What Hurts the Most

by Tynessa

  “I want you to move in with me, Ma,” I let her know after she informed us that a hospice home health nurse would be coming to her house three times a week. They wanted to admit her into hospice, but Mama wasn’t going for that.

  “No. No, I’m not leaving my house, Quintez.” She waved me off. I continued to plead but what Mama says goes. She said she was not going and that was all there was to it. Jay was sitting over there on mute. Obviously he was still pissed off.

  “So, we supposed to just sit here and let you die or some shit?” The harsh words Jay spoke cut me deep. It’s not what he said but how he said it. I swear, I could’ve just punched his ass in the face.

  “Aye, nigga, chill the fuck out,” I said. Mama grabbed my arm because she already knew how my temper was. Brother or not, he had one more time to disrespect my mama. She might not have admitted it but her ass was stressing behind this shit, just like us. And this nigga running his fucking mouth, wasn’t making shit no better. Whether she told us then or now, there was nothing we could’ve done to prevent the shit from happening.

  “If there’s nothing the doctors can do, then there’s nothing y’all can do for me, Jay’vion. My nurse will be here for me. It’s not like I can’t move around. It might be a little slower now, but I can still get around,” she said with a smile. I still wasn’t feeling her being here alone, though.

  “Well how about we hire you a nurse to move in here until you get better, Ma? Since you don’t want to move in with us, can we do that for you?” Jay’vion’s ass was finally acting like he had some damn sense. I knew my brother was hurt, though, because I was. Mama was all we had left.

  “I would like that, Jay’vion.” She patted his hand that was resting on top of one of hers. He kissed her on the cheek before getting up and going outside with his cell phone in his hand. I continued to chat with our mama to find out more about her condition. The more she talked the more it was breaking my damn heart. I felt so fucking helpless looking at my mama, because there wasn’t shit I could do about what she was going through.

  Jay came in shortly and informed us that everything was all set up and the nurse would be moving in tomorrow. I would rather she moved in with one of us but since she was not having that, I’d be sure to visit her every single day. I didn’t know what I’d do if something happened to my queen. When our pops died, a nigga was fucked up behind it, but hearing my mama’s life was on the line was more than I could handle. Ain’t shit like a mother’s love!

  Chapter 12

  Mama Knows Best!

  Jay’vion

  I couldn’t believe the shit Mama had just told me and Quintez. Her words were still stuck in my head; “I have colon cancer and there’s nothing the doctors can do.” I been knew something was up with all the damn weight she had lost and every time I asked Asia’s funky ass she’d pretend like she didn’t know. I couldn’t wait to get to the house to curse her ass out. This was my damn mama and I think she should’ve told me what was up when she first found out.

  While sitting here chilling with my mama, it was hard keeping my eyes off her. She even looked sick and it was making me feel bad as hell. Here I was, not even living twenty minutes away from her and I knew nothing about her illness.

  “Now, that we’re alone, Jay’vion, I wanna talk to you about something,” my mom said. Quintez was staying the night with her tonight so she wouldn’t be alone, but he had to make a run first, so I told him, I’d chill here until he got back. I had to start doing better; starting with spending more time with her. There was no reason for me to have been neglecting my mom the way I had been. From here on out, I wasn’t putting shit before her. This right here was a wakeup call for me.

  “What’s up, Ma?” Grabbing the remote, I turned off the TV, turned to face her, and gave her my undivided attention. I wondered what she wanted to talk to me about because she wasn’t usually in my business like that. Though, she never spoke on it, I knew she was aware that I was slinging rocks, but I only hoped that was not what she wanted to talk to me about.

  “You know I love you, son, and I don’t usually get into yours and your brother’s, personal affairs. Y’all relationships are none of my business,” she said to me.

  “Yeah, I know Ma. What is it?” I asked.

  “Well, you know I’ve grown to love Asia as if I birthed her myself—her and Tan—and Jay’vion, you know as well as I know that she’s very much in love with you.” I nodded my head up and down, kind of already knowing where this conversation was headed.

  “Yeah, I know Ma and she knows I love her too,” I responded.

  “Well why do you treat her the way you do? That’s not love, Jay’vion; and I nor your father didn’t raise you like that. You walk all over that girl as if she’s nothing but dirt on the bottom of your shoes.”

  “Ma, what you talking about? I don’t treat her no kind of way.”

  “Jay’vion, the things you do to that girl, she doesn’t deserve any of it. When she comes to me for motherly advice, it puts me in an awkward position, being that I’m your mother and I can’t give her the honest advice I should, being that it’s my son that’s dogging her out. It’s like you’re not even being inconspicuous with it, either. You do everything out in the opening. Do you really think that’s love, how you’re treating Asia? What has she ever done to deserve that kind of treatment? I bet you didn’t even know you gave her a STD last year, did you?”

  I almost choked on my damn saliva when my mama said that shit. I knew Asia, and I knew if I gave her something, she would have left my ass and never looked back. What in the hell is Mama talking about?

  “Ma, what you talking about? I ain’t never gave that girl no disease.” I remember I caught trichomoniasis from this one chick but I got that shit cured as soon as I found out. Since, Asia never said shit about it, I assumed I didn’t pass it on to her.

  “She came over here one day crying, saying you gave her, tric…tric… something like that,” she stuttered, not knowing how to pronounce the word. I closed my eyes and cursed my own ass the fuck out. I can honestly say since that little scare, I’d been protecting myself with the hos a lot better ‘cause that shit could’ve been a lot worst.

  “And Asia told you that, Ma?” I asked and she nodded her head up and down.

  “I’m telling you this for your own good; Asia is a good girl that deserves to be treated way better than you’re willing to treat her. I don’t understand how you can say that you love her with all the wrong you’re doing. Please, son, if you don’t want her or are afraid to fully commit yourself to her then, please, let her go on with her life before you damage her heart worse than you already have.”

  “I hear ya’, Ma,” is all I could muster out as Quintez walked in the door. That didn’t stop Mama from talking though. She just had to get her last word.

  “Mama knows best and I know that Asia is the best thing for you.” She picked up a picture of me, Asia, Tan, and Kacey. Staring at it, she smiled then looked at Quintez. “It would be nice if you and my other baby could’ve been a couple.” The look on my brother’s face was priceless, right now.

  “Nigga, don’t front. You know you got yo’ eyes on li’l sis.” I laughed and so did Mama.

  “Yes, I saw you looking at her the day you got out and came here. She’s real pretty but too bad she’s faithful to her man. He’s a real nice, respectful guy and just what she needs. He just got caught up in the wrong business,” Mama said. She never had a problem with Kacey and called him her other son. Looking over at Quintez I saw the steam coming from his ears as he slightly rolled his eyes and I busted out laughing.

  “What’s all that for, bruh?” I asked but he didn’t say anything.

  I kicked it with them for a little while longer before leaving with my mama’s words stuck in my head. “Mama, knows best and I know that Asia is the best thing for you.” It was a must that I got my shit together before I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. From here on out, I was making shit right wit
h Asia before it was too late. Fuck those other bitches!

  Chapter 13

  I Hurt, You Hurt!

  Bree

  Sometimes I really hated Quintez’s rude ass guts. I swear, that mothafucka’ was so got-damn rude, that it didn’t make no damn sense. I was really done fucking with him when he got locked up. I knew he was going to do some time with the large amount of drugs they found on his ass. I was supposed to break things off with him when he got sentenced but shit went to the left when he reversed it.

  Tez, was my first love, my first, everything, and after being together for five years through all our ups and downs, I was actually heartbroken when he said for me to do me and don’t wait on him while he did his time. I was supposed to let him know I wasn’t about to sit and wait for him, but to have him mustering the words out to me, I couldn’t handle it. That’s when I let him know I wasn’t going anywhere and was going to be there for him and hold him down when he needed me the most. Even if it was a lie, I made the shit sound good.

  No, my daughter Brittani wasn’t planned but I didn’t regret her, either. Tez was never trying to give me a baby when we were together. He knew I wanted nothing more than to have a baby by him, but his excuse was always that it wasn’t the right time. So when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, there was no way I was aborting her. To be honest, Brittani’s father and I had been messing around way before Tez went to jail. If Tez knew half the shit I did behind his back he would probably kill my ass. Though he used to cheat on me, it’s different when the shoe is on the other foot.

  When I went to Tez’s welcome home party and saw that bitch standing in front of him dancing, all I saw was red. I swear, I wanted to nut the fuck up on his ass and the only reason I didn’t was because my baby daddy was right there. Then again, I let it be known that we had just fucked and didn’t give a shit whose feelings were hurt behind it. I shouldn’t have even given a fuck about my babydaddy’s feelings anyways when he had his bitch right there with him. Yes, I had a baby with someone that was a part of, Tez’s circle. I know you’re probably thinking I’m a ho, but I don’t see it like that. Tez was cheating on me damn near throughout our whole relationship. Though he treated me like a queen and let it be known that I was the main lady in his life, it still didn’t excuse the fact that he was a cheater.

  When I first cheated on Tez, it was because I was hurt and needed a shoulder to cry on. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out like that and me and the guy continued to have an affair behind Tez’s back for years. I can even say I fell in love with him at one point. I mean, I loved the nigga so much that I betrayed my first love in the worst way. I would be lying if I said a part of me didn’t still have feelings for my child’s father, but now I was stuck because since Tez had gotten out, old feelings had resurfaced for him as well.

  The sound of my doorbell ringing brought me out my thoughts. I knew it was my babydaddy bringing my daughter home so I didn’t bother asking who it was.

  “Hey mama’s big girl,” I said when I opened the door. My daughter was so gorgeous. She was a mixture of me and her father, but more of her father; that’s why it was a good thing Quintez hadn’t seen her yet. The picture he saw when he came over was when she was first born, but she didn’t look like neither me nor her father then. That was a good thing, because he was studying the picture hard.

  “Mommy.” Brittani fell into my arms. I kissed all over her little face. She was my pride and joy.

  “Did you have fun with Grandma?” I asked. She nodded her head up and down, stating that she did with a big smile on her face. I put her down and she took off to play with her toys.

  “Hey baby daddy. I don’t get no hug?” I asked with my arms stretched out. He just rolled his eyes and walked past me. Rude fucker!

  “I know you been chilling at Tez’s house while your mama been having my daughter,” said my babydaddy. I was not about to go back down this road with him. Since Tez had been out, that’s all his ass had been raving about. I didn’t know why, but it seemed, his ass had always been jealous of Tez. Shit, they were in the streets getting money together back in the days, so why be jealous?! I just didn’t understand this nigga.

  “And if I have, so what? We’re not together nor will we ever be. For years you have been stringing me along, having me thinking we’re going to be together.”

  “I haven’t been doing shit. You knew what it was from the get-go. What, you thought just because we slipped up that one time and you got pregnant that we would be together?”

  “No, I thought that when you had me to…” I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “When that shit went down with Tez, you kicked it like we were going to be together and shit then you turned and did a complete 360 on my ass when you found out I was pregnant with Brittani.” I began to tear up. I couldn’t believe he was treating me as if I wasn’t shit to him.

  “Man, I ain’t about to get into that shit today. Has he even seen my daughter? Do he know I’m the father?” he then asked, changing the subject.

  “He saw pictures of her when he can over here but he didn’t say anything,” I answered him honestly. I knew if I lied and he found out Tez had been over here he would flip out on my ass.

  “Oh so you had that nigga in the shit I pay bills at?” He stared at me with a mug as if he was ready to beat my ass.

  “No! He came over here when he first got out but Brittani wasn’t here. He hasn’t been back over since,” I stated quickly, trying to cover my ass.

  “Keep it like that.” Peeling off ten hundred bills, he handed them to me. “I’ll be back later this week to see my daughter.” With that he walked out and unlike any other time, I let his ass go.

  Let him tell it, he don’t want me but if he heard about or saw me talking to another nigga it would be the end of the damn world. I wanted to keep peace between him and Quintez because their bond was strong, but on the other hand I wanted to let Quintez know everything, starting with the day he got arrested. Back then, I was one some I hurt, you hurt type shit where I would’ve done anything to break Tez down and that’s what I did.

  Chapter 14

  Our Little Secret!

  Tangela

  Walking to my front door, I opened it without bothering to look through the peephole because I already knew it was Asia. I haven’t talked to her ass in over a week and that was so unlike us. Finally saying enough is enough, I called and cursed her mothafuckin’ ass out. I told this heffa she better get her ass over here and tell me what was up with her; and here she was.

  “Hey, boo,” I hugged her. She had on a pair of oversized shades, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, a pair of loose fitting sweats, a too-big white tee and all white Forces. So not Asia! I moved aside and let her in.

  “What’s been up, chick?” I asked once we made it to the couch. “You need a drink or something? You look stressed,” I said when she took off her glasses. I wouldn’t be scared to bet my last damn dollar that it had something to do with Jay’s black ass. He was gon’ stop treating my friend like shit or I was gonna have to end up beating his ass. She sighed before falling back on the couch.

  “I’m leaving Jay’vion,” she said just above a whisper. With a shake of my head, I rolled my eyes upwards. I knew it had something to do with that punk. Asia saw me and smacked her lips. “I’m serious. This nigga has fucked over me for the last time. Bitch got a picture in her phone of this nigga sleep and shit at her house. I’m just sick of hos approaching me like it’s okay and I’m one of his sideline hos. Well, I guess he’s making them believe I am, being that he told this ugly ass ho he been fucking around with for over a fucking year, that I’m just his friend that he fuck every now and then,” she vented all in one breath.

  I couldn’t do nothing but sit here with my mouth open. I know damn well Jay didn’t say no shit like that. But then again, I didn’t put it past him—I didn’t put shit past his ass. I didn’t have a problem with him and tried to stay out their business, but I thought Asia coul
d do so much better than him. Jay was a dog. Point blank!

  “Damn, boo,” was all I could say. For Jay to refer to her as his ‘friend’ was a low ass blow.

  “I know, but it’s cool, though. I let that bitch know I’m done and gave that ho my engagement ring. Since she’s his main bitch and I’m just a fucking friend, then I think she’s the one that should be wearing that mothafucka’; not me.” I sat stunned and surprised that my girl wasn’t even shedding tears behind the bullshit. Stretching out my arms, I gesture for her to come in for a hug, but she knocked my arms away and laughed.

  “Bitch, you don’t even have to feel sorry for me. Trust and believe, I’m good. I swear, I’m done crying over that nigga. This shit happened last week sometime, and the only reason I ain’t left his ass yet, is because he’s been going through it and stressing with Ms. Jackie. I was trying to be there for him but I got to thinking, let that bitch who house he’s sleeping at be there for his ass. I’m ending this shit with him tonight,” Asia announced, making me laugh.

  “I know that’s right—.” I was cut off by the sound of my phone, indicating I had an incoming call coming in. I looked at it, but didn’t recognize the number. I started to sit it back down but something screamed for me to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Yeah, what’s up?” I recognized to voice right away. What the fuck does he want? I hadn’t seen or spoken to Quintez since the night we had sex. A part of me was happy that he didn’t try to contact me, but deep down, I felt some type of way about it. Now that he was actually on my phone line, I didn’t know how to feel.

  “Hey,” I dragged, a little confused as of his reason for calling.