Sex, Time, and Power

by Leonard Shlain

  For women, understanding paternity was far less revolutionary. As children literally come from and through a woman, she never is in doubt as to who her children are. Establishing her “lineage” is never a problem. A mother knows. Lord Kilbrandon put it thus: “Maternity is a matter of fact, paternity one of mere inference.” Matrilineal inheritance customs were once the norm, because it was far easier to establish who was the child’s mother than the father. In Homer’s Odyssey, a disguised Athena approaches Telemachus and asks him if he is the son of Ulysses. Telemachus replies, “Can any man knoweth who hath begotten him?”* Herodotus, reporting on his travels in 500 B.C., wrote, “Ask a Lycian who he is and he answers by giving his own name, then that of his mother and then his grandmother’s and great-grandmother’s and so on.”12 Among Etruscan married couples’ grave inscriptions, only the wife’s name was written on their sarcophagus. (Later, the Romans reversed this custom.)13

  The prospect of death holds less dread for a woman, so having an “heir” to carry on her name is less important to her. The male’s need to know beyond a reasonable doubt that his children were his became the force behind many draconian new customs men imposed on women, sometimes by force. Other customs strengthened a woman’s hand in the increasingly tangled negotiations between the sexes. For the most part, however, the radical reconfiguring of culture was deleterious to women and significantly eroded much of the power Gyna sapiens had acquired when she learned how to exercise control over a man’s access to both his sexual pleasure and his legacy.

  Men, now wide-awake, sought to restructure society so that their heirs could carry on their name.

  Chapter 21

  Incest/Dowries

  The political system is a breeding system. When we apply the word lust to both power and sex, we are nearer the truth than we imagine.

  —Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox1

  Upon the chastity of women all property in the world depends.

  —Samuel Johnson

  Imagine a group of men sitting around a campfire late at night, sipping fermented juice from hollowed gourds, joking, bragging, arguing, and gossiping. They are engaged in the gentle verbal tug-of-war that has characterized male bonding in pubs, clubs, guilds, and agoras since time immemorial. This particular gathering took place sometime around forty thousand years ago in southern France. Instead of sports and elections, the men were chewing over the highlights of last week’s bison hunt and the latest intrigues concerning who might replace the band’s aging chieftain. At some point, a man named Adam cleared his throat and announced that he required their undivided attention.

  Let us listen in on this important moment that would be repeated around campfires circling the globe. Allow me to use poetic license to telescope into one evening’s conversation a complex set of interrelated issues that were resolved over thousands of years through trial and error. The men in my story will speak with a level of sophistication that was most assuredly unavailable to them. They are men with many rough edges, on the threshold of making a series of major adjustments concerning their relations with women. What Adam has to say will have a profound effect and impel them to change their mating behavior radically. Let’s eavesdrop on their concerns and try not to judge them too harshly.

  “Fellow hunters,” Adam began, “I think I have discovered one thing that will change everything.”

  Eager to learn what could be the subject of such a pronouncement, and aware that Adam was known as a particularly skilled hunter, the others quieted.

  One of the men piped up, “What is it? A new weapon?”

  Another broke in before the first had finished: “Have you discovered a new hunting tactic?”

  “Perhaps a new tool?” another speculated.

  “No,” Adam answered, “it has to do with sex.”

  With that, every head turned toward him, and an expectant silence fell over the group, broken only by the crackling of the logs on the fire, which illuminated the tall figure of Adam standing with arms folded before the assembled men.

  “I believe…” Here Adam paused for emphasis. “…that each of us contributes his essence to the creation of children. Each child is a unique combination of only one woman and one man. I have created the word ‘father’ to describe the relationship a man has to his special child. We must all learn this new kin word and place it alongside other familiar ones such as ‘brother,’ ‘sister,’ and ‘mother.’”

  “How could that be?” one of the men objected. “Everyone knows it is the woman that bears children.”

  Others chimed in with their opinions, as they all began to talk excitedly at once.

  “You are not telling us something we that we don’t already know,” spoke one hunter sarcastically. “Everyone here understands that sex has something to do with birth. We have all witnessed the great massing of reindeer and bison during their rutting times and observed that in the following season the females deliver their young. We have watched how the stags and bulls fight among themselves to decide which one will have the most sex. Not unlike us, eh, boys?” he added, looking about the group.

  The men laughed, nodding their heads in agreement.

  “No, no, that’s not what I have discovered,” Adam interrupted. “I am sure that each child has a specific father. Each of us can be the special father of a child that is part of us. No other man has anything to do with the birth of that child.” He let his pronouncement sink in.

  “How did you discover this? What is your proof?” one man demanded.

  “I observed Eve’s little boy,” Adam replied. “There can be no mistaking that the boy strongly resembles me. When I recalled how much sex Eve and I had several snows ago, I put the two observations together. I am certain that I am the one and only father of her little boy.”

  A lively discussion broke out, for each man had been more or less on the verge of making the same discovery. They could not have missed what was right before their eyes daily, either. Some children born to a woman with whom a particular man had had sex bore a striking resemblance to him. Each man had also noted that some of the children born to a woman with whom they had not had sex were spitting images of the woman’s particular lover.

  Intermittently crowding in at the edges of their consciousness was the dimly formulated thought that perhaps one man and one woman made each baby. But none of the men had ever linked the observations with their thoughts the way Adam had.

  After Adam shared his revelations concerning a man’s potential to live on through his heirs and the pleasure, benefits, and responsibilities that would accrue to a man who knew who his children were and they him, he began to tackle more thorny issues he knew would be much more difficult for the men to accept.

  “But, men, I must warn you. Before we can enjoy the advantages of fatherhood, there is a tricky matter that will sorely challenge us. Since the child does not come through us like it does a woman, and we are separated by three seasons from our pleasure with a woman, how can any one of us be sure that a child is his and does not belong to another man?” At this pronouncement, a collective look of puzzlement came over the intently listening men’s faces. Adam continued, “I have given the matter considerable thought. First I will tell you the problem we face, and then I will present what I think is the solution.

  “The first problem is of our own making,” Adam said. “We men rarely pass up an opportunity to have pleasure with a woman—any woman.” Several of the men grinned and nodded knowingly. “But if we continue to behave in this manner, then we will never be able to sort out whose child belongs to which father. So the first step we must take is to learn to exert self-control over our desire to have sex at any time, any place, with any woman we want. Then we must make sure everybody else is doing the same. Together we must outlaw free sex, and we must invent a means to get everyone to obey these new rules. We’ve learned to hunt together for the good of the band. Now we have to learn how to deal with sex in the same way.” Several of the men exchanged nervous glances.


  “Henceforth, each man will have to limit himself to sleeping with only one woman. This may be the most difficult task we have ever attempted, but our best chance to achieve immortality depends on our mutual cooperation.”

  “That’s the craziest thing I have ever heard!” exploded one man, as others furrowed their brows at Adam’s suggestion. Many shook their heads in disagreement.

  Adam spoke forcefully: “Hear me out! I am not finished. We must also somehow gain control over women’s sexual freedom. If we allow a woman to choose the men with whom she has pleasure, none of us will know which of her children are ours. Remember, a dead man without an heir will quickly be forgotten.”

  The men began to warm to Adam’s declarations, brightened by the prospect of forcing women to obey their wishes. One puzzled man asked, “Why would any woman allow us to tell her who she can sleep with and who she may not?”

  Adam smiled knowingly. “Because, in return, we will agree among ourselves to protect all women from men who try to force themselves on them. Once the women realize that we will not let them be raped, I believe they will be more inclined to take a single partner for pleasure. Besides, there will be other benefits to them besides protection. I believe we can get them to go along with us.”

  “So how are we going to do this thing you propose?” asked another one of the men.

  “I put before you, this night, that we will punish any man among us who violates a woman. If we do not agree on this point, then we will never know for certain which children are whose. If a man puts his essence into a woman without her agreement and they both know there will be no punishment for his transgression, she will have little incentive to bring the matter to the rest of us so that we can avenge her.

  One man shook his head in wonderment. “You are saying that we can’t use force anymore and that we men are going to be the ones to enforce this new rule. Adam, you are talking nonsense! What you propose will never happen.”

  Adam continued: “Giving up sex with any woman we want and not allowing forced sex aren’t nonsense. They are just new ideas. But it does mean that we will have to make radical changes in the way we live.”

  “Wait a minute,” one man interrupted. “Suppose she sneaks off and has sex with another man?”

  “That, too, will be an everpresent danger to us men,” Adam replied. “I haven’t yet figured out how to completely prevent something like that from happening. Somehow we must monitor the sexual activities of the woman of our choice extremely closely. A better way would be to treat her so well, and keep her so sexually satisfied, she wouldn’t even want to stray.”

  Adam went on: “We’ll have to set up strict rules to prevent either a man or woman from breaking the new rules. This means that each man must stake a sexual claim to one woman. He will have to win her agreement for this union, and to do this he must prove to her that he is worthy. Once each man and woman agree, I think it would be a good idea to have a public ceremony combining great solemnity with a festive party. Before all the others in the band, the new pair will vow to protect, honor, and be true to each other. It will be a difficult vow to keep, but the stakes are high.”

  Adam continued: “I will call the ceremony ‘marriage.’ We will recognize a new relationship between a man and a woman who are not of the same blood. The man will be called a ‘husband,’ and the woman, ‘wife.’ Only through the use of this oath can we begin to eliminate the problem of men having sex with multiple women, and women having sex with many men.” He began to chuckle. “The women will believe that all the attention showered on them on this special day is about them. They will only be vaguely aware that our real purpose for this new living arrangement is to make sure that we men know who is the father of each woman’s children. It will be our secret that this is the reason we men invented marriage, an institution whose primary purpose will be to control with whom women have pleasure.”

  Adam grew pensive and stared deeply into the flames. “We must do this,” he stressed, “because, if we don’t, then for each of us death will be final. Unless we have done extraordinary deeds, no one will care to remember us, and our memory will disappear like so much smoke. Men, we must know who our children are.”

  “What about the woman to whom we are partnered, the one who will bear our children? We will have to stay very close to her. How are we supposed to treat her?” The man who asked the question kicked a coal back into the fire.

  “That,” Adam answered, “is a most complex and delicate problem. But, first, allow me to finish.

  “Now, where was I? Oh yes, one other very important issue. Each of us would prefer that our special child be a boy. I believe that, as men, we feel more at ease with sons. However, there is always the possibility that your wife will present you with a girl. Daughters, despite what you may initially think, are very desirable. They will treat their fathers kindly once they understand the part we play in giving them life. As fathers of daughters, we must learn entirely new ways to behave. We must treat a daughter with love and tenderness, so as to teach her to love and respect us. The more she loves her father, the more she will be inclined to keep his memory alive.”

  “And the more inclined to give us pleasure,” added another man.

  The mood of the whole group brightened. Older men always sought to have sex with the younger women. Establishing a close relationship with a young, pretty woman who loved and cared for you, each man thought, would be a wonderfully convenient arrangement.

  “We must as a community absolutely forbid that,” Adam declared sternly.

  A ripple of hostility circled the fire. “Why would you prevent us from taking pleasure with our daughters?” a man yelled angrily. “Didn’t you just tell us that they belong to us?”

  Adam looked grave. “It is very important that we never have sex with those girls we know share our essence. If we are to have them care for us as their fathers, we cannot also be their lovers. A sexual union with our daughter would create much disharmony among the women.” The men in the group grunted grudgingly, having learned the hard way how stressful life in the band was when the women were arguing among themselves. The battles between mothers and daughters had the potential to be the most contentious.

  Adam could not foresee the genetic implications of incest, with its elevated risks of birth defects. Even as late as pharaonic Egypt, the link between deformed offspring and incestuous marriage remained obscure. However, assume that Adam intuited that sex between fathers and daughters would be highly disruptive to the survival of the band. The biological implications would become apparent many thousands of years later, when domestication of animals permitted humans to observe firsthand the results of inbreeding. With the advent of modern science, the exact perils of consanguinity would be quantified. In one study, matings between first cousins increased infant mortality by 60 percent.2In another, many of the infants born of father-daughter and brother-sister matings either died within the first six months or manifested a disproportionately higher percentage of serious birth defects (including severe mental retardation) than the control group.3

  “We must distinguish between sex with a daughter and sex with another young woman. I will name the former behavior ‘incest.’ Do you not see that incest would destroy the bonds of trust that we must have if our band is to survive? It is essential that we forbid taking pleasure with our daughters. If we discover that a man has done this shameful thing, we must all condemn and punish him. We will call our agreement on this matter a ‘taboo.’”

  “Aren’t those other rules that you gave us earlier also taboos?” a man asked.

  “Yes, but some are more crucial than others. We must enforce the incest taboo above all others.”

  “What about mothers and sons?” asked one of the men. “If we cannot take our pleasure with our daughters, then shouldn’t we forbid the women to take pleasure with their sons.”

  “Ah,” said Adam, “that is where women have it easier. They are not inclined to mate with their sons. Su
rely you’ve noticed that no animal mothers have sex with their sons. They do not need a taboo. But we men do.”

  One of the men asked, “How, then, can we protect ourselves from our desire to take pleasure with a young woman, especially one who lives with us?”

  It was then that Adam made his most shocking pronouncement: “We must rid our camp of our daughters as soon as they begin to bleed.”

  “How are we to do that?” one of the men sputtered incredulously.

  “I have given considerable thought to this problem, and here is my solution. We must offer to give our daughters to the men of other bands.”

  At this novel notion, the group displayed genuine astonishment. They all began to object at once. One growled indignantly, “Why would we give away our own pretty young women? Would you prevent us from having sex next?”

  “How will we survive if we do not have young women to become mothers? There will be no more hunters! We will all starve!” another yelled.

  “No sex and no food. Have you gone mad?!” cried yet another.

  “Hold on and hear me out,” cautioned Adam. “We will offer our young women to the men of other bands in exchange for their young women.”*

  Now the others looked at him as if he had surely lost his mind.

  “Why would other bands give us their young women?”

  “Because,” Adam continued, “we will teach them that bartering their young women for ours will benefit both bands for generations to come.”

  What Adam was talking about—what we call “long-term interest”—is a concept foreign to other animals. Confined to live for the most part in the present, they cannot imagine initiating an action that may be detrimental in the moment yet might benefit them in the next generation. Only an animal possessed of a keen sense of foresight can behave in this manner.