2 Maid in the Shade

by Bridget Allison

I leaned over to give him a hug and he grabbed me tightly in an embrace. He ran his hands over the back of my skirt and pressed me to him as his hands crept up between my thighs. I was breathing harder now and began grappling for the zipper on his jeans.

  Suddenly he let go of me and he gave me a light slap on the rear.

  “Now we’re even.”

  Facebook Post: A neighbor’s little boy brought me a rose from their garden. As I cleaned the tiny cuts from his hands he looked at me and said: “There sure are a lot of pricks out there.” I nodded, biting back a smile: “There certainly are.”

  Chapter 16

  When I made it back home Mosey was waiting, but not impatiently. God bless Lucy, I thought as I carried the basket inside and stowed it back on the top of the cabinet. Lucy had gotten my text and come through for me as usual. I took Mosey out immediately then checked my messages. One from Lucy, telling me she didn’t know how busy I was, that it looked like I was slammed so she was continuing to take Mosey out regularly until she heard otherwise. She also reminded me to let her know about Bunburry’s. Agghhh! After a night with Jared an evening with Lucy in a pub might put me on sensory overload.

  I checked my email and machine, nothing of course from Ben. I felt conflicted about him, but I knew he was safe at least. He had told me explicitly he was well guarded, and of course he had practically given me his blessing as far as Jared was concerned while he kept himself occupied with the Euro-trash. I assuaged my guilt over last night by reasoning that my reaction was understandable while nothing about his message fit any of the exalted images I had ever had of Ben.

  There were no jobs today, unfortunately, so I spent more time on the livestock than usual. I left a message with Lucy that I was definitely up for something tomorrow night or something quiet tonight. Then I cleaned out the Rover and did some chores.

  I was able to close my eyes for a bit, sleeping hard but briefly and dreaming about the picnic basket Ben had made for “us.” In my dream I had turned to open it, only to find it brimming with diamond rings.

  My eyelashes were damp with tears begging to be shed, as I closed my eyes again. I forced myself to run through an especially boring IPO pitch I had once been a part of in order not to think about men. When I woke up again it was mid-afternoon and Mosey was nudging me. I was momentarily confused, wondering which interlude over the past five days had been a dream and felt my face flush as I realized neither one had been. I was turning into quite the tart.

  I took Mosey outside and while he ran about exploring I grabbed a bucket and rags and went back out to wash Bessless.

  I was lackadaisically finishing up the Rover and replaying Ben’s message in my head when an old green Mercedes came screeching into the drive and raising dust from my sparse gravel onto my freshly washed SUV. Mona! I brightened. I didn’t really care about her raising dust on the job I had just done on the Rover. That had just been busy work.

  Besides, there was a lot to look forward to when you had a visit from Mona. For one thing, she didn’t seem to know she was in her late sixties, which could be frustrating and refreshing, depending on the circumstances. The best thing about Mona, a quality she shared with Lucy, was she was GAME. I had good reason for being grateful for that recently. She was amazingly resourceful.

  She jumped out of the car and rushed toward me. As usual she was wearing a loud outfit on her bullet-like frame. It washed out her short cloud of brown hair and fading blue eyes, but Mona had earned the right to do what she wanted at her age and she knew it.

  “Honey I haven’t seen you in a coon’s age!” she exclaimed. “Let me hug your neck! What the devil you been up to? Got any crime work you need a hand with?”

  “Things have been quiet lately.” I said.

  “Need some dough to get you over a rough patch? I’m pretty rich,” she shrugged, “my husband bought Google way back when, bless his poor, stone dead heart.”

  “Oh, Mona, you shouldn't tell people that, they'll take advantage and no, it’s not like that at all,” I explained, “I have jobs, just nothing dangerous and everything is pretty well spaced out, but you know you’ll be my first call if I get in trouble.”

  She cackled, “Well, well, so I bumped Miss Lucy off’a her perch. I’m your 911 now? That’s great! I guess experience has its advantages.”

  “Indeed,” I said, “But what’s new with you?”

  “What are you wearing tonight? Lucy’s no help with that, you know, jeans and boots all the time,” she sighed, “and I didn’t want us to look like two fleas in a pod.”

  “Peas,” I said automatically.

  Mona looked over at Mosey who had chosen that moment to cock his leg.

  She nodded as she watched him, “Well of course he does honey, you just be glad he’s housebroken. Now what about Bunburry’s?”

  “Oh! Lucy didn't waste any time did she? I called and canceled on it, but if you want to watch a movie or something we can do that.”

  Mona couldn’t hide her disappointment.

  “I promise, we’ll go soon,” I said, “any other night.”

  “This week?”

  “Sure,” I said soothingly. “Or go out without me.” I urged, “You don't need me to have a good time.”

  She eyed me up and down. “Girl, you'll be the big draw, I don't see the point without you. I needed a wing man, Lucy's married and let's face it, Jackson and I won't be competing for the same guys.”

  I laughed. “I promise to be your wing man any other time; tell Lucy to let me know if she wants to do the movie thing.”

  “I don’t know if I can set that long. If my back hurt any worse I’d have to die to feel better. Figured a little dancin’ might loosen up my spine.” She whispered conspiratorially, “You get any of them bambs left?”

  I gave her one of my “special pain pills, a baby aspirin, which always seemed to do the trick and she hopped in the Mercedes to go consult Lucy about the change in plans.

  I brought Mosey in from the back yard and checked my phone again for emails and texts. I had plenty of emails, nothing from Ben or Jared.

  To hell with both of them, I decided. I was better off a week ago when they had expectations and I was trying to fend them off. This is what you got when you revealed your attraction to men I supposed, immediate neglect.

  I was roused by the sight of a van pulling in and mystified when the driver emerged with a living arrangement of orchids and a box. I ran to the hall drawer to tip her and, balancing them carefully, carried them to the kitchen to set them down and look at the card.

  “Cupcake, thank you for the time of my life. You know where to find me if you want seconds.”

  Hmm, he seemed pretty confident I would show up at his door like some depression era vagrant.

  “Cold day in hell” I muttered to myself. The box held six signature cupcakes from a local bakery which always had a new spin on their concoctions. I inspected them carefully, trying to choose. They were all different and all equally beautiful.

  So he had gone to some trouble; maybe I could call him and thank him. Maybe I should text him and say that while the night was delightful, it would still be a singular event. Maybe I should send a note. I sat down and propped my feet up on the table as I bit into a raspberry chocolate one. Maybe I would stop by and thank him at the station tomorrow. I grinned to myself. Maybe I would send him a thank you card and a check.

  Facebook Post: Sign outside local pub uptown. “Thirsty? We have Beer! Hungry? We have Beer! Lonely? We have Beer!”

  Chapter 17

  I got dressed and made a bit of an effort since I was waiting to hear if movie night was on. It was close to 6:00 and I hadn’t heard from anyone. It would suit me fine to just stay home and wallow in negativity over Ben, the unwelcome fact that Mae’s murder was gaining some national attention and the hot mess I had created by sleeping with Jared.

  I went out to the porch and settled on the front step. Mosey followed after me, but instead of continuing out to the yard he huff
ed and sat down heavily. Then he gave me a long look and pushed his great head into my shoulder until I fell over. I laughed, sat up and pushed him back. “You’re right,” I said, scratching him behind his ears, “This is nothing. We’ve both been through worse than this.”

  While Mosey wandered contentedly around the yard I did a couple of pull ups on an oak branch and then decided to climb. I settled on a branch with serious girth to it and sat with my back against the tree.

  I was dangerously close to nodding off when I was roused by the sound of voices. I watched Mona and Lucy wandering the grounds beneath me.

  “She can’t be far off,” Mona said, pointing out the obvious, “Car is still here, that there giant dog is just doing his business as usual.”

  I thought about leaping down and shocking the living daylights out of them. Then again, the jump could give Mona a heart attack and if I landed on Lucy I would definitely crush her waiflike body.

  Mona was still wearing her patterned capri pants she called petal pushers and a pullover knit top. Actually, Lucy was in her usual outfit as well, skin tight black jeans, probably from the juniors department, that stretched over her small round rump as though they had been made for her. Knowing Lucy, they probably had been at least tailored.

  I quietly scrambled down a few branches lower as they stood talking.

  “Maybe she's inside,” Mona said hopefully.

  “She wouldn't leave Mosey out by himself you just want to snoop,” Lucy accused.

  Just then Jackson pulled in my driveway. How rude, I thought, to have a party at my house and not invite me.

  As Jackson approached he saw me. I pressed a finger against my lips and he looked down to hide a smile.

  “Thought we were going to watch a movie,” Jackson said sounding miffed. “I saw your car so I followed.”

  “We just came over to get Gretchen; she might be down in the barn.” Mona said. “Why don't you run down and check?”

  “What, you living in the 1950's or something, you think you can order me about cause I'm black?”

  Mona drew herself up, the epitome of righteous indignation. “I think I can order you around because I changed your diapers and helped your Momma hold you when you were so colicky we wanted to throw you down a well and drive to town and eat pie. So since we didn't do that, you BET I can order you around.”

  “I was just kidding! Jackson said hastily, “jus' let's hang on awhile, no point chasing around this whole property when she could turn up any second,” he held up a bag in excitement. “I got some great movies.”

  “What did you pick up?” Mona demanded. “I hope they’re about gangsters or some of those drug cartel movies.”

  “Naw, I'm sick of that machine gun shoot 'em up stuff. I got something different.”

  I stretched out over the limb a bit enjoying my friends and my vantage.

  Mona put her hands on her hips, “You listen here, if you brought another romance I will kick your ass from here to sideways.”

  “Sunday,” Lucy murmured.

  “I THINK I know what day it is. It's not Sunday. Now what is this show about?”

  “One's a thriller Mona, you'll love it.”

  He must have known what I was planning. He herded them into the clearing so their backs were to me and I could jump down easily behind them. Holding up both hands in a great pantomime of excitement, he said “These women, they go into the jungle, they are sure there is a cure for some disease in there among the plants that are about to be destroyed by an evil corporation. So they’re trying to gather them quickly right? Then one of their guides disappears and they find him later with his face chewed half off, an arm eaten to the bone like you'd eat a chicken wing and they hear this awful howlin' from the trees, then it echoes all around them.”

  “You're giving the plot away!”

  “No, and these aren't gorillas or aliens they are Gorilla Mummies! And they come out of nowhere, and they keep making more. The best part is you know they're coming but you hear this shriek then chewing sounds, like they are all taking turns pouncing and snackin’.”

  “Well hells bells,” Mona said, “you already gave it all away. Watching it now would just be a letdown.”

  “Oh no,” Jackson said, “That’s just the first 10 minutes. Imagine if you will, their fear and trepidation as all the men in their party are killed until the two, the only two women are left.”

  Jackson had them spellbound as I arranged myself for my big move and stood, then crouched on a fairly sturdy low limb.

  He continued dramatically, “And then these two; they don't know why they are still alive. They are standing in a clearing; arguing and suddenly they hear this shriek!”

  I know a good cue when I hear it. I shrieked as I leapt from the branch landing behind the women. I guess you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to sudden fear. Flight, fight or succumbing to fate.

  Jackson should be an actor; he got way into the part because he put his hands to his face and started hollering in spite of the lack of surprise. Lucy screamed and hunched into a crouch with her hands formed into attack claws. Mona turned and lunged at me. I ducked. Thank God Mona has 40 years on me or I'd have a serious neck injury.

  As soon as they realized it was me, Lucy rolled in the grass laughing while Mona curled over in hysterics. Jackson laughed uneasily. “You see what I was doing? It was for effect.”

  “Lord. I just about needed some of your under panties. What'd do that for?”

  “Fun.” I said, “I was in serious need of some fun.”

  Mona nodded in rapid understanding. “Did it do the trick?”

  “Helped a little,” I confirmed. “Now Jackson, tell us the truth, what movies you did you get? And I'd appreciate a heads up next time “we” decide to watch a movie, I expected a call with a time, y'all turned up without a word.”

  Jackson dug eagerly into the bag then stopped and held up his hand in protest. “Now before you get all hot about it what I have here is a selection. I got “Hanna”, “Django”, and “Garden State”.

  “Well,” Mona said, her hands on her hips, “I never heard of those except that “Hanna.” Any good looking men in the others? Which one has the gorilla mummies?”

  “That was a joke,” Jackson said, “There is no movie about gorilla mummies as far as I know.”

  “Then why the dickens did you go to all that trouble describing it and forget to bring it?" she exclaimed “Go on, which one has some men worth watching?”

  “Hmm, I suppose Django.”

  Lucy said, “How about we’ll start with that and if it doesn't move along at a good pace we'll change it. Where are we going to watch it?”

  “I have a TV,” I offered.

  “We've seen your TV,” Jackson said, “ain't nobody goin' to watch a movie on that little sad-ass screen. I’d rather watch it on my cell phone.”

  Mona nodded seriously, “That's a pretty sad-ass screen alright.”

  “I don't know why we are pretending we are going anywhere but my house,” Lucy said, “I have the only media room.”

  “I have a home theater,” Jackson said, “it just happens to be so far away.”

  “Your mom and dad have a home theater now they got you out of the house, or you talking about that sweet little place your grandma left you? Maybe you meant your dorm room?” Lucy said, swatting his shoulder.

  “Now see, I could spend my school breaks just about anywhere, and I come home to this total disrespect from a buncha ladies that won't treat me like a man.”

  Lucy stroked his collar, “You want me to treat you like a man?”

  He shrugged her off, “Only if you got some way to turn into one yourself.”

  Mona shook her head at both of them in disapproval and started for the golf cart. I got Mosey settled inside and we followed, Lucy jumping in the driver's seat and Jackson just as easily removing her and dumping her on the back bench with me. I don't like short notice on even the most casual social events, but that w
as something I was going to have to get over. After my night with Jared and my whole image of Ben had been turned inside out I could use an uncomplicated night with friends.

  Mona: “You know what they say: “Music soothes the savage beast.” Me: “It’s breast.”

  Mona: “That can’t be right honey, not every beast has breasts.”

  Chapter 18

  As soon as we arrived Lucy led us to the kitchen where her twins were hanging out with Betty. I was delighted when they rushed me hard enough to knock me back and I wished I had brought something for them.

  “What are you monkeys up to? How was camp?”

  “Oh Miss Gretchen,” Carrie said, twisting her fingers in my hair as I knelt for hugs and news, “it was fantabulous! They have really good horses and a lake and the counselors know us and they asked us which horses we wanted before they assigned them!”

  “Sweetie, you don't have to call me Miss Gretchen,” I smiled looking from Carrie to Branson, “just call me Gretchen.”

  Branson put his mouth to my ear and whispered loudly “Can we call you Aunt Gretchen?”

  “I would love that, what does your mom think?”

  Lucy looked over her shoulder and grinned as she made coffee, “I think that's an excellent idea.”

  I hugged them both tightly before rising back up. “Now what camp are you going to next?”

  “Rugby!” They shouted.

  Lucy shrugged, “They’re inseparable so they take turns choosing.”

  “Aunt Gretchen?”

  “What sugarplum?”

  “Can we spend the night with you sometime?”

  “Now that,” I said firmly, “is a fantastic idea. I will have to figure out something fun for us to do.”

  “We could teach you to bake!” Carrie offered. “Betty is teaching us to make biscuits right now!”

  “I’d like to learn how to make biscuits,” I grinned “But I’m all grown-up, what makes you think I can't bake?”