understood the bigger story.
We existed because humans and everything around us were created by the one and only God. This God had shown me mercy and permitted me to cross the wasteland to this land, where He had guided me to help them achieve a better life. I wanted them to know of His power as well as His love, mercy, and justice, things I was only now beginning to truly comprehend.
I wanted to make them believe everything I told them, but I knew that because of the free will God had accorded to all people, no one could force them to believe in Him. It was a decision every individual had to make on their own.
I wanted everyone in the tribe to make decisions based on truth, not on silly notions of gods that they had invented in their own minds. I wanted my people to live their lives as they saw fit, but their decisions needed to be based in the knowledge that there actually was right and wrong, good and evil, as decided by the Creator.
By mid-morning people were streaming into the square in front of the common building. They were arriving very early, and the sound of the tribe talking and laughing grew as the morning went on. Anticipation kept building, and everyone was there well before the sun had reached its zenith. I could wait no longer. It was time to address the people.
I had been sitting with Kalou on the steps going up to the common building, chatting with various people as they passed by. Our boys played on the edge of the crowd with the rest of the tribe’s children, being watched over by several older women.
I rose and the crowd immediately quieted. It was eerie to have hundreds of people instantly fall silent and focus only on me.
I began, “Thank you for coming. This is the first time I have ever brought the entire tribe together, but there are some things that I want to tell you; things that I need to make clear.”
“What I am going to tell you is important... Very important. I’m going to tell you about my past, my history before I came to this land. I hope that through learning about what I have done and how I have lived my life, you will be able to learn lessons that will help you to live a better life. I do not want any of you to make the same mistakes I have made.”
At this the crowd stirred and looked around at each other. They had certainly not expected me to start this way. After a brief pause, I continued speaking.
“But before I can tell you my story, I must first tell you everything I know about the one God. My story is tied to God, and I cannot tell you the truth about my life until I first tell you the truth about God.”
“There is only one God! I will say this again. There is only... one... God. I state this as an undeniable fact, as one who has seen with my own eyes, heard with my own ears, and is born of those that were created and chosen by God in the beginning.”
“This God created the sky and the earth and everything that moves in the sky, on the earth or in the water. He existed before He made this land, and He will exist after this land is gone. He is all powerful, all seeing, all knowing and will exist forever. These are undeniable facts.”
“Some of you believe that there is more than one God, that there are many gods in different shapes and forms. This is absolutely wrong. These gods of water and earth, of animals and food; all these various gods that some of you consider to be real are most certainly false. They are made up by you in your own mind, to serve your own purposes. They do not exist and never have.”
“I tell you again, there is only one God, the creator and sustainer of all the earth, and anyone that believes in any other god is a fool.”
I spoke all these words with fierce conviction, and at this last declaration I saw some people frown unhappily. I wasn’t concerned with their reaction and continued speaking.
“In only six days God created this earth and everything on it. He rested on the seventh day, which is why we also rest on this day. Out of His love and generosity, God gave us this land and all that is here. We are to use this land to feed and clothe and take care of ourselves and our families. This land and all we have is a gift from God, and we must treat everything with respect.”
“In return God wants us to revere only Him as the creator and sustainer of life. All thanks should go to Him for all we have and all we are. We must always remember that nothing comes to us except what God provides.”
“Just as undeniable as His existence, power and love, is His nature. God loves good and hates evil, and He wants His people to do right and shun evil. But in His wisdom He gave all people a great and fearsome gift. He gave us free will, the right to choose what we will do and how we will live our lives.”
“This free will is inherent in humans. It goes with our soul, with our intelligence and our ability to reason and make decisions based on our desires and needs, and is one of the things that separates mankind from the animals. Humans can and do decide whether we will do good or evil, whether we will do right or wrong. Whether we will strive to follow in the way of God, or choose to follow the evil one.”
At my last words I saw the people start, unsure about this new development.
“Yes, there is an evil one. But he is not a god. Though I know little of him, I do know that in the beginning he was one of God’s helpers, much as Catto is my helper as I lead this tribe. But he wanted power that he was not worthy of, and in his folly he fought the all-powerful God.”
“Of course the evil one lost that fight. But God in His mercy did not destroy him. God allowed him to come to the earth. Here the evil one fights constantly to sway our souls, to turn our hearts to evil instead of good.”
The crowd was entranced. They appeared to hold their breath as they focused on my every word.
“The evil one is the deceiver. He is the mutterer and the liar. He speaks to our hearts, but he is false, lying to us and preying on our fears, trying to sway us to do evil.”
“All the while God also lives within us, also speaking to our hearts, trying to guide us to choose good.”
“In reality there is a battle being fought for our souls, but we are fighting ourselves. It is our decision to choose whether good or evil will win the battles of our heart.”
Here I paused to take a deep breath and focus my thoughts. No eyes left my face; they continued to stare, attentively waiting for me to continue.
“God will never force us, but truly desires that we choose to do His will. I do not know what will happen after my life is done. But I know that the decisions we make while alive, the decisions to do good or evil, will live on long after we are gone.”
“Unfortunately, because we are all human everyone will do evil, but there is a great difference between doing evil and being evil. Everyone will make a wrong decision many times over the course of their life, and even the best people on occasion will decide to do evil deeds. We are human and no one will ever be perfect. But I am here to tell you, resist the deceiver when he mutters in your heart. I know from my own experience how the deceiver can change and ruin lives. You must try your hardest to do only good, knowing that at times you may fail. You, and only you, can choose how to live your life. With all your heart and soul, try to follow God!”
“Now that I have told you the truth of God, the deceiver, and the free will you have been given, I will tell you my story. Now you will hear how my life has been affected by the choices I have made.”
At this the crowd stirred. All this time they had been standing silent, almost breathless as they listened to my every word. Now once again they moved, shaking themselves and turning and whispering to each other. I waited, giving them time to think and speak. After a few moments they began to settle down to hear what I would say next. Soon they were quiet again, looking at me expectantly.
“I have lived in this land for twelve years. When I arrived here I was a wanderer that had been sent away from my own land by God. The mark I bear comes from God, and was given to me on the day I was sent from my home. You may think this mark is a sign of blessing, but no, it is a mark of mercy. Mercy given to me by God, even though I did not deserve it.”
“God, in His love and mercy gave me this mark so no man would do to me the evil that I did to another.” The crowd looked at each other in puzzlement, and then slowly realization began to dawn upon them.
I finished my confession, “Yes, God gave me this mark so none would kill me as I had killed.”
At this statement there was a sharp intake of breath as all eyes widened in shock. After a brief stunned silence, the crowd lost control. There was talking and shouting; an overwhelming clamor that was almost deafening to my ears. In their surprise some reverted to their old languages. Others gestured and called out, “Murderer! Murderer!”
Even though I had denied it over the years, many in the crowd had still believed I was a god of some sort; a god that was good and had been sent to help them. For no valid reasons whatsoever, many had raised me up as one that was beyond reproach; one that did no evil. To hear me admit to the greatest evil of all disappointed them to their very core.
I stood silent and unmoving, facing the crowd and waiting. My eyes searched out my closest friends, Catto and Cadune among them. I saw sadness and disillusionment in their eyes. I had expected and deserved this, but nevertheless, it hurt. Finally, the din began to die down.
“Yes, I did murder. I did evil against my own family and against God.”
The crowd once again became very restless and agitated, loudly discussing what I had just said. After they calmed down I continued, “I will now tell you of my life before I came to this land, as well as the circumstances that brought me here.”
“Though I know little of mankind’s origins, I know that all of us, both your race and mine, were created by God. I cannot tell you of your beginnings, and can tell you only a little of my parents, since they were not willing to speak of their past. But I will tell you what I know.”
“My parents were created by God to have dominance over the land and be God’s people on earth. They lived in a special place and were blessed by God, but something happened. They listened to the deceiver and did something that was wrong in God’s eyes, and they were sent away from His presence to the land in which I was born.”
“In my homeland, far away on the other side of the wasteland, I and my brother Abel were raised by my parents. We lived a good life. The ways I have taught since I came to live with you were the ways of my parents. We farmed and raised sheep and goats; we made soap and cloth and lived much as you do now.”
“As a family we revered God. We kept the seventh day as a day of rest, to honor God's rest on the seventh day after His creation of the earth. We gave back to Him in a sacrifice the finest portion of our yields. Even though my parents were sent away from His presence because of their disobedience, they still loved Him and tried to do His will.”
“Though I had no cause for thinking as I did, I chafed under my parents’ requirement to give back to God. I had ideas that increased the yield of my crops and I wanted the glory for these ideas. I was proud and did not understand that all things come from God, and my heart was not willing to give Him honest and sincere thanks for His blessings. My anger and resentment grew when I did not hear the praise that in my self-centeredness I felt I deserved.”
“My brother Abel had a great love for God, and tried to do His will in every way. As time went on Abel increasingly found favor in the eyes of God, and though I now realize it was not true, I believed he was also favored by our parents. I grew very jealous of my brother, and I resented the peace and joy he had in his life. Abel loved me and tried to tell me how to find peace in God, but this caused me to resent him even more.”
“As my jealousy began to turn to hatred, God came to me and warned me of the evil that was growing in my heart. But in my pride and arrogance I did not listen. I did not repent and change. Instead, I let the jealousy and hatred grow, and finally it spilled over and my own brother lay dead at my feet.”
I heard the sharp intake of breath from the crowd. Although they had expected this, they were still shocked to hear the words come from my mouth.
“I was warned by God, and I still killed my own brother. I deserved nothing less than death for this act of evil. God came to me and asked me what I had done, and in my shame I lied. Of course God knew what I had done to my brother. But in His mercy He did not take my life, but instead sent me away from my parents and all I had ever known. This mark He placed upon my head to prevent others from killing me, from sinning as I had.”
“I left my homeland, and though I was sad over the death of my brother, I was still unwilling to repent and take responsibility for what I had done. Pride, arrogance and selfishness still reigned in my heart. I could not admit wrong-doing on my part, but instead assigned the blame for my actions to my brother, to my parents, and even to God.”
“I found a home here, but as I have lived among you I have been that same man; arrogant, selfish and full of pride in my accomplishments. I have always taken the glory for myself, refusing to see the hand of God working through me and you, time and time again.”
“Only now have I seen my folly. S
eeing the sin and corruption of the eastern tribe finally opened my eyes to all that God does for mankind. A generation ago God removed the people that had gone over to sin for your protection, and though they had the free will to change, most continued to revel in their sinful ways.”
“Seeing them and realizing what so many of them had chosen, it is as if I have awakened from a dream. I now know it has been God’s hand at work all along. I have accomplished nothing on my own, but all things through God, who has guided and strengthened me. Though I am not worthy, I have been blessed in this land with you as a people, and blessed with my wife and my sons.”
“Though unworthy, I have asked God for forgiveness for my brother’s murder, as well as my sins of pride and selfishness. I cannot know if He accepts my repentance, but this is all I can do. I also ask your forgiveness, if you can find it in your hearts. I am truly sorry for what I have done, and the man I have been.”
“That is my story, and the truth of the one God.”
Here I stopped. I had nothing more to say. I felt empty, drained. I was ashamed of myself and what I had admitted to being, but I was glad to have finally spoken the truth.
I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do and unsure of how the people would react. Neither did the people seem to know what to do. They looked at each other, and then looked back at me. No one said anything for a long moment.
Then the floodgates opened and everyone began to speak at the same time, talking with their spouses, families and friends. They would look at me often, glancing up to where I stood and then turning back to continue their discussion. I waited, expecting someone, or perhaps even the entire tribe, to do something, though what I expected to happen I do not know. But they continued only to talk among themselves. I could hear my name mentioned, hear discussion of God, and I knew that they still had many questions, but no one called out for me in anger.
I continued to wait, alone and unsure of what to do next. Finally Kalou, who had stood near the entire time, took my hand and said, “Let’s go talk to our friends. They have questions for you.”
She led me into the crowd, and no one shied away from me. They were curious and many asked questions, while others spoke words of encouragement. I was amazed; this was not at all what I had expected. I had expected to see disgust, and perhaps hatred. I had even thought people might call for my expulsion from the tribe.
Instead I found sadness and disappointment, but also there was understanding and forgiveness. They were disappointed I was not the man they had thought I was, and they were saddened by what I had done to Abel. But in their humanity they understood my weakness and they were able to forgive me.
People lingered in the square for quite some time. I moved through the crowd, speaking with everyone that wanted to talk as I answered many questions about both God and my past. I never noticed when people began to disperse back to their homes, but suddenly I saw there were very few people left, and most of them were my leaders, the men and women that knew me best.
Kalou had already left with our children, and I was mentally and physically exhausted, hardly able to stand.
I looked around and said to everyone, “I’m tired. I have to go home now.”
Catto looked back at me, and replied seriously, “Yeah, you look as tired as I’ve ever seen you. How long has it been since you slept?”
“A few days,” I admitted.
He nodded, “I figured as much. That must have been an incredibly difficult confession to make. I don’t know if I could have done it. But it's over now and tomorrow’s another day, right?”
“Yeah, tomorrow’s going to be a whole new start for me. But I know I’ll sleep well tonight. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and it’s been a long time since I was able to sleep in peace.”
He nodded again thoughtfully, “I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow... And Cain, thanks for finally telling us the truth.”
I paused as I began to turn away, and looking him in the eye I replied, “Catto, it was my pleasure.”
In The Beginning Page 47
