Nuts About You: A Testicular Cancer Anthology

by Anthology

  “Never been here, and always wanted to try it.” She moves forward, stopping about a foot away from me.

  Yeah, I’m starting to feel the same way. We walk side by side on the short walk to the stone-faced building. My heart thumps against my chest like the next move will make or break me. Why am I so friggin’ nervous? I took out hundreds of chicks, maybe more. But this one, for some god-only-knows-why reason embedded herself in my brain like a tumor. Is she harmless, or will she eat away at me like a cancer?

  I place my arm in the small of her back, guiding her through the doorway. She jumps, like electric shocks jolt through her. Maybe she feels it too. I mean, if she could get past the bitter hatred and wishing death upon me. I move closer, breathing in the aroma of her fruity perfume.

  She locks her arm with mine. “It’s a classy place, we need to look the part.”

  “I’m not complaining.” I flash a half smile. Blood rushes through my veins sending bolts of adrenaline through my body. How the hell am I going to refrain from knocking everything off the table and fucking her into next week?

  I take a deep breath to calm my body enough to make it through this dinner. I follow the red carpet to the podium with the most beautiful girl that exists on my arm. “Reservation for Vic Steele.”

  The hostess runs her fingers along the paper in front of her. “Ah, Mr. Steele. Right this way.” She flashes a sexy smile at me and gestures for me to follow her. Damn, hot as sin. Too bad I could give a fuck less. My god, am I losing my mind?

  Hailey grips my arm tighter. What the hell is happening? Is she jealous the hostess is shooting her fuck-me eyes at me every chance she gets?

  The hostess stops at a secluded table in the back. “Enjoy.” She grazes her fingertips along my forearm as she walks away.

  The dim lit room illuminated by soft lights and candles only fits about fifteen tables inside. Guess that’s why it takes forever to get a reservation. Tito banged the hostess a few times and by some miracle, they’re still friends. She got me right in. Not sure what this favor will cost me.

  I do a once-over, taking in the glow of the crystal chandeliers and gold tablecloths. It’s like I stepped into the fucking golden age of Hollywood. Next thing I know, Frank Sinatra steps out from behind a curtain and starts crooning.

  “Huh.” Hailey grabs the back of the chair.

  Dammit. I quickly step over and pull the chair out for her. “What’s wrong?”

  She sits and shrugs. “I didn’t expect a place like this to hire girls like her.”

  I take a seat and pull in my chair. “Gotta keep the businessmen happy.” She has no idea how the world works. People want to see beauty and most guys want to look at a hot piece of ass.

  “Is this a front for a brothel or something?” She opens her menu.

  “Nah, I’d know about it if it was.” Not even close to the right thing to say. If I could talk with my brain instead of my dick, then maybe she wouldn’t think of me as a player.

  “True. Your reputation precedes you.” She closes her menu and sets it down on the table.

  “Yeah, for providing awesome ink to my clients.” I open my menu but can’t peel my eyes away from her. I stare at her red lips glistening as she talks.

  “Among other talents.” She taps her fingernails on the table.

  The waiter steps in before I can say anything else. “Good evening. Are there any questions about the menu?” He fills our water goblets.

  I shake my head. Food is food. And at this second, the only thing I want to devour is sitting across from me.

  “I’ll start with a Grey Goose Martini, extra dirty.” She sits back in her chair. “Your treat, right?”

  So she’s a dirty kind of girl. “Anything you want.” I wink. “I’ll have a beer. What’s on draft?”

  “Sir, we carry the finest of imported bottles.” The waiter eyes me from head to toe, staring at my forearms sticking out from my half-rolled up sleeves.

  Guess the sleeves of tattoos make him think I’m either a brain dead rock star or some thug who came into a few bucks. “Okay, I’ll have whatever you think is good. Surprise me.”

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to look at the beer list? It’s quite extensive.” The waiter scrunches his forehead like I asked him to tell me the secret of immortality.

  “I trust you, bud.” I give him the s’up nod and open my menu.

  “Very well. I’ll be right back with your drinks.” He scurries away.

  I look at Hailey over the top of my menu. “First time I’m here. Still learning the ropes.”

  She nods and takes a sip of her water. “Long way from Mickey D’s.”

  I unbutton the top button of my gray dress shirt. I could never survive in the corporate world. These monkey suit dress shirts suffocate me, kinda like this chick. “I’m not all Big Macs and ink, babe.”

  She leans forward. “Yeah, you’re also a man-whore. I’ve heard the stories. You’re a legend around the campus.”

  Normally I’d scream Hell Yeah to that comment, but I can’t stand it when she says shit like that to me. It’s like I want to start fresh with her, without her knowing all this shit about me.

  “Listen, I’m not a relationship kind of guy. It just complicates everything.” I sip my water. “Plus, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here.”

  The waiter brings our drinks. “Are you ready to order?”

  She raises an eyebrow, then turns toward the waiter. “I’ll have the sea scallops appetizer and the lobster tail stuffed with crab meat as my entrée.”

  “Very good choices, Madame. And for you sir?” The waiter looks down at me like he’s afraid I might pounce on him if he says the wrong thing.

  “I’ll have the shrimp cocktail and a filet mignon, medium.”

  “Excellent sir.” He takes our menus and leaves in a flash.

  “What do you mean? You make it sound like you’re dying or something.” Her eyes, full of concern, stare at mine.

  What’s with this sudden interest in my wellbeing? I sip my beer. “Would you miss me?” The strong flavor of hops flows along my tongue. Would it kill them to serve a good old fashioned Miller Lite?

  She smirks. “Yeah, like I miss a cold sore after it goes away.” She sips her martini.

  “So you’re telling me you have herpes.” I hold in a laugh.

  She huffs. “You’re an asshole.” She leans back in her chair like she can’t get away from me fast enough.

  “Yeah, but I’m kinda funny.” Oh shit, she’s probably ready to bolt. I smile, trying to keep her from throwing that $20 martini in my face, and storming out.

  A smile bursts through her sexy lips despite her struggle to hold it in.

  “I plan on opening a shop in Miami, just as soon as I can. Pretty close to making it happen. I want the world to have the opportunity to get a Vic Steele tattoo.”

  “Maybe someday I’ll have a finished one.” She sips her martini and slides her tongue along her top lip.

  God, this chick destroys me. I squirm in my seat, adjusting myself so I can keep it in my pants for the rest of the dinner.

  “Play your cards right, anything can happen.” I raise my eyebrows. “So, how about you? What’s in store for you after graduation?”

  “Well, first I want a finished tattoo to match the one my sorority sisters have.” She taps her fingernails on her glass. “Then I’m heading to grad school.”

  “Let me guess, tactics to wear people down until you break them. Like they do with prisoners of war?” I slug my beer.

  “Close. Clinical psychology.” She gulps down the rest of her drink. “Figuring you out is beyond my skills at the moment.”

  “Funny.” Jesus, she’s the perfect mix of cute and sexy-as-hell, with a warped sense of humor like me. Didn’t know girls like this existed. “So you want to shrink heads for a living?”

  She shrugs. “Maybe. I’m not off to a good start. My ex was cheating on me with his yoga instructor. Didn’t see that coming. I
guess I need to work on my observation skills.”

  What asshole would cheat on Hailey? Didn’t he get it? He had a hot-as-hell awesome chick and he fucked it up. Moron. I shake my head. “If a guy wants to hide something, he’ll cover his tracks like a mass murderer on the run. Not your fault.”

  She squints her eyebrows and leans forward. “Wow, you actually said something nice. Did aliens take over your brain or something?”

  Yeah, or something. “I’m nice.” I jerk my head back like she threw porcupine quills at me.

  “Uh-huh. If something’s in it for you.”

  Okay, she got me there. The waiter steps in just in time to break the awkward tension. He places our appetizers in front of us.

  “Bon appetite.” He turns and flows through the room.

  Hailey pops a scallop in her mouth. “Don’t freak but I’m going to grad school at the University of Miami.”

  “You’re shittin’ me.” This is way beyond coincidence. It’s like the gods want us to be together. First, she shows up in my shop, then refuses to leave, and now she’s going to grad school in the city where I’m ready to settle down?

  “My god, this is amazing.” She shoves the last two scallops in her mouth. “Oh, I should probably tell you, I’m not one of those girls who don’t eat. And I plan on having dessert too.”

  Good, more time I get to spend with her. Wait…what the fuck is wrong with me? She jumped through my hoops, we’re out to dinner. I’ll finish her tattoo if it kills the both of us. Then we’ll be on our way. No need to prolong the inevitable. Maybe I’ll see her sometime in Miami, maybe not. But spending any more time than necessary together is bad for the both of us.

  The waiter comes back with another round of drinks and our entrees. She sips the martini as soon as the waiter sets it down. “Appetizers were killer. Can’t wait to get my hands on this lobster.”

  Now all of a sudden she’s in a feeding frenzy and slamming martinis? Holy fuck, one drink and she’s shit-faced. “Want some water?” There’s no way I’m taking her back to the shop half-loaded. She’ll probably pass out and puke on me at the same time.

  “Oh my god, this is better than sex.” She eats the lobster stuffed with crabmeat like she hasn’t seen a hot meal in weeks. Within five minutes, there’s nothing but a shell.

  I cut my filet and stab a piece with my fork, shoveling it in my mouth. It melts within seconds. Perfect texture and flavor. Damn, best steak I ever had.

  “So what do you do for fun? You know, when you’re not hanging out in my shop.”

  She shrugs. “The usual, listen to music, shopping trips with my friends, watch movies…I’m a big Star Wars fan.”

  I never would have pinned her for a sci-fi nerd. “I’m one with the force.”

  She giggles. “Yeah, the dark side.”

  “That’s the best one.” Ever since I was a kid Darth Vader was my favorite character. Guess I never went for the superhero type. “I never get why they didn’t fix the glitch in the first movie…well, the fourth.”

  She scrunches her forehead. “What are you talking about?”

  Ah, I know a little Star Wars trivia. Time to wow her with my brain…not my usual game. “You know, with the Stormtroopers. They’re supposed to be clones of Jango Fett.”

  She sips her martini. “Yeah.”

  “Well, when C-3PO and R2-D2 are in the control room of the Death Star, the storm troopers barge in and one hits his head on the door. That means they can’t be clones, or they would all be the same height.”

  She nods, holding back a smile. “I never noticed that.”

  “Bet I just changed your world.” I scarf down my meal almost as fast as she devoured that lobster. “This place lives up to the hype.”

  She raises an eyebrow locking her eyes with mine. “Certainly lives up to the hype.” She slugs her martini.

  Liquid confidence, or does the truth come out when she’s buzzed? “Maybe I’ll take you home. I think the martinis got the best of you.”

  “Umm, it’s my second one. I know what I’m doing.” She sloshes down the rest of her drink just as the waiter approaches. “Can we please have our bill?”

  “Of course. Did you enjoy everything?”

  “Yeah, everything was awesome. My compliments to the chef.” Wow, I sound like one of those fake idiots who come in asking for a tat of their college mascot or logo, hoping they don’t get any stray ink on their business shirts.

  “Better than sex…well, maybe not…I guess we’ll see.”

  The waiter’s face turns a bright shade of crimson. “Very happy you enjoyed it.” He bolts away faster than the speed of light.

  “Classy.” I kinda like this side of Hailey. No holding back. Imagine if we could all live life like this. We’d either get our ass kicked on a daily basis, or live a lot longer from not holding everything in.

  “It’s true. I guess the alcohol loosened me up.” She tucks a stray hair behind her ear.

  I bet nothing on that hot body is loose. “What now? Want me to take you back to the shop and finish that tat? I think you might be able to handle it now.”

  She shakes her head. “Not yet, I want to see what else I can handle.”

  The waiter hands me the check. I throw my credit card at him like it’s on fire, without even glancing at the charges.

  “I’ve got Episode IV and a gallon of chocolate marshmallow ice cream…wanna look for the glitch?” I squirm in my seat, trying to hide the bulge in my pants.

  Either one of us can Google this in a second and probably watch the exact scene on YouTube. Whatever she says next tells me everything I need to know.

  “I’m up for it all.” She hops up from her seat just as the waiter returns.

  I give him a much higher than necessary tip and grab Hailey’s hand, pulling her out of the restaurant like she’s going to change her mind in a split second. Okay, so her mind isn’t crystal clear but no one in the history of the earth can get annihilated on two martinis. This is my chance to be with the one woman I want more than anything. Will the night last forever or will it disappear with the dawn?

  CHAPTER 4—THE FORCE IS STRONG IN THIS ONE

  How can Hailey turn me into a deranged psycho? I fumble with my house key with one hand, and hold Hailey’s with the other, like she’s going to take off running if I let her go. Guess I’m channeling my inner Ted Bundy. I am kinda keeping her captive, just not against her will. My copy of Star Wars is on VHS so, other than fast forwarding, scene-skipping doesn’t exist. Guess we’ll be watching all two and half hours of the movie.

  Sam pulls open the door a split second before I put the key in the lock. Jesus, I forgot about Sam. At least he’s on his way out. And he sees Hailey so he’ll know not to come back anytime soon. One great thing about Sam, he’s not a douche. He gets it, and won’t fuck things up for me. Best bro in the world.

  “Hey.” He eyes Hailey and then shifts his gaze toward me, trying to hold in that “nice going” grin.

  “Sam, meet Hailey. We’re watching Star Wars.” I step through the door, pulling Hailey with me.”

  “Hi Sam.” Hailey waves with her free hand as she passes by him in a flash.

  “Yeah, hey…wait you’re what?” He squints his eyes and looks at me like I just told him I was joining a feminist group. “Whatever. Have fun. See you in the morning, bro.” Sam locks the doorknob before walking out.

  I get it; he thinks I’m playing the Princess Leia in the gold bikini card. No way in hell Hailey would go for that one.

  “Prepare to be amazed.” I kneel in front of the TV and dig through a mess of VHS and DVD’s scattered on a glass shelf of the TV stand. Yes, the gods are on my side. I pull out Star Wars: A New Hope like it’s the Golden Fleece.

  “Umm. Yeah, I’m pretty amazed those still exist.” She sits next to me. “Are you going to pull out an eight-track next?”

  “Not till the second date.” I wink.

  Her face turns crimson. “Our second date better be you fixi
ng my tattoo.”

  “I thought this wasn’t a date.” I smirk and pop the video into the VCR. “Are you asking me out?”

  Her eyes widen. She nibbles on her lip more like she’s trying to hold back a smile. She feels it too. That energy that exists between us, like wind to a fire. A little gust makes the flame rise to the heavens. Exactly what she does to me.

  “I’m in.” I stand up and hold out my hand.

  Her hand shakes as she slides her fingers into mine. I help her up and lead her toward the green leather couch across from the TV. Thank God Sam cleaned up before heading out. The aroma of stale cigarettes still lingers but the lemon air freshener he stuck on the end table cuts down on the corner bar smell and gives off the bachelor pad vibe. Guess he was hoping to get lucky tonight. I’ll make it up to him.

  I take a seat on the couch and fiddle with the remote. If this damn video doesn’t play I better renew my Netflix membership before she leaves. There’s no way in hell I’m letting her walk out on me until this second date is set in stone…or ink. Whatever works.

  She plops down on the couch next to me and glances around the living room, shifting her eyes from the vintage framed Led Zeppelin poster to the dragon I sketched along the back wall, breathing fire into the archway to the kitchen.

  “Is that yours?” She sets her hand on my knee.

  I look down at her red fingernails draped on my leg. She catches herself and quickly pulls away. Why is she fighting this so much? It’s like her brain won’t let her body succumb to the power of Vic Steele. Guess I better find a way to turn off her brain.

  “Yep, took me a month and a half but you’re looking at original artwork from yours truly.” I lean back and put my arm around the top of the couch, slowly draping it along her shoulder.

  She stays still, unable to pull away. “It’s amazing. I guess you do live up to the hype.”

  “Hmm. Is that a compliment?” I put my hand over her forehead.

  She giggles. “Yeah, I must be delirious.”