What Hurts the Most

by Tynessa

  “So, you don’t believe me, do you?”

  How could I believe him with the shit he would take me through!?

  “I didn’t say that,” was all I said.

  “Man, I swear, Asia, I ain’t been doing shit. I told you last time that a nigga was changing. I’m not with all that cheating shit no more. It’s me and you now. Fuck them other bitches,” he said as he took my hand in his. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. “You know I love you and I don’t want you thinking I’m out here fucking around because I’m not. I’m just trying to get this money and stacking this bread, so when we finally have a baby, he or she will be straight.”

  Jay had been trying to get me pregnant for almost a year now. I’d been trying to tell him I’m on birth control but I couldn’t muster the words out. It’s not that I didn’t wanna have his baby, because I did. There was nothing more I wanted than to have a family with Jay’vion. But that’s the key word—family. I was not trying to be his babymama or no shit like that; and with the way our relationship was going, that’s exactly what I’d end up being. I knew how bad he wants a baby and that’s why I was taking my secret abortion I had a year ago to my grave. Jay’vion would, no doubt, beat the fuck out of me—and he didn’t even hit females—if he found out I aborted his baby. Shit, he’d probably kill my ass. Nobody even knew I was pregnant but Tangela, and I planned on keeping it that way.

  “Okay,” was all I could softly say back.

  “I love you.” Leaning over his seat as we came to a stop light, Jay’vion puckered up his lips for a kiss. I leaned over and kissed them softly, never taking my eyes off his as he stared at me. I often wondered if Jay really loved me like he claimed he did. I mean, he gave me all the reasons to question his love for me. How could you claim to love someone but cheat on them constantly!? I just don’t get it. To be honest, I didn’t think he had a clue how to love, if you ask me.

  “I love you too,” I smiled and said as I pulled back. Damn, sometimes I hated how much I loved his ass ‘cause just like that, his whereabouts and what he was doing had become irrelevant.

  When we made it to the house, Jay and I began getting dressed for his brother’s welcome home party. I knew that shit was about to be off the charts. I didn’t know about, Tez, but Jay’s ass knew everybody in Atlanta—shit, he acted like it anyways.

  “How do I look?” I asked as I spun around so Jay could see my whole outfit. I didn’t need him to tell me I was looking good but I valued his opinion.

  “Like a nigga need to run up in that before we leave,” he responded while walking up on me, making me giggle as he kissed the nape of my neck.

  “Baby, you are so romantic.” I threw my arms around his neck. I swear, his ass didn’t have a romantic bone in his body. That’s okay, though, ‘cause I still loved his crazy ass.

  “I try to be. Now come on before you start something. My shit already hard,” he said as he pulled me closer and I felt his hard-on. Laughing, I walked away because it was only gonna be a matter of time before his ass had me face down, ass up.

  Giving myself one final look, I admired my body in the full-length mirror. I was rocking a hot pink mini dress that stopped right under my ass, my hair was hanging past my shoulder on the left side while the right side was shaved with a fye ass design, and on my feet was a pair of black Jimmy Choo heels—they were to die for and my favorite pair. “Damn, you one bad ass bitch,” I stated to myself conceitedly.

  “Girl, bring yo’ ass on before we be late.” Jay’vion grabbed his keys and walked out the room, all the while shaking his head. I just chuckled and walked out behind him. Silently, I was praying to God, that I didn’t have to show my butt tonight at this club. Jay’vion had better been on his best behavior tonight and he definitely better had warned his hos that wifey was gon’ be with him tonight. He knew I had no problem showing my natural black ass.

  Chapter 5

  Love in the Club!

  Quintez

  The club was packed and bitches were everywhere—bad bitches at that. While making my way up to VIP where the rest of the crew was, mothafuckas were stopping me left and right, welcoming me home and shit. One would think I was a damn celebrity up in this bitch, with the way they were acting. Well, I guess I was a street celebrity, in a way. Nonetheless, it felt good as hell seeing everybody come out and show some love to yo’ boy. I finally made my way up to the second level of the club where the VIP section was located.

  “Damn, li’l bruh, took you long enough. I was starting to get worried. You better not have been out getting into no trouble,” Jay whispered in my ear as we embraced in a brotherly hug. He didn’t have to worry about that. My ass was chilling out. Prison was no joke and I’d be damned if I continued to do the same shit I did that landed me in the bitch in the first place. I lost too much during the five years I was away. Not money or materialistic as shit like that. I lost my first love—the only bitch I would probably ever love. That bitch Bree cut me deep and I refused to let another ho have my heart again.

  “Man, I was chilling. I ain’t into all that shit no more,” I stated truthfully. I’m just gon’ sit back and let these li’l niggas bring in my money. I ain’t touching no hard dope, unless I have to. I just hoped I could live up to that shit—thugging was all I knew!

  “A’ight, I hear ya. You know I’m just looking out for yo’ li’l hot-headed ass.” Jay’vion hugged me again. “Welcome home, baby. Let’s go get you one of these bad ass bitches up in here,” he stated while throwing his arm around my neck. We walked back over to where he was sitting and I wasted no time grabbing one of the shots that was resting on the table. I was trying to get fucked up.

  I noticed my brother kept looking over the rail, as if he was looking for someone. Me being nosey, I started looking too. I had to make sure nothing was about to jump off. I wanted to be alert, just in case.

  “What we looking at?” I asked. I didn’t see shit out of the ordinary.

  “Just making sure my girl straight. Her and her homegirl out there on the damn dance floor.” He pointed. “You met her homegirl, Tan, at Ma’s house.”

  That’s when I noticed shawty from earlier out there shaking her ass. It was like she was standing out from the rest—yes, she was just that bad. After watching her for what seemed like an eternity, my eyes followed as they walked off the dance floor towards the stairways where we were. That’s when I finally took my seat on the white leather couch. Picking up my bottle of Henny, I begin drinking out of it before hitting the Blunt I had been puffing on.

  “Hey, Quintez, I know I said it earlier but welcome home boo,” my brother’s girl, who I learned was Asia, said as she hugged me. Her friend had already sat down and was ordering her a drink—which I didn’t understand why—there was everything she needed on the table. Patron, Henny, Goose, Ciroc, Ace—you name it, we had it.

  “‘Preciate that, shawty,” I said back as I threw one arm around her. I looked at her friend that was looking over at me. Just as I looked at her she turned her head. I chuckled and shook mine. I slid to the end of the couch, closer to her. Looking over at her, I licked my lips, before speaking. “What’s up, li’l mama? You can come sit with me. I don’t bite.” I smiled at her before tucking my bottom lip into my mouth. She smiled bashfully. Damn, her ass so fucking sexy. She looked even better with her hair hanging long and straight. It was a must that I got some of that.

  “I’m okay over here,” she finally let me know. I bobbed my head up and down. Puffing on my Blunt again, I gestured it towards her.

  “You smoke?” She shook her head no then sipped her drink. Damn, li’l mama needed to loosen up some. She was acting like a nigga was trying to wife her up or some shit.

  Fuck this! I’ve never been the one to hold back. Whatever I wanted, I went for it and I was yearning for li’l mama. I knew I just met her li’l snobbish ass a few hours ago but I didn’t give two fucks. Getting off the couch, I walked over to her and pulled her out the chair she was sitting in. Sitting
down, I sat her on my lap. She tried to get up but I pulled her right back down and held her in place.

  “Nigga, you got some fucking nerve. You don’t fucking know me to be handling me like that,” she said angrily. Ask me if I gave a fuck, though. Nope!

  “Shawty, chill out. Just hit the Blunt and get comfortable.” I tried to hand it to her again but she turned her head. She tried to get up once more but I wouldn’t let her. After a while I felt her body relax. It wasn’t long before her ass had loosened up.

  “So, you got a nigga, huh?” I asked just for the hell of it. I really didn’t give a fuck if she did or didn’t.

  “Yep, we been together for all of eight years and don’t plan on breaking up no time soon,” she slurred out the words. Her ass was ‘bout fucked up! However, I couldn’t help but to laugh when she said that. Shit, mo’ power to them! I wasn’t trying to fuck with her on that level anyways—no bitch for that matter.

  “Oh okay…that’s good to know,” I said while placing my hands on her hips as she wiggled them with ease to the beat of Beyoncé’s latest hit, Drunk In Love. Her mothafuckin’ ass definitely had a nigga drunk in love right about now. When she stood up my ass was in a trance. While giving me a lap dance, I couldn’t keep my hands off her. Shit, I started to give her ass every penny I had on me. Oh yeah, she getting some of this dope dick tonight!

  Just as my hands connected with her ass, I looked to my left to see Bree’s ol’ dumb ass standing there staring at me. Man, I knew one thing; she better not had brought her ass over starting no shit. Just seeing her fucked up my whole vibe. Rolling my eyes upwards, I slid li’l mama forward so I could get out the chair.

  “What the fuck you doing up here, Bree?” I asked with an attitude. I knew Bree, and I just knew she was about to cause a damn scene. I don’t know why though. Shit, I wasn’t her nigga.

  “I was coming to welcome you home but I see you up here getting a fucking lap dance and shit from this bitch. Really? So that’s how you doing it now, Tez?” she asked. I couldn’t help the confused expressing that rested on my face. Bitch, you just welcomed me home when you fucked and sucked me up, earlier—that’s what I wanted to say to her.

  “Man, okay. ‘Preciate it, shawty,” I said instead, nonchalantly.

  “Mmmhmm…so you up here all booed up with another bitch when you just came to my house and fucked me earlier,” her stupid ass says loud enough for the whole VIP section to here. I dropped my head because Bree was about to fuck me up with ol’ girl.

  “Man, shut yo’ dumb ass up. You knew what it was when I came over there. Don’t sit up here and try to make something out of nothing. You already knew it was just a fuck thing.” Shit, it was already out there. Plus, I wasn’t obligated to explain shit to no fucking body. I was a grown, single ass man that didn’t have to answer to nobody. What I fucking did was my business!

  “So, it’s just fuck me, huh? After all the shit we’ve been through, Tez? You get out and just shit on me.”

  Man, Bree, is on some other shit, for real.

  “Man, Bree, get the fuck away from me with all that shit. A nigga just got out and all I want to do is enjoy my night without hearing all this crazy shit you spitting,” I said angrily. I turned around about to see if, Bree, had fucked me up with ol’ girl but she was nowhere in sight and neither was Asia. Fuck!

  Chapter 6

  Fighting Temptation!

  Tangela

  “Man, that ho was about to get slapped! Calling me a bitch; her funky ass don’t even know me,” I fussed as Asia drove me home from the club. I didn’t know who that ho was that thought it was okay to call me out my name, but that shit was about to get her ass beat. Fuck that! Now, I didn’t bother nobody, but I wasn’t about to let anyone talk about me like I wasn’t right there, either. I didn’t care who you were!

  I’m wasn’t upset that she felt some type of way because I was dancing for her—I’m assuming—boyfriend. I mean, I would’ve been upset too, but check that nigga; don’t come for me. Evidently, my ass didn’t know he had a girl, ‘cause otherwise I wouldn’t have been that close to him. I didn’t even want his ass, anyway. I had my own nigga. He might’ve been in prison, but he was still mine, and I wasn’t letting Quintez’s fine ass or nobody else fuck up what Kacey and I had going on. Even if he had been acting like an ass lately.

  “Girl, I knew you was about to start swinging. Why you think I pulled you up out of there?” Asia knew me all too well.

  “Well, I appreciate that sis ‘cause a bitch was about to go to the slammer for beating that ho about her own damn man.” I might’ve been laughing but I was dead ass serious.

  “So what do you think about, Quintez? He’s cute, ain’t he?” Asia asked me out the blue. I just rolled my eyes and smacked my lips. Nigga was hella cute and sexy as fuck.

  “I guess he look alright. I don’t know,” I responded back with a hunch of my shoulders. For some reason, that made Asia laugh.

  “Tan, don’t do me. You know that mothafucka’ is fine. He looks better than Kace ass,” she laughed. Ugh, I can’t stand this heffa.

  Don’t get it twisted now; my baby was far from ugly and Asia knew that. Standing at 5’9”, he had light brown eyes that complimented his caramel complexion and full pink, irresistible, lips. Kacey wasn’t ugly at all! Everybody started calling him C-Breezy when Chris Brown came out with Run It because he looked as if he could be Chris’ older brother or something. But I guess Asia feels that Tez looks better than him. I mean, I love myself some Chris Brown and saw the resemblance between the two, also. However, I hated to admit Tez did look a little better, in his own way. I give credit where credit is due, and that damn boy was just too fucking fine.

  “Bitch, no you didn’t! He look better than Jay ugly self.” I rolled my eyes at her ass. Jay wasn’t ugly and I did agree with her, but I wasn’t about to let her know that. Her crazy ass laughed harder.

  “Bitch, they’re brothers. They look alike.” That was true, but still, she had me fucked up.

  “So, he still look better than him!” I didn’t see shit funny. Her ass was always trying to call my baby ugly on a sly, when she knows he was not. Asia only did that because she didn’t like Chris Brown. She said ‘cause Chris was crazy, yet I couldn’t care less why. My fucking nigga wasn’t ugly; I knew that!

  “Dang, I’m just playing. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. You get mad when somebody talk about Kace ugly ass, don’t you?” Reaching over, Asia, pinched my right cheek as she laughed harder than before. I slapped her hand away from me before busting out laughing myself. Damn shame, I couldn’t even stay mad at her silly ass for long. I was glad when we pulled into my apartment complex. I was ready to get the fuck out of her car.

  “Damn, you not gon’ say bye?” Asia said as I was getting out. I just flicked her the middle finger as I walked in front of her car.

  “I love you. Call me when you make it home!” I yelled over my shoulder as I walked to my building.

  Walking into my apartment, I wasted no time stripping out my clothes. I hopped in the shower and when I was done and all dried off, I eased into bed naked. I don’t know why, but I hate sleeping with clothes on. Drunk as fuck and have to work in the morning, I didn’t know how that shit was going to work out. Looking over at my nightstand, I kissed the tip of my fingertips and placed them on the photo of me and Kacey. I missed my baby something terrible. Lord, I will be one happy ass when he come homes.

  {}{}{}{}{}{}

  2 weeks later

  Clocking out at my nine to five at the Sprint store, all I could think about was getting home to my bed. I had gone out with Asia the previous night and my ass was beyond tired and sleepy. It wasn’t too often Jay let her go out without him, but when his ass did, baby, we would party like it wasn’t no tomorrow. His ass had her on a tight ass leash sometimes. If you asked me, I think he was afraid that she might do the same shit to him that he was doing to her—cheating.

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I raised my head and s
aid to the person I had bumped into on my way out the store. When I looked up, I looked into the eyes of this sexy mothafucka’. Quintez smiled at me then bit down on his bottom lip. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I hadn’t seen him since that one night at the club. Not that I had been looking for him because I hadn’t. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t even been going over to Ms. Jackie’s house ‘cause I was scared I would run into him.

  “Are you gonna stare at her all day or what?” asked the female that I assumed was with him. She had a thick Spanish accent and from the looks of it she was mixed with that and a little black. She was a real pretty chick and had a nice little shape. Her ass wasn’t as big as mine but it was alright. I looked at her ass like she had lost her damn mind, chuckled, and shook my head.

  What the hell is wrong with these hos? was the question I asked myself. I apologized to Quintez once more then started out the door, but he grabbed my arm, stopping me.

  “Go ahead and pay your bill; I’ll be in the car. I have to holla at her right quick,” Quintez said to her, all the while still holding on to my arm. Ol’ girl looked as if she wanted to protest but didn’t. Giving me one final look her ass rolled her eyes, smacked her lips, and did as she was told.

  “What’s up?” I asked, easing my arm out his grip as she walked off.

  “I didn’t know you worked here,” he said. I looked at him confused. He didn’t even know me so how would he have known where I worked? I guess that was his way of making conversation or something.

  “I’m pretty sure you didn’t. Is that’s what you wanna holla at me about?” I asked and he just smiled. That’s when I saw his bottom gold grill. He didn’t have it the last time I saw him but that shit made him look even sexier than before. Damn, he got dimples too!? How could I have missed them? Quintez’s dimples weren’t that deep but they were deep enough for me to have not missed them. Ugh. I had to get my ass from around this nigga. I had never cheated on Kacey but this mothafucka’ made me wanna do the unthinkable.