Perfectly Honest

by O'Connor, Linda

  Huge disappointment sat on his shoulders. Sam really wanted change. He was so certain it was going to happen and now that the cottage was renovated, he wanted to be there. So he bit the bullet, and even though he thought it ridiculous, did the paperwork and jumped through the hoops.

  For what?

  To be told he was second choice to an obstetrician-gynecologist. Too bad there hadn’t been an eye emergency that weekend. Fuck.

  And why the hell didn’t she mention she was a doctor? How could that not have come up? Granted they didn’t talk much. His body stirred at the memory. Sam sighed in frustration. She didn’t think it was important? She didn’t think about the million things that could go wrong? He was doing just fine in his application until she came along and complicated everything. This was all her fault. If she had been straight with him, it never would have happened. So she could bloody well fix it.

  He fired off a text.

  We need to talk.

  Before he had a chance to set his phone down, it beeped. He read Mikaela’s text.

  We need to talk.

  He grunted. She probably heard about her sweet deal and wanted to gloat. He certainly wasn’t going to be inconvenienced. He texted back.

  Meet me at my office after work.

  Her text came almost immediately. No, not at the hospital.

  Fine, we can meet at Lango’s at 7 p.m., he replied.

  No, too public.

  Sam shook his head. Really? More hoops? How could anyone so sexy, so smart, be so crazy?

  Where would you like to meet?

  Mikaela looked at the text, exasperated. She didn’t want to meet. That was the problem. She wanted to pretend this whole thing didn’t happen.

  Where should they meet? Some place private to discuss their lies and deceit, she winced. She could invite him to her place. Hard to boot him out if she’d had enough, though. His place? She’d have control. That might work. If he still had a house in town.

  Do you still have the place on Pinewood?

  He replied, Yes.

  Can we meet there?

  Sure, I’ll pick up some take-out.

  It’s not a date, O’Brien.

  Agreed. I’ll be eating pizza. If you want some, come at 7 p.m.

  Fine, she texted and then put her cell phone down with a snap. She would not be charmed by those intense blue eyes or the thoughtful offer of pizza. She would not be swayed. She’d stand her ground and keep her privileges. It wasn’t a date. It wasn’t about the best sex she’s ever had or her need to touch him again.

  Mikaela shivered.

  Yeah, she was sunk. She’d better start embracing change.

  Chapter 11

  happenstance horoscope

  ARIES (March 21-April 19) Refuse to let an emotional incident stand between you and your success. A change of attitude and innovative methods will help you change your earning potential, allowing you greater freedom.

  Mikaela pulled into Sam’s driveway and parked the car. It was just a little after seven. It had been a long afternoon, and she had finished the clinic and all the paperwork that went along with it just twenty minutes ago.

  She was tired and hungry … and tired. Driving over, she wondered why she thought they needed to talk. She could have sent a text to break up. Apparently couples did it all the time. As the afternoon wore on and her energy wore out she began to see the value. Break up and carry on. That should be her new mantra. They weren’t even really together. So texting to break up made even more sense.

  So why did the idea depress her? Maybe it wasn’t the idea of breaking up that sat on her shoulders like a heavy weight. Although that did sting. Really, what made her sad was how her clinic and operating time could be given away so easily. No discussion, no warning, just boom. Gone. She thought she had been a valuable member of the department. She pulled her weight, had expertise, even went beyond the call of duty. On-call deliveries, emergency clinics, meetings, undergraduate teaching. She did it all. And did she ever complain? No. But the minute a new fellow needs clinic space and operating room time, she gets bumped. No discussion. The decision has been made. There’s the door.

  It was embarrassing and humiliating. That pretty much summed it up. She was embarrassed and humiliated and now she had to go and air it with Sam. So what was more embarrassing and humiliating than losing her hospital privileges? Discussing it with the person who dumped her after sleeping with her.

  Great. Won’t this be a fun evening? Mikaela thought as she dragged herself out of the car.

  To make matters worse, even if she did tell Dr. Scott that she and Sam were no longer engaged, it might not make a difference. If he made promises to the new fellow, it might not matter one iota what her plans were. There might be no going back.

  It just gets better and better, she thought drearily.

  Mikaela thought about turning around and heading home. Except he promised pizza. She was hungry and it was the least he could do.

  She knocked on the front door.

  Sam pulled open the door. He’d heard the car pull up and wondered why it was taking her so long to come to the door. He thought she would be bouncing with energy and gloating about the offer she was given. The sarcastic comment died on his lips when he looked at her.

  She looked pale and tired, with dark circles under her eyes. Her slumped shoulders and unhappy eyes were the exact opposite of what he expected.

  Sam cocked his head to one side. “Tough day?”

  Mikaela straightened her shoulders. “I’ve had better,” she said. “But I’ve had worse.”

  Sam widened the door and gestured her inside. “I can take your jacket,” he offered, as she stepped inside.

  Mikaela looked around as Sam hung up her jacket. “Nice paint job.”

  “I’ve wondered about that. Is your partner a neurologist? Dermatologist?”

  Mikaela laughed. “She could be. Margo is a businesswoman and an artist. We started the painting business in undergrad.”

  “Why were you here painting?” Sam asked, thinking about how it all started.

  “Margo needed a hand. She doesn’t ask for favors very often, well ever, really. But the woman who started the painting fell and hurt herself while Margo was out of town. They were under a deadline, so she called me to help out. I just came over and finished the bedroom.” She shrugged.

  Yeah, and now every time he looked at the new paint color in the bedroom, he thought of her. It was driving him crazy. He couldn’t get her out of his mind. “You did a great job. It looks professional.”

  “Still got my skills,” she quipped with a grin.

  “For that and a few other things besides,” Sam agreed, skimming his glance over her face and focusing on her lips.

  Mikaela looked away and changed the subject. “We should talk about Emerson.”

  “Sure. Let’s go to the kitchen. The pizza just arrived and I’m going to grab a beer. You want anything?” he asked casually at the risk of her wrath over making it a date.

  She sighed. “Pizza sounds great.”

  “Want a beer?” he asked, “or a glass of wine?”

  “I’d better not. Water or a soft drink would be great if you have it,” she said as she followed him into the kitchen.

  “Are you on call?”

  “No, not tonight. I’ve actually signed out to another OB. I just don’t want to drink and drive.”

  Or fall asleep at the wheel, Sam thought as he loaded two plates with pizza.

  Mikaela looked around the kitchen curiously. Dark cherry mahogany cabinets gleamed in an efficient space interspersed with stainless steel appliances. Buttery yellow Silestone countertops brightened the kitchen, complemented the faint burgundy of the cabinets and made the traditional look of the cabinets feel modern. “Did your brother have a hand in the design of this kitchen, too?”

  Sam looked around, surprised. “No, it’s the work of the previous owners. I didn’t change anything.”

  “It’s beau
tiful. Traditional with a sunny feel,” she said. She pulled out a bar stool and sat at the counter to watch.

  “Help yourself to a soft drink from the mini-fridge there,” he said and pointed to a drinks fridge tucked away at the end of the counter. “Or would you prefer water?” he asked as he set a plate in front of her.

  “Water would be great.” She inhaled appreciatively at the steaming pizza, fully loaded.

  Sam poured her a drink and came around to sit beside her. “Enjoy,” he said as he tucked in.

  They ate in silence for the first few bites.

  “So you must be pleased with the job offer from Emerson,” Mikaela said, her tone faintly sarcastic.

  Sam shrugged, thinking of the raw deal. “Be better if it didn’t come with a price.”

  “What price?”

  Sam ignored the question. “You must be pleased with the offer you received?” he suggested, trying to temper the bitterness.

  “Pleased? I didn’t want an offer. I wasn’t looking for change. I didn’t expect to be put in the middle of this mess.”

  “What? It’s a great opportunity. It’s a great community hospital. They want you to be the head of the department. They want to give you a free hand to redesign the obstetrical suite. And you get as much OR time as you want. What more could you possibly want?”

  “To be the one who initiated the change. To have a choice.”

  “Seriously? You’re given a golden opportunity and all you can do is moan that you didn’t have to work for it? Yeah, poor you.” He rolled his eyes.

  Mikaela wiped her mouth, threw down the napkin, and sat straighter in her chair. “I was told today that as of November first, I no longer have clinic.” She ticked each finger. “Or operating time at St. Peter’s. I lost my job. And what about you? You get what you want, even if it means lying and cheating. So fine. You got what you wanted. You got your precious job in Emerson. But I am not going to continue in this web of lies and deceit—”

  “Really?” He picked up his beer and waved it at her. “This from the woman who poses as a painter and ends up delivering a baby in the restaurant foyer. You’re accusing me of lying?” Sam took a swig of beer and set the bottle down with a snap.

  “I did not lie,” she said with gritted teeth.

  Sam took a deep breath and leaned back. “Look, like it or not, you’re in this with me.”

  “Not.”

  “What?”

  “Not. I like it NOT.”

  Sam shook his head. “Yeah, I get that. You’re unhappy. But my offer from Emerson is contingent on you going, too.”

  “Not my problem. Tell them we broke up.” She shrugged.

  “Fine. Then we’re both out of a job. Is that what you want?” He raised his hands in frustration.

  Mikaela sat, fuming.

  “Look. I’m not happy about how this turned out either,” he said, more calmly. “But let’s make the best of it.”

  Mikaela snorted.

  “Let’s accept the offer from Emerson,” Sam suggested. “We’ll give it a bit of time. I’ll be able to get established and you can give this change a chance. If you hate it, I’ll help you get your job back here.”

  “How much time?”

  “I don’t know,” Sam said, rubbing a hand over tired eyes. “Three months, six months?”

  “My time went to a new fellow who’s supposed to be here for a year.”

  “Give it a year, then. Talk to your department head. Tell him that you’d like to take a year to decide if you like the smaller community. Ask him to give you first pass on the time when the fellow’s year is up. Would he go for that?”

  “Maybe,” Mikaela admitted. “So much could happen in a year though.”

  “Have you considered that some change is good?”

  Mikaela was silent. “I’ll reserve judgment. What about our ‘engagement’?”

  “Might be easier to continue with that,” Sam said thoughtfully. It didn’t have anything to do with the fantastic sex or the need to see her, the fact that he enjoyed her company, he told himself. It just fit the plan. “Then if you do decide at some point that you don’t like Emerson,” he said, not really understanding how she couldn’t like the sweet deal she’d been given, “we can ‘break up’ and you can use it as an excuse to come back. There’s lots of room at my house.”

  Mikaela looked at him. “So we would live together at your place.”

  Sam nodded.

  “You wouldn’t mind us being together 24-7?”

  Sam hardened at the thought and took a swig of beer. “No. Would it be a problem for you?”

  “We spent a weekend together and after I left, you didn’t call. I didn’t hear from you until this,” she waved her hand in the air, “fiasco unfolded. So I’m a little surprised that you’re suggesting I move in with you.”

  Sam tried to downplay it, not wanting to scare her off, appreciating how much he needed her to agree. “Sure. It’s a business arrangement.” He shrugged. Didn’t seem like a good time to mention that he hadn’t been able to get her out of his head. That he hadn’t wanted to go out with anyone since. That she was all he thought about. And that he wasn’t entirely comfortable with any of it.

  “A business arrangement,” she repeated. “So all we share is space?”

  “Sure.”

  Mikaela hid her disappointment. Obviously the mind-blowing sex they shared wasn’t so mind blowing to him. She was just one of many. And apparently not the best. “Okay, then. I guess I’ll see you on November first in Emerson.” She finished her drink and stood up, trying to muster up some dignity. She made her way to the front door with Sam trailing.

  “Mikaela?” Sam said as he held out her coat.

  She turned to him as she shrugged into her coat.

  “Thanks.”

  Mikaela just nodded and headed out. She drove home blindly, feeling numb.

  She pulled into her driveway and unlocked the door from the garage. Throwing her coat on the hook, she turned off the light and climbed wearily upstairs to her bedroom. She peeled off her clothes, slipped into comforting flannel, brushed her teeth and fell into bed.

  Her weary brain ached to settle. So to summarize, she thought tiredly, she’ll be losing the security of her old job, moving to a new town, changing to a new hospital with new routines, new staff, and more call. She’ll have more responsibility as department head, more meetings, greater challenges, and more decisions to make as she becomes responsible for creating a new delivery suite. And she’ll be living with Sam. A shiver ran through her at the thought. He was so damn sexy. But it was a business arrangement. So she’ll pretend to be in love with him to everyone else and pretend not to be in love with him, to him. For a year.

  Sounded sufficiently complicated.

  No wonder she feared change.

  Chapter 12

  Zodiac Zach – Don’t leave home without him.

  ARIES (March 21-April 19) Someone from your past will influence your future. Put greater emphasis on making personal changes that boost your confidence and make you feel good. Make time for pampering.

  Mikaela settled back in the lounger and took a sip of the fruity ice drink decorated with a little umbrella and a mango-pineapple garnish. “Oh, that’s delicious,” she said, enjoying the sweet taste and the kick from the alcohol. She looked out at the turquoise water lapping up gently on the white sand, her whole body relaxed. “This is an island paradise,” she said to Margo, who sat beside her slathering sunscreen on her arms and legs.

  “I’m so glad we could get away,” Margo commented. “I love it here. Here,” she said to Mikaela, tossing her the sunscreen. “You should use this, too. It’s lovely in the shade, but the sun is still pretty hot.”

  “I know,” Mikaela said, grabbing the lotion. She set her drink down on a small table between them and smeared sunscreen on the exposed skin around her bikini. “Our last day – it would be a shame to get a sunburn now.”

  “We really have to
go home tomorrow?” Margo asked as she adjusted her sunglasses.

  “’Fraid so. And Monday I start at Emerson,” Mikaela said with a sigh.

  “How’s all that going?” Margo asked, grateful for the opening. Mikaela hadn’t wanted to talk about it all week and Margo was getting worried about her. Mikaela had held her last clinic at St. Peter’s on the Friday before they left, and she had been quiet and sad the first couple days of the holiday.

  “It’s going,” Mikaela admitted. “Privileges for Emerson went through a few weeks ago. I’ve given them a template for booking the clinics. The first week will be light so I can meet the staff and get used to the setup. So that will be good. They’ve put together a committee for the upgrades of the obstetrical suite. I’ve met with them a couple of times already, and we’ve corresponded by email.”

  “How does that look? Is it a big job?” Margo asked.

  “Actually, it looks great. They’re really serious about going ahead with it. There are enough people involved to have some practical and unique input and not so many that a consensus is never reached. They’ve already got architects drawing up floor plans and an engineering firm hired. I think it will be a big job, but at least it feels like time spent on it is worthwhile. If I make suggestions, they incorporate the ideas.”

  Margo burrowed her feet in the sand, enjoying the feel of the hot surface and the cool relief of the deeper sand. “Sounds exciting. So how come you don’t sound more excited?” she asked gently.

  Mikaela winced. “I’m excited. Of course, I’m excited,” she said. “Why wouldn’t I be excited?” Mikaela added, shielding her eyes as she rested her head against the back of the chair.

  “Good question. Why aren’t you?” Margo picked up her drink from the table and slid the kiwi garnish off the skewer.

  Mikaela was silent for a moment. “It’s a big change. What if I don’t like it? What if they don’t like me? What if it turns out to be too much responsibility?” She glanced over at Margo with worry in her eyes.