by Lolah Lace
“Why should I believe you? You make it seem like my mother threw herself at you.”
“That is one way to put it. That’s very close to what happened. I’m not saying I wasn’t wrong. Of course, I was. I was married but when Rose started threatening me. I knew she was up to no good.”
“My mother threatened you?” My mother was five-one and a hundred and forty pounds. He can’t play me like he was scared of her. That’s not going to work.
“All the time, there were threats all the time. I tried to ignore her, and that’s what she hated the most. When I broke it off. She snapped. First, she was going to tell my wife. I decided to tell my wife first. I had a lot to lose but I knew Marla would accept it better coming from me. Rose couldn’t use that threat anymore so she tried to use another one. Then she was pregnant by me. I thought it was a lie. Rose was always lying but she said she would tell my wife. I told my wife so Rose couldn’t use that threat anymore. That set Rose off. She went to my wife’s job and waited for her to leave. Rose jumped on my wife. Just beat her up like she had the right to do it. Marla had already said she would forgive me and deal with the baby, if you were my child.”
“So your wife was okay with you getting another woman pregnant?”
“No, she wasn’t at all. We were young. I assured her that I loved her. My wife is a very forgiving, god-fearing Christian woman. She knew it wasn’t the baby’s fault what the parents did wrong. She was going to treat you the same as our other kids. I told Rose what Marla said and she went crazy. Finally, your mother got fired from the railroad. She was harassing me, and they had to let her go. Rose wanted me to leave my children and run off with her. I’m sorry to say this but I never loved your mother.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t love her because if I acted like I did things would have been different. You would have been in my life.”
I didn’t understand what he meant. “You chose to disappear.”
He shook his head no. “When you were born we all loved you. My whole family came to see you at the hospital. Back then we didn’t have DNA tests. My mama knew you were one of us as soon as she laid eyes on you at that hospital. Your mother let us fall in love with you. She let me and my family be in your life for an entire year. I gave her money to support her and you but you practically lived with my wife and me.”
“I know my mother. This story doesn’t make sense.”
“She took you away from us. She left without a trace and her people would not let us know where she went. I thought she intentionally let us all fall in love with you just so she could rip you away. My wife would rock you to sleep and take you to church that first year. She was so upset when you were gone. I was too. My wife even kept all your baby clothes. She got them in a steamer trunk in the attic. We tried to find you. A few months later Rose sent me a letter. She said I would never see you again.”
“This story doesn’t make sense.”
“I been forgave your mother for taking you away from me and my whole family. I hated her for years. She was evil, and I couldn’t understand how she got that way. I’m an old man now. I don’t even care anymore. I let that go. I know your mother is back over there, cross that river.”
“What if what you say is all true? It doesn’t matter now.”
“I have proof it’s all true. I kept every single letter your mother ever wrote to me. My wife is smart. She knew you would believe everything Rose said. She knew I might see you again one day. She made me keep every letter and every picture we had of you as a baby. I didn’t know what lies Rose was going to make up about me.”
“My mother didn’t make up any lies about you. I didn’t even know your name. She never said a thing about you, but you have all this bad stuff to say about her.”
“I didn’t come here to talk bad about your mother. I just wanted you to know the truth. That’s what I would have wanted if I were you.”
“This is your truth.”
“No Cheyenne, there is only one truth.” He extended his hand and my eyes followed. “In that box over there on the table are all the letters and pictures I kept. Take a look for yourself. All that stuff is yours.”
My heart was beating out of control. I didn’t know if I should believe him or not.
“Cheyenne, you have been missing for so long. I don’t know what you want from me, but I want to have a relationship with you. We all do. Whatever kind you want.” His voice shook. “I got robbed of so many years. I don’t even know how many I got left, but I want to try.” Two tears escaped his eyes. He removed a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped them away before they could move an inch.
“I’m here. I needed answers, and you gave them to me. So I’m just ready to move on.”
My emotions all hit me at one time. I felt them. Tears. I hadn’t cried since I realized Logan was never coming back.
“I want to get to know you, Cheyenne. You’re my daughter.”
I’m not sure what word in that sentence made me break down, but I couldn’t hold it in as hard as I tried. I started crying my eyes out. Thomas rushed over to me and embraced me in his arms. I let him do it. It felt natural.
He was here. He was my father and I was too worn out to fight that fact or deny it. Why would this be so emotional? I didn’t know it would be so draining. I didn’t know I missed out on this until now. My face morphed into something ugly and distorted. I couldn’t believe I had finally reached this moment in my life.
I never thought I would ever meet my father.
I knew I was supposed to go see my mother on this trip, but I just couldn’t do it. I looked through that wooden box and I saw all the letters. I read them. She had threatened to kill them. She was a mad woman. She was a jealous, spiteful woman. The letters made me angry. They made me pissed about all the lost time that I would never be able to make up. I just couldn’t look at her right now. She really did take me away from my father. She had mentioned she would do it in the letters and she did. My own mother kidnapped me because she was selfish and immature. She was in love with someone else’s husband. No wonder I’m so screwed up.
Now it was my turn to keep things from my mother. I kept my relationship with my cousin a secret from her. Now I had an entire family to keep from her. It was a small world. I knew that one day she would find out I had reconnected with my paternal side of the family. But what could she do? She couldn’t protest. I had too much proof that I could use against her. I wished she had told me. I wished she wouldn’t have let me be blindsided by this.
It hurts when the people you love most betray you. I felt betrayed.
CHAPTER 13
The years moved faster and faster the older I got. I was at the age where I wasn’t sure if I would ever have a family of my own. I had a few relationships over the years. Some were good for the short time they lasted. Some were downright dreadful. Right now, I had a new boyfriend. He was Mexican, which wasn’t a big deal, but I never dated a Mexican guy before. All my boyfriends had been Black. Not by choice but because only Black men would approach me.
Juan was different. He walked right up to me and started talking. He asked me for my number right away after he asked if I had a boyfriend.
Juan was tall and tanned, and he had these beautiful light brown eyes that matched his skin perfectly. His smile was electric, and he was so attractive he garnered attention from both sexes. He worked for an advertisement agency on a team created to cater to a culturally diverse audience. He loved his job. He was out of town once in awhile but I tried to trust him despite my past experiences with men.
I rarely posted on Facebook, but Juan was extremely into social media. He had over three thousand Facebook friends. He was fit, athletic and posted pics of himself at the gym. He also posted pics of us when we were out together. I had to look good all the time because he felt the need to post selfies of us together. Juan let the world know I was his girl. I wasn’t used to that. My exes didn’t let it be known they were in a relatio
nship because they were cheaters.
I felt safe with Juan. He let me know his whereabouts and was forthcoming with information. Our relationship was headed in the right direction. I hoped it was headed toward matrimony. I had kissed too many damn frogs. I was tired of dating for the sake of dating. Settling down was on my to-do list.
Because of Juan’s Facebook celebrity status, I made it my business to check Facebook regularly. I had to make sure I responded to comments promptly because Juan was always tagging me in random posts. It was weird having such a popular boyfriend.
I got a notification out of the blue from an unknown sender. I had a direct message in my Facebook inbox from someone named Calorie Killa. I hated when people didn’t use their real names on social media. When they didn’t, it meant I had to spend too much time trying to figure out who the hell they were.
There was a picture of a weight bench used as the cover photo and a picture of a man’s bicep as the profile picture. That left me without any clue to the person’s true identity. It was probably some muscle head loser. I immediately thought someone was trying to sell me something. Then I thought it was some random asshole off Juan’s Facebook page trying to hit on me. Guys being loyal to their friends was a joke nowadays. If I had a dollar for every ex-boyfriend whose so-called boy tried to come at me.
I opened the message with apprehension and a sigh. I was glad it wasn’t a dick pic. That shit annoys the hell out of me. If you’ve seen one dick, you’ve seen them all.
What in the hell? Logan? I reread the message with a frown. Coffee—In town— Meet up?
So that’s it. The entire inbox exchange between us was strange. Was that really Logan Kilgore? It had to be him. He called Bank of American BOA. We frequented that restaurant across the street from BOA. Well, look what the cat done drug back into town.
I spent a good twenty minutes looking over Logan’s Facebook page. I meant Calorie Killa’s Facebook page. What a joke. There was nothing of any value on it. Almost everything on the page was set to private. I thought about sending him a friend request, but I changed my mind. I didn’t want to be his friend. He destroyed any hope of us being friends years ago. Still, I felt like he owed me an explanation.
The few photos I could see were nothing special. No pictures of him, just pictures of sunsets, landscapes, miscellaneous bullshit and that silly profile picture.
The last time I got a mysterious inbox message from someone, it turned into meeting my birth father. That was an eye-opening experience. I grew up a lot after that. I learned a lot. Things aren’t always what they seem. I can’t say it was the best experience. I learned things I wished I never knew. I learned the people you love the most have no problem lying to your face. I learned that my father never really abandoned me the way I had always believed. Somehow I knew I had a lot more to learn.
CHAPTER 14
There was no way I would meet with Logan without talking to Sheba first. We both still worked at Wells Fargo. She knew Logan from back in the day. She was going to tell me if meeting him was a good idea. She was going to tell me what to do. I needed advice. Sheba always keeps it one hundred.
After work, she said she would meet me at the gym. I didn’t know why I was busting at the seams to tell her about the Logan thing, but I was. My life wasn’t boring, but it was predictable, and this was something that wasn’t scripted.
We got dressed in the locker room and went out to the gym floor. We walked side by side on the treadmills. I didn’t like starting out on the treadmill but I followed Sheba’s lead. The treads were where she wanted to start.
“So what’s up? I know you have something you are aching to tell me.”
“How do you know?”
“I can see you thinking too hard.” She smirked.
“Someone from my past just contacted me.”
“Who?”
“Logan.”
Sheba raised one eyebrow. “For real, how long has it been like two years?”
“Three.” I corrected. This fool had been gone for three years. Who does that?
“He called you?”
“No, he was in my Facebook inbox.”
“Just like that, after three years, he’s in your inbox? Guuuurl.”
“Yep.”
“Well, what did he say?”
“Not much.” I shrugged as best I could while holding on to the sides of the treadmill. “He wants to meet up with me.”
“Huh.” She placed one hand on her hip. The other hand she used to increase her incline.
“Do you think I should meet him?”
“Why wouldn’t you? You guys were real close. If I remember correctly, closer than close.”
I rolled my eyes. I knew what she was getting at. “I know but he just disappeared without any explanation.”
“Maybe he has an explanation.”
“He has been M.I.A. for three years. Who does that? He wasn’t in the military. There’s no reason to do me like that. What if he’s turned into some weirdo?”
“Logan, girl, please. He was the sweetest guy on the planet. He helped you move and he barely even knew you.”
“So Logan used to be a good guy. That was then and this is now.” As soon as I said the phrase it seemed stupid. “People change.”
“What would make you think he changed? Did he say something else in the message?”
“No. I screenshot the entire message and sent it to you while we were in the locker-room.”
“Okay let me check.” Sheba grabbed her cell phone off the treadmill console. I watched as she tapped to my messages. She silently read them. “Well, what I just read was harmless. He’s in town. He wants to see you. It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m nervous. Our friendship was complicated.”
“Why, because he used to kiss your ass?”
“No, he didn’t.” I frowned. Where did she get that idea?
“Doesn’t matter. He was your friend. I just hope he didn’t get kidnapped for three years and came back to take you for coffee.”
“Very funny.”
“You can at the very least go for coffee with the man. He didn’t physically do anything to you. He just left.”
He did. He hurt my heart. We were friends. I don’t think she gets it. It felt like a breakup without any resolution.
“I could go meet him but I don’t know if I want to.” I was still very apprehensive. Sure I said I would meet him, but I could stand him up in a heartbeat.
“Cheyenne, you’re not interested in what he’s been up to for the last three years?”
“I mean, not really.” I shrugged and shook my head. My ponytail whipped around and slapped me in the face.
“Well Missy Pooh, I am.”
“Maybe you should meet him.” I snipped as I read the calories she burned on her treadmill. 279. I was only at 167.
Sheba rolled her eyes and pressed her lips at me. “He could be married. He could have a kid. He could have gained two hundred pounds. He could have changed genders.”
Changed genders? She was really tripping. “Okay fine. Well maybe, I’ll meet him. I don’t know.”
“I want to know where the hell he’s been and what the hell he’s been up to. Logan was cool people.”
“Yeah, he was cool. I wasn’t the greatest friend to him. Maybe he’s mad at me. Maybe that’s why he left.”
“No chick, you weren’t that bad. It’s not that serious. It’s just coffee.”
“Maybe he wants to meet me to tell me off.”
“I doubt it. He left you. You didn’t leave him. Logan was too nice to tell anybody off.”
“True, he never ever got mad or raised his voice.”
“Right. He was your friend. I think he owes you an explanation and if you don’t get it, bounce.” Sheba wiped the sweat from her neck and face with her towel. “I think Logan was in love with you.” She cut her eyes over at me as she held onto the side rails of the treadmill.
“No, he wasn’t. He was just a good guy.”<
br />
“Nice enough to eat that cootie cat and get absolutely nothing in return.”
“Shh!” I couldn’t believe she said that out loud. “He liked to do it.” Well, at least that’s what he told me.
Sheba giggled. “Girl bye, I’m sure he would have liked you to suck his dick but that never happened. Did it?” She raised an eyebrow. I sure hate when she does that.
“No, I’ve never even seen his penis. Oh my, do you think he was born a girl or something like that?”
“Are you serious?” She rolled her eyes.
“Well, I’ve never seen his penis.”
“You are really a nut. Logan was definitely a man.”
“Yeah, there was nothing feminine about him. He was just nerdy and too nice and too smart.”
“I’m sure he is still the same ole Logan.”
“Yeah, it’s only been three years. How much can someone change in three years?”
“Right, we still the same fine bitches we always been.”
True. I know I’m still cute.
CHAPTER 15
I wasn’t in the mood to see Mr. Kilgore. Ha, Calorie Killa. I had a lot of work to do. I had to leave my office and meet him for a late lunch when I could be working. I wanted to back out, but it was too late. I shouldn’t care about whether I’m being rude or not. Logan was rude as hell when he disappeared without an explanation. An hasta la vista. An adiós amigos. An au revoir. An arrivederci. A sayonara. A goodbye bitch.
I had a terrible fight with Juan last night. I felt guilty for overreacting about the telephone number that popped up in a text message on his cell. I didn’t know why my first reaction was to accuse him of cheating. No, I knew why I was always thinking men were unfaithful. My own father was a cheater and every single man I ever cared about cheated.
