Never Truth Amazon

by Ramsower, Jill

  I nodded again, and we kicked back to start our swings.

  That was the one and only time we talked about my brother.

  Every day for the rest of kindergarten, Nico played with me at recess. When the end of the year rolled around, most of the kids were thrilled about summer break, but I dreaded my last day of kindergarten. Winter break had been hard enough, and it was only three weeks—but three months away from Nico? I wasn’t sure how I’d survive. At six years old, three months sounded like an eternity.

  I’d had my sixth birthday back in February. I asked my parents if Nico could come to my party, but they said parties were for family only. That didn’t make much sense to me because other kids had friends at their birthday parties, but Daddy insisted. The party was all right. I had hoped turning six would feel different than being five, but it didn’t. Marco was still gone, and my heart still hurt for him every single day.

  Nico was the only thing that dulled that ache, which was why summer break sounded like the worst kind of punishment. Three months without him. Three months of walking past Marco’s closed door every time I went up to my room. Three months without the one person who could make me laugh.

  The morning of the last day of school, I dragged my feet until Mama yelled that I was going to make everyone late. It was the last day no matter if I was there or not, but I still didn’t want to face it.

  Just like every other day, Nico joined me on the swings. I never asked him to, and he never asked if it was okay. He just grabbed the swing next to me and started swinging. Sometimes we talked, sometimes not. Sometimes, we walked around the playground, and other times, we just sat by the big oak tree.

  He made me laugh when I thought I’d never laugh again.

  “You promise you’ll be back when school starts?” I asked him warily when recess was almost over.

  “Not sure where else I’d go. Ma says this is the only school I’m gonna go to come hell or high water, whatever that means.” He gave me a lopsided grin that made the heavy weight on my chest feel more manageable. “How about this—we’ll have a competition. You see how many ladybugs you can find this summer, and I will too. When we get back to school next year, we can see who caught the most. Deal?”

  His words reminded me so strongly of Marco’s on the night he was killed that I instantly threw my arms around Nico, clinging to him tightly.

  He huffed out a laugh, patting my back gently. “Dang, Sof, you’re strong for a girl.”

  “Don’t ever leave me, Nico.” I whispered the words into his chest, afraid to let go.

  His arms tightened around me. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” The humor was gone from his voice, and I knew that he understood how important this was to me.

  When I pulled back, I gave him a shaky smile, then darted inside without a goodbye. There was no reason for goodbye when we would see each other again. Summer wasn’t as terrible as I had expected, but I still counted down the days until school started again. On the first day back, I walked anxiously out to the playground. To my amazement, I found Nico already planted on one of the swings, waiting with a wide grin plastered across his face.

  “Hey Ladybug Girl, wanna swing?”

  And that was all it took. We fell into step as if there’d been no disruption. Each school year, we found every chance we could to see each other, and no matter how much or how little we were together over the summer, we picked up in September as if we hadn’t been apart at all.

  When I arrived for the first day of junior high, I could tell something was different. Nico was waiting for me at my newly assigned locker. I wasn’t even sure how he’d known where it was, but there he stood, leaning against the wall of metal with his arms crossed smugly over his chest.

  He’d grown over the summer, even more than he usually did. His T-shirt was snug around his arms, and I had to look up at him more than I ever had before. Something about seeing him there waiting for me made my belly feel weird. Instead of running into his arms like I had every other year, I gave him a shy smile. I’d seen him a few times over the summer, but my dad no longer allowed him over for playdates like he had in the past.

  “Hey, Ladybug. Drop your books, and I’ll walk you to class,” he offered confidently. He took my backpack from me as I worked the combination on my locker, which I had practiced endlessly on back-to-school night.

  “You don’t have to. I brought my schedule and know where my classes are,” I offered absently as I clicked open the door.

  “Don’t be silly. I want to—that’s what guys do for their girlfriends.”

  I almost dropped my new math book on my foot when his words registered. Girlfriend? Was I Nico’s girlfriend? I was a girl, and we were friends … was that all it took? I’d seen my older sisters discuss boys and even caught Maria kissing one once, but I hadn’t even thought about any boys that way.

  My eyes went wide as I peered up at him, taking in the rich warmth of his deep blue eyes. I could stare into those eyes every day of forever and feel that everything was right with the world. Would I want Nico to kiss me? My heart stuttered in my chest and a tingling warmth spread from my hands up my arms. Yes. I would definitely be interested in knowing what it was like to kiss Nico. The rush of thoughts raced through my mind as I stared up at him blankly. Fortunately, I didn’t have to say a word.

  “I’ve wanted this for a long time, but we were too young before. Now we’re both in junior high, and I want you to be my girl.” He nudged my shoulder with his, a small hint of uncertainty slipping through his masculine bravado. “Tell me you’ll be my girl, Ladybug.” His softly spoken words had a slight rasp, his voice transitioning to something deeper and more masculine.

  I wasn’t sure what being his girlfriend entailed, but I didn’t care. Being Nico’s girl was a no-brainer—there was nothing else on this planet I’d want to be. “I’m pretty sure I’ve always been your girl,” I answered back with an awkward smirk.

  “Yeah, but I want it to be official. I want everyone here to know that Sofia Genovese belongs to Nico Conti, so there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind.”

  “Well, I guess you’ve got a girlfriend then.”

  Nico dropped my bag and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground in a bear hug and spinning us in a circle with a loud whoop. I had a lot of happy days with Nico, but that was one for the highlight reel.

  I was Nico Conti’s girlfriend.

  Chapter 10

  Nico

  Now

  In for a penny, in for a pound—that was what my mom always said. Some things in life were all or nothing, and Sofia was one of those things. The connection that pulsated between us wasn’t exactly something that could be turned on and off. My awareness of her was always there like moonlight in the dead of night. Whether it was a brilliant full moon or a new moon only present in the faintest hint of a shadow, it was always there.

  Closing my eyes had kept me from having to see her radiance, but now my eyes had been opened. I’d been forced to remember what it was like to have her in my life. There was no way to undo that knowledge. Nor could I walk away before more damage was done.

  I’d been ordered to keep her safe, and to do that, I’d need to be close to her. Even if I could protect her from a distance, I couldn’t keep her at arm’s length any more than I could stop myself from breathing. If I was going to be near her, I’d want all of her. But there would always be so many secrets between us that we were doomed to fail. Starting anything with her was messed up and could only end in a bloody disaster, but I saw no way around it.

  The concept of a casual friendship with Sofia was laughable.

  Over the years, the longer I abstained from seeing her, the less pronounced the craving, but it was still there in the back of my mind. Now that I’d had a taste, there was no moderating my consumption. I wanted to bury myself inside her—cage her in my arms and never let her go.

  That was how I found myself at her house, sitting in the shadows of her back patio like a fuck
ing creeper. I’d told Enzo I was monitoring the place to explain my presence on his security footage. He suggested I come celebrate with them, but I declined. Sofia was likely already suspicious about my sudden reappearance—no need to make it obvious.

  I watched her and her family in their grand living room as they toasted to her graduation. She walked through the paces with a mechanical smile on her face, playing the part of the happy graduate. Was it the presence of her family that kept her from enjoying the evening, or was it something more?

  She never meshed well with her family. She used to complain about them but avoided the subject when I’d ask her questions. I could understand—my dad and I hadn’t spoken in years, and the last thing I wanted to do was think about him, let alone talk to my friends about the asshole. Family was difficult, no matter how you sliced it, and Sofia was never quite like the rest of her family.

  I watched them celebrating with no plans of joining in their little party. For about an hour, I worked through my thoughts, killing time and recklessly indulging in the obsession brewing inside me. My infatuation with her was like a wicked Nor’easter aimed at burying the East Coast in a mountain of snow. I could see it building and knew the effects would be devastating, but there was no stopping it. All I could do was brace for the fallout.

  I had figured I’d sit in the shadows and keep my stalker tendencies to myself. However, my little plan was derailed the minute Sofia stepped outside. From the chair I’d planted myself in an hour earlier, I watched as she wrapped her arms around herself and walked to the patio railing. I only caught sight of her profile briefly—a glimpse of her unguarded features in the soft moonlight. To anyone else, she might have simply appeared tired, but it only took one glance for me to know she was utterly lost.

  My muscles twitched with the urge to rush from the darkness and steal her away until she recognized that she’d never truly feel at home without me. But just as quickly, I reminded myself why that was such a shit idea, and instead, I continued to watch her and wonder what she might be thinking. Was she remembering the times we’d met out on that same patio years before, or was that the wishful thinking of a man who’d pushed away the only woman he’d ever loved?

  I’d never forgive myself for what I did, but it had been necessary.

  Protecting Sofia was far more important than my own selfish desires. She was always so innocent, lost in an imaginary world that only an artist could know. It was never my place to tell her about her family—to bring that darkness into her life—and if I’d tried to keep her and my secrets, the inevitable breakup would have been even more catastrophic. I had abandoned that path, and now a detour had rerouted me back down the same dead end. This time, there were no exits or U-turns. I couldn’t reverse my way out of this. This time, we would see just how it would play out—every last gory detail.

  Unable to hold back any longer, I lifted myself from the cold metal chair. “Just like old times, isn’t it?” My voice was a jagged blade slicing through the velvet night sky.

  Sofia startled with a gasp, whirling around in alarm. “Nico! What are you doing here? You scared me half to death.” In only a few seconds’ time, her face displayed a full gamut of emotions—surprise, then fear, before settling on agitation as she lifted her chin and turned back toward the water.

  I made my way to the railing, leaving only a few inches between us. “Congratulations,” I offered softly—my version of an apology. A part of me wanted to pull her back against my chest and wrap her in my warm arms where she could feel safe, but I knew the gesture would not be appreciated.

  A shaky puff of air formed a faint cloud slipping from her lips. “Thanks.”

  “It’s a great accomplishment, but you don’t seem all that excited.”

  “I am. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.” Her eyes cut over to me in a sardonic gesture. “You want to tell me what the hell you’re doing here?”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  “Not here tonight. Here as in back in my life. Why now? What’s going on?” She turned to lean her hip on the railing, giving me her full attention. I mirrored her stance and took in her delicate features.

  Her wavy hair was piled loosely on top of her head, and her flushed cheeks pinked in the cool night air—together, they were a delicious hint at how breathtaking she’d look sated and sprawled in my bed. Not even the cool temperatures could keep me from getting hard after imagining that sight. Hoping she wouldn’t look down and see the evidence of my wandering mind, I shrugged my coat off and wrapped it around her narrow shoulders.

  “You’ve been out in the cold for too long. You’re going to freeze to death.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “I don’t have a good answer for you. Your parents reached out, and it started me thinking. One thing led to another, and now you’re all I think about.”

  “You can’t keep saying those things,” she whispered, her eyes searching mine.

  “Why not? It’s the truth. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you—something true, something real.” Lies and deceit were all I could give her. I couldn’t face myself if I spent every day of our lives lying to her face.

  “Reality isn’t always pretty.”

  Didn’t I know it. I was surprised at the bite in her words and wondered at what all I’d missed in her life through the years. The thought of someone hurting her made my fists clench with rage. “I’m well aware of just how ugly this world can be. That’s exactly why I left.”

  “Is that your deluded way of saying you were trying to protect me?” she shot back, eyes sparking with anger.

  “It’s not deluded. I was protecting you. I’m not a good man. You deserve far better than I could have given you.” My emotions began to get the better of me. I ran my hand through my hair, attempting to calm the spike in my temper.

  “That wasn’t your call to make.” Her finger jabbed against my chest as she spat her words. “Did I ever once give you the impression my love had conditions? Don’t you think I know that nobody is perfect? You may not have seen your own light, but to me, you were as bright as the summer sun. When you left me, I drowned in the darkness.”

  “I had nothing to offer you—” Before I could finish, she cut me off.

  “Your love was all I ever wanted,” she hissed, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

  We both quieted, our heaving breaths the only sound penetrating the white noise in my brain. Her words had disoriented me. Made me question everything I thought I had known … everything I’d felt so certain about.

  Fuck!

  I’d run these same traps before—questioned myself and debated my doubts—and I wasn’t going to fall onto that landmine all over again. Not allowing myself time to reconsider, I lowered my shoulder to plant in Sofia’s belly and lifted her into the air.

  “What the hell are you doing? Nico! Put me down!” She slapped her hands against my back, and I held her flailing legs close to my chest, keeping them secured in place.

  I quickly took one hand and placed a resounding slap on her ass cheek. “Stop all that noise before you wake the neighbors.” I turned to exit the porch and caught sight of Enzo eyeing us from inside. I held his steely gaze for a long second, wondering if I’d just gotten myself in a shit ton of trouble, but the older man simply turned back toward his wife.

  Sofia’s shock at me swatting her ass had quieted her during my exchange with Enzo, but the moment I took a step toward the stairs, she resumed her protest. “God help me, if you don’t put me down, I’ll scream so loud I’ll wake more than just the neighbors.”

  “Anyone ever told you, you’re cute when you’re pissed?” I asked, smirking as I continued to carry her around the side of the house.

  “Nico Conti, I’m serious. You can’t just steal me from my parents’ house.”

  “Your father saw us. He knows you’re with me.”

  “And I suppose that makes any of this okay? Where are you taking me? This is ridiculous,” she groused before
slapping my backside.

  “Careful, I’m not above retaliation.”

  “Apparently, there’s not much you aren’t willing to do.”

  Ah, Sofia. You don’t know how right you are.

  I opened the passenger door to my car, then set her down. “Get in.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said defiantly, arms crossed over her chest.

  “Sofia, I’m not going to hurt you. I have an errand to run, and we clearly have things to discuss, so you’re coming with me. Now, get in the car.”

  “How do I know you aren’t going to hurt me?”

  “Have I ever hurt you?”

  Her eyes answered for her. The raw pain in those hazel depths gutted me.

  Reaching out, I swept a stray curl from her eyes. “Not what I meant, Ladybug. I’d never lay a hand on you.”

  Her gaze dropped, and she huffed out a breath before slipping into the passenger seat. “Can’t believe I’m doing this,” she muttered just before I closed the door.

  I smirked as I walked to the driver’s side. I was just as surprised as she was, although clearly more optimistic about the unexpected turn of events. Getting a captive audience with her was a tricky prospect, and now she was mine for as long as I needed. Hell if I knew what I would say, but getting her alone was a start.

  “I have a brief meeting with someone in Jersey City. I’ll bring you back as soon as I’m done,” I offered as a small concession, hoping to get her hackles down.

  “At ten o’clock on a Friday night?” She paused, her eyes glancing over at me. “What exactly do you do now?”

  “I’m a professional boxer. I fight for a living.”

  The car was silent for several minutes before the feather-light touch of her fingers ghosted over the skin of my knuckles. Or rather, the scar tissue on my knuckles. My skin was mottled and bumpy where it had been busted open and healed over too many times to count. All the joints were thick from injuries and misuse, giving my hands a gnarly appearance.