The Heart the Cowboy Broke

by M J Andrews

  Jack shrugged, “She’ll make sure I’m fed.”

  Lexi rolled her eyes and made her way into the kitchen and sat across from her brother. Maybe the experience would be good for them. They’d been apart for so long, it almost felt as though she didn’t know who he was anymore. Could that be what her Nana meant about being happy? Jack interrupted her moment of thought by trying to speak with his mouth full.

  “So, does that mean you’re going to stay?” he asked.

  She sighed, “Yes, my boss gave me six months and if I can’t return after then I suspect I’ll lose my position.” She ran her hand through her hair, a nervous habit she couldn’t shake.

  Jack rounded the island and grabbed Lexi in a bear hug. He’d been worried about whether she would agree to the terms in the will. He said that he would be okay either way, but they both knew that the ranch was part of their family and neither wanted to see it sold off.

  “You’re the best sister, ever,” he exclaimed, as Lexi dangled limply from his embrace. There was no point in fighting it, that was something she learnt a long time ago.

  “Munchkin, I’m your only sister,” she replied.

  He set her down and made his way to the front door, “And thank the Lord for that. I don’t think this world could handle another Lexi Scott.”

  Lexi walked behind him as they jumped in his truck and made their way out to Jenkin’s Ranch. The drive to the ranch had always been one of Lexi’s favourites. The dirt road tossed back dirt that mirrored clouds, and tractors were seen cutting hay. In the fall, pumpkins grew at the Benson Ranch, and families could be seen picking out the perfect one with their children. Wild stallions often raced through the pastures where cows and sheep grazed under the hot sun of Texas. The scent of manure and grass permeated the air. The smell she’d associated with home.

  The Jenkin’s Ranch was three hundred acres that included several pastures, bunkhouses, cabins, and the main house. In the summer season, Nana always rented the cabins out to folks looking to experience the ranching life. Lexi and Jack did their part in helping during the busy times and would even take the folks on hayrides and horseback riding. They’d spent their summers with Nana and only went home to sleep.

  They pulled off the main road and up the drive to the ranch. The big red mailbox stood sentinel at the beginning of the drive. Nana always loved that ugly old thing. If Lexi had a nickel for every time a bunch of boys knocked it off with a bat, she could afford the whole God damn farm. Nana knew it was ugly but kept it just to piss Papa off. The ugly old mailbox was the exact opposite of the farmhouse that came into view minutes later.

  Overlooking a dazzling lake, the three thousand square foot country home encompassed the nucleus of the ranch. The fire truck red of the house stood out on the green backdrop. There was a wrap-around porch that encircles the whole outside of the house, with a wooden porch swing that was made by their grandfather. It was the place where she received her first kiss at the age of thirteen.

  They stopped in front of the house and jumped out before walking to the steps. Lexi paused a moment and felt herself becoming emotional. So many memories were wrapped up in the walls of that house and that house held secrets, she was sure of that. But now, it was to be their home and it was their turn to make their family proud.

  “You ready, sis?” Jack asked placing a hand on her shoulders.

  Lexi fought back the sting of tears that surfaced and nodded before they walked together up the steps and into their Nana’s home. Lexi could still smell her perfume and hear her laughter as she entered the house. Jack must’ve sensed her emotions because he gripped her hand and intertwined their fingers as they strode through the house.

  “Mom and dad have kept the place going since Nana passed, so the place doesn’t even look different than we last saw it,” Jack said.

  “It doesn’t look different, but it is,” she retorted.

  They took the stairs to the second floor, but neither of them made the move to enter Nana’s room. They weren’t ready to handle that just yet, but they would at some point over the next twelve months. After they’d done a walkthrough of the home, Lexi sat on the front porch swing while Jack spoke with the ranch hands about the schedule and routine. He was made for running a ranch and she saw the joy he had for the work. She wouldn’t leave him and risk him losing it because of her dreams. He deserved to have some happiness in his life and as his big sister, she’d do everything in her power to make sure he got it.

  “I think we should ride the fence line to get a better idea of what we got going here,” Jack called from the front yard.

  “I’d like that. It’s been a long time since I rode a horse though,” she stood and made her way toward the barn with her brother in tow.

  “Well, I’m sure there’s a pretty mare in here that you’ll find to your liking,” he smiled as they entered the barn.

  Lexi gasped when she saw the mare Jack had the ranch hand saddle for her. Her name was Beauty and she was an amazing all black stallion. Her mother was bred at the ranch and was the mare she learnt how to ride on. Once her mother had passed away, Beauty became her regular riding horse and like everything else, she left her behind ten years ago.

  “Oh, Jack! She’s still here,” Lexi wasn’t able to stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks at the sight of Beauty. The mare seemed to recognize her and immediately nuzzled her neck as she rubbed her mane.

  “Nana couldn’t part with her after you left. She said she knew you’d be back to claim her one day,” he said as came up behind her and kissed her on top of the head.

  “Now, let’s go ride the line, sis,” he ordered.

  Lexi wasted no time hoisting herself onto the back of Beauty and after a couple of minutes of riding, she felt as though she never left. Their fence line happened to back onto several other ranches, one of which was the McGuire family farm. They were an operating cattle farm, whereas the Jenkin’s Farm bred horses.

  As they continued along the fence line, they spotted several riders in the distance. She felt a slight tingle on the back of her neck and didn’t have to look to know it was Sawyer. She hadn’t told anyone about her panic attacks since the accident beside her doctor. Sawyer had been there during one of her episodes and she didn’t know if she could face him. That aside, there was the small issue of the almost kiss and what he said about caring about her.

  He rode up to them on a chocolate stallion, with his black cowboy hat, ripped jeans and a five o’clock shadow that she longed to rub against. The man oozed sex and she hated it. Or she tried damn hard to hate it.

  “Howdy Jack!” Sawyer greeted.

  “How’s it going, Sheriff?” Jack replied.

  “Since we’re neighbours now, Sawyer will do just fine,” Sawyer said, taking off his cowboy hat and using the back of his hand to wipe sweat from his brow.

  Jack sensed tension between the two and decided he wanted none of it. So like all baby brothers, he made a lame excuse to leave.

  “If you’ll excuse me, Sawyer, I’m just running the line. Lex, I’ll meet you in the middle?” he asked, his brow raised to question if she was okay.

  She nodded her agreement and watched as her jackass brother left her to fend for herself with the hot as hell new neighbour. Without a word said, she turned Beauty and trotted the opposite way of the fence, but Sawyer wasn’t deterred and followed her on his side.

  “How you feeling after the other night?” he asked, not beating around the bush, he just came out and asked taking her by surprise.

  “I’m fine,” she mumbled.

  “Lexi, does that happen often when you drive?”

  She didn’t want to have that conversation with anyone, let alone the man who broke her heart and sent her running to New York. But she also knew that Sawyer would continue to ask questions until he got an answer.

  “It’s happened a couple of times since the accident, but it’s been a while since an attack has come on,” she said honestly. She kept her eyes forward as s
he feared if she looked at him she would see pity etched across his face, and the last thing she wanted was pity.

  “Lexi,” he started, and she already knew the tone and the follow-up speech that was coming, so she shut it down.

  “Sawyer, I don’t need your pity. I’ve moved on with my life just fine since the accident. I may never wow people with my beauty but I really couldn’t care less about it,” she argued.

  “Hey now, don’t say that. You’re beautiful and any asshole who doesn’t see that is an idiot,” he added. She looked over at him and saw no pity in his eyes, just sadness.

  “You don’t need to spare my feelings, Sawyer. It’s not like you had any problems saying it like it was before,” she snapped.

  He pulled his horse to a stop and asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Did he not remember why she left the party that night? Maybe it was time to enlighten the famed playboy of the McGuire men.

  “You don’t remember do you?” she asked, as she moved Beauty closer to the fence so she could face him.

  “We were young Lexi. I was stupid and a genuine jackass, but I’d hoped after all this time that we could move forward. I thought we had a good time before I was a jackass, and it’s a special memory for me,” he hesitated.

  She was pissed now. He was lying to himself and her if he said that their intimate encounter was special to him. She jumped off her horse and made it to the fence. He did the same.

  “That night, when we, you know,” she said.

  “Had sex,” Sawyer smirked.

  “Yes, that. Well, that was my first time,” she muttered.

  Sawyer’s jaw dropped to the ground and a fierce blush rose in her cheeks. She was sure her face was on fire from the embarrassment.

  “Jesus, I had no idea! How come you didn’t tell me? Lexi, you deserved more for your first time,” he expressed.

  Lexi rolled her eyes. She was nothing if not practical. She never expected roses and candlelight to commemorate the night she lost her innocence. It wasn’t about where or how it was about who she shared it with. She raised her hand to stop his tangent.

  “Stop. It was never about what I deserved, Sawyer. We were friends and that night I felt as though we were more than that. You had always been the one I wanted to share that with, but I never got the feeling you felt the same,” she continued.

  “Lexi,” he attempted to interrupt, but she refused.

  “No, I need you to listen to me. I’ve bottled so much hatred and hurt about that night. About how we finally came together and how everything was ripped apart,”

  “The accident…” he murmured.

  “My heart broke long before the accident, Sawyer. It broke when after I had sex for the first time with the guy of my dreams only to hear him say that I was nothing to him. That’s what caused me to leave the party early and to be crying as I ran. It was the last thing I remembered before I hit the pavement after that drunk driver hit me,” she choked out.

  “Lexi, please let me explain,” he begged.

  She stepped back and shook her head, “There is nothing you can say that will change it, Sawyer!”

  “I may have received some ugly scars from the accident, but the scar that hurts the most is here,” she pointed to her heart, “You took part of it that night and I never learned to use it again. For that, I can never forgive you.”

  With that said, she hopped on Beauty and rode away from the boy who broke her heart and the man who still could break what was left of it.

  Chapter 9

  Sawyer

  Sawyer stood shocked as he watched Lexi ride off. That hadn’t been how he thought that conversation would go. He felt like a complete dick and wanted to go back in time to punch eighteen-year-old Sawyer in the junk.

  It was her first time.

  He was going to hell.

  If he had known he never would have hooked up with her. He had no idea what he was thinking back then, but he knew that the man he was now, was not okay leaving things like that with Lexi. He needed to make it up to her and show her that he wasn’t that boy anymore.

  He leaned over the fence, as Remi approached riding that huge beast he called Shadow. Remi was a Texas man and lived by the “go big or go home” motto. Everything was bigger, his house, truck, his horse and of course his belt buckle.

  “You look like someone killed your puppy. What’s wrong?” Remi asked, as his Texas drawl spewed like honey from his lips.

  Damn Remi and his luck. The dickhead found the love of his life, married her and has never been happier. Meanwhile, Sawyer still prowled the bar on the weekends and never stayed the night with a woman out of fear they would get the wrong idea.

  “I fucked up, Rem,” he groaned.

  “You’re gonna have to be more specific…” he replied.

  There was nothing worse than having to admit to your older brother that you were a dickhead who disrespected a good woman. There were many things Remi couldn’t stand, and a man disrespecting a woman was one of them.

  He mounted his horse and on the ride back to their ranch, he unleashed the full story on Remi. He stayed silent for a long time afterwards and Sawyer didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. They settled the horses and made their way into the main house to wash up.

  “So, what are ya going to do?” he asked Sawyer.

  “That’s kind of why I thought to talk to you Rem. I’m way out of my wheelhouse here. I have no idea how to make it up to Lexi and show her that I’m not like that. I was a dumb kid trying to fit in and be cool,” Sawyer admitted.

  Remi made his way to the kitchen, where he pecked Aubrey on the lips before stealing two beers from the fridge. They were on their way to the porch when a truck pulled up in the drive. Neither of them had seen the truck before and were immediately suspicious until the driver stepped out.

  “Son of a bitch,” Remi hollered, before jumping down the steps and running to the visitor. Sawyer trailed behind him eager to get to their guest.

  “Finn, how come you never told us you were in?” Sawyer asked as he embraced his brother in a manly hug.

  Finn had been deployed for a year overseas and it marked his fourth deployment. He’d occasionally returned to American soil, but normally he’d call to let everyone know to expect him. Every time he saw his brother, he noted differences. He always returned bigger than before. Sawyer often joked about him needing to get specialty made shirts to accommodate his biceps. He had the typical McGuire green eyes; his skin had bronzed and his hair was buzzed short. He carried himself differently this time, and Sawyer knew that his brother had been through something significant since the last time he was home.

  Sawyer’s return to civilian life was a challenge when he was discharged at twenty-four. His time in the Navy SEALs left a mark on his spirit that could never be removed. His SEAL brothers still kept in touch, some were still deployed, some didn’t make it back, all came back with scars.

  “I needed a couple of days to get my head on straight before I came back here. Plus, I missed a wedding and needed to impress my new sister in law,” Finn smiled, as he and Remi climbed the stairs to the main house.

  “Miss Martha, we managed to pick up a stray on our adventures today,” Remi yelled.

  “A stray? Boy… you best be talking about a cat,” she scolded, as she rounded the corner from the kitchen. The moment her eyes landed on Finn; her eyes filled with tears. Miss Martha never had children of her own, but the McGuires had become her family and she felt their pain the same as any mother would.

  Miss Martha stayed rooted in place as her hand rose to her lips and tears fell down her cheeks. Finn moved toward her.

  “Hey Miss Martha, I hope you don’t mind me dropping in without calling first,” Finn said. Miss Martha embraced him in her arms in a loving hug that all the McGuires had felt at one point or another in their lives.

  “Welcome home, my boy. This is where you belong, you don’t need to call ahead. I’m just happy you’
re back,” she wiped the tears from her face and took in Finn. “And what the heck have they been feeding you? I’m gonna need to live in the grocery store to keep you boys going in food,” she laughed.

  “Hey! What’s all the commotion about?” Aubrey stepped into the house and immediately went to Remi’s side. He placed a chaste kiss on her temple before he made introductions.

  “Finn, this is Aubrey. My wife,” Remi announced, gleaming with pride when he called her his wife.

  Finn turned and looked at Aubrey wrapped in the arms of Remi, completely contented to live there forever. The smile on Remi’s face seemed to grow every time they were together. It was sickening.

  “So, this is the new sister,” he asked, in his serious Army Ranger voice. Then he moved toward Aubrey and picked her up in his arms in a strong bear hug. Aubrey yelped in surprise but slowly began to laugh. He twirled her a couple of times before returning her to Remi.