by Roxy Queen
“What do you think mom and dad are doing?”
“Gross. Stop it.”
She laughs. “Just wait until you get married. Mom will impart all her wisdom on you then. Rule number 5 is about mandatory nap time on Christmas, which is really just code for fucking Santa.”
“You did not just say that.”
“It’s time you knew. Sorry to be the one to break it. Don’t make me tell you rule number three. You won’t sleep for a week.” She gave me a wicked smile and disappeared into her room.
Great. Everyone is screwing their partner but me. He’s off on a god-forsaken run. Too bad that robot watch doesn’t have a phone. I’d send him dirty photos of myself to get him back here.
In my room, I remove the ring from my pocket and slip it on my finger. The silver glints in the dim light.
Mine.
The word gives me a chill and the ring feels like second skin. Only Carter would give me something like this. A ring with no strings attached. Just his unconditional devotion.
I wonder if that’s even possible.
I take off my jeans and sweater and get in the bed in nothing but a tank and panties. I’d worn my red set to be festive and just in case I got a chance to show them off. Too bad no one told me about naptime nookie.
I pull the covers up to my chin and try to think of anything but Carter. I think of puppies. And the Christmas party. I think of the ugly, maroon sweater my mom gave me I’ll have to secretly take back so it doesn’t hurt her feelings. I think about the beach and how long it will take to drive there and how Carter and I can finally be open again. How the house we’re renting has a heated pool, which means I get to see him in a bathing suit for the first time in months. I wonder if he’ll wear his Speedo just for me.
I smile to myself thinking about how a Speedo is normally hotness kryptonite, but Carter’s immune. It detracts nothing from his long swimmer’s body, wide shoulders and ridiculous wing span. The fine cut lines of his “V” are accentuated and he has the two most delicious dimples right above his ass.
Crap, this isn’t helping. Is it okay to masturbate during Christmas Day nap? For some reason, I don’t think it’s appropriate.
I hear a noise outside the door and burrow under the covers. The last thing Maddie needs to see is her aunt hot and bothered in her bed, one hand nearly in her panties, about to relieve herself of some high level sexual frustration. I freeze when the door clicks and at the soft sound of clothing dropping to the floor. I may have said a silent prayer.
My bed dips and a hand snakes over my stomach. “Hey,” he says, getting under the covers.
Thank you, Jesus. Amen.
“No run?”
“Are you kidding? Like I’d leave you up here alone for two hours.” He kisses the back of my neck while his hands explore my bare legs, dipping between my thighs.
“What’s going on down here?” he whispers, feeling the moisture.
“I was thinking about you.”
“And that’s what happens?”
I nod, almost glad I’m not looking at his face. Even after all this time it’s embarrassing that I want him so much.
He shifts in the bed, lifting me so I’m straddling his hips. My tank is gone before I even register it and his hands cover my tits, tugging at the red satin fabric of my bra.
“You’ll have to be quiet,” I say. “For real.”
He doesn’t respond verbally, he just sits up and crushes my mouth to his. Hungry and horny, like I am. His cock is hard and pressed against my body.
For the first time all week we’re not in a rush, and I plan to make the most of it. My hands run down his smooth, hard chest, feeling every muscle. I reach behind my back to unclasp my bra. His hands stop mine.
“Leave it on,” he says, fingers dipping under the red lace. “You look like a present.”
“Ho ho ho,” I joke.
“Even when I was a kid I always loved presents. I’d analyze the gifts under the tree for hours.” He mouths my nipples through the fabric. My back arches like a feral cat. “I like the allure of what’s beneath the wrapping. The best part is waiting to be exposed.”
“How did you get so wise?” I ask, rubbing my crotch on his slippery dick. “How old are you again?”
He guides himself in, slow and steady. I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of him. His length and girth. A perfect fit. He kisses me and says into my mouth, “Old enough to know what I want.”
He finds my hands, rubbing his thumb over the silver ring. Leaning forward until our faces meet, I begin to ride him, slow and quiet, setting a pace that’s equally painful and pleasurable. My clit rubs against his body with each pass and his cock moves in and out, from tip to shaft with excruciating leisure.
Slowly, so slowly, I inch up and down his dick until the tip almost falls out. I tremble from the rush each time he enters me again.
I kiss his lips, his chin and then his neck. My nipples graze his chest, hard pebbles against his skin. When his hands cup my ass, pulling the cheeks gently apart, I shudder. I open my eyes and Carter stares at me with an expression of wonder and love. No one has ever looked at me like this—not even Jamie. I bite my lip trying to keep the volume down.
“Not yet,” he says, frustratingly patient, to the point I think it’s a challenge. How far can he take himself. He does it in the gym and in the bedroom. I receive the benefits from both.
My jaw drops, I’m unable to even kiss him, I’m so close to coming—so desperate to shatter, but to my distress he pulls out and rolls me to my side. With his chest to my back, Carter lifts my thigh so he can enter me from the side. I breathe a sigh of relief when his cock enters me again.
He maintains the slow pace and I flop back the pillow, whimpering from the sensations. I reach my hand down and find him fondling his balls, I graze my clit but pull back, afraid I’ll come before he’s ready.
Again, I make eye contact and find him watching me. His sharp jaw is slack from pleasure. I try to speak, to tell him that I love him but nothing comes out except a low moan. He extends my leg over his body, stretching my skin, exposing my flesh to the cool air. I feel him shudder beneath me, his face hot in the back of my shoulder, sharp teeth buried into my skin.
I quiver and spasm, desperate for him to go faster now that we’re both coming but he’s controlled, moving in and out slow, until our orgasms have passed and I’m nothing but a limp body against the sheets.
“Never stop that, okay?” I tell him and he kisses me quick before disappearing into the bathroom. I lay in bed and calm myself, taking measured, deep breaths. Carter comes back to bed and snuggles against me, arms wrapping around my satiated body and we both drift to sleep.
*
I’m so out of it I don’t realize anything’s wrong until Tara has yelled my name more than once.
“Ruthie!”
“What the hell?” I say, struggling to open my eyes. My sister stands over me, eyes big as saucers. Maddie stands behind her gaping and I try to figure out what everyone is freaking out about. That’s when I realize no one is looking at me. They’re looking behind me and I feel Carter’s warm, familiar body jump out of the bed.
Please have on pants.
I take a peek and yes, he’s wearing pants. Thank God.
“It’s not what you think,” I say, sitting up but realizing I only have on a bra. I clutch the quilt to my chest. Carter scrambles for his shirt but says nothing. He’s following my lead. Just like I’ve taught him.
My sister turns to my niece. “Maddie get out of here. And don’t say a word to your grandparents.”
“Okay,” she says, eyes glued to Carter. I don’t really blame her. Shirtless Carter is pretty much the best gift a girl can get on Christmas. You know, other than Carter’s cock. I smile, thinking about how I got both.
“Are you smiling?” Tara says, the minute the door closes behind Maddie. “Are you fucking kidding me with this? He’s a kid!”
“Let me explain,” I say. “Carter, will y
ou hand me a shirt, please?” The blue soccer hoodie I stole from him hangs from the hook behind the door. He tosses it to me. “Thanks.”
I tug it over my head and pull on the jeans I’d taken off earlier. My sister diverts her eyes while I change. Carter looks panicked as hell and I say, “Can you give us a minute?”
“Are you sure?” he says, breaking his silence.
I nod. He moves to the door and hesitates, looking between me and my sister. “Go on, Carter,” she says, gentlyabsolving him of responsibility. That’s right, this fuck up is on me. My idea.My plan. My disaster.
When he’s gone, I open my mouth to speak but she holds up a hand and says, “First of all, kudos on that one. Because holy shit. But second, you just got caught in bed by my daughter with a 19 year-old. My son’s friend. That’s insane and totally inappropriate.”
“I know.”
“I mean, he’s nineteen! And he’s hot, I’ll give you that but I… you’ve crossed a line here. I’m not even sure how to explain this to Maddie.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
She laughs. “Oh yeah? How are you going to explain this, Ruthie, because I’d love to hear it myself?”
I sit on the bed, sleeves pulled over my hands. I start to tell her the truth. That I love him. That what we have is real, but something about her incredulous look makes me second guess myself. Us. “It was a mistake, that’s all. I was lonely and all this talk about naps and sex made it worse. He came up here to borrow my ear buds and I seduced him.”
“You seduced him?” She snorts. “Like anyone has to seduce that kid.”
“It wasn’t his fault. He’s sweet and more innocent than you would think, but yeah, he’s a guy and it wasn’t that hard.”
She snorts at the word hard. “I bet, and don’t worry I’m not blaming him.”
“Good,” I say, winding the ring around my finger. “It was a bad judgment call. We’ll pretend it never happened.”
“If mom and dad find out, they’ll kill him. And you.”
“Talk to Maddie,” I say. “I’ll talk to Carter.”
“You probably don’t need to be the one to talk to Carter about anything.”
“I can talk to him and keep on my clothes,” I lie. She looks unconvinced. I can’t really blame her. “I don’t want to hurt his feelings, okay?”
“Okay,” she relents. “Everyone’s leaving day after tomorrow anyway. You’re going back to school and Josh is coming home with us for the rest of break. Carter’s girlfriend is picking him up, right? They’re going on some trip?”
We’ve covered our trails so well, I can’t believe we screwed up like this. “Yeah, he told me he didn’t need a ride back.”
“Poor girl, she’s got a cheater for a boyfriend. Asshat.”
“Don’t. This is my fault.”
“Whatever. You two better keep things civil tonight during the party or Mom and Pop will freak out. And Ruthie, you’re playing with fire. Don’t do that again.”
“I won’t,” I say, hating all the lies. The truth is on the tip of my tongue when Tara leaves the room. Humiliated and guilt-stricken, I burst into tears trying to figure out a way to fix this.
Chapter 8
I shower and change into the dress I saved for the Christmas party. The dress is cute, but low cut in the front and short at the bottom. It feels awkward now—slutty even. I know I’ve only confirmed Tara and Maddie’s view that I’m the family loser. I can’t even keep my legs together long enough to get through Christmas Day. As far as they know, Carter’s family entrusted ours to take care of him. In their eyes, I broke that trust. Tara’s a mother. I went against some unspoken mom code. A code I’ll never know because I’m stunted emotionally and immature and there’s no way I’ll ever be responsible enough to be someone’s mother.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. We steal a minute in the hallway. He reaches for my hand, but I move away. “This is so awkward, now. I never should have let you come in there.”
“Since when is all this your responsibility? I thought we’d moved past that particular blame game,” he replies. I see the hurt in his eyes. He doesn’t want me to own this. He wants us to own it. And I’m not ready for that. I’m not sure I ever will be. “Let’s tell Tara the truth.”
“No way.”
“Why? I think it’ll go over better than this.”
“No,” I say, in a final, harsh tone. I turn to leave and he catches me by the arm.
“This is our relationship. Not yours. Remember that.”
“Not here it isn’t.”
The words are unkind and unfair and I yank my arm away, storming off before I say something I regret. Something else I regret. We can smooth this over later.
I follow my mother around the party, knowing no one will bring anything about my past up while I’m helping her. I pass out napkins and refill drinks. I allow Mr. Casey and Mr. Rogers to flirt with me as I pour generous amounts of scotch into their glasses. My father argues politics in his leather chair with the men from the neighborhood. I keep busy. I stay away from Carter, who in turn sticks to Josh like glue. One more day and we’ll be alone and we can repair this clusterfuck on our own terms.
“Ruthie, can you get that? I don’t know who would knock,” my mother says, when we hear the doorbell ring over the talk and music.
I follow orders, passing Maddie on the way to the foyer, her disgusted eyes boring into my back. I ignore her, opening the door with a smile. “Merry Christmas,” I manage to get out. I’m face to face with the Moorefields. Jamie stands behind his mother with an obnoxiously pleased grin on his face. I grit my teeth and say, “Please come in.”
“Let me take your coats,” I say, gathering a pile of wool and fur in my arms. “Go get a drink and some food. Mother will be so happy to see you.” I dash to the room off the front hall and throw the coats on top of the huge pile on the bed. Maybe I should just crawl under them and hide out for the rest of the night? “Get it together, Ruthie,” I mutter to myself. This isn’t the end of the world.
I compose myself and peek into the hallway. Seeing my sister, I wave her over. “Come here,” I hiss.
“What?”
“Jamie’s here.”
“So what?”
“So, you made me and Carter pretend to be dating last night at church, remember? And you told him how happy I was?”
“Oh, right.” She looks conflicted. Welcome to my world.
“Right. So what do you want me to do? You’ve made it clear I’m not allowed to go near him. Ever.”
“Shit,” she says. “Okay, let me go talk to Carter. You just keep helping Mom. Try to stay away from Jamie.”
We go opposite directions and I go back to the kitchen to get the last box of bakery cookies to refill an empty tray on the dessert table. Across the room I see Tara talking to Carter and his eyes flick to mine. His jaw sets and from the obvious tension in his body, I can tell he’s not happy. Carter doesn’t live by games or manipulation. That’s my way of dealing with things. He’s honest and straightforward.
I spin around and bump into Jamie. His hands steady my arms so I don’t fall.
“Oh, sorry,” I say, moving away.
“No problem. I kind of snuck up on you, I guess.”
“Yeah.”
We stand uncomfortably together until Jamie says, “I hope this isn’t too weird. My mom really wanted to come.”
“No,” I smile. “It’s fine. Really. So how are things? ”
“Things are really great. Residency is hard and I work all the time, but that’s the price.” And the main argument for our breakup. He gestures across the room at Carter. “Things seem to be good for you, too?”
I nod. “Yes. I’ve settled into a good place I think.”
“Want to introduce me?” he laughs.
“Uh…that’s kind of weird, right?”
“I guess I still feel some need to vett out the competition, protect you or something.”
“You don’t have to.
Carter would never hurt me.” My fingers move to the ring. I’d forgotten to take it off this afternoon.
Jamie raises an eyebrow. “Did he give you that?”
“Yes, for Christmas.”
“That’s a pretty non-traditional ring design.”
I think back to the square-cut diamond he gave me. “I’m a pretty non-traditional kind of girl.”
“Fair enough. It must be serious then.” He seems surprised. Why is everyone surprised that I can land a man like Carter? Do they think I’m tainted and used goods? That I really am the family flake?
“It’s very serious. We’re really happy together,” I tell him. “Carter’s smart and sweet. He’s funny. He’s an incredible athlete—swims for Duke. But you can probably tell that just from looking at him.”
“Sounds like a good catch. He’s what? An undergrad? Senior?”
Anger boils but without skipping a beat I say, “He’s also amazing in bed. The best fuck I’ve ever had, like unbelievable. You wouldn’t believe the things he likes to do. Oh, and the he does to me.” Jamie stares at me. I refuse to back down. “Unlike some people, he’s not afraid to be generous to his lover.”
Tara walks up and looks between me and Jamie, “What’s going on here?”
“Nothing,” he says, looking relieved.
“Just telling Jamie how happy Carter and I are.”
“Great,” she says, linking her arm with mine. “Mom needs our help in the kitchen.”
“Sure.” I smile at Jamie. “Nice to see you.”
“You too, Ruthie. And congratulations on the engagement. I’m sure you’ll be very happy.”
“Engagement?” Tara asks.
“Ruthie showed me the ring Carter gave her.”
“Right. I didn’t know they were going public yet,” Tara says, dragging me off. She snatches my hand, holding it up. Her eye widen when she sees the ring. “Where did you get that?”
I say nothing but struggle against her as she pries it off my finger. She pulls a classic older sister move and pinches my thigh so I straighten my finger. “This is beautiful. An antique.”
“Can I have it back?”
Tara rolls the ring in her finger and the inscription catches her eye. I look away. My sister gasps and says, “Ruthie, where did you get this?”
