Sex, Time, and Power

by Leonard Shlain

  The president and his entourage were visiting an agricultural state and were on the obligatory farm tour when husband and wife were taken to different areas. While they were being shown the henhouse, the guide informed Mrs. Coolidge’s group that a single rooster could service all the hens. Mrs. Coolidge, incredulous, asked the farmer, “You mean to say that one rooster is able to keep all these gals satisfied?” When the farmer confirmed with a “yup,” Mrs. Coolidge smiled knowingly at the other women in her party and then instructed the farmer, “Go tell that to President Coolidge.”

  When he caught up with the president, the farmer relayed Mrs. Coolidge’s amazement about the sexual prowess of the rooster. Coolidge, without a moment’s hesitation, asked the farmer if the rooster repeated his studly performance always with the same hen, and the farmer was quick to add, “Oh no, Mr. President, it is always with a different hen.”

  To which Silent Cal deadpanned, “Go tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”8

  Montaigne observed, “I have put out to stud an old horse that could not be controlled by the scent of mares. Familiarity presently sated him toward his own mares, but let a strange one pass his pasture, and he returns to his importunate neighings and furious heats as before.”9 The French also express the same sentiment in another way: “Fresh mount, fresh courage,” men would say to each other with a wink and a nod. How does this feature of male orgasm fit into the scheme of survival of the species through sustained joint parenting by means of great mutual sex?

  And why is it that women who have birthed a child are more likely to experience an orgasm than women who have not? The capacity to have multiple sustained orgasms is awarded most often to women who have experienced multiple births. It is uncommon in childless women. Shouldn’t orgasm, especially among the childless, serve as the carrot encouraging them to keep at it? Why bestow the benison on those who have already performed their duty to their species?

  Many arguments and counterarguments could be made to the points raised above. Taken as a whole, however, there appear to be too many inconsistencies to embrace wholeheartedly the notion that female human orgasm evolved to entertain couples while they unwittingly increased the species’ numbers. Perhaps there are other, more subtle reasons for why this feature evolved.

  All three of the commonly proposed theories pass the test of plausibility. Selective pressures that encourage an adaptation to evolve are frequently multifactorial, and it may very well be that each of the three current theories I discussed above played a part in wiring Gyna sapiens’ nervous system for her extraordinary orgasm. I would, however, propose adding three alternative reasons to explain why Mother Nature propelled Gyna sapiens, alone among the feminine myriad, to the heights of ecstasy.

  The first reason: Female orgasm directly addressed the biological emergency that struck our species when African Eve realized that mortality was intimately related to sex. The veto power she gained over sex as a result of her insight endangered the viability of the species. A sober ancestral woman facing the odds that she might die because she had intercourse may have reasonably decided to forgo engaging in the activity. Mother Nature found it imperative to reward Gyna sapiens, thus countering her newfound caution. The reward was orgasm. If a woman knew that she could revisit the most amazing rush she had ever experienced, then she would be substantially more willing to risk confronting the Grim Reaper nine months hence, believing the game was worth the candle.

  The second and subtler reason for the evolutionary value of woman’s orgasm addresses the nettlesome problem of a human female’s mate-selection process. A woman had to be far more discerning than a man before deciding to say Yes! to sex. The gravity of her assent weighed heavily on her, because she understood, as no other species’ females ever did, that she had to determine in advance whether a male prospect would be an excellent protector, provider, and companion for many years into the future. She also needed a means to gauge his suitability as a father to the children she had discovered were the real purpose behind sex.

  Human language, as we will see in a later chapter, provided her with a major assist in this department, but it was not foolproof. A slick-talking male could deceive her as to his true intentions. Some men desire only to satisfy their lust, some to achieve a “conquest,” and some to prove their virility. She needed to predict who would abandon her and who would stay. By creating marked differences between the quality and timing of a female’s and a male’s orgasm, Mother Nature provided Gyna sapiens with the quintessential measuring rod to take the measure of her lover’s future behavior—one that superseded in value the information she garnered from mere words.

  In general, a man has straightforward, no-nonsense sexual goals. These are (1) easy access; (2) control over the pace, pressure, position, and duration of sex; (3) rapid withdrawal at the conclusion of his ejaculation; followed by (4) his unencumbered departure to attend to other business. Among the many reasons a man frequents prostitutes is his desire to satisfy his sexual wish list without having to feel guilty for not considering his partner’s feelings, needs, or desires.

  Unlike a man’s experience, a woman’s orgasm does not always confer its beneficence every time she copulates.* She learns through experience that, for her to achieve it regularly, several preconditions help.

  For optimal results, most women prefer to be immersed in the trappings of romance prior to engaging in sex. The man with whom a woman contemplates an assignation should have considered the setting, lighting, and music leading up to their union, because romantic seduction increases her lubricity, which in turn predisposes her to a more pleasurable sexual experience.

  She desires that he exhibit patience by engaging in a lengthy period of foreplay, consisting of his lambently stimulating her multiple erogenous zones. She hopes that he will show consideration and postpone his entry. Once he is inside, she wants him to prolong his movements and delay his ejaculation so that they can arrive at their respective pinnacles together. She prefers to guide him gently in matters concerning pace, pressure, position, and duration. Propelling her along the steep ascent to orgasm would be abundant amorous feelings toward the man with whom she is intimate.

  Clearly, a man’s and a woman’s lovemaking agendas are in sharp opposition to each other. Compromise is necessary after a couple comes together if both parties are to feel “togetherness.” But a woman learns, to her surprise and dismay, that very little is required of her to satisfy the majority of her male partners.

  In matters relating to her orgasm, however, a man cannot fake his concern or allow his attention to wander. Having reached orgasm sooner than his partner in most cases, a man must steadfastly remain at his station and continue to provide her with the most efficacious stimuli that he has learned over time will assist her in achieving a similar degree of pleasure. A man willing to do this reveals much about his character. By noting his willingness to sacrifice many of his original fast-sex, short-term goals, a woman can gauge how likely a man is to give her pleasure in the future.

  A man’s response to the possibility of a woman’s orgasm decisively separates the wheat from the chaff. The major traits a woman hopes to find beating behind a man’s rough exterior include: health, humor, patience, empathy, kindness, stamina, honesty, creativity, reliability, and generosity. All can be ascertained by evaluating the nuances of how a man makes love. These traits also predict what kind of provider, protector, companion, leader, and, most important, father this particular man will be. (This statement does not negate the experience of both men and women that sex with someone who may be entirely unsuitable as a prospective mate can often be the most exciting and satisfying for the very reason that it is flirting with danger.)

  An old saw states, “As the courtship goes, so goes the marriage.” To that I would add, “As the lovemaking goes, so goes the union.” Women determined after much experimentation that a man “with a slow hand and an easy touch who did not come and go in a heated rush” had the right stuff to see her through life’s in
evitable travails.*

  A man, too, learned, through many embarrassing trials and errors, that if he desired to obtain her nod of assent in the first place, and later to keep her interested in him, he would have to adjust drastically the short-term goals of his fantasized sexual style. The long-term benefits accruing to a man living with a sexually satisfied woman outweighed the extra effort he expended on his partner’s behalf.

  The third alternative reason for the evolution of female human orgasm concerns the mysterious G spot. In 1944, German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg identified a location in the superior wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone, that, when stimulated correctly, produced a vaginal orgasm distinct from a clitoral one. He became convinced of the existence of this accessory pleasure zone because many of his patients confirmed its presence by recounting their experiences. He published his report in an obscure medical journal and offered no scientific evidence to back up his claim.

  His revelation, however, was not new. Similiar observations had appeared in sexual manuals of antiquity, and seventeenth-century anatomists identified an excitatory zone in the same location. Alice Ladas, Beverly Whipple, and John Perry seized upon Grafenberg’s report and published a book in 1983 naming the area “The G Spot.”

  Scientists and lay sexologists have since attempted to verify Grafenberg’s observation, but, despite a vigorous debate about the issue, there remains little scientific consensus as to the exact whereabouts or even the existence of the elusive G spot. Couples, too, in the privacy of their bedroom, merrily joined the hunt. Freud, without ever actually doing any experiments, surmised that a vaginal orgasm existed distinct from a clitoral one. Masters and Johnson meticulously measured vaginal responses to stimulation and debunked Freud’s claim, and in the process sank Grafenberg’s, too.10 To many male reproductive physiologists, the G spot resembles the mythical unicorn, the horned white stallion that some women can easily see and know exists. For some women and the majority of men, despite a diligent search, the magnificent creature continues to remain elusive.

  Gynecologist Terence Hines recently proclaimed in the prestigious American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology that the G spot did not exist. Period. He dismissed the concept, calling it “a gynecological UFO” with many sightings but no hard proof. Hines based his conclusion on his exhaustive review of the medical literature, which failed to turn up any substantive or credible scientific evidence. He dismissed the numerous anecdotal reports from women who were quite certain, based on their own personal experience, that the G spot was indeed real.11

  However, Hines and other skeptics should be reminded that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. D.T. Suzuki, the great Buddhist teacher of the last century, noted that the primary characteristic of an ecstatic experience is its authenticity. Once someone has experienced ecstasy, no amount of logical argument can convince that person that what he or she experienced did not happen.

  Missing from the debate on whether the G spot is or is not present is an explanation for why such a spot would have evolved in the first place. Form follows function. The tip of the clitoris has crowded together in one small area over eight thousand nerve endings, making it the most concentrated collection of sensitive dendrites anywhere in the male or female body.12 It does not appear to have any function other than to provide its owner with pleasure. If the clitoris evolved in humans only to confer upon a woman exquisite delight, what would compel Mother Nature to create a secondary pleasure center in an inaccessible region that is difficult to find and unlikely to be stimulated in the course of prosaic lovemaking?

  Although scientific evidence for a G spot remains murky at this time, there could be a sound evolutionary reason for this secondary pleasure zone. Could its existence be more related to the pain of childbirth than to the pleasure of sex? The final stage of human delivery pits the largest skull among animal newborns (relative to body size) against the vaginal orifice’s diameter. Despite the vagina’s rapid circumferential dilation during delivery, every woman who has ever birthed a baby can vouch that the contest between the two—infant’s head and distended vaginal opening—is a terrible mismatch.

  If Natural Selection did not step in and conceive of a way to ameliorate the pain a mother endures in the last phase of delivery, the searing memory of it might traumatize her forever. Her ordeal during her baby’s difficult passage could exert a powerful influence over her psyche, inclining her to promise herself that if she survived this experience she would never—ever—repeat it. Based on innumerable hours of observations of other female animals, it would appear that none experiences as painful a delivery, nor do any others possess the capacity to hold the memory of it indefinitely and, moreover, act on this information far into the future. If Gyna sapiens exercised control over whether or not she would engage in sex, then an excessively painful childbirth could tip the scales toward her decision to abstain permanently. African Eve’s acquisition of Free Will could then become a double-edged sword, placing the survival of the human species at risk.

  Enter the semi-mythical G spot. Let us begin by assuming that the G spot does exist. Grafenberg postulated that this on-off button lay just behind the pubic bone, far outside the outer limits of the vaginal sheath, hidden among a dense plexus of pelvic nerves. Serendipitously, some women discovered that deep pressure on the G spot during intercourse can activate its reflex, adding considerably to their pleasure. The most advantageous position for its stimulation occurs when the woman straddles a man facing backward. In this position, his member deeply strokes the area just behind the pubic bone. The position is awkward, and infrequently used for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it misdirects sperm from their intended target, the cervix, which lies in an entirely different direction. It hardly seems reasonable to conjecture that Natural Selection intended the G spot to promote female sexual pleasure if at the same time it inhibited conception. Its obscure location would seem to diminish the argument that it is present to provide its owner with an alternative jolt of pleasure during intercourse. If this were the G spot’s raison d’être, why would not Mother Nature position it on the kneecap, or the elbow—someplace easy to get at?

  The only time in the course of a woman’s life span when the G spot’s remote dense knot of nerves would ever have rhythmic, extreme pressure applied to it would be in the final push of birth. As the baby’s head traps the upper wall of the vagina, compressing it against the unyielding junction of the pubic bones, the G spot’s fortuitous reflex would be set in motion. The function of the G spot, in my scenario, would be to flood the delivering woman’s brain with endorphinlike substances. Many women report an almost out-of-body experience accompanying the birth of their child, and in a few instances women have claimed they experienced the best orgasm of their life.

  In her book, The Crack in the Teacup, Canadian storyteller Joan Bodger recounts the events surrounding the birth of her third child:

  Lucy was born on February 1, 1956, in San Pedro Hospital, the very one where my mother had almost died in 1929. Like my doctor in Nyack, the doctor present had never participated in a “natural” childbirth, a birth where the mother chooses to be conscious. This time, John was allowed to stand just outside the delivery room, separated from the scene by a flimsy curtain. In the first stages of birth, I talked to him, but further along I was too involved in the birth—and with something else that was happening to me. Along with the pain, I was experiencing the greatest orgasm ever to roll over me, through me, from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toenails. I must have indicated something of the sensations that were flooding my body. My yells of pain were punctuated by cries of sexual ecstasy. The staff seemed embarrassed, not wanting to believe what they had seen and heard. (Years later, I discussed my experience with a gynecologist. I was blushing as I spoke, but I had to know whether I was the only woman in the world who…The doctor said he had read that some primitive women experienced birth orgasm, but he himself had never before talked to a woma
n who was willing to admit such a thing had happened to her. Of course, most of the women he dealt with had been under anesthesia.)13

  I have had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Bodger, who in my opinion is a very reliable reporter. Her experience is not an isolated instance. Other women have also described experiencing birth orgasm.

  Let us consider why it would have been very beneficial to the survival of the human species for a woman in the throes of childbirth to experience an orgasm. Or, if unable to attain this extreme height, she would have, at the minimum, neurotransmitters tickling her brain’s synapses, diverting her attention away from the painful crush occurring between her legs. How convenient for Natural Selection to arrange to have an internal morphine pump alleviating the pain of childbirth. The switch for it, abutting the back side of the pubic bone, would be indented “on” only when heavy pressure was applied—the kind of pressure that could happen routinely during birth, or in odd positions during sex. In a few women, the pump releases other psychoactive substances that can stimulate a woman to orgasm.

  Nepenthe was a Greek nymph whose name means “surcease from sorrow.” The narcolepsy named after her is associated with the endorphin/morphine fog that often leaves women with only a hazy memory of the birth experience. Many soporific women are vaguely aware of Nepenthe’s ephemeral presence in the delivery room. Mothers tell worried first-time-pregnant women the comforting saw, “Yes, the pain is awful, but you tend to forget it.” Perhaps the G spot is the physiological reason for the relative amnesia. William Wordsworth might just as well have been referring to the mother as well as the newborn when he wrote, in his ode on “Intimations of Immortality,” “Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting.”