Logan Enchanted

by Lolah Lace

  I knew I loved Logan. I just wasn’t sure how he truly felt about me. Did I ever love Juan or was he just a safe choice?

  CHAPTER 28

  I stayed away from Logan for two weeks after my weekend of debauchery. Those were two weeks of bliss, sort of. I blocked him out as best as I could. Certain things reminded me of him, like turkey sandwiches, motorcycles in traffic and toothpaste commercials.

  Logan wasn’t an acceptable topic of conversation. Sheba knew I had made another fatal mistake with my vagina. I just wanted to move on. I couldn’t lie to myself and act like it wasn’t difficult. Logan made me feel good, but our connection was the old me. The new me wanted to be a wife and mother.

  Riding on the back of motorcycles and messing around with a guy that didn’t have health insurance or a real future just wasn’t part of my plan. I had grown over the years. I knew I couldn’t base my future happiness on the size of a man’s penis or his indecisiveness. No matter how big that man’s penis was, how sexy that man’s body was. Or how hauntingly disarming that man’s smile made me feel. No matter how much I loved him.

  Juan was my best-laid plan. He was husband material. Not plan B, he was plan A. He would always be there for me without the drama. He was cool like that. Things were looking up for me. My guilt over cheating was slipping away. Besides, Logan didn’t really want anything permanent with me.

  I took one step forward in the right direction. I had to make a grand gesture. I needed to convince myself that it was over with Logan. So I gave Juan a key to my place. He could come and go as he pleased. We were doing this. We were taking steps toward our future. I was acting like a real grown up now that I was approaching thirty.

  Juan and I lay in my bed together with our laptops in our laps. This was us, and I loved it. We were just comfortable with each other. We were comfortable in silence. Did I just want to live a sterile and comfortable life?

  “I have to go downtown tomorrow.” Juan’s voice jarred me from my chaotic thoughts. Logan is chaos. Yep.

  “Why?”

  “A meeting with a new client. I hoped they would cancel it.”

  “Why? Then you have to reschedule.”

  “There’s a Black Lives Matter protest going on tomorrow. Traffic is going to be mad crazy in that area.”

  “The protest is tomorrow?”

  “I saw it on Facebook. I hope I can get out of there in enough time to make my doctors appointment.”

  “What time is your doctor’s appointment?”

  “Five.”

  “I’m going tomorrow at lunch time. You should’ve picked a day when you were working from the office.”

  “I did. The meeting was switched a few times already. It’s a big deal. If I miss the doctor’s appointment, I’ll reschedule. We’ve worn condoms this long, another week or two won’t make a difference.”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  “As soon as both our tests come back negative, we are going to have a panocha party.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “Pussy, babe, you have to learn some Spanish.”

  “I know gracias.”

  Juan snickered. “Yes, you know, you’re the only woman that’s ever made me take a blood test.”

  “You got to pay to play.”

  “I knew you were better than all the rest right away. I knew I was dealing with a real classy woman when I first asked you out. I want you to have my kids.”

  “Really?”

  “You know that already. You know how much I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “We want the same things, don’t we?”

  “Yes, we do. Just try to make it to your appointment.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m ready. You’re going to have to get on the pill. I can’t wait to toss those condoms.”

  “Babies come after the wedding Mr. Gonzalo.”

  “I know that. So now we’re talking about marriage?” He was smiling at me.

  “I don’t know.” Maybe I was talking too much.

  “Is that where this is headed?” His dark eyes were pulling me in.

  “Yes, I think so.” I had my doubts. Did I want a life with this perfect man. “I have never gotten here before.”

  “Here?” He asked.

  I needed to be clear. “To the stage in a relationship where we talk about marriage and children.”

  “Me either. But that’s only because none of the people we’ve dated in the past had ever been right for us. You are beautiful, classy and smart. You’re what I’ve always wanted. There’s no one that comes close to you.”

  Juan kissed me on the lips. Juan’s kisses touched my heart. They were sweet and natural. I loved that. He treated me like I was a part of the team and not a pretty Black Barbie doll. Logan’s kisses were hungry and breathtaking. He kissed me like he needed that kiss to live life. Why was I thinking of him in this moment? Why was Logan always on my mind?

  “Juan you need to be safe downtown. The crime in the city is beyond anything even reasonable. The gangs are randomly shooting innocent people. Those cops are killing innocent people. It’s so bad in the city.”

  “Yeah but you know most of out clients are downtown.”

  “I know. Just be careful.”

  “Of course, always.”

  I had everything I wanted. It was time for me to just accept it. Juan and I were moving in a positive direction. I couldn’t make Logan be something he wasn’t. I couldn’t make him want what I wanted. I tried that before in prior relationships. I’m not going to do it again.

  CHAPTER 29

  The last time I was at the gynecologist’s office was eight months ago. I had my annual pap smear. I went to the doctor as soon as I started seeing Juan. Something told me he would be a keeper. At the last visit, my doctor did the pap and a breast exam and sent me on my way. That was all I needed. That was so long ago, and I didn’t know I would still be with Juan.

  My appointment today should go smoothly. I hoped so. Juan and I had been using condoms faithfully. I didn’t have any reason to think he cheated. Which was a blessing. Me, cheating on him, that’s another story, a story that has come to an end.

  I only had to sit for twenty minutes before I was called to the back. The nurse took my weight and surprisingly I had lost five pounds. Stress.

  I had to pee in a cup and then take myself in the examination room. I only had to get undressed from the waist down. I would have the Pap smear and then I would have to go down to the lab for the blood test.

  After Darius burned me I hated coming to the doctor. I was always nervous. That one time scared me to death. No matter how clean and careful I though I was that one time was an eye-opening experience.

  I waited for Dr. Yong. He walked into the examination room with my manila file in hand.

  “Hello, Cheyenne, how are you doing today?” He presented his hand for me to shake it. I did.

  “I’m good.”

  “You are here to get checked for STD’s?”

  “You can get the blood test downstairs at the lab.”

  “When was the last time you had your period?”

  “Like two weeks ago, but it was short and light. I had a regular period the month before.” I always kept track of my period but I was always tongue-tied when I was at the doctor’s office.

  “Okay, well we tested your urine and you’re pregnant.”

  Huh! “I’m pregnant?” I don’t think that’s what he said.

  “Yes. It looks like maybe four or five weeks. It’s more than two so the last period was probably just some spotting.”

  I barely had a period last time. “Four or five weeks.” I could only repeat the doctor’s words. I was too stunned to actually have a clear thought.

  “Yes, I can examine you, and we can get you on prenatal vitamins. You still need to get the blood test from the lab.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “Yes, you are getting older, this would be your first baby.” Doctor Yong was
always pushing his have a baby agenda on you. He wasn’t trying to hear the A-word, and at my age, I would feel strange saying it out loud.

  “I didn’t know I was pregnant.”

  “It’s still early. You have time to get used to it. No morning sickness?”

  “No, I feel the same. Maybe a little tired.”

  “It’s very early, but maybe we can hear the heartbeat next visit. Come back in a month.”

  “Next time.” Would I be back here next month? Or would I be sitting in the other office?

  “Yes lay back. Let’s make sure everything is good.”

  I scooted my butt back on the examination table. I placed my feet in the stirrups with the aid of Dr. Yong. I slowly laid flat on my back and listen to the crumple of the white paper on the examination table.

  I closed my eyes. I need to think and staring at the ceiling didn’t seem to help. So deep in thought, I blanked out and didn’t actually feel the examination while it was happening. I’m fucking pregnant. What am I supposed to do?

  I left the office and took the elevator down to the first floor of the building. I entered the lab, and they drew my blood right away. I left the building and just sat in my car with my prenatal vitamin prescription. My cell phone buzzed and scared the shit out of me. I had a text message.

  [Chey-Town do you miss me yet?] Logan.

  Seriously, is he psychic? I can’t respond to him right now. It’s been a little over two weeks of silence. I want to keep it that way. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know anything anymore.

  ***

  I went back to work and closed myself off in my office. Crying didn’t seem to fit this occasion. Screaming didn’t seem right for this location. Talking about it didn’t seem appropriate. The information I received was too much to deal with today. I was pregnant. I couldn’t really think straight and I knew it would take more than a few minutes for it to sink in. I was in shock. This was a major blow to my future plans.

  Juan texted me and told me he got out of the city unscathed. He was going to make it to his appointment on time. None of it mattered because everything had changed. I ruined us. I couldn’t hide this from Juan.

  Option one was to have an abortion and pretend I was sick with something else. After all I had been through, and at my age, that seemed so selfish and irresponsible. Plus it was another damn lie. I was tired of lying to Juan. I was tired of lying in general. Option two, tell the truth and pray Juan could forgive me. Hope that he can accept this and still be with me. Crazy talk because there is no way he could forgive infidelity.

  This is exactly what happens when you have unprotected sex. I’ve never been knocked up before. I managed to almost get to thirty years old without a slip-up. Pregnancy was like some urban legend. It happened to other women, but it never happened to me. I watched the clock because getting any work done was too difficult with all this drama on my brain. I preferred to act like it wasn’t happening. I knew I was in shock. I could think about it in a few days. It wasn’t like I wasn’t going to be any less pregnant.

  When my workday was over, I left Wells Fargo faster than ever. I was on my way to Juan’s place. I was supposed to meet him there. He summoned me to him with a text message. I didn’t have the heart to come up with an excuse not to show.

  I went to the cleaners first. I paid some bills in person. I wandered around because I was stalling. I had to get my emotions in check before I let this lie live and breathe another day. I had to face Juan and pretend everything was cool.

  I stopped at the grocery store and grabbed something to cook. I could make dinner for us. Slaving away in the kitchen would give us space.

  I sat in my car outside Juan’s townhouse. I had to get my mind right. I grabbed the groceries and finally made it to his front door. I had a key, but I wasn’t going to fish it out of my purse so I rang his doorbell.

  The door opened and he was standing there with a smile. “Hey, babe.” Juan grabbed the two grocery bags out of my hands and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

  “Hey.” I closed the front door and followed him into the kitchen.

  “Tommy is coming over here. I ordered this protein mix. He’s going to drop it off.”

  “That’s cool.” I sat my purse down on the counter.

  “How was work?” Juan started unpacking the groceries.

  “Good.”

  “And your doctor’s appointment?”

  “That was good too. I just have to wait for the blood results to come back from the lab.”

  “Same here. I was thinking instead of you moving in here or me moving into your place, maybe we should just get a place that’s new for the both of us.”

  “Really?” He was serious about our future and I was seriously messing it up.

  “I’m not talking about buying a house together like Sheba and Tommy. We could just rent. You know until we get ourselves in a good financial state.”

  “I think that’s a good idea. We still have time. I have five months on my lease.”

  “Right, I think I hear my cell phone vibrating.” Juan left me in the kitchen alone. He was doing his part in this relationship, and I felt terrible for not doing mine.

  The doorbell rang.

  “Hey babe, could you get that for me.” Juan’s voice roared from down the hall.”

  “Yeah I got it.”

  “I need to run and get his money.” Juan’s voice trailed off.

  “Okay.” I went to the front door. I opened it without looking through the peephole.

  Tommy was standing there. “Hey, Tommy.” It was odd how much Tommy looked like actor Taye Diggs.

  “Cheyenne. Is Juan here?”

  “He’s here. Come in. I walked away from the door and Tommy followed me inside. When I turned around I heard the door close and Logan was standing right next to him.”

  My heart fell to my feet. I could have fainted if fainting was my thing. But it wasn’t.

  “You know Logan right?” Tommy said it like it was no big deal. I knew right away that Sheba hadn’t shared my secrets with him. Tommy didn’t know I had been intimate with Logan. He wasn’t the kind of guy that would be on bullshit.

  “Cheyenne?” Tommy was looking at me.

  “Huh?” I had spaced out.

  “You know Logan right?”

  “Yeah—” Was all I could get out when Juan took over.

  Juan was back in the living room with us. “Logan I don’t have any cash on me.”

  “Bro, it’s cool. You can give it to me at the gym. We’re going to watch the first preseason game at Tailgaters. You coming?” Logan was talking to my guy. I had never seen this happen and I did not like it at all.

  “I’m hanging with Cheyenne.”

  “It’s football.” Logan pleaded and pressed his hands to praying position. “Cheyenne will let you hang with the boys for one night.” Logan was looking right at me.

  “Cheyenne you know Logan from the gym, right.”

  “No, I know him from Wells.” I corrected.

  “Wells Fargo?” Juan asked.

  “Yeah, he used to work there. I remember his face.”

  “Right Logan knows Sheba from Wells too,” Juan added. He knew more information than I thought. He knew Logan. They talked. It was more than playing basketball at the gym. “Guys I planned to spend the rest of the day with my girlfriend.”

  “She can come too. We’re just going to have some beers and watch the game.” Tommy invited me.

  “Cheyenne do you want to go?” Juan asked me. I could see it in Juan’s eyes. I knew he wanted to go and I hated to be that girlfriend that spoiled the fun. Besides my brain was overloaded and I couldn’t come up with an excuse on the spot.

  “I could call Sheba and ask her to meet us up there,” Tommy added. He was trying to be helpful, and he wasn’t helping at all. I wished he had shut the hell up.

  “Yeah we can go,” I said through a fake smile. I could see the victorious smirk on Logan’s face. It pissed me off. He di
d this on purpose. He’s here to rattle me. He’s here to get on my nerves. This could be retaliation for not returning his text message from earlier.

  After the news I received today, I didn’t want to go watch a stupid football game. But there was no way I was going to leave Juan alone with Logan.

  “We can take one car. I drove my truck. Logan left his bike for a change.” Tommy informed us.

  We all left Juan’s townhouse together. I tried to conceal my annoyance. I sat in the backseat with Juan. Logan sat in the passenger seat, and Tommy drove.

  When we arrived the waitress seated us right away. I sat in the curved, half circle booth. Juan sat on the end and I sat next to him. Logan sat on the other end with Tommy sitting on the other side of me. The table was full of testosterone.

  Logan was doing a good job at ignoring me. I just hoped he kept it up. Someone ordered a picture of beer along with appetizers. I was content with my glass of water. Pregnant women can’t drink and that was foremost in my thoughts. It wasn’t the kind of news that you could forget about. Even if I wanted to block the growing fetus out of my mind, I couldn’t. Regardless of my decision concerning this pregnancy I was going to treat it like— a baby.

  Logan was sitting across the table from me with a stupid smirk on his face. I texted the shit out of Sheba and begged her to show up. She couldn’t come because she was helping her mother clean her house. All the guys were talking, and I should have been zoned out. I was, for the most part. I didn’t care anything about football.

  “Cheyenne would kill me if I got a bike,” Juan saying my name put me on high alert. I was daydreaming and didn’t hear much of anything up until that point.

  “Cheyenne you wouldn’t let Juan get a motorcycle. Tommy is getting one.” Logan was looking directly at me and waiting for my response. I could feel Juan’s eyes on me. He was waiting too.

  “Motorcycle’s are dangerous.” I tried to sound concerned instead of angry. “Juan can do whatever he wants, but I think bikes are for guys without wives and kids and girlfriends and real responsibilities.

  Logan chuckled. “Well, that’s me. I don’t have anyone like that in my life. I’m a lone ranger.”