Deserve

by C. C. Snow

  She shrugs, looking ashamed. “Most of us never attended college and came from pretty rough backgrounds. We were sure he was a bored, spoiled billionaire who joined the force on a whim. Nobody thought he would last.”

  “That’s not fair!” I protest, angry at the prejudice he faced. “Sean joined because he wanted to make a difference!”

  She smiles crookedly. “Yes, I know that now. And he proved us all wrong. He was better than us at everything. Bastard!” There’s no hint of resentment in her voice. “But he was the first to cheer on the ones who struggled and to provoke those of us who needed the extra push. Don’t get me wrong. There were times during firearms training when some of us were tempted to use him as the target, but we knew he’d be faster and take us down in a blink of an eye.”

  I laugh along with her. “He does like to taunt people.”

  “Are you guys together?”

  My smile disappears at her question. “Um…” I don’t know how to answer the question, especially since we have decided to keep it a secret from Cael.

  “Don’t mind me,” Leslie rushes to say, “I’m just nosy.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Honey, isn’t that always the fucking case.”

  Her put-upon tone makes me smile. “Do you mind if I ask you something personal?”

  “Ask, but I won’t guarantee I’ll answer.”

  I am starting to really like Leslie Ashby. She’s straightforward, with no bullshit. “Earlier, you mentioned that Sean did something for you?”

  “Oh that.” Her eyes grow hazy with memory. “Did you know my husband, James and Sean used to be partners when they were beat cops?”

  I shake my head. Sean talks about his work in the abstract, but never shares anything personal.

  “Like Sean said, we were at the academy at the same time. James and I started dating then. When we graduated, we all worked at different precincts, but after a couple of years, James ended up at the same station as Sean. Normally they wouldn’t put two relatively new cops together, but both of them had gotten outstanding reviews and the force was short on veteran cops. They were a great team, complementing each other’s weaknesses.”

  She pauses, her throat working, and I brace myself for the next part of her story.

  “One night, they were out on patrol when they spotted a pimp hitting one of his girls.”

  At my gasp, she grimaces ruefully. “Unfortunately, there are plenty of those scenes in the city. James has always been very impulsive and his trigger is violence against women. He charged into the situation without fully assessing the environment. Turned out the guy was as high as a kite on some new super drug. He saw a cop coming at him and pulled out his piece. Put a bullet right into James’s abdomen.”

  I cover my mouth in horror. Abdomen wounds are the most dangerous because a bullet can do a lot of damage in an area filled with soft tissue.

  “Sean was right behind James and he shot the junkie in the arm, disabling him. Thank God Sean staunched the wound as fast as he did or my husband would have bled out on the scene. James was rushed to the hospital. The bullet had gone through his stomach and almost severed his spine. It was a miracle that he didn’t die. Afterwards, James needed a lot of follow-up surgeries.”

  Her eyes fill with tears and I feel my own eyes moisten. I reach out and squeeze her hand.

  Leslie sucks in a shuddering breath. “The doctors didn’t think James could recover full mobility in his legs, but Sean sought out the best surgeons and therapists and paid for everything. The recovery was brutally hard, but James proved them all wrong. He won’t be running any marathons, but he’s quick enough to chase after our two-year-old son, Mac.” She smiles proudly.

  “I’m glad your husband’s okay.”

  “Thank you.” She looks at me with a fierce light in her eyes. “I owe everything I love in this world to Sean. I’d do unspeakable things to anyone who hurts him.”

  The warning is loud and clear. I have to modify my earlier assessment of her. She’s not friendly; she’s downright scary. “Message received.”

  “Good.” She smiles as if she didn’t just threaten me and I make a note never to cross this woman. “Ready to continue with the report?”

  “Yes.” I take a deep breath and finish telling her the rest of the story.

  “Was there anything else you can remember about the attacker? Tattoos? Unusual clothing?”

  I cast my mind back to—God was it only last night?—and replay the scene frame by frame. I gasp as the attacker’s words clang in my head. “Yes! He said, ‘Think you can ignore me, you little redheaded bitch?’” When the implications hit me, my body seizes in fear.

  “The fucker knew you,” Leslie says grimly, immediately grasping the situation.

  I will myself to resume breathing. “But he didn’t go after me,” I say slowly. “Nobody knew I was going to walk down that street.”

  “The target was your friend, but you got in the way. Has anyone been acting suspiciously around you or Ms. Michaels?”

  I started to shake my head, but I stop and bite my lip, remembering Josh’s obsession with Hannah. “There’s this guy…”

  She leans forward eagerly. “Who?”

  “I don’t want to implicate anyone who’s innocent,” I protest. “I didn’t see the attacker.”

  Her face softening with understanding, Leslie pats my hand. “Interviewing suspects and gathering evidence is my job, not yours. We don’t have any leads right now, so if you know someone who could have done this, you need to tell me. We’ll question him and if he’s innocent, we’ll let him go. If not…” Her face hardens. “He won’t be able to hurt anyone else.”

  The idea of the attacker being on the loose nudges me to tell her about my encounter with Josh and his infatuation with Hannah. I show her the texts I exchanged with my floormate.

  She takes photos of my injuries and then says, “Good. We’re done with the report.” She touches my knee, her eyes soft with sympathy. “I’m sorry this happened. We’ll do everything to get this guy and we’ll start by talking to Josh Ludlow. We’ll also question Hannah’s boyfriend. If you can think of anything else, please let me know.”

  “Okay.” I take her card and put it in my messenger bag.

  When we walk out, Sean immediately gets to his feet. He studies my expression and relaxes at my reassuring smile.

  God, I love this man. Leslie’s story only reaffirms what I already know about him. He’s an incredible person. Heroic. Caring. Honorable.

  “Sean, can I see you for a second?” Leslie gestures to a chair. “Have a seat, Maggie. We’ll only be a few minutes.”

  Sean nods and walks with Leslie into the same room we just vacated. Less than two minutes later, he stalks out of the room, his face dark with rage.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask worriedly, getting to my feet.

  “THE FUCKER KNOWS YOU?” he roars, attracting curious eyes. He’s shaking and I move into his arms, petting his chest to try to get him to calm down.

  “Sean, it’s okay—”

  “IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY!” The tic jumps in his left cheek.

  I grimace at seeing the wide-eyed looks of curiosity from the others in the room. “I meant I’ll be extra vigilant.”

  “I’m going to kill him,” he says quietly, his eyes flat.

  “Who?” There’s a note of relish in his voice that sends chills down my spine.

  “Ludlow.”

  I cup his cheeks and force him to look at me. “Sean, Josh is innocent until proven guilty. There’s no evidence that points to him. It’s just a shot in the dark.” I move my fingers over his muscle tic, trying to ease the tension. “Sean, promise me you won’t do anything rash,” I beg urgently, not wanting him to break the law and risk his career.

  He stares at me, staying stubbornly quiet.

  “Sean,” I say warningly. “You’re sworn to uphold the law. Let Leslie’s people do their investigation.”

  He chews on this
for a moment and then spits out an ear-burning curse. “Maggie, we need to tell Cael, especially now that we figured out the perp knows you. He’s going to blow his fucking lid if he found out I kept this from him.”

  I rub my forehead, weigh the ramifications and then shake my head in the negative. “Sean, if I tell Cael, do you know what he’s going to do? He’s going to quit his job and move to New York to be my full-time bodyguard. I can’t allow him to keep putting his life on hold for me.”

  “He’s your brother. He wants to protect you!”

  I soften my voice, trying to get him to understand my position. “Sean, my brother has sacrificed his childhood, his teenage years, and his early adulthood for me. He’s built a life for himself in Chicago and has a steady girlfriend. I love him and want him to be happy. You know Cael as well as I do. He’s going to be on the next plane out of Chicago if he finds out.”

  “Maggie, I know he has a tendency to overreact, but—”

  I put my palm over mouth. “Please, Sean. Can we wait to see if Leslie’s interview with Josh yields anything?”

  He removes my hand with a grumble. Running fingers roughly through his hair, he utters, “Fuck! Fine! But you’re moving into my apartment until we solve the case.”

  I want a boyfriend, not a bodyguard. “Sean—”

  He cuts me off, growling in anger. “No! You stay with me or you can stay with Cael.”

  “That’s blackmail!” I place my hands on my hips in aggravation. My brother will likely ship me off to the middle of nowhere and turn the city upside down looking for my attacker. His time in the army has taught him some crazy, scary skills. He’ll never let me return to Columbia to finish my degree.

  “I don’t give a flying fuck!”

  At his unyielding expression, I groan in defeat. “Fine,” I mutter, scowling at him. “But you better not say anything to Cael.”

  “We’ll pick up your things after we go to the hospital.”

  I almost kick his shin at the note of victory in his voice, but at the last moment, I remember where we are. Peering at Leslie, I note the amusement on her face and blush at the show we’ve put on for everyone at the station. “Um…we should get going. Thanks for everything, Leslie.”

  “You’re welcome.” To my surprise, she gives me a hug.

  She turns to Sean and asks, “When are you going to come see your godson?”

  I look at Sean in surprise. This is the first time I’ve heard that he has a godson.

  “Soon,” he says, but I can tell he’s lying.

  Leslie looks at him skeptically and whispers something in his ear. Whatever she says to him seems to deepen the shadows in his eyes.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sean

  I glance down at Maggie’s worried face and fight to keep my expression neutral. Seeing Leslie has sent my emotions spiraling. Her whispered words that James misses me only remind me of what a fuck-up I am as a godfather and as a friend.

  You’re my hero.

  Maggie would never have said that if she knew what I had done.

  You don’t deserve her, an insidious voice whispers in my head. Look at all the misery you’ve caused with your screw-ups.

  I try to shove that voice back into the dark recesses of my mind, but it’s only a matter of time before it comes out to mock and taunt me again. It’s been my constant companion for many years and it’s never going away.

  “Sean?” She squeezes my hand to get my attention. “Are you okay?”

  Forcing my lips to pull up, I lie, “Yeah. Let’s go.” My fingers curl around her hand possessively as we start to walk to my car.

  Suddenly she halts and pulls out her phone. “Oh, it’s Cael.”

  Crushing guilt bolts through me and I drop her hand like it’s a hot coal. Fuck. There’s so much shit I’m hiding from him.

  Fortunately, Maggie is focused on her phone and doesn’t see my expression. “He just got the notification about the assault and is freaking out.” Her mouth twists in concentration as she taps rapidly into her phone before pocketing it again.

  “What did you tell him?”

  She peeks at me, looking abashed. “Um…since we filed the report today, he doesn’t know I’m involved. I just told him I’d be careful. Hopefully there won’t be any more news updates about the case.”

  Acid burns in my stomach. I feel like a fucking traitor. “Maggie—”

  “No, we already agreed I can’t tell him.” She starts to walk purposefully in the direction of the car. “So, I never knew you had a godson. It’s obviously Leslie’s son, Mac?” Maggie glances at me from the corner of her eye.

  The change of subject is just as uncomfortable for me. “Yeah.” When I don’t say anything else, she tilts her head inquiringly.

  “Do you see him often?”

  “Not really.” Only once at the baptism.

  “Why not? Don’t you like kids?”

  “Never been around them much.”

  “They’re pretty great,” she says, as if she’s trying to convince me.

  “You have to say that. You’re going to be a pediatrician,” I point out, trying to divert her attention away from personal questions, but it doesn’t work.

  “Why don’t you see Mac more often?”

  “Busy, I guess.” Inside, I snarl in disgust at how easily the lies are rolling off my tongue.

  “Leslie says her husband was your partner.”

  “Yeah. James was one of the best cops I know.”

  “Was?” A line appears between her brows.

  “Yeah, he left NYPD three years ago.” Don’t elaborate. Don’t give her an opening to ask more questions.

  “Was it because he was shot?”

  Fucking Leslie and her goddamn big mouth. I dart a glance at her face, wondering what else they had discussed in the other room. “Yeah.”

  She narrows her eyes at my unresponsiveness, but to my relief, drops the subject.

  On our way to the hospital, I strategize how I can keep her safe. When I found out her attacker knew her personally, I lost my shit. This is someone who has access and opportunity to hurt her. My first instinct is to hide her somewhere until we make an arrest, but after years of watching her interact with her brother, I know she would rebel against any attempts to curtail her freedom.

  “Maggie, until we find this guy, don’t go anywhere by yourself.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I shouldn’t have phrased it as a command and sure enough, her hackles rise.

  “Sean, that’s unreasonable. I’m not going to alter my lifestyle. I’ll keep my pepper spray with me.”

  “You didn’t have it with you last night! And it doesn’t stop someone if they come at you from the back.” I retort.

  “I won’t ever forget it again. I’ll be extra careful.”

  I grind my teeth in aggravation. I’m going to need dental work at this rate. “Like when you went charging into the situation to hit and kick the fucker!”

  She has the good sense to look ashamed and tugs on her curls. “What was I supposed to do? He was hurting her!” Her eyes fill with tears and I feel like a monster for badgering her, but this is too damn important.

  Splitting my attention between her face and the road, I reach over and squeeze her knee. I consciously soften my voice. “Angel, I know you were trying to do the right thing, but you should have screamed, run away from him as quickly as you could, and called 911. Chances were, the perp would have run away in fear.”

  “I did yell that I called the police, but it didn’t scare him away,” she says with a small mutinous pout. Fucking adorable.

  Traffic be damned. With one eye on the car ahead of us, I put my hand at the back of her neck and pull her in for a hard, but brief kiss. I push her away before her soft lips distract me. Her cheeks turn pink and I groan, wanting to turn the car around to go back to the apartment and make her flush all over. How the hell did I resist her for as long as I did?

  I rein in my sensual thoughts and try to focus o
n making her see reason. “But you should have run away from danger, not toward it. Promise me you’ll walk with someone to your classes. Otherwise I’m going to take a leave of absence and dog your steps.” The more I think about it, the more the idea appeals to me. I mentally count up my vacation and personal days. I haven’t taken any time off for a few years. “I think I have at least six weeks of time I can cash in.”

  “Sean, you’re being irrational. I don’t want anyone to follow me around. Chances are, the guy got scared and won’t come near me again.”

  I think I hear a molar crack when I snap my teeth together. “Maggie, you don’t know that. He may have a personal vendetta against you now that you’ve thwarted him. Hell, you don’t even know who he is. It could be one of your professors for all we know.” Jesus, the possibilities are endless. I rub the back of my neck in a futile attempt to get rid of some of the tension.

  She juts out her chin stubbornly and folds her arms over her chest. “I don’t need a guard dog.”

  “Then promise me,” I say, refusing to back down. Her security is my number one priority.

  “I’m not going to make a promise I can’t keep.”

  “Fine. I can quit my damn job and not have to worry about money for the rest of my life.”

  “ARGH! I don’t need a babysitter!” She raises her voice.

  I take a deep breath and try another tack, making my tone as reasonable as possible. “Maggie, I don’t want to be your babysitter, but I don’t want anything to happen to you. What I’m requesting is that you ask a friend to walk with you to and from your classes. Whenever I can accompany you, I will.” I glance at her, see the uncertainty on her face and go for the kill. “This is just temporary. Please, angel.”

  She sticks her lower lip out. “Fine, but I don’t like it.”

  Stubborn brat. “You don’t have to like it. You just have to be safe. In fact, other than school, you should stay in the apartment.”

  The last bit might have pushed her too far because she’s still sulking when we walk into the hospital.

  We check in at the front desk and the man directs us to the ICU. When we walk past the waiting room, someone calls Maggie’s name.