Nuts About You: A Testicular Cancer Anthology

by Anthology

  Autumn said nothing and I felt sweat starting to break out over my body. Shit, she was going to reject me. I’d fucked up. I’d misread this past year and how much I thought we loved one another. Well, I knew I loved her and I thought she loved me. She’d told me often enough but maybe not enough to marry me.

  Bracing myself for her refusal I met her eyes and felt a jolt of surprise run through me when I saw the tears streaming down her face. Shit, now I’d managed to make her cry. “Good one Bailey.” I muttered, under my breath.

  “I’m sorry baby. It’s too soon, right? You don’t want to get married. It’s fine, I understand.” I began babbling away in an attempt to rectify the mess I’d apparently made.

  “Oh Theo.” Her voice was choked with emotion. “No; you’re reading it all wrong. Of course I want to marry you. I love you. I just…I just never…never thought you’d ask. I thought…I thought you weren’t the marrying kind.”

  “I told you I wasn’t the marrying kind not long after we started dating but then I never expected to meet you and to fall in love. You know how fucked up I was a year ago. Adam’s death and the pain I feel never goes away but, with you, it makes it easier for me to deal with it. I love you too and I want you to become my wife. I think it’s time you make an honest man of me. This living in sin is bad for my reputation you know.” I grinned, my heart feeling lighter and happier now I knew I wasn’t about to have my marriage proposal rejected. Although, technically, I hadn’t actually asked her; I’d let the ring do the talking for me.

  “Well, you did improve your reputation. You proved you weren’t the asshole I thought you were when we met.”

  I moved over to the bed and dropped down carefully onto one knee, ignoring the protesting of the muscles in my injured thigh.

  “Autumn Nicole Payne, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” I asked.

  Autumn clambered off the bed and dropped to the floor next to me, still holding the jewellery box in her hand. “Jesus Theo, get off the floor. You’ll aggravate your leg you idiot.”

  “So does that mean yes or no?” I smirked at her in response to her calling me an idiot.

  “Theo.” She whined, climbing to her feet and holding a hand out to me. “Get up. I’m not answering you while you’re on the floor.”

  Giving a loud exaggerated sigh, I let her pull me to my feet. Taking the box from her I opened it up and took the ring out, lifting her left hand so I could slip the ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit but then I’d used one of her rings without her knowing to get the sizing right.

  “So, I’m on my feet and I’m hoping you’re done insulting me; so do you think you could give me an answer to my marriage proposal before I have an anxiety attack or something?”

  “I already answered you when I first saw the ring once I removed it from Tiny’s neck.” She said.

  I sighed again. “No. You said you wanted to marry me which is more a case of you implying that you would be prepared to do so one day. It’s not a direct answer of yes or no to my actual marriage proposal.” I argued.

  Autumn stepped forward, wrapping her arms around my waist, her head tipping back to look up at me. “You know, the way you argue and pick at the details, you should have been a damned lawyer or something.” I frowned, opening my mouth to respond but she raised a finger to press it against my lips. “Before you hit me with some snappy retort, the answer is yes. Yes I will marry you Mr Bailey. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. There, is that a satisfactory response?” She asked, amusement showing in her stunning eyes.

  “It’s not a satisfactory response at all Ms Payne.” I lowered my head, my lips nearly touching hers. “It’s the perfect response.” I said before kissing her.

  Eighteen Months Later

  “I love you baby.” I whispered, my arms closing around my beautiful wife from behind, my head dropping so I could rest my chin on the top of her head.

  “I love you too Theo, more and more each day, and especially now because you helped to give us the most precious gift of all.” She turned in my arms enough so she could look up at me and smile, tears glistening in her brilliant blue eyes before she turned back again.

  I looked down into the crib where our beautiful one month old daughter lay sleeping soundly. She had my eyes but, even all bundled up as she was, I could see the wisps of auburn coloured hair that was so much like her mother’s.

  “She’s perfect because she looks so much like you.” I pulled my wife in closer to me until our bodies were tightly pressed against one another. “You want to know what else?” I felt my lips tugging up into a smile.

  “What?” Autumn’s head turned towards me slightly but not enough to remove her focus off our sleeping daughter.

  “She’s got one huge advantage in my opinion.” I said, trying to keep the laughter bubbling up in me contained. Leaning closer until my lips were against Autumn’s ear. “She doesn’t drool. I think we’ll keep her.”

  I straightened, smiling just as she began to laugh, the sound muffled when she clamped a hand over her own mouth, obviously not wanting to risk waking Amy. When she got herself under control she turned in my arms to look up at me.

  “Technically she does drool you know.”

  I grinned down at her. “Yeah, but nothing on this earth drools like that damned overgrown mutt of yours.”

  Autumn’s nose crinkled up in an adorable way as she looked at me. “You know you love him. If it wasn’t for Tiny we might never have gotten together.”

  I gave a sigh of defeat. “I guess I can’t argue with you there. I suppose I should thank the great lumbering oaf for bringing us together, even if I did nearly drown numerous times on all the mucus that flows out of him.” I lowered my head, brushing my lips over hers. “But seriously, meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me and giving me Amy was the second best thing. I love you Mrs Bailey and I will until I draw my last breath.”

  Autumn rose up on her toes, her hands linking at the back of my neck. “Ditto, Mr Bailey.” She whispered, just before she kissed me.

  The End.

  J.A Melville

  Copyright 2017 ©

  Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

  From my teenage years, all I wanted to do was become a writer one day. Even now as an adult woman with three children who are not so little anymore, I've always lived with my head in the clouds, a dreamer, often amusing myself with my own imagination.

  It might have taken me awhile to finally live my dream, but I did it. I hope to one day be good enough to stand beside the many talented writers out there who have kept me entertained with their wonderful stories over the years.

  I live in a sleepy country town in Tasmania, Australia with my three children, my little dog who thinks he’s a Dobermann and a messy pair of cockatiels.

  I've had to overcome many emotional obstacles along the way to get to this point and attempting to self-publish a book does tend to make a person feel like they've thrown themselves in at the deep end of the pool. Here's hoping some of you actually like what I write and save me from drowning in the deep end as I probably forgot to mention, I can't swim.

  J. A Melville.

  © Copyright J. A Melville.

  You can find me on

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  Right Here Waiting

  by

  T.a. McKay

  Prologue

  Fourteen Months Earlier

  Tristen

  “Are you really trying to convince me that you meant the garlic bread to look like that? Babe, it’s burnt.”

  I glare at Ray as I try to scrape off the worst of the charcoal. I have never claimed to be a great cook, and to be honest I'm not even a slightly good one. “It’s not burnt, it’s well fired.”

  Ray’s laughte
r fills the small kitchen and as much as I'm trying to be angry with him, I smile as I continue to scrape the black top layer off the bread. I’m still smiling when his arms slip around my waist and he kisses my cheek before resting his chin on my shoulder.

  “I'm glad I'm not with you for your cooking ability. Thankfully you are really good in bed.” When he finishes speaking he digs his fingers into my sides and I drop the knife and bread, crying out as he tickles me. I hate being tickled and he knows it.

  I twist in his arms until I'm facing him, throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him close enough to kiss. When I brush my lips over his he stops his assault on my side and grips my arse in his hands, pulling me in closer. I love when he gets like this, it makes me feel secure and wanted. It also makes me horny and I'm sure he will be able to tell that by the hard on that’s growing in my jeans.

  “Mmm … I love that you respond so quickly.” His words come out on a groan and I know that he’s noticed how hard I am.

  “I love that you love that I respond so quickly.”

  “And I love that you love that I love…”

  I silence him with a deeper kiss and tighten my arms around his neck. This man right here is my life. He is the reason that I wake up in the morning with a smile on my lips and he’s also the reason that I go to bed at night satisfied. I didn’t ever imagine I would meet someone like him. I thought I had had my chance at love with my ex Garry and when he cheated on me, I thought that my chance had gone. Garry was my everything. My friend, my lover, my soul mate. Unfortunately he was also that for someone else. I want to be angry with him still but if I was still with him I wouldn’t be with the guy that’s in my arms right now, and I wouldn’t want a life without Ray.

  He pulls back slightly until his lips are just brushing over mine. “Are you hungry?”

  “No.” I should feel ashamed of how breathy my answer sounds but this is his fault. He does something to me when he kisses me and I always find it difficult to catch my breath. I always read stories about people who were in love, about how they would swoon when the object of their affection was near, and I would laugh. I mean how is it even possible to be affected by someone like that? Now I know.

  “That’s the right answer, beautiful.” He takes me by the hand and starts to lead me down the hall towards our bedroom. I follow him closely, trying not to look too eager about what’s about to happen, but I know I fail when I see Ray’s crooked smile. He really is the sexiest man I’ve ever seen with his red hair and green eyes. He isn't what I would call my usual type when it came to the men I used to go after, but the night I went to the club and saw him smiling on the opposite side of the dance floor I knew I wanted him

  Even after all this time Ray makes my heart race when I see him and I know he is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I want to get married and grow old with him while surrounded by cats. We need to travel the world and get pictures in every single country before we settle down in our little country cottage with a coal fire and bicker like every other old couple I know. That’s my dream and I will get it. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.

  ****

  I stand at one end of the aisle and look towards the coffin at the other end. I can’t go up there. If I see Ray lying there then it will make this whole thing real and it can’t be real, there’s no way he would leave me like this. We had our whole lives planned out and if he's gone I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. No, this is all some bad dream and I need to wake up.

  I watch as Ray’s mum approaches the coffin, supported by her best friend, and looks inside. She cries out in anguish as she gets close enough to look inside the casket. I can feel her pain as she looks at the body of her son, the agony clear in the sound that’s coming from her. I close my eyes, unable to deal with seeing her grief. I want to go to her and tell her that she shouldn’t hurt, that she hasn’t lost her only son but the more I hear her heart ripping apart, I feel that this might not be the dream I'm hoping it is. I back away, ready to run from the church, when my back connects with hard body. I mumble an apology and get ready to make my escape. I need to get out of here. I can’t deal with this, there’s no way I can see him lying in there.

  Flashbacks from the night Ray died threaten to take my legs from beneath me. Listening to the police tell me that they were sorry and that there was nothing anyone could have done to save his life was the worst moment of my life. Trying to understand when they explained that Ray had been leaving his office when he ran across the road to make the last bus, but he didn’t look before he stepped into the road. Because of the surface water on the road the car had been unable to stop and had crushed him against the side of the bus. He died before he arrived at the hospital and the police had got my contact details from his phone. The memory of them asking me to come with them and identify Ray’s body had me going into a panic attack like I had never had before. I started sweating and shaking, and after sitting staring at them for what felt like hours I told them I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be the one to confirm that he was dead. Even now, almost a week later, the thought of doing it has me feeling faint.

  I'm just about to repeat the panic attack from that night when a pair of arms wrap around my waist. My body freezes and my muscles tense at the touch. I turn quickly, moving away from the person and my breath catches. “August?”

  “Hey, buddy.”

  I rush over to him and throw my arms around him. He returns the gesture, putting his arms back around my waist and holding me close to him. For the first time in days I feel like I can breathe and I melt into his embrace as I let my emotions go.

  “I'm so sorry, Tristen. So fucking sorry.”

  I tighten my hold around his neck and give into the tears I've held back since the accident. I don’t know how long we stand there but it’s August who pulls back before cupping my face and drying my tears with his thumbs. He looks like he's going to talk but instead he takes my hand and leads me outside into the bright sunshine. The weather has been nice since the night of the accident, the night that took away the most important thing in my life. The rain hadn’t been predicted and I’ve often found myself wondering if it had been sent just to take the love of my life away from me. I know that’s dramatic and that the world doesn’t work like that but it’s the only thing that makes sense to my confused mind.

  August pushes me down onto a bench that’s just outside the church doors and sits down close to my side whilst holding my hand. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall, letting the sun heat the skin on my face.

  “I know this is a really stupid question, but how’re you doing?”

  I don’t open my eyes when I answer him. “I will be a lot better once I wake up. I just want to wake up.” I feel his hand tighten around mine and I just enjoy the feeling of having someone here for me. No, not just someone, I needed my best friend. August is the only person I would want here with me just now.

  “You know that isn’t going to happen, mate. You just need to make it through today and say goodbye. I know it’s hard but you just need to keep breathing. I'm here to hold you up.”

  “The last time I saw him he looked so handsome. He was wearing the blue shirt I got him for Christmas and it made his eyes pop. As a person he was just so alive and that’s how I want to remember him. I can’t see him when he's no longer him, I can’t see him without the sparkle in his eyes.”

  I feel August move closer to me and his hands cup my face. I try not to look into his eyes but his hold on my face is strong and he forces me to look up. “You haven’t seen him?”

  I try to shake my head but his grip limits my movements. It doesn’t stop the tears that roll down my cheeks and I see the sympathy in August’s eyes. I’ve held myself together the last few days but having him here is breaking down the walls I’ve built around my grief. No one gets me the way August does, not even Ray could understand me in the same way. “I can’t.”

  Augus
t’s thumbs rub over my cheeks, wiping the tears that refuse to stop falling. “You have to, Tristen. If you miss your chance to say goodbye you will regret it. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but one day you will wake up and the fact that you didn’t say goodbye will rip you apart.”

  I don’t want to believe him but I know I'm not thinking straight at the moment, my grief clouding my judgement, so there’s a good chance that August is right. As much as I tell myself that seeing Ray is the last thing I want to do, I trust August enough to take his advice. “Okay.”

  A warm smile crosses August’s lips and he leans over to kiss my forehead. He hasn’t done that since we were both twelve and Freddie Craig told me he liked girls and not boys. Freddie was my first crush after I realised that I liked boys but he also turned out to be my first heartbreak. August was there for me through the whole thing. The gentle kiss gives me more comfort than I would ever admit to anyone and it makes me notice just how much I've missed August being around. For the first time since Ray died, I feel like I might just survive.

  The feeling vanishes quickly when August takes my hand and leads me back into the church. My heart starts to race and it makes my pulse beat loudly in my ears. I know my death grip on his hand must hurt but he doesn’t once complain or try to remove himself from my grasp. At the end of the aisle he allows me to pause for a moment to try and compose myself. His thumb rubs over the back of my hand and I use the movement to focus my laboured breathing. In and out. In and out. August doesn’t realise it but he has the ability to calm me by just being near and I've always been thankful to have him as my best friend.