Dale Mettam

by The Pub at the Center of the Universe (retail) (epub)

  The final indignity which Toast blamed on Kirk and Lu was that when he had been blasted by the P.R.P., he had been over seven feet tall. But there had been some accident after he was encased and when he was rehydrated he was a little under four feet tall. That he had survived at all was little comfort. To Toast, size mattered.

  Their release from the Sevres Prime Local Security Holding Area was much more controlled than the one on Titan, so Toast had little chance to vent his frustration when he was released. Plaach diplomatically looked away when he caught his first glance of his partner because he wasn’t sure he could avoid laughing.

  When Toast appeared again on the re-hydro plate, he looked like a sorry mess. He had never fully managed to get the lint from his fur from his last incarceration, and now thanks to Kirk, and his diminished stature, it seemed that instead of the orange fur Toast had previously taken such pride in, he was now covered in a sticky, smelly substance that looked closer to bluish gray than his original color.

  As they stepped out into the morning light, Toast turned and glared up at Plaach, which only added to his fury.

  “Did you hear where they are going next?” He growled.

  Plaach considered the question for a moment, then attempted to steer a little common sense into Toast’s head.

  “Given that we were lucky to get off with a warning for disturbing the peace, maybe we should forget about those two.”

  From the look on Toast’s grimy face, it was clear that the roads were closed to anything Plaach was attempting to steer towards.

  “And given that they’re obviously a pretty lethal team, maybe we would be better avoiding them before we get really hurt... or worse.”

  “Are you going to tell me what you know, or do I have to break your head?” snarled Toast. For a moment they looked at each other, and the situation seemed to sink in, for Toast at least, in some small degree.

  “Are you going to tell me what you know, or do I have to break your knees?” he corrected himself angrily.

  “Look, they’re Universal Securitat agents. Even if we did catch up with them again, we’d just be asking for trouble.” Plaach sounded pitiful now. “If we did anything to them, the entire Securitat would be hounding us. Nowhere would it be safe, there’d be nowhere to hide. It’s insane to follow them!”

  “Last chance,” Toast said.

  “Really!” gasped Plaach, already edging away.

  “This is crazy! Even if they hadn’t beaten us twice already, and even if they weren’t both agents of the Securitat, it would be suicidal to follow them to Prio!”

  It was as if the universe had stopped for a brief moment as both newly-released criminals realized what Plaach just said.

  “....damn....” murmured Plaach.

  A new fire seemed to flare in Toast’s eyes. He stiffened, then set off down the street with renewed purpose. Plaach stayed where he was. Now was the moment. Run.

  Toast stopped abruptly and spun around.

  “What are you waiting for?” Toast snapped. “I need to get cleaned up and then we need to get to Prio. This is perfect. I can have my revenge, and no one will ever know! Who would expect them to come back from a mission to Prio, anyway?”

  Plaach still didn’t move.

  Toast glared at him. “Don’t make me come back there.”

  What little resolve Plaach had mustered, dissolved in that instant. He sagged and slowly set off following Toast.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The last few hours had been strained in the Universal Securitat swooper. Kirk had wanted to say something reassuring to Lu, but everything he considered sounded trite or patronizing as he played it through his mind. He found it difficult to accept there was something, or someone that Lu was afraid of. And while she masked it with steely resolve, Kirk could tell she was afraid. Having seen her in action, the prospect of confronting someone that was even more fearsome was not an idea he liked to dwell on.

  Given that Lu was not the best company at the moment, Kirk had decided to try and get a handle on what he was supposed to do.

  On face value, they simply had to go to Prio, the home world of a race of beings that had caused, as far as he could see, the last major conflict in the universe. He also knew that the Prions seemed to be a constant threat and concern to almost every other race in the universe. The prospect of just walking through the front door and asking for the Y’lem to be returned didn’t seem to be a plan that was likely to succeed.

  Of course to some degree, he was going into the whole situation blind, having no idea what he was really in the middle of. If someone with the power that the Y’lem obviously held couldn’t rescue their colleague, then it must be an act of immense difficulty. That it was now left squarely for his attention was not a comforting prospect.

  Then there was the idea that everything he was actually experiencing was in fact not real. Actually, if what the Y’lem said was true, he himself only existed in the imagination of the Y’lem. The whole thing struck him as some immense and confusing philosophical conundrum. Was he real, or was he the figment of someone else’s imagination? Or were they, a figment of his? He pinched himself and flinched in pain. That must prove he was real, mustn’t it?

  “We’re about ten minutes from Kenturk,” Lu interrupted his thoughts. “Do you have a plan?”

  Kirk looked slightly embarrassed.

  “Don’t worry about it. The way I see it, we can book a Hyper-Luminal jump back to Sevres Prime, then when we get in the booth, I’ll override the program and take us to Prio. We’ll have to be disguised, but that shouldn’t be a problem. From there, we’ll do some reconnaissance and get an idea of what we’re up against.”

  “Won’t security be tight?’ Kirk asked.

  “I wouldn’t have thought so. No one really ever goes to Prio. Not by choice anyway. And the idea that they might be attacked on their home world is something that the Prions would consider unlikely.”

  “But don’t they know we’re coming? I mean, if they hired an assassin to stop us, they must have an idea.”

  “Well. Even so, the idea that Pro could fail to stop us, and then that we would willingly go to them, will make them overconfident. Hopefully we can be in and out before anyone knows we were there.”

  They sat in silence as Lu brought the swooper in for a landing on Kenturk. Kirk watched in silence as the descended through the clouds and saw enormous plains of blue grass waving in the winds that gusted across them. As they got lower, he could see huge herds of chicken being shepherded towards large enclosures that surrounded the outskirts of the port they were headed for.

  Suddenly a jarring explosion sent the swooper lurching sideways

  “What was that! ” Kirk shouted, pulling himself back into his seat and fastening his safety belt.

  Lu was wrestling with the controls and furiously scanning the readouts. Across the console, lights were either flashing red or simply flickering in their final attempts to struggle on beyond the damage they received.

  “Sarge?”

  “I am unable to detect any other vehicle in the area, ma’am.”

  “Did something fly into us then? A bird or something? Kirk asked.

  “I’d guess we’re being jammed,” said Casio.

  “Jammed?”

  “Our sensor array is being blocked by something, or someone,” Lu explained.

  “You think...”

  Kirk’s question was left unfinished as the ship lurched again, rocked by a second explosion, which sent sparks bursting up from the controls.

  “Charge up the weapons,” Lu barked.

  “What are you gonna do?” Kirk was beginning to feel the shocking sensation creep through him that he might not live much longer.

  “The only way I can see who’s doing this is to get a look. Sensor’s are ou
t of commission, so we’ll just have to do it the old fashioned way.”

  Pulling hard on the controls, Lu swung the swooper in a tight arc, through a bank of clouds, and now faced their attacker.

  “Good-bye, Special Agent Pillah,” the comm speaker crackled.

  “Pro,” Lu hissed through her teeth. The assassin’s sleek and deadly swooper was now in plain view and sending a volley of missiles at them.

  “Sarge, deploy decoys,” Lu ordered as she threw their swooper into a sharp dive.

  “All tactical systems are off-line, ma’am.”

  “What does that mean?” Kirk was now frightened.

  “It means we have nothing to send those missiles after instead of us. And we have nothing to hit back with.”

  “Incoming missiles have reacquired us,” Sarge coolly informed them.

  Kirk looked at Lu who seemed lost in thought.

  “Now would be a good time to implement that back up plan.”

  “Wouldn’t it just?” Lu replied with a grim smile.

  “You do have a back up plan don’t you?”

  “Never needed one before. But if this is where we check out, I’m taking her with us.”

  Kirk watched as Lu fought the controls again and angled the swooper directly at Restive Pro’s ship. Kirk couldn’t shake the feeling that as frightening as it had struck him, Lu’s reassuring smile would have been good about now.

  “One thousand yards to target,” Sarge informed them.

  Pro’s laser cannons burst into deadly action, but with amazing skill Lu swung the Swooper in short sweeping moves that avoided all the shots.

  “Eight hundred yards.”

  The comm system crackled to life again. Static was now almost constant beneath the signal coming through to them. “I know you’re bluffing, Agent Pillah.”

  “Six hundred yards.”

  “You have a mission. Your hatred of me. Our history. All mean nothing to you. You might desperately desire to kill me, but can you risk your passenger?”

  “Four Hundred yards.”

  “I don’t know why, but I do know you have to keep him alive... or die trying. I have no intention of pulling out...”

  “Two hundred yards.”

  “Because I know you will have to. You won’t be able to help yourself.”

  “One hundred yards.”

  “You have your orders.”

  “Ninty yards.”

  “It’s your duty to protect him.”

  “Eighty yards.”

  “Well, it was nice working with you,” Casio offered.

  “Seventy yards.”

  “It’s a bluff,” Restive’s voice showed the first sigh of doubt.

  “Sixty yards.”

  “Brace yourself.” Lu whispered to Kirk.

  “Fifty Yards.”

  Proximity alerts began to wail in both their swooper and in Pro’s.

  “Forty yards.”

  “Surrender and I may spare your life.” There was a distinct edge to the assassin’s voice now.

  “Thirty yards.”

  “Good-bye, Restive Pro,” Lu spoke in a cold calm voice that terrified Kirk.

  “Twenty yards.”

  Kirk realized he’d been wrong. As Lu turned and gave him her best reassuring smile his stomach lurched.

  “Ten yards.”

  Lu slammed the control down with all her might. The swooper dipped violently, and where the assassin’s swooper had filled their field of view, now they saw only wide blue plains through gaussian clouds. Kirk heard a sickening noise as metal tore against metal. Lu dipped too late and the two swoopers bounced off each other.

  Now with all the strength she had left, Lu pulled up the nose of the swooper.

  I knew you would pull out,” the comm system taunted them.

  “Yeah?” Lu answered. “Look in front of you.” Inside her swooper, Restive looked out and her expression of smug satisfaction dissolved into one of complete horror. Four of her missiles were hurtling towards her. They had initially dipped to follow and intercept the path of their intended target, but as it has risen again, they also adjusted their course to catch it. Restive’s swooper was now in direct line of sight. Even the assassin’s lightning reflexes weren’t enough to avoid the impact.

  “Is she dead?” Kirk asked over the sound of warning alarms now filling the swooper’s cockpit.

  “No way of telling,” Lu answered, distracted by the swooper controls which were successively dying on her. “Frankly, I have no desire to swing around and take a look. I’m doing everything I can to prevent us just dropping from the sky.”

  “Anything I can do?”

  “Say some prayers?” Lu offered through gritted teeth.

  “I’m not really a religious person”

  “Now would be a good time to reconsider that outlook.”

  Suddenly all alarms stopped, and initially Kirk was relieved to be able to hear himself think again. Then he realized that along with the alarms had gone the engine sounds.

  “Brace yourself,” Lu shouted as they hurtled towards a lush, though distinctly hard-looking copse of trees.

  Kirk was sure it was only minutes he’d been unconscious, but when he woke up he was laying in deep fragrant grass under a warm sun. The idea that this might be heaven lasted only as long as it took Casio to speak.

  “I wondered how much longer you were going to sleep,” the F.R.B. sneered.

  Probably hell then, Kirk conceded.

  He opened his eyes fully and saw the sun heading towards distant mountains.

  “Where’s Lu, Cas?”

  “I’m here,” Lu answered, walking towards him through the gently waving grass. “Are you Okay to walk?”

  Kirk pulled himself slowly to his feet and realized that beyond a slight case of whiplash he seemed fine. He nodded, yes.

  “Good.” Lu beamed. “Over that hill is a Chicken train, and I’m keen to get moving. I’m pretty sure we at least took Pro out of commission for a while, if not permanently. However, the last thing I want to do is sit around and wait for her to come find us again.”

  As they climbed the hill Kirk, looked around in awe at the landscape. It was like some vista he’d found in books about the Old American West. For the first time he found himself wondering if the world he knew and grew up on was that different from any other across the universe. In the distance, now tinted dark red by the setting sun sinking fast beyond them, was a massive mountain range. Behind them, a mile or so back from where they had crashed the Swooper, stood what seemed to be a deep, verdant forest. This must surely have been how the first settlers felt as they headed west in search of a fresh start in the New World.

  Even as he walked, he became aware of the sounds drifting towards them from just over the hill. Was this how those migrating Europeans felt prior to first setting eyes on the vast majestic herds of buffalo?

  The noise grew increasingly louder and Kirk noticed a steady cloud of dust rising from the valley beyond. With memories of western movies and games of cowboys and Indians played as a child running through his mind, they crowned the hill and looked down on what Kirk could only describe as the most curious thing he had yet seen. Which even he had to contend was really quite a stretch.

  Below them for what must have sprawled almost a mile, was what he had at first glance thought was a scene from one of the western movies he’d been thinking of. A long swath of animals being herded along.

  “Quite impressive, isn’t it? Lu asked.

  “Are they...?” Kirk was at loss for words.

  “Chickens?”

  “Chickens,” Kirk confirmed weakly. Tough even from this distance they were like no chicken he had ever seen.

  “We’d better wait here,” Lu
said. “It isn’t safe to go down there without protection. Sarge will send a signal to the Trail boss and he’ll come to us.”

  For the first time Kirk noticed that traveling slowly along side the column of chickens were creatures that looked to be the same species as Toast and Chief Boh Yah Di. However, even as one broke away and began to skim across the grass towards them riding what appeared to be a heavily plated scooter, Kirk could not draw his attention away from the chickens.

  They did, in some perverse way, remind him of the chickens he’d known back on Earth. They had beaks, anyway. Some had a red combs on their heads, which suggested these were the males, however, all had long fierce-pointed horns which would have been more appropriate on some Texan steer.

  As Lu informed him, they did indeed have Fourteen legs and six pair of wings. One of the things that made them such an amazing sight though, was that in addition to having wings which were very small and quite obviously of no use in flight, the fourteen legs seemed to encircle the body, rather than sit in a straight line. As a result, instead of traveling in a direct line, they appeared to spin along, as the legs, rather than working in unison, seemed rather to fight against each other. Progress seemed slow, and gave the impression of a herd of curiously designed spinning tops traveling in roughly the same place.

  “What’s with the legs? Kirk asked in amazement.

  “Lu smiled. “I read that someone tried to research the reason for that. The closest they came to answering the puzzle was that they were at the bottom of the food chain and needed to develop a way to protect themselves. They began to develop a system of constantly spinning to make sure they were never attacked from behind. Evolution seems to have tried to help out, hence the additional legs. Of course, it didn’t help in the long run. More legs meant more meat. And they began to be hunted by the Kenturks as well. Spinning all day also seemed to have affected their temperament.”

  “How?”

  “There are historical records that suggest chickens being kept as pets. However, the constant spinning seems to have made them not a little paranoid. And more than likely, a little dizzy. Hence the mean disposition I told you about, and the reason we’re waiting up here.”