Dying to Love Her

by Tina Martin

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, women I’ve dated in the past were very shallow...they presented themselves as women of depth, but once I’d gotten to know them, there was nothing there...just emptiness...women looking for stability through a man and what better man to find stability from than a millionaire.”

  “Ava found stability in you.”

  “You’re right...in me, and nothing more. Ava doesn’t care about money.”

  “She shouldn’t...we grew up pinching pennies, especially after her father passed.”

  “How was it for her...growing up without a father?”

  “It wasn’t that bad in the beginning, but when she got older and saw other kids doing things with their father, she asked me a few times what happened to him.”

  “What happened to him?”

  Maria took a breath.

  “Sorry,” Andre told her. “We don’t have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable.”

  “No, it’s fine. I just get emotional thinking about it. Anyway, he was coming home from work one day and had a heart attack. His car crossed the center lane into oncoming traffic. He died at the hospital.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Maria smiled weakly. Then taking a few more bites from her toast, she scanned the café while Andre took more sips of coffee.

  “So, as I was saying,” Maria continued, “Ava comes from very humble beginnings. As the only parent, I tried to instill in her the value of hard work. I tried to be both her mother and father, but I don’t think it worked out too well, especially during the time the doctors diagnosed her with the heart condition.”

  “Why?”

  “Ava was a bright child. Even before she started walking, she knew a few words, you know. She was bumped up two grades in elementary school, because the teachers were impressed with her abilities, but when the news came about the heart condition, I saw the light bulb in her go out. It was around the time she began high school. Her grades dropped drastically and her enthusiasm for academics waned. I never thought I’d see her happy again. Then she met a guy.”

  “A guy?” Andre said, with raised brows, anxious to hear about this guy.

  “She fell in love with him...fell hard for him and I saw a spark in her again. In case you didn’t know, the guy I’m referring to is you, Andre.”

  A smile grew on this face.

  “You ignited a spark within her, Andre, and no matter what happens in this hospital, you need to know that you saved my daughter and I will be forever grateful to you for making her happy again.”

  Andre smiled, appreciative of his mother-in-law’s kind words. “I’m going to go check on her.”

  “Okay. I’ll meet you back in the waiting room,” Maria told him.

  Andre hurried off, taking the elevator to the fourth floor. It seemed every time he was on his way to see Ava, he had to get there quickly, as if something would happen in the minutes it would take him to get to her room.

  Once there, he slowly opened the door, watching the nurse by her side change an I.V. bag. She greeted him with a good morning before exiting the room, leaving him alone with his wife.

  Andre sat down in the chair next to her bed, rubbing his hands together.

  “Your mom and I are bonding,” he said to Ava, even though she probably couldn’t hear him. Dr. Burke mentioned that talking to her could help, and if for nothing else, it would keep Andre sane, giving him hope that Ava would come around. “She’s a sweet woman. Now I see where you get all of the endearing qualities I love about you, Ava.”

  Andre rubbed his tired eyes and leaned back in the chair. “Ah...Andrew is fine, but he misses you. He cries for you. We all miss you, Ava.”

  Fidgety, he stood up, leaning down to her, kissing her lips. “What would it take for you to come back to me?” He took her hand in his, placing her palm against his face. “What will it take for you to come back to me, baby?” he repeated.

  He lowered her arm down, covering her properly with the sheets. Then he paced pack and forth in front of the windows for the umpteenth time. He wanted to take a shower, but he wouldn’t leave this hospital while Ava was here. Instead, he left the room and in the bathroom down the hallway, he ran cold water and splashed it on his face, blotting his face with a paper towel.

  He hadn’t shaven in three days, but he still looked good, rugged and somewhat together – well except for the worry in his eyes, along with the puffiness underneath them that was forming due to lack of sleep.

  Leaving her room now, he took the elevator to the ground floor and called Todd. He caught him up to speed on what was happening, on the fact that Ava had been in a coma since her surgery yesterday afternoon and how, even though he tried to have a positive outlook on her situation, he still felt afraid for her.

  Next, he called his parents to see when they were coming back to the hospital. His mother had let him know that Andrew was still eating his breakfast and they would be leaving as soon as he was done. He reminded her to bring Andrew’s diaper bag and to make sure it was stocked with diapers, wipes, a few snacks and his sippy cup.

  After hanging up the phone, he walked around outside for a moment, immersing himself in the thick, morning air. The sun was out and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. Birds were chirping, the dogwood trees celebrating the emergence of spring while colorful flowers swayed in the breeze. These beautiful things only made him think of Ava – the walks they’d taken together, the times they spent making love, the harmony and joy she brought to him, like earth’s creation brought tranquility to those who were intelligent enough to enjoy the beauty of it – who appreciated the uniqueness of the universe.

  Ava was uniquely different from him in many ways, giving fuel to the adage that opposites really do attract. She was picky about food and would break up a sandwich into pieces as she ate it, while he was a devourer, taking huge bites at a time. She also paid attention to the smallest things, like for instance, on their walks, she didn’t like stepping on the cracks in sidewalks while he could care less about them. When he would do something to make her blush, her cheeks turned a rosy color, while he was so calm and collected, his facial expressions remained unreadable, even in front of crowds of people.

  Deciding he’d ventured far enough from the front entrance, Andre turned around and headed back with his hands in his pockets. Staring down at the sidewalk, he smiled, paying attention to the crevices that separated one slab of concrete from the next and as Ava would do, he stepped over them, then grinned to himself. It seemed silly, but it made him feel closer to her and for a moment, he imagined she was walking next to him, doing the same – skipping over cracks in a sidewalk.

  It’s funny the little things a person remembers about the one they love. Ava was with him, he was sure of it.

  Chapter 16

  . ~ .

  ANDRE TOOK ANDREW into his arms when his parents walked in the waiting room.

  “Da Da,” Andrew said, then wrapped his little arms around his father’s neck.

  Andre’s heart melted as he held his son. The boy looked identical to him, but he had his mother’s personality. He was even starting to exhibit his own unique quirks. For instance, he’d only wanted one particular sippy cup, even though they had a stash of other cups that were the same brand. And he would never finish a whole Teddy Graham cookie. He’d bite the heads off and toss the remainder of the cookie on the floor. And no matter how much he loved bread, he would not eat the crust.

  “Ma Ma,” Andrew said, looking at his father inquisitively as if to ask where his mommy was.

  “Ma Ma is resting, Drew,” Andre told his son.

  “They won’t let you take him back there, huh?” Elena asked.

  “No. Kids are not allowed.”

  “That’s a shame,” William grunted. “You know the boy wants to see his Mother.”

  “He will...the moment she wakes up and they take her to a recovery room. He will,” Andre said.

  “No changes from last nigh
t?” Elena inquired.

  Andre sighed heavily. “Not yet.”

  IT WAS LOOKING like another long day was ahead...

  Maria tried to talk Andre into going home for a moment, to get a change of clothes and some things he needed, but Andre refused. He was bent on riding this thing out for as long as it would take.

  “Might do you some good to take a shower and get out of those clothes, son,” his father said, holding baby Drew in his lap.

  Elena had been sitting with Ava for the last fifteen minutes or so.

  “I can’t leave. The moment I do, something is going to happen. I want to be here when she wakes up,” Andre said. His eyes grew big when he saw his mother running towards them, clearly upset.

  Andre stood up. “What is it, Mother?”

  “Something’s wrong...something’s wrong with Ava. I was sitting there with her and all of a sudden, the heart monitor started beeping, going crazy and I called for a nurse and—”

  Andre took off running towards Ava’s room, Maria on his heels. There was a borage of nurses and doctors, including Dr. Burke, huddled around Ava’s bed while a steady, flat beep echoed out in the hallway.

  “Sorry, Mr. Rockwell,” Nurse Brandy told him. “You can’t come in right now.”

  “What’s happening?” Andre asked, pushing pass the nurse.

  “We’re trying to get your wife stabilized. You can’t come in right now. I’m sorry.”

  Maria, with eyes full of tears, grabbed Andre’s arm. “Let them work, Andre. Let them get her stable again.”

  Andre dropped his head, holding Maria close to him, feeling her tremble.

  Seconds seemed like hours as they waited for someone to come out of the room and tell him what was going on. Finally, Dr. Burke emerged with a look of disappointment on his face.

  Andre’s heart sank. “Dr. Burke,” he said. “What’s going on? Is she okay?”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Rockwell,” Dr. Burke said.

  Maria shook more, began wailing out loud.

  “Talk to me,” Andre said frantically. “What’s going on?”

  “She had a small heart attack and lost her pulse thereafter. We were able to stabilize her for now, but unfortunately, we have to proceed with a heart transplant.”

  “A transplant?” Andre placed his hands on his head out of frustration, turning away from Dr. Burke while getting his thoughts together. “Didn’t you tell me the valve surgery would fix her heart?” he asked, facing the doctor again.

  “I told you it was a viable option.”

  Andre leaned against the wall, pressing his forehead against it. A heart transplant was the worst case scenario because they had to wait on a heart. And it’s not like human organs were readily available. There were thousands of people on the heart transplant waiting list, organized in order of most urgent need. Now, Ava was one of those patients.

  “So now what? We have to wait on a heart?” Maria asked.

  “Yes, that and once one becomes available, she has to be awake for the surgery. It’s too risky to have this type of surgery with her being in a comatose state,” Dr. Burke explained.

  “So what if she doesn’t wake up, doctor?” Maria asked. “Then what?”

  The doctor sighed and shook his head. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if she doesn’t wake up within the next few days, she’ll probably flatline again and I just don’t know if we’ll be able to bring her back this time. So two things need to happen here. One, she needs to wake up in the next few days. Two, we need a heart in that same timeframe.”

  Andre swallowed all of this like shards of glass and asked, “Can we see her?”

  “Let’s give the nurses time to clear out before you go in.”

  “I want to see her now,” Andre insisted, walking pass the doctor, pushing the door open to Ava’s room.

  He watched as the nurses checked her I.V., fixed the bed coverings and check her blood pressure. His lips quivered when he saw her now. She’d flatlined and for the first time since coming to his hospital, the realization that she wouldn’t be leaving hit him hard, leaving him hurt and angry.

  He turned away from her, rushed out of the room, heading straight for the elevators.

  William looked up and saw Andre walk by the waiting area and after handing Drew off to his wife, he said, “Son! Wait a minute.”

  Andre kept walking while his father moved as quickly as he could to catch up to his son. He made it just before the elevator doors closed.

  “What’s going on, Andre? Is Ava okay?”

  “No. She’s not okay.”

  “Well, what happened?”

  The elevator doors opened to the ground floor and Andre darted off and towards the front lobby, leaving his father’s question unanswered.

  “Son,” William said, nearly running to keep up with Andre’s strides. “What happened?”

  “My wife is dying! That’s what’s happening. My wife is dying and there’s nothing I can do about it. Do you know how that makes me feel? To watch her lying there on that bed, trying to keep it together and be strong while my wife is...” Andre sniffled as tears came to his eyes but he didn’t cry. He was too angry to cry.

  “My wife is dying...” he said, eerily calm. “And there’s nothing I can do about it.”

  Andre continued walking towards the doors, and outside now, he bent over, touching his knees, trying to pace his breathing while capturing some fresh air.

  His father followed him and without saying a word, he stood next to Andre, giving him time to calm down.

  “She needs the heart transplant, Dad, and she has to wake up in order for the doctors to prep her for the transplant surgery. If this doesn’t happen, she won’t make it.”

  William was distracted momentarily by his phone. He looked at it and saw that it was his wife calling.

  “Dear, I’m outside with Andre,” he answered.

  “Tell Andre to come back in. She’s awake! Ava just woke up and she’s asking for him.”

  “Dre,” his father said. “Ava’s awake. She’s asking for you.”

  Andre immediately took off running as fast as he could. Skip taking the elevator – they moved too slow. He rushed up the stairs quickly, feeling the air from his quick movements graze his face. After he’d successfully made it to the fourth floor, he finished his run to her room door, watching a nurse take her blood pressure again.

  “Ava?” he said, because he couldn’t believe she was awake.

  “Andre,” she said barely above a whisper, trying her best to smile even though she felt horrible.

  Without hesitation, Andre ran up to her bed, kissed her lips softly and said, “I love you, Ava.”

  “I know,” she said.

  “Is she okay?” he asked her nurse.

  “She’s doing okay, Mr. Rockwell.”

  Looking at Ava again, he asked, “How do you feel?”

  “Tired. I want to go home,” she drawled out.

  “You will, baby, but you have to get better first.”

  Dr. Burke stepped in the room, summoned Andre to the hallway and told him, “This is good. The fact that she’s out of the coma is very good, Mr. Rockwell. But now we wait for the transplant heart.”

  “I understand,” Andre said. He was aware of the process of waiting for a donor heart.

  “All right,” Dr. Burke said, patting him on the shoulder. “I’ll keep you informed.”

  Chapter 17

  . ~ .

  WHAT WOULD A man do for the woman he loved?

  Andre caught cold water from the bathroom faucet in his hands and dashed it towards his face, staring at his reflection, his red bloodshot eyes revealing to everyone who saw him that he was miserable. He’d been pondering this thought, what he would do for her.

  He’d called around, seeking advice from his friends, acquaintances, trying to find out if anyone had known someone who’d been in Ava’s predicament. She needed a heart and she needed one now.

  Back to Ava’s room, he panicked
when he saw her eyes closed, thinking that she was in a coma again. In a frenzy, he called Nurse Brandy to the room who, after checking her over, informed Andre that she was merely sleeping.

  “Can I ask you something?” Andre said to Brandy just before she exited the room.

  “Sure.”

  “How soon can she get a transplant?”

  “That depends...how many patients are in the hospital right now who need transplants? And are their cases more critical? All kind of factors go into these decisions.”

  “My wife is critical. Dr. Burke informed me that she needed to have the procedure within a few days, so he’s basically giving my wife days to live.”

  “Well I’m sure Dr. Burke is working closely with the transplant center and doing all he can do for your wife.”

  Andre sighed, still not satisfied with her answer. So he offered a suggestion of his own. “What if I gave her my heart?”

  The nurse frowned, looked at him sideways and said, “Excuse me?”

  “I said, what...if...I...gave...her...my...heart,” he said slowly, so she fully understood what he was asking and that he was serious about it.

  “Mr. Rockwell, you’re talking crazy now—”

  “I’m not talking crazy. I’m serious. What if I signed some form, giving the doctor permission to donate my heart to my wife.”

  “Well, first of all, that would be illegal.”

  “Why would it be illegal if I give the hospital permission?”

  Instead of answering his question, because she was certain that he’d lost it, she said, “Secondly, your question implies that you plan on harming yourself, taking your own life and you can’t do that, Mr. Rockwell.”

  “Why not? I love my wife, and I made a promise to protect her and right now, I’m failing miserably. So I would give my life for her because if she dies, my life is over anyway.”

  The nurse was so touched by Andre’s suggestion, it brought her to tears. She walked over to him, touched his arm and said, “You’re a good man, Mr. Rockwell, you are, but in times like this, we cannot take matters into our own hands. We have to look to a higher power, to someone who has the ability to do anything and change any situation. Just trust that it’s possible for you and your family.”