What Hurts the Most

by Tynessa

  “So, just like that. You over me?” he asked with an attitude, which I didn’t understand when he brought this shit on himself.

  “Just like that.” I matched his attitude as I stood up to prepare to leave out the room. Now wasn’t the right time to go back and forth with him.

  “You wrong, Asia. Dead ass wrong for how you doing me!” He was shaking his head while looking at me in disbelief. Obviously he was shocked by me stating I was over him. See, any other time Jay would just give me a month or two then apologize, and I would go running back. Nope, not this time.

  “You know as well as I know that you will never be faithful to me or any other woman. I will always love you, Jay, and you know I will always be here for you, but this ship has sailed.” I kissed his lips softly. “If you ever need me, you have my number,” and with that I walked out the room. It might’ve been a hard thing for me to do, but right here and right now, I was saying goodbye to Jay’vion.

  Chapter 24

  I’m My Own Man!

  Jay’vion

  I’d been at home since the day Asia walked out the bedroom on me at my mother’s repast. Hurt was an understatement. I never thought she would ever admit to not wanting to be with me again. I wasn’t trying to hear that shit, though. I saw it in her eyes. She still had feelings for me, so that li’l shit she spit about no longer being in love with me wasn’t convincing at all.

  Since my brother confronted me a couple of weeks ago about using powder, I haven’t put that shit up my nose. A part of me felt like I needed it to get through my breakup with Asia. The other part loved the effect it had on my body. But I told my brother, along with Lo and Stacy, that I wasn’t addicted and neither of them believed me. Though I’d been tempted, I was determined to stay away from it just to prove a point.

  “Yo, Jay,” Tez hollered as he entered my unlocked front door. I hadn’t seen him since our mother’s funeral.

  “Yeah, I’m in here,” I responded but he was already entering the living room where I was sitting watching Animal Planet.

  “Hell you got going on?” He fixed his eyes on the TV screen. “What you watching?” he asked me and I told him.

  “So how are you holding up? You good?” It was just the two of us now. We still had other family members that lived in Virginia but we were the only two in, Atlanta, GA. That meant I had to get back on my A-game and go back to the old Jay’vion—the nigga that was there for my brother and made sure he stayed out of trouble.

  “Yeah, I’m good. You know, just taking it one day at a time,” he let me know and I nodded my head up and down because I felt where he was coming from. “What about you? You good?” he asked me.

  “Yeah, I’m straight. This shit still seemed unreal, though.” It was still hard trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my mama was gone and wasn’t coming back.

  “Right.” There was a moment of silence before Tez spoke again. “You been keeping your nose clean?” That shit was embarrassing, him asking me that, and I felt like a damn crack-head. I didn’t need for Tez to ask me that shit every time he saw me.

  “Yeah, nigga! I told you that last time you saw me,” I answered with an attitude.

  “There’s no need to get hostile with me. I’m just making sure. Can I ask you a question and you answer me truthfully?”

  I nodded my head, letting him know that he could go ahead and ask his question and I’ll give him an honest answer. I already knew what he was about to ask. It was either how long have I been using cocaine or what made me start.

  “Why would you even start snorting that shit? Like, life was that fucked up for you? You know you could’ve come and talked to me about your problems.”

  “Maaaan,” I dragged out. “When Asia left me, I was lost. I knew it was the end of us and I’d lost her. That shit fucked me up and I turned to coke. I know it wasn’t the right move or the smartest decision but that was my pain reliever,” I explained, not bothering to mention it was one of my side hos’ ideas for me to start using that shit.

  “You right. It wasn’t the best way to handle it. I mean, if you was that fucked up over her leaving then you should’ve went to counseling. Shit, you could’ve came and talked to me about anything. Hell, my girl had a baby on me when I was locked up. I was messed up but I didn’t turn to drugs when I got out.”

  “Well everybody handles situations differently, Tez. You handle yours your way and I handle mines my way. Yeah, I fucked up, but damn, you acting like it’s the end of the world.” I was really getting angry.

  “I ain’t acting like it’s the end of shit! I’m just not understanding why you would turn to drugs over a bitch.”

  “Aye, watch that shit,” I warned him. Calling Asia a bitch was unacceptable. She wasn’t just one of these bitches in the streets—she was my main. So right now, my little brother was out of line.

  “Man, whatever! I think it’s more to this. Then you sitting over there acting all nonchalant about the shit. Nigga, you was on powder! Ol’ girl leaving you might’ve played a part in it but this shit is deeper than that. I’m thinking curiosity. This was something you wanted to do. You wanted to try the shit to see why niggas fiend for it and became addicted. Shit, maybe one of your fuck buddies got you hooked,” Tez said, hitting the nail on the head. Dropping my head in shame, I said nothing. Tez chuckled.

  “I knew it,” he said while shaking his head. I knew he was hurt by my actions, but it was me and I was a grown ass man. I wasn’t on it any longer so I didn’t see what the big deal was. Why keep bringing the shit up?

  “Why you keep making a big deal of the shit when I’m not even using it anymore? Then you telling mothafuckas not to let me in the trap. What kind of shit is that? Yo, you know that’s fucked up. I started this shit.” Just thinking about him trying to take over my empire was pissing me off. I started this shit up when that bastard was still breaking in cars and shit—now he wanted to treat me like a nigga on the street. Fuck that! I wasn’t even going out like that.

  “Yeah, you might’ve started this shit, but we all know if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have half the cash you have now. So chill the fuck out! I was in the pen still bringing yo’ ass major cash. So don’t come at me talking about who started what! If it was left up to you, you’d been done snorted all the shit up. You and Lo been on some other shit since I got out. Y’all think I don’t peep the slick shit ya’ll be on?” Tez said as he stood up. He was being calm; wasn’t giving me attitude or nothing, but because he was my li’l brother and I knew him like the back of my hand, I knew the nigga was beyond pissed. If we continued with this conversation, there was no doubt we would’ve been fighting.

  “Man, Tez, go on with that bullshit. Ain’t nobody on no slick shit,” was all I said.

  “Yeah, whatever nigga. Why you think I haven’t been fucking with y’all since I got out? But it’s all good. I’m about to be out before I say some shit I’ll regret. Just stay yo’ ass out the fucking trap! Next time you steal my shit, I won’t be so nice about it—brother or not!” And with that my brother left. Did this mothafucka’ just threaten me?

  I didn’t try to stop Tez because just like him I believe had he stayed a little longer, I would’ve said some shit too. I didn’t need him or anyone else. I was my own fucking man! I made him; he didn’t make me. Just like I built that territory, I could build another one. Fuck Quintez!

  Chapter 25

  Decisions, Decisions!

  Tangela

  “Can we talk?” Quintez asked as I held the front door open. I had been standing here for all of two minutes, just staring at him. He had some nerve to just pop up over here after the shit he did to me.

  Though I’d been walking around with the brightest smile and pretending that I wasn’t hurting on the inside, I was. As I stated before, I didn’t regret letting Quintez know that I was in love with him, but what he did afterwards, I wasn’t expecting. I felt like a complete fool when I woke up before dawn, after our lovemaking, to find him gone. He
didn’t even wake me up or anything. I guess what we shared didn’t mean as much to him as it meant to me.

  It seemed as if he had been trying to avoid me as much as I’d been avoiding him because I hadn’t spoken to him since that night. I saw him at his mother’s funeral but we didn’t even speak. We made eye contact for a brief second but that was until that chick Bree pulled him away. I really didn’t see what he saw in her ratchet ass, but I guess that’s what he likes.

  I knew then that it was time to let go and get Quintez out my system. I was really in love with him, though. Here I was, willing to give up a nigga that I knew loved and wanted to be with me for a mothafucka’ that didn’t even give a damn about me.

  “So, are you going to let me in or what?” he asked. With a roll of my eyes upwards, I moved aside to let the mothafucka’ in—which I shouldn’t have. Walking to the couch, he took a seat, but I remained standing.

  “What’s up?” I asked nonchalantly. I wasn’t trying to show any emotions. I didn’t want to give this son-of-a-bitch the satisfaction of knowing I was hurting over him. Bad enough he knew I was deeply in love with him. He didn’t need to know his actions was affecting me as well.

  “Come sit down.” He got up, walked over to me, took my hand, and pulled me to the couch where I sat next to him. Running his hand down his chocolate face, he began to speak.

  “Look, Tang, I wanna apologize about the other night. After you admitted you was in love with a nigga that shit fucked with me hard. I mean—.”

  I raised my hand stopping him.

  “You don’t even have to explain to me, Quintez.” I smiled. “I get it,boo. I took a gamble by letting you know I was in love with you when you’ve stated time and time again how you wasn’t looking for love. That was my fault right there. We were supposed to be cool—no strings attached—and I slipped up.” I laughed to keep from crying. I didn’t know what hurt the most; being in love with Quintez or the fact that I was cheating on Kacey.

  “This is un-fucking-believable! I not only cheated on my boyfriend, I fell in love with the nigga too.” At this point all I could do was shake my head.

  “But—,” he started and once again, I stopped him. Really, there was no need for an explanation.

  “But nothing, Quintez. You said all you said when you got up and left that night. I don’t regret telling you that I love you, because I do. I’m kind of glad you left because that opened my eyes and made me realize how bad I was fucking up. It gave me every reason to not cheat on Kacey for you and focus on mine and his relationship,” I said proudly. I was done with Quintez and riding the rest of my man’s time out with him.

  “Fuck!” He covered his face with his hand before giving me one of the most intense stares. “That’s just it—I am in love with you!”

  I thought my heart had just jumped out my damn chest. Did Quintez just say he was in love with me? No, no, no! How was I going to focus on Kacey when he’d just confessed he was in love with me?

  Quintez pulled me up and positioned me between his legs as he slid to the end of the couch. Looking up at me, he began speaking.

  “That night I left, I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I wasn’t expecting you to say you loved me, either. Tangela, you had my heart the first night you opened your legs to me, but because you had a man, I knew I couldn’t have you so I had to pretend the feelings weren’t there. I was with Bree for five years and I’ve never felt for her the way I feel for you. I know this shit is real; that’s why I can’t let you go.”

  I was speechless. God, this is all bad, I thought to myself as Quintez raised my shirt and began planting small, soft kisses on my belly. Pulling down my lounging-around-the-house sweatpants, he began nibbling on my kitty through my panties.

  “You think I would be eating your pussy if I didn’t love you? I can’t keep fighting this shit, Tangela. I love you and I gotta have you. Fuck that nigga!”

  Quintez made love to me right then and there on my living room floor. He showed me just how much he loved me and with every stroke, he announced it.

  “I really do love you, Tang, and I wasn’t lying when I said I gotta have you. I know you claim you love that nigga, but you’re in love with me and you can’t string us both along,” he said while staring up at the ceiling. Was he giving me an ultimatum? Was it wrong for me to be with him until Kacey came home?

  “But, I can’t do him like that. Kacey has been there with me through the toughest time. I can’t just walk away from him for another man—especially while he’s in prison.” I was on the verge of crying because I was in some deep shit. I had never cheated on Kacey and it was eating at my heart.

  “I understand that, but—,” Quintez, was cut off by someone at my door. Shit. I had forgot Asia was supposed to have been coming by. Hurriedly, I threw on my clothes, leaving Quintez laying right there on the floor. Why he was just lying there was beyond me.

  Not bothering to look through the peephole, I slung the door back, getting ready to greet my friend, but got the surprise of my life.

  “K-Kacey,” I stuttered with excitement as I stood there with widened eyes. To say I was stunned would be an understatement, but I was happy. I jumped into my baby’s arms and began kissing him deeply.

  “I missed you so much,” I said to him between kisses. “Oh my God, baby, when did you get out?” I just couldn’t stop kissing on him and it was as if nothing else mattered at the moment. He kept opening his mouth, but every time he got ready to speak, I would cover his lips with mines.

  I felt his body tense up and I slowly opened my eyes to see what was going on. I noticed he was looking past me. Shit! I had forgotten all about Quintez being here in my living room naked. Slowly, I turned around and there he stood, staring directly at us.

  To be continued…..

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