The Sweetest Thing

by Barbara Freethy

  "I am sorry." Faith didn't know what else to say.

  "Sorry for what, Faith? For leading him on? For lying to him?" Nancy's compassion turned to ugly, bitter anger. "You built up his dreams and now you're throwing them back in his face. How could you do such a thing to him?"

  "That's not the way--"

  "Ben was there for you when Gary died. He held you in his arms while you cried. He took you food when you wouldn't eat. He washed your car. He did your laundry. He helped out in the bakery until you could face working again."

  Faith knew all that. Ben had been a great friend, supportive, loving, kind. But she knew now what she hadn't known then or even a few days ago, that Ben had never had that kind of love for her. She couldn't tell Nancy that. She couldn't let those words cross her lips. It was not her secret to tell, and she owed Ben that much.

  "We opened our hearts to you," Nancy continued. "We welcomed you into our home. We treated you like a daughter."

  "And I appreciate--"

  "My God!" Nancy clapped a hand over her mouth. "You made love to Ben just the other night. You slept in his bed." She jumped to her feet.

  "I didn't--"

  "How could you do this to him? Gary would be so ashamed of you."

  Faith felt like she'd been slugged in the gut, and she didn't have a chance to catch her breath before Nancy landed another blow.

  "You don't deserve our love, our family. I want you to go." Nancy walked to the door and opened it. "Now."

  "Nancy, please let me explain." But what could she say that would change anything? She would never be able to convince Nancy that she hadn't deliberately broken Ben's heart.

  "Get out of my house, Faith. You betrayed me. You betrayed all of us. I don't ever want to see you again."

  Faith slid off the bed and walked to the door. She looked into the eyes of a woman who had been like a mother to her. But Nancy's true allegiance had always been to her boys. Even now she was like a mother bear protecting her cubs. She would have eaten Faith alive if she could.

  "I didn't mean to hurt you," Faith said one last time.

  Nancy didn't speak, her face taut with anger and disappointment. Faith walked down the stairs and out the front door. Once on the sidewalk, she took a last look at the house, and suddenly realized how many times she'd stood on the sidewalk, taking one last look at a family that no longer wanted her.

  "Good-bye, Porters," she whispered. "It's been fun."

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Faith wasn't coming back. It was almost seven. Alex glanced at the dining room table he and Jessie had set so carefully with a knife, a spoon, and two forks on a linen napkin. They had put out the crystal wineglasses and lit candles, which were now dripping wax on the silver candleholders. The flowers in the center of the table drooped from loneliness. The china glistened in the candlelight, mocking him with the beauty, the promise, of a family dinner.

  Why had he done all this? He should have known better than to believe in a family holiday. How many had he spent alone, eating his dinner in front of the television set, watching the Christmas specials, the happy families with their happy relatives, while his father had celebrated elsewhere? Too many to count.

  Faith was with her ideal family -- the Porters -- and her ideal man -- Ben. Maybe she'd changed her mind, decided to marry the guy after all, buy in to the family she'd always wanted, the white picket fence, the dog, and the 2.5 children.

  Well, good for her and good for him. He didn't need Faith messing up his orderly life. It was about time he got back to his priorities, to Top Flight. His company made him happy. He didn't need anything or anyone else.

  He returned to the kitchen and opened the oven door.

  The roast was drying out slowly but surely, looking as exciting as his future -- a future without Faith.

  "Is dinner ready yet?" Jessie peered into the oven as if seeking an answer from its dark depths. When none came, she looked up at him, her eyes as hopeful but as wary as his. He wanted to reassure her, to tell her it would all be perfect, this family holiday, this family dinner. But the words wouldn't come.

  "It's ready," he said shortly. He picked up an oven mitt and took the pan out of the oven and set it on top of the stove. "Would you call Grandfather?"

  Jessie hesitated. "What about Faith?"

  "She's not here, Jess."

  "She said she'd come back. We should wait for her."

  "How long do you think we should wait?"

  Jessie stared at him for a long moment, her gaze drifting from the roast to the clock. He wondered how many times she'd watched a clock, waiting, hoping. The answer came as the light in her eyes grew dull, as her mouth drooped into a disappointed pout. But she didn't cry. She didn't whine. She just said simply, "I guess we might as well eat."

  "Might as well," he agreed.

  Jessie walked over to the kitchen door and called for Julian. Then she returned to his side, watching as he took the meat out of the pan and set it on a platter.

  Julian poked his head into the kitchen. "Something smells good in here. And the table -- fabulous. Did you do that, Jessie?"

  Jessie shrugged. "It was no big deal." She picked up the casserole dish of beans that Alex had placed on the counter and headed for the dining room.

  Julian watched her go with troubled eyes. "Is she all right?"

  "She'll live."

  "Are you sure you don't want to wait a few more minutes? Miss Faith--"

  "I'm sure." Alex cut him off with a shake of his head.

  "Something must have come up."

  "She's where she wants to be, Grandfather. You know what that feels like, don't you? You picked up and moved on often enough. Damn." He slammed his hand down on the counter, hearing the bitterness in his voice and wishing it away. He should be past caring about old transgressions by now. He was a grown man. He'd moved on. "I'm sorry. Forget I said that."

  "You don't have to apologize for speaking the truth. I probably deserve worse."

  "You have your own life, Grandfather, and I have mine. Just because we share some blood doesn't mean we have to share anything else."

  Julian gave a sad shake of his head. "I made many mistakes, Alex. You'll never know how sorry I am about the ones that hurt you."

  Alex picked up a knife and sliced the meat into several long wedges and placed them on a plate. Jessie returned to pick up the platter of beef, leaving Alex to bring the mashed potatoes and the rolls. Julian followed more slowly, settling himself into a chair at one end of the dining room table.

  As Alex sat down at the other end, he took a deep breath, feeling as if he would need all of his strength to get through this meal without losing it completely. Faith's empty chair reminded him of another broken promise. He'd been a fool to believe in her.

  He tightened his lips and reached for the bottle of Chardonnay on the table. In doing so, he caught a glimpse of Jessie's worried face, and guilt kicked him in the stomach. He was thinking only of himself, and he should have been thinking about Jessie.

  Although by this time next week Eddie Saunders would be back in town, and Jessie... He couldn't finish the thought even in his own mind. For Jessie had crept into his heart. In a few days she'd lost the waifish look in her eyes, the defiant slant of her mouth, the rebellious attitude, and instead had become an entertaining companion.

  They'd spent the day at the Marina Greens, tossing a Frisbee, wading into the bay, and sharing crab cakes at an outdoor cafe. They'd laughed -- a lot. He couldn't remember a day he'd enjoyed so much.

  "This looks wonderful," Julian said as he surveyed the table. "I didn't know you had it in you, Alex."

  "You don't know anything about me, Grandfather.

  "I'm trying."

  "Too little, too late."

  "I hope not," Julian said evenly, carefully choosing his words, his own words for a change. "I do care about you, Alex. I know I haven't always shown it. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sure you'll do a better job with Jessie."
He smiled at Jessie reassuringly. "You're lucky to have Alex."

  "I know," she said. "That's why Melanie wanted to come back to California. She wanted to find Alex before..." Jessie's voice suddenly drifted away. "Could someone pass the potatoes?"

  "Before what?" Alex asked. "I thought Melanie got sick rather suddenly."

  "She did."

  "But you weren't in California when she got sick?"

  "No, we were in Nashville."

  Alex saw the guilty look in Jessie's eyes and put two and two together. "Melanie came back to California to find me?"

  Jessie hesitated, then nodded. "Yes."

  "Why wasn't she looking for Eddie Saunders?"

  "I don't know. She never said. She wanted to find you before -- before she -- she died." Jessie stumbled over the words, her eyes glittering with wetness. "But she ran out of time. So she asked the lawyer to look for you. She made him promise to find you. She said you were the best thing that ever happened to her and she wanted you to be the best thing that ever happened to me." Jessie stared down at her plate. "I guess if she'd have asked you herself, you would have had a chance to say no."

  And he would have said no, too. Only then he would have missed one of the best weeks of his life. Alex felt suddenly ashamed of his behavior. This family dinner wasn't for him or even for Faith; it was for Jessie, and it was about time he made it right.

  "Why don't we eat?" he suggested.

  Neither Jessie nor Julian moved a muscle. "I'm sorry for acting like a jerk," Alex added. "It's Easter, and we should have a nice family dinner."

  "Did that hurt?" Julian asked with a gleam in his eye. "Mentioning family and dinner in the same breath?"

  "Not as much as it used to. Pass me the meat. I'm starving."

  Jessie cleared her throat. "We should say grace, Alex."

  "What?"

  "You know. A prayer."

  "I don't know any grace."

  "I do." Jessie held out her hand to Alex. "We have to hold hands."

  Alex sighed, but knew he might as well play this family dinner out to the last detail. He took one of Jessie's hands and waited as Julian took the other.

  Jessie bowed her head. "Dear God. Thank you for this wonderful meal. And thank you for all the Easter candy. By the way, I'd really like to have a CD player, if there's any way you could convince Alex to get me one."

  "Amen," Alex said.

  "And thank you for giving me Alex, even if he doesn't want to be my dad forever. And thank you for Faith, because she's really nice, and she makes the best cookies."

  "Amen," Alex said, hoping to end it, but Jessie wouldn't let go of his hand.

  "And thank you for giving me a great-grandfather, who says more shit than I do."

  Alex shot her a dark look. "Is that it?"

  "Amen," she said.

  He released her hand. "So where did you learn about grace?"

  "Melanie screwed a preacher once."

  Julian choked on his water.

  Alex frowned at her. "Jessie!"

  "What? I could have said she fu--"

  "Don't." He held up his hand. "Don't say anything more. Let's just eat."

  Before he could take a bite, the doorbell rang, and all three of them froze. Alex knew who it was, but now that she was here, he was almost afraid to answer it. Because then he couldn't be angry at her, and it was much safer to dislike Faith than to like her.

  "Aren't you going to get it?" Julian demanded.

  "I'm getting it." Alex stood up. He took his time walking to the door. He didn't know what to say, how to react, how to protect himself...

  When he opened the door, his anger fled at the sight of Faith's sweet, ravaged face. Her cheeks were pale, her lipstick smudged, her eyes swollen and red. She'd obviously been crying. He couldn't imagine who could have done this to her, and a wave of fury made his fists clench.

  "My God, Faith, what happened to you? Did you get mugged? Did someone hurt you?"

  "I didn't get mugged, at least not by a stranger." She paused, shaking her head as if she just realized she'd knocked on the wrong door. "I'm sorry. This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come."

  "Wait."

  "I feel so... I don't even know how I feel."

  Alex grabbed her hand and pulled her into the apartment, shutting the door behind her. He ran his hands up and down her arms, expecting to find broken bones or scars or bruises, but the hurt was obviously on the inside.

  He didn't know what to say, so he did the only thing he could do. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her tenderly. He'd never felt protective about anyone, never gotten close enough to feel that way, but he felt it now.

  Faith pulled back, her eyes still sad but less teary. "Thanks. I needed a hug."

  "Any time."

  He kept his hands on her waist, reluctant to let her go. "What happened?"

  "It's a long story. The bottom line is, they kicked me out."

  "Who kicked you out?"

  "The Porters." Her mouth trembled as she struggled with her emotions once again. "I deserved it," she said with a sniff.

  "Why? What did you do? Break one of their precious Easter eggs?"

  She tried to smile but didn't quite make it. "No, I broke their son's heart."

  "Ben?"

  "Yes. No. I don't know."

  "You're not making any sense."

  "They just think I broke Ben's heart, but I didn't."

  "I'm not so sure about that. I imagine he was pretty upset about losing you."

  Faith shook her head. "He wasn't upset because he loved me. He was upset because his plan didn't work. Ben is gay."

  Alex looked shocked. "No way!"

  "Yes. He's gay."

  "And he asked you to marry him? Why?"

  "To keep up the facade. His parents were pressuring him to marry, to have children. Since Gary died, Chuck and Nancy have pinned all their hopes on Ben. They want him to carry on the family name. Tradition is very important to them. And I think the idea of Ben marrying me worked the best, because I'm their link to Gary. Ben wants to please his parents. In fact, he has this almost obsessive need for their approval, and I guess in some crazy moment he decided he could forget about being gay and marry me."

  "That's an interesting decision."

  "The only problem is, Ben didn't tell his parents he's gay, nor did he tell them I'd refused to marry him. So today, when Nancy was going on and on about me being a part of the family, I lost it, and I told her I wasn't marrying Ben. She said I was -- I was ungrateful and she never wants to see me again." Faith drew in a deep breath. "I probably deserved it."

  "Why? For not going along with their plans? You can't replace their son, no matter how hard you try."

  "I know. I guess I wanted to please them, too. They're the first family who really wanted me -- but not anymore. Not anymore."

  Alex studied her tense face, sensing she needed a distraction and fast. She was wired, close to the edge, and he could not let her fall. "Do you want to talk about this now?"

  "No." She smiled weakly. "I'm not sure I ever want to talk about it."

  "Then come and have dinner with us. I just served the roast beef, and, well, if I say so myself, it's a fine Easter dinner I've made."

  "Easter dinner, huh?"

  "You'll have to see it to believe it."

  "I wasn't going to come. I'm not sure I can do this anymore."

  "Do what?"

  "Get involved with families that aren't my own. How many times do I have to get hit with a brick before I start realizing that my head hurts?"

  He cupped her face with his hands and gazed deep into her eyes, seeing all the doubts, the fears, the lonely nights of the past and the future. It was almost like looking into a mirror. "Don't, Faith. Don't turn into a cynic like me."

  "Why not? Maybe you're right. Maybe it's better not to hope, then you're never disappointed."

  "Somehow I just can't see you wallowing in the dark side of life." He tilted his head to one side. "Tell me t
his -- are you hoping my roast beef tastes like ambrosia?"

  She looked startled. "I hadn't thought about it."

  "Good, then you won't be disappointed." He planted a quick kiss on her lips. "Come on, have some food. Have some wine. We may not be the Porters, but the Carrigans can definitely do dinner. Too bad you missed grace, though."

  "You said grace?"

  "Jessie did." Alex took her hand and pulled her toward the dining room.

  "I'll have to get a recap."

  "Better ask for the G-rated version."

  "I'll remember that."

  * * *

  Faith got a recap of not only grace but everything else the Carrigans had done that day. It wasn't a typical holiday, but it had obviously worked for them. Jessie looked happier than Faith had ever seen her.

  "Well, how did we do?" Alex asked as Faith brought in the last few dishes from the table.

  "Not bad. You're getting the hang of this family stuff, Alex." Faith leaned against the counter, watching him scrape and rinse. "You know, there is something very sexy about a man doing dishes."

  He sent her a skeptical look. "That's a good line, sweetheart."

  "It's true. All that male strength channeled into soaping off grease spots. It's downright erotic. I think you should do the dishes all the time."

  "And what do I get if I do?"

  "Mm-mm, what do you want?"

  His wicked grin said it all, and Faith felt her cheeks grow warm. "Never mind, I shouldn't have asked."

  "I want you naked."

  "Well, that's direct." She reached for the sponge on the counter, looking for a distraction.

  Alex put his hand over hers, standing so close to her, his breath tickled her cheek. "I want you on top of me, beside me, beneath me, with nothing -- and I mean nothing -- between us."

  She drew in a breath. "All that just for doing the dishes? You ask a lot."

  "Honey, I've only just begun."

  She ducked under his arm and away from his lips. "We're supposed to be cleaning the kitchen."

  "You make me forget all my good intentions."

  "I'm not so sure your intentions are good."

  Alex started to say something, but the phone rang, so he wiped his hands on a towel and answered it.