Wyatt (Lane Brothers #1)

by Kristina Weaver

  “I. Will. Cut. You.”

  I push harder when I feel the pressure increase, my voice coming out in a thin wail that blasts through the room like a gunshot.

  I keep pushing, ignoring the commotion at the door and focus on staying conscious, my entire lower body feeling like one big geyser about to erupt.

  The pressure suddenly releases with a whoosh and I slump back, exhausted and ready to sleep when I hear a mewling wail a moment before the doctor rises from between my legs and plops a bloody, writhing-

  “Oh my God.” I choke, looking down at the little miracle wriggling on my chest.

  “You’ve got a beautiful, perfect little girl. Congratulations mama, you did good.”

  I can’t stop the tears that slip out and pour down my cheeks or the hysterical sobbing cry that leaves me when my daughter opens her eyes and stares blearily up at me, her mouth pulling into a slash as she lets out a cry of indignation.

  To say that I’m surprised to be looking down at a little girl, well, I’m mighty glad mama has a thing for white and yellow or I’d be raising a little hoydenish tomboy.

  I feel a gentle kiss on my forehead and look up, ready to let mama see the baby and all the joy I feel in that moment but it’s not her I see when the tears finally clear, it’s Devon and he’s looking at me with so much pride I can’t help but smile back and release my grip on the baby.

  “You did so good imp.” He chokes and I chuckle through a sob.

  “Yeah. You ready to meet your daughter?”

  We may never be together and a part of us may never learn to get over the hurdles and distrust that we’ve sown through our tumultuous relationship, but this I know as he takes the squirming bundle from me an kisses her bloody cheek as if she’s the most precious thing he’s ever beheld; Devon is going to be a great dad and I couldn’t have chosen better for my kid.

  There is no better. He’s it.

  Chapter Thirty Four

  “Are you sure you’re okay? I think the wind is picking up. I’ll ask coach if I can pull the car onto the entrance at the field and you and Immie can watch from there.”

  “Day, calm down okay. She’s a baby not a piece of glass and it’s not windy at all. Go do your thing and we’ll be here, just fine, till you’re done.” I laugh, giving the kid a small shove before leaning down to adjust the blanket over Imogen’s chin.

  She’s a month old and already so spoilt I don’t stand a hope in hell with her unless I buy a whip and some sort of kiddie leash. The kid is huge, really huge, my vagina can attest to that fact and the apple of her dad’s eye.

  And apparently any eye that lands on her cute little face.

  Her little tufts of downy hair are golden blonde just like her father’s and her eyes, while still that murky baby blue, are promising to be the same pale grey that make up the Baxter clan.

  Go figure his genetics would overrun the game and go freaking figure that my little gem would look exactly like the man I’m trying my darnedest not to think about every second of the day.

  I can just see myself years from now, crying into my cereal when that smile lights up her face and reminds me of everything I’ve lost.

  I’m doing okay though. After a huge argument and a lot of yelling I’d convinced my folks that I am not an invalid just because my little girl tried to rip me in half and that I can do things by myself.

  And then I’d whammied them with the little house I’d let Grey buy me-I’m paying him back in full when I get a job-and ignored their arguments and put them to work.

  I am now a single mom, living in a very cute little single cottage, exhausted but content to let the hordesin at all hours of the day to see the precious little cherub.

  “His form is better.”

  I look up to see Devon standing beside me, his hands crammed into the pockets of his light coat.

  “Yup. He’s got the speed and the build to make it.”

  This is the first time we’ve been alone in almost two months, not since the night I’d left and while it’s awkward I can handle it. So what if my heart is trying to pound its way through my chest cavity and so freaking what if my stomachs fluttering?

  “May I?”

  “Sure, just don’t try to pick her up please, the little hellion just fell asleep and she can shatter glass when she gets woken from her nap.” I warn, shifting over to make room for his broader frame.

  “I won’t. I learned that lesson the hard way last weekend when Davy picked her up to cuddle.” He chuckles, sitting way too close. “You look exhausted imp.”

  Well gee, thanks.

  “Aw and here I was so sure I looked like a super model after giving birth to a child the size of a small person.” I say sarcastically, my ego stinging at the put down.

  “No.” he sighs and sits back, his hands ruffling through his hair. “I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t beautiful.”

  I snort and pull a face, keeping my eyes glued to the drills out on the field because looking at him is not a good idea. Damned post pregnancy hormones.

  They say that you’ll get better after the birth but that’s total bullshit. I’m a walking bag of emotions right now. I’d cried during a chocolate ad for goodness sake, not sure if I was crazy or just Jonesing for chocolate I can’t have till I lose at least some weight.

  “Imp, I, can we talk?”

  “About?” I ask, pretending to fiddle with a blanket as he turns towards me and rests a hand on the back of my seat.

  I can smell his cologne and take a quick silent sniff that almost has my eyeballs rolling to the back of my head with need. I miss that smell and the steady comfort it had represented. I want it so badly some nights when Immie is keeping me awake and I’m dead on my feet.

  If I had that smell I wouldn’t be up by myself or obsessing with terror about my ability to care for Immie or the fact that I feel gross and totally inept most of the time.

  If I had the smell I wouldn’t be alone and right now that is something I want more than my next breath.

  “Us, I-”

  “There is no us Devon.” I say tonelessly, sitting up to meet his eyes with what I hope is a clear, trouble free expression.

  I see him blanch and resist the urge to take it back and offer him…I don’t know what but I want to ease the tension I see bracketing his lips and smooth the guilt from his eyes.

  “I didn’t sleep with her imp. I swear. I kicked her out as soon as I heard you leave and I…”

  “It doesn’t matter. I had no right to do or say anything at that stage. You made that very clear. I tried to force something on you that you told me you didn’t want. You made sure I understood that and you helped me see that I was making an ass of myself. End of story. I should actually just say thank you.”

  “Imp.”

  “Er, look, I think I should go. Day was right it is a little too windy for Immie to be here. Tell him I’m sorry for cutting out early and that I’ll call him later.”

  I pick up the chair holding my daughter and wait for him to kiss her goodbye before bolting back to my car and making my way home.

  When I get there I lay Immie down in her cot and flop down on the sofa, my heart and body a mess of contradictory emotions.

  Does it matter that he didn’t sleep with the blonde bimbo who’d made me feel like an unattractive wildebeest? Yeah, it so totally does. It matters so much that I feel a weight I hadn’t known was still there ease off my tired shoulders.

  The problem with that is that it shouldn’t. We’re done. Finished. I shouldn’t feel like smiling and doing a jig in celebration, something I’d been perilously close to doing before my reasoning had kicked in and I’d made a hasty escape.

  Dammit. I am way too happy that all he’d had left over from that night was a face full of lipstick and a hard on, and that does not bode well for me.

  Chapter Thirty Five

  Dev

  “Well, that went well. Not.”

  I flip Davy off and start the car after he hops in,
his eyes trained on me as I put the car into gear and pull away slowly.

  “Shut it lad.”

  It’s all I have the heart to say as we make our way back home to a house that no longer feels like a home. I’d spent so long taking imp’s light in my life for granted and trying to push her away that I hadn’t realized how empty it would be when I finally accomplished my goal.

  Christ, I can still remember the agony in her eyes that night and the way her lip had trembled before she’d bitten into it to stop the movement. She’d been so hurt and defeated that I’d almost thrown that blonde tramp out the door and fallen to my knees to beg her not to cry.

  But the anger, that ever present sickness that had taken hold of me and refused to let go had still been too great for y common sense to override, so I’d done the unforgivable and let that bitch insult my woman before taking her skinny arse up to my room and closing the door.

  That had been cruel and calculated, letting my baby think that I would ever soil her bed with another woman’s cheap perfume and sallow skin. She’d left straight after of course and I’d watched from the window as she’s shoved herself into her car and left, my security team following from a safe distance as she ran away to lick the wounds I’d purposefully inflicted.

  I’d tossed the vapid woman I’d picked up in a bar out on her arse-after calling a taxi of course, I am not an animal-and then I’d basked in my victory.

  For all of two seconds.

  After a quick shower to scrub the disgust from my skin I’d padded downstairs and walked into hell. Pure hell. My very pregnant, fragile imp had obviously gone to a lot of trouble cooking traditional fish and chips-something I’d complained about missing-and a homemade tiramisu that had most likely taken her hours to make from scratch.

  And then I’d seen the envelope sitting beside one of the plates and I’d lost my smarmy smirk. Fast. I still have that bloody heart wrenching letter though I’ve read it so many times I can recite it off by heart. All three gut wrenching pages.

  In those three sheets of velum I’d learned everything I could ever hope to know about my girl. She loves me, really, really loves me. She wants not only a family, but she loves my brothers with an all-consuming pride that I will never find in another.

  And then I’d learned that while she takes full blame for every shitty thing she did, she had done it all because deep down it’s not that she doesn’t trust me, it’s that she doesn’t feel good enough to hold the attention of a man like me.

  She’d begged me to give her another chance and sworn to do better. She’d asked for just a little faith and promised me the love and devotion she knew I deserved.

  I’d read that letter and felt my world shatter and fall at my feet because I knew that any chance I’d had at happiness was now well and truly gone. I’d shot myself in the foot and added some vinegar in the form of the type of woman I knew made my perfect girl feel insecure and unattractive.

  I’d tried calling for a solid week and even roped her father into helping me-after a very long talk and a black eye from Grey and Logan-and I’d shown up at the house three times before finally giving up after I’d watched my imp trying to sneak to through a side gate.

  Now I’m not one to give up and I’m arrogant enough to say that I’m made of sterner stuff than a fragile woman like my imp, but after watching her become so desperate to escape me that she’d willingly squeeze her massive tummy through a gate, while crawling behind a car I’d retreated and regrouped.

  Only nothing I do is working.

  She’d even barred me from the delivery room and made me stand outside her door while her screams of pain and grunts ripped me to shreds.

  That had hurt, a lot but it was nothing I didn’t deserve and I bloody well know it. I’d seen the end result though and to say that the sight of my daughter only made me love imp more…

  “Could you please stop watching that video?” Davy asks after a long silence, bringing me back to the present. “I know you’re torturing yourself with all the gory splendour that was your daughter’s birth but I can’t sleep at night after hearing that shite in surround sound. It gives me the bleeding willies.”

  I grin and shake my head because I know that tonight just like every other night since she’d been born I will watch that video if only to see my girl in all her bloody glory as she screamed, yelled, cursed and threatened all and sundry with bodily harm as she pushed Immie into the world.

  Never again will I take for granted the gift that is a woman bearing a child for a man. It’s bloody hard and excruciating and so beautiful that no matter how sick it is, I can’t stop from wanting to see that miracle.

  Plus it’s the only way I get to see my girl at night so I’ll take what I can get and be happy for it.

  “Put your headphones on and leave me alone wanker. It’s beautiful.”

  “Ah no, it ain’t and you know it. Look, just go over to hun’s and lay it all out for her. Tell her you are a bleeding sorry excuse for a man and that you’re sorry for everything. Tell her you love her. Tell her something because I am about a second away from losing my shit and forcing you two stubborn gits to grow up and let it go.”

  “I tried at your practice. She wouldn’t listen. I’m afraid if I push t she’ll stop coming around us altogether and I-”

  “Look, let’s be real here. The girl shamed herself trying to make it up to you and you fucked it up beyond repair. The only thing you’ve got going for your miserable arse now is your kid so I say use the fact that hun won’t keep Immie away from you to your advantage.”

  Naturally I’ve considered using my fatherly rights as an excuse to force imp into closer proximity-I told you I am too ruthless to let an opportunity pass me by-but I’d been holding off because even I’m smart enough to see how mercenary that approach is.

  But if Day’s suggesting it…

  “You think she’ll give me another chance?”

  “Dude. She’s coming up on her six weeks check-up, her hormones, according to that book I read, are still all over the place and she’s too tired to put up much resistance. At the very least you can use your tiny wanger to seduce her. Use what you’ve got and don’t stop till you’ve crumbled her resistance. Really, don’t stop because if you don’t bring hun back soon Ryan will kill you in your sleep and I really don’t have the time to provide a false alibi. I just met a bird I think might be more than a quick fuck and duck.”

  The thought of Davy reading one of those books and looking for information about what happens to a woman’s body after giving birth and all that makes me crack up so much I’m grateful that we’re pulling into the driveway and that I don’t have to drive while roaring with laughter.

  “You read about all that?” I gasp, laughing harder when he grimaces and shudders.

  “Yeah man. I feel so sorry for women. All that pain and then bleeding half to death afterward while they’re expected to care for a baby…not cool. I almost offered to stay over just so poor hun could get some sleep and so that I could make sure she didn’t bleed to death.”

  “What changed your mind?” I ask, laughing because I already know the answer.

  “You smell what comes out of Immie? Bleeding unsavoury. Plus, I’m really tired lately and I doubt a train could wake me when I crash.”

  “You do look a little worse for wear.” I murmur looking closer and noting the deep lines of fatigue bracketing his eyes.

  This is so not like him and I make up my mind to call the doctor and make an appointment today. Just because I have Immie now and the lads are grown does not mean I’m any less focused on them. They will always be my lads.

  “Come on then son, let’s go feed you.”

  “Hey Dev, do you think hun will forgive me and Ry for taking your side?” he asks suddenly, making me pause halfway out of the car. “I mean we’ll always have your back but I think we made her feel alone by making it so…lonely for her.”

  “I don’t think you even need to ask Davy, the woman is practically
in love with you buggers.” I joke hoping to make him smile.

  “Yeah.” He breathes and I see his lips curve tiredly. “She’s something huh.”

  “She’s my everything.”

  Chapter Thirty Six

  “It’s best that we get him into the operating room as soon as possible Mr Baxter. We can go in and repair the Mitral valve and he should be just fine. We caught this early thanks to your insistence that he get a thorough exam so there isn’t any visible weakening in the heart’s walls, but this is serious. You should urge any other family to get tests as well as we find that these cases are sometimes congenital.”

  I nod my head and shake the man’s hand as if I’ve heard anything of what he’s said. All I’m focused on now is making sure my lad gets the surgery he needs and that the rest of my family get checked out thoroughly.

  The news has thrown me and as I leave the doctor in the corridor and make my way to Davy’s room all I can think is that I’ve failed somewhere. I should have known this from the start and gotten it seen to.

  I should have paid more attention to David and Ryan and I bloody well should have listened to imp when she’d asked me to check on the lad when he spent all weekend knocked out in bed.

  I’d assumed that football and his partying ways had been to blame and written it off as the usual teenage dross that comes along with raising a pair of rowdy lads.

  And now this.

  I’m dragging by the time I reach his floor and dreading going in there and telling him that his football career may be over before it’s even begun when a soft hand thwacks me on the back of the head.

  “You idiot! How could you not call me for this?”

  Turning with a groan and a flinch as I look down to see my little ray of violent sunshine glaring up at me, her face so stormy her eyes are a dark brown instead of the glowing amber it always is.