Dying to Love Her

by Tina Martin

  “I’m not leaving here without a key,” he says, raising his tone and giving me a penetrating gaze while shoving a spoonful of potato salad in his mouth. “I want to have access to my boy whenever I want to see him.”

  “You can see him anytime you want. I’m not prohibiting you from seeing him in any way, Andre.”

  “I want a key. End of discussion.”

  I realize Andre has the upper hand in this situation. I’m the one who was in the wrong. So I know I have to submit to his wishes. Plus, if this will prevent him from seeking full custody, then maybe it won’t be so bad.

  After Andre has fed Drew, he looks at me and asks, “Why’d you name him Andrew?”

  He asked the question, but I think he knows the answer.

  “Because the spelling of it is so close to your name.”

  He wiped his mouth. “So, you were thinking about me when he was born. That’s surprising.”

  I sigh. I’m so tired of fighting with him, I just let this one go. I think he wants to argue and I don’t have the strength for it. “Well, I have to give Drew a bath and get him ready for bed, so...”

  “I’ll give him a bath,” he says.

  “Have you ever given a baby a bath before?” I ask, my motherly instincts kicking in.

  “No, but that’s not my fault, now is it?”

  With that, I spruce up the kitchen then run a little warm water in the bath tub for Drew.

  Andre watches as I bathe Drew, then he takes over, dabbing him with a sponge, letting him play with his water toys and splash water everywhere, even getting Andre’s suit wet which he didn’t seem to mind.

  After I put Drew to bed, I’m surprised when Andre takes a book from the shelf in the room and reads him a story. He’s being good father already.

  I step out of the room to give them more father-son time and while I’m in the kitchen, on edge, wondering if he’ll leave as soon as he’s done reading to Drew, I hear my cell phone buzzing, moving slowly on the countertop. It’s Clara.

  “Hey, Clara.”

  “Hey, girl,” Clara says softly. “I wanted to catch you before you went to bed.”

  “Why are you whispering?”

  “I’m in the bathroom. Wesley is home. So how’d it go tonight?”

  “He’s still here. He’s reading to Drew as we speak,” I say, walking over to the hallway, peeping to make sure Andre hasn’t come out of the bedroom yet.

  “O-M-G! He looks just like Drew.”

  “I know...told you he did.”

  “You didn’t tell me how handsome he was. Good lawd he’s fine, and built like a transformer.”

  “Clara...get it together,” I whisper loudly. “You’re supposed to be on my side here.”

  “Oh, yeah. Right. So anyway, besides calling to make sure you were cool, I wanted to tell you what I witnessed today when y’all came by to pick up Andrew.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “So when I left you two alone outside while I went back to get Andrew, I came back to the door with Andrew in my arms and peered through the peephole. Honey, that man was staring at you like he could jump your bones.”

  “Nah...more like throw me down two flights of stairs. Trust me, I know his jump-your-bones look.”

  “No, seriously, Ava. He may not act like it, but I think he wants to be with you.”

  I hear the bedroom door close, whisper in a hurry to Clara that I have to go, then set my phone on the countertop, all before Andre steps into the kitchen. It’s a little after nine and I’m hoping he leaves because every time he’s around me, I can feel his contempt and hatred for me.

  “Here’s the key,” I say, placing it in his hand. The moment our hands touch, I feel a spark ignite between us. “Do me a favor, and at least try to call before you come over.”

  “Thanks for dinner,” he says, heading for the front door.

  “Oh, and by the way, Drew is spending the weekend with his grandmother. He’ll be leaving on Friday and—”

  He stopped in his tracks, turned around and looked at me. “You don’t think you need to run things like that by me first?” he asks, his gaze locked on me.

  “You’re right. I’ll be sure to run our one-year-old son’s entire agenda by you next time.”

  Andre narrows his gaze at me, then leaves.

  At least he didn’t slam the door this time.

  Andre

  . ~ .

  SITTING IN THE car, still in the parking lot of Ava’s apartment complex, Andre thought about what he had learned from Ava’s mother. Ava was sick. Her heart was failing. What exactly did it involve? And what did it mean for his son? Was Andrew on the verge of losing his mother? Andre shook his head. Was he on the verge of losing the woman he loved?

  He’d done some research but he’d much rather spoken with her doctor, and with her for that matter, but she had yet to tell him about her condition.

  Andre blew an exasperated breath. He wanted to start the car and drive to his hotel in Uptown, but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He needed to talk to someone about it and not Scott. Though Scott was cool and all, he hated telling him everything that went on in his personal life, especially since he had to see him on a daily basis.

  He took his cell phone from his pocket and called Todd. If anyone could give him some sound advice, it would be him. Todd had been his friend since high school and he trusted him like a brother. As far as he was concerned, they were brothers, considering all the things they’d gone through together.

  They relied on each other when they both got the idea to start their own companies. Todd was a certified public accountant who’d also studied tax law. Andre studied business. They each used the skills they learned in college to help the other and now they’re both successful, only Todd also had a successful personal life – married to a fireball named Sasha.

  At any rate, he knew Todd would give it to him straight. After all, it was Todd who convinced him not to give up when he was in the early stages of starting RCC. Back then, money was tight, stress levels were high and he had little support.

  Todd was there through the entire process. They’d spent many nights at the bar, going over business plans and giving each other encouragement that they could actually do it – could take the leap of faith and start their companies. Todd, he knew, would tell him the truth no matter what.

  “Well, well, well...if it ain’t Andre Rockwell,” Todd said, giggling. “What’s good with you, bruh?”

  “I’m in Charlotte on business,” he told him. “What you been up to lately? You seem like you’re in good spirits.”

  “Just working hard, man,” Todd responded. C.E.O. of the second largest tax preparation service in the United States, he was indeed working hard. “I’m packing for Houston. We’re opening five new locations there.”

  “Man, that’s awesome. Pretty soon, you’ll be the number one tax preparation company in the U.S.”

  “Well, we’re already number one as far as customer service...just need to get up our office count now. We’re moving slowly, but consistently. In a couple of years, we’ll be number one.”

  “That’s good, man. Glad to hear everything is going good with the business. How’s Sasha?”

  “She’s great. She’s coming with me to Houston.” After a brief pause, Todd asked, “So how’s wedding planning going?”

  Andre grunted and blew a breath.

  “That bad, huh? I told you to hire a planner. That’s what Sasha did for us. We didn’t stress over a thing.”

  “It’s not the planning, Todd.”

  “What’s up then?” Todd asked, concerned. “Everything good with the company?”

  Andre sighed, but hadn’t answered Todd.

  “What’s going on, Dre?”

  “I’m calling off the wedding. I can’t marry Michelle.”

  After a few moments of silence, Todd asked, “Why not?”

  “Two reasons. One, because I don’t love her.”

  “I knew that from the s
tart,” Todd said. “That’s why you didn’t tell me you were going to propose. You knew I would’ve talked you out of it.”

  After a few passing moments, Todd inquired, “Why did you propose? That always baffled me.”

  Andre hung his head, his forehead pressed against the steering wheel now. Finally he spoke up and said, “My life is pretty much fulfilling with the exception of a mate. And it was the New Year, we were all celebrating and having fun, and I looked over and saw you with Sasha hugged up and happy and I looked at Michelle and she was on her cell phone. I guess I was so desperate to have what you had that I settled for someone who wasn’t right for me.”

  “You, Andre Rockwell, are one of the most sought after men on the East Coast. You can have any woman you want, man. You ain’t desperate. Like I said before, you were trying to replace Av—” Todd stopped short of saying Ava’s name because he knew that was a sore spot for Andre. Andre was disappointed when she never called, when he couldn’t find her and hadn’t been all together since.

  “You’re right. I was trying to replace Ava.”

  “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to bring her up.”

  “It’s cool. That’s what I need to talk to you about.”

  “I know you’re still not holding out hope for that situation,” Todd said. “I mean, let’s face it...she never called you which must mean she didn’t want to take things any further. We’ve had this discussion a million times, Dre.”

  “But now I know why she didn’t call.”

  “Wait...so does that mean you found her?”

  “Technically, I didn’t find her. This past Sunday, I was having a business lunch with my team and I look across the restaurant, and there she was. I couldn’t believe my eyes.”

  “Did you say anything to her?”

  “Yeah. I had a lot to say to her after I found out she’d given birth to my son.”

  “What!” Todd screeched.

  “His name is Andrew, and he looks identical to me. As a matter of fact, let me text you a picture of him. Hold on.”

  Andre surfed through his phone, found a photo that he snapped of Drew tonight as he read to him, then sent it off to Todd.

  “Let me know when you get it,” Andre said.

  After a few passing seconds, Todd said, “Oh, that’s you all day long, man. That is you! Got them pretty-boy eyes, too.”

  Andre cracked a half smile. “I just read to him and put him to bed.”

  “And what about Ava?”

  Andre sighed. “You know I was feelin’ her when I came back from vacation. I wanted to be with her. She was someone I could see a future with.”

  “I know. You told me she was your soul mate.”

  “Yeah. She was and she still is,” Andre said with a short breath. “But ah...she didn’t call me because she’s sick, man.”

  “What do you mean she’s sick? She has a cold or something?”

  With a trembling, shaky voice, Andre said, “She needs a heart transplant, Todd.”

  “Jeez, Dre. I’m sorry, man.”

  After a few moments of silence, Todd asked, “So now what?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Do you still feel the same way you felt about her two years ago?”

  “Yes. I do.”

  “Then you know what you have to do, right?”

  “What’s that?”

  “You have to learn everything there is to know about her condition and do everything, and I mean everything, in your power to help her.”

  Andre nodded.

  “Trust me, man. You don’t want to be stuck with a woman you don’t love. If you love Ava, she’s the woman you should marry.”

  “And that brings me to the second reason I’m calling off the wedding to Michelle. Ava and I are already married.”

  “What?”

  “You remember I told you this story. Come on, Todd.”

  “Man, that was two years ago, and even still, I thought you were joking.”

  “It wasn’t a joke. I confirmed with Stan that Ava and I are still married.”

  “Wow.”

  “But anyway, man, I’m sitting out here in the parking lot at Ava’s place, trying to decide whether or not I want to go home or stay here and talk to her for a while.”

  “Go on back in there with your lady. You know you want to.”

  “Yeah. I do want to.”

  “And hit me back later. Let me know what you find out about her condition. I’ll help you any way I can.”

  “Appreciate it, Todd. Later.”

  * * *

  Thirty minutes turned into sixty and Andre remained sitting in his car, still at Ava’s place. He couldn’t leave, couldn’t bring himself to drive away because doing so would be leaving his family, a woman that – even after two years apart from her – he still loved with an intensity that scared him.

  Emerging from the car, he took the key she’d given him earlier and made his way back to her door. Without so much as a knock or a ring of the doorbell, he opened the door, invading her living room space as he looked for her. Words churned in his brain, things he needed answers to – things he wanted to say but his anger wouldn’t allow him before. Even now, he didn’t know how he would communicate his feelings to her because that’s not something he liked to do. Men in general didn’t like to talk about their feelings.

  Roaming down the hallway like a lion seeking its prey, he noticed the bathroom door was cracked. Peering through the small space, he saw Ava standing in front of the sink, staring at her face in the mirror, her short hair wet, a towel wrapped around her body. He watched her turn on the faucet, taking water into her hands and splashing it over her face. She did this repeatedly until she was satisfied, then she took a white towel from the counter and blotted her face dry. That’s when Andre decided to walk all the way in so she could see him.

  And see him, she did. “What are you doing here, Andre?” she asked, shocked.

  Andre hadn’t said a word. He just stared at her. Boy was she beautiful, he thought as he remembered her hair being wet from the time they swam together. He took a moment to admire the curves of her body, her beautiful skin. If she really was sick, like her mother said she was, she certainly didn’t look it.

  He watched her secure the towel that draped her body as he silently walked up to her. Inches away from her, he’d invaded every ounce of her personal space, with an intense gaze that would intimidate anyone.

  “I want to know why,” he said. “I deserve to know why.”

  “What?”

  “I want to know why, Ava. Why’d you do this to me?”

  Ava cringed, her heart pounding fiercely. “Why’d I do what?”

  “Pretend that you liked me, married me, made love to me then disappeared. Gave birth to my son and didn’t tell me you were pregnant. Didn’t tell me I had a son. Why, Ava? Why did you avoid me for two years?”

  A look of sadness touched her face. She couldn’t tell him about her condition – the reason she never tried to pursue a relationship with him. Little did she know, he already knew thanks to her mother. He just needed to hear her say it now.

  Irritated by her silence, Andre growled, “If you don’t open...your...mouth and tell me why you did this to me, I swear to you I will take Andrew out of his crib right now, go home and make sure you never see him again.”

  Tears fell from her eyes. “Please don’t.”

  “Then tell me why!” Andre said, infuriated, his eyes glazed over by a few layers of tears.

  Ava wiped her eyes and wordlessly shook her head.

  “Okay. Fine,” Andre said, storming out of the bathroom and headed down the hallway where Andrew was sleeping.

  “No, no, Andre, please don’t.” She ran behind him and grabbed his arm as if that would restrain him.

  Andre stopped a few steps away from the bedroom door. “Then tell me.”

  With quivering lips, she confessed, “I’m sick, Andre. I didn’t call you, and I didn’t answer when you called me
because I knew how you felt about me, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t want to hurt me?” he repeated in the form of a question. “Do I look okay to you? Do I look like I’m fine?”

  He turned away from her and walked to the living room where he sat on the couch and buried his face in his hands.

  Ava joined him, sitting so close to him, their legs touched.

  “I was in love with you, Ava. I wanted to be with you. I was looking forward to getting to know you outside of Nassau. And now—”

  Andre shook his head. “I have to go.” He stood up and headed to the front door for the second time tonight.

  * * *

  He drove to the Omni, took a hot shower, trying to de-stress and get Ava out of his head.

  After fifteen minutes or so, he dried off, stared at his face in the mirror, not believing how angry he was at her. Had he ever been that upset before? It felt like a blood vessel was going to burst in his head and he couldn’t stop it from happening.

  His ringing cell phone interrupted his thoughts. He picked it up. “What’s up, Scott?”

  “Nothing, man. Just calling to see if you’re good.”

  “Yeah. Why?”

  “Well, I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you since you told me about your son...and custody. You give that anymore thought.”

  “Yeah...it’s complicated.” Andre rubbed his head.

  “It’s complicated how?”

  “I, ah...” Andre blew a breath. “Listen, man. I’m exhausted. I’ll be in the office tomorrow. We can chat then.”

  After hanging up the phone, Andre called Michelle to confirm her visit for tomorrow. She’d planned on spending the evening with him, then heading back to Miami. It wouldn’t be the ideal time to break off their engagement, but he had to do it.

  He also knew he had to get his head on straight to focus on the merger. Since Sunday, since laying his eyes on his son and the woman he loved, he hadn’t been himself. He was usually in charge and calm-headed. This week, the most important week of his career, he was a mess – frazzled and inattentive. Somehow, he had to get back on track. His team was relying on him to make this merger a success.