Deserve

by C. C. Snow

  “Cael,” she says gently, her hand covering mine. “Don’t say anything you’re going to regret. You know you wouldn’t be friends with someone you don’t respect. I love Sean.”

  “And I love her,” I add quickly. “I know I don’t have the most stellar reputation when it comes to relationships, but I swear to you I’d rather cut off my arm than hurt your sister.”

  “You put her in danger. What if…” He doesn’t finish the sentence and looks at Maggie worriedly.

  I know his fears.

  My gaze flicks down to Maggie’s face and for a second, my resolve wavers. My career doesn’t make it easy on relationships. Not only are my hours shitty, being with me will always carry some risk. There will always be men like Carmona and Bleed who will threaten me and mine. As much as I can’t imagine living without her, I never want her to go through another episode like tonight again.

  Was I being selfish by tying her to me?

  Her demand to be treated like an equal echoes in my ears. I tip her chin and wait until she meets my gaze.

  What if she decides to not be with you, Rowan?

  I swallow past the sour taste of fear in my mouth and say, “Angel, being with a cop is hard. We work crazy hours and sometimes you may be in danger.”

  She looks into my eyes and asks, “Are you trying to convince me not to be with you?”

  I shake my head sharply. “No! But I want you to know what you’re getting yourself into.”

  “I know I want to be with you. I’m not naïve. I know there will be hard times ahead, but as long as we’re together, we’ll be okay.” Her lips curve sweetly.

  The certainty and trust in her eyes make me want to drop to my knees in gratitude. She deserves someone better than me, but with her words, she’s sealed her fate. Love floods me and I return her smile. As long as we’re together, I’m willing to face anything.

  Preparing myself for a fight, I stare at Cael. To have her love, I’d go against anybody, including my best friend.

  “You and I both know she’s better off without me, that I don’t deserve her, but I’m not going to back off. The only person who has a right to tell me to get lost is Maggie. I promise you nobody will love her as much as I do. Or work as hard as I will to make sure she’s happy for the rest of her life. I can’t guarantee that there aren’t more psychos out there, but I promise you I would give my life to protect Maggie.” I glance down at my angel and she stares up at me, her eyes shining.

  I will never give her up.

  I look back at Cael and say, “I know you’re pissed at me for lying to you, but my first loyalty is to her now. I’d like your approval, but I plan to be with her regardless of whether you like it or not.”

  Cael stares at me for a long time as if weighing my worth, but it isn’t until he looks at his sister that he lowers his shoulders and relaxes his posture. “If you hurt her…”

  I nod my understanding that I will have to earn his trust again. “I know. You’ll break every bone in my body and throw me into the East River.”

  “Glad we cleared that up,” he says, folding his arms over his massive chest.

  I move my lower jaw from side to side. “Fucker, now both sides of my jaw hurt.”

  “Just be glad it’s not your balls.” He smiles evilly and my sac draws up in defense.

  Just then, Jace strides onto the scene, his forehead shiny with sweat. “Thank God she’s okay,” he pants.

  Bo nods and makes a sound of agreement.

  “Hey!” Eyes wide with astonishment, Maggie points her finger at Jace. “You were the one following me around all day! I saw you near the subway and then you were waiting for me outside the lecture hall.” She turns her gaze to Bo, narrowing her eyes in consideration. “I’ve seen you before, too! At the coffee shop last week. Why are you following me?”

  Mouth agape, Jason gawks at Maggie in shock.

  Bo starts to howl with laughter and claps a hand on his colleague’s back. “Jesus. Over a thousand missions successfully completed and this is the first time we’ve been spotted.”

  He snorts. “And by a civilian. Jace and I should just retire from the business.” He looks at Maggie speculatively, a small curve on his lips. He sticks his hand out. “I’m Bo Gonzalez.” He jerks his thumb at Jace. “This is Jace MacGregor. Have you considered quitting medical school to run the CIA?”

  Maggie’s giggle starts off a chain reaction and we all start laughing, needing the much welcome release from an intense night.

  “What did I miss?” Marc walks up to us, a look of profound confusion on his face and we laugh harder.

  Chapter Thirty

  Maggie

  “So, let me get this straight.” Officer Cox leans back in his chair and glances nervously at the row of five hulking men standing behind me. Well, technically four since Sean is sitting next to me, holding my hand while I give my statement. None of the guys had been willing to leave, claiming they wouldn’t be able to go to sleep without knowing what had happened.

  “You thought Jace McGregor was following you so you and your friend snuck out of the lecture hall using a side exit.”

  “Yes.” I was annoyed with Sean for not telling me he put a security detail on me, but I couldn’t stay mad at him. He will always do what he thinks is right and I don’t expect him to change.

  “Then your friends and you went your separate ways. You were walking back to your dorm when your assailant grabbed you and covered your mouth. In a panic, you dropped your pepper spray.”

  I nod, wincing when Sean’s hand squeezes my fingers too tightly.

  “He started to drag you into an alcove when you heard a yell from behind the assailant. You felt his body jerk and he loosened his hold. When you turned around, your assailant was in a chokehold. You slammed the heel of your hand into his nose. When he didn’t show any reaction, you punched him under his chin and kicked him between his legs.”

  There’s a collective intake of breath behind me, just as there was when I told the story the first time. I shouldn’t find this funny, especially because I had been terrified at that moment, but the longer the night drags on, the punchier I get and I bite my lip to hold back my giggle.

  “Yes. That’s correct.” All of Serena’s lessons had come streaking through my mind and I aimed for the vulnerable spots she mentioned.

  Officer Cox’s gaze flickers to the men again before he continues. “When the assailant bent over double, you and Ludlow pushed him to the ground. While you straddled him, Ludlow continued to punch and kick him until Detective Rowan arrived at the scene.”

  “Yes, and that’s when I called 911,” I say.

  “I still don’t understand why Ludlow was on the scene,” Sean says.

  The officer hesitates. “We suspect he was following Ms. Jackson.”

  “What? Why?” I ask, shocked. I had assumed Josh was walking back to the dorms and coincidentally came across the attack in progress.

  “On the way to the hospital, he said some things that roused our suspicions. After he gets out of the hospital, we’ll question him thoroughly, but from what my colleagues reported, he exhibits obsessive behavior toward Ms. Jackson. We’re going to recommend a full psychiatric evaluation.”

  Sean leans forward, his gaze sharp. “He’s probably the perp who attacked Hannah Michaels.”

  I shiver, remembering how he fixated on me when I sat next to him in the lecture hall. Something scratches at the edge of my consciousness and then the elusive piece of information slips into place.

  “No! It wasn’t Josh. Calvin was Hannah’s attacker!” I tug on Sean’s sleeve to get his attention. “Sean, it was his smell. Cal always douses himself with strong cologne. The attacker used the same brand. It’s very distinctive and I’ve rarely smelled it on another guy. It couldn’t be Josh because he smells like fruity gum. Cal must have followed Hannah that night or maybe she agreed to meet with him, but I’m positive it’s him.” My body vibrates with anger at how he had hurt my friend.


  “Sick fuck,” he utters between lips taut with rage.

  There are murmurs of agreement behind me.

  Sean’s eyes narrow in thought. “A jury won’t convict him on circumstantial evidence, but we can use the information when we interrogate him. Maybe hint that Ms. Michaels remembered that night.” He turns to Officer Cox. “I’ll talk this over with Sergeant Ashby. She’ll want to be the one to question him.”

  Officer Cox nods and says, “All right. That’s everything I need, Ms. Jackson. I’m glad you’re okay. I’ll finish the paperwork and keep you abreast of any developments.” A twinkle appears in his eyes. “And don’t take this the wrong way, but we really need to stop meeting this way.”

  I giggle and nod. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Officer, but I’d be happy to never see you again.”

  With a grin, he says, “I’m not offended. Have a good night.”

  I stand up, still fuzzy from exhaustion and disbelief. We walk out of the station and Bo, Jace, and Marc take their leave.

  “Maggie, do you want to go with me to the hotel?” Cael asks, his face still filled with worry.

  Unconsciously, I move closer to Sean.

  Cael looks over my head at Sean and his tight face gradually eases. Returning his gaze to me, he smiles gently. “Okay, sweetheart. Call me tomorrow.” He opens his arms and I slam into him, relieved everything is in the open now.

  “I love you, Mags,” he says with a kiss on my head.

  “I love you too, Cael.” I know this won’t be the last time I seek comfort from my brother, but we both know he won’t be the first person I will go to from now on. I give him one more squeeze around his waist before I move back to Sean’s side and lean into him.

  This is where I belong now, I think with wonder and meet Sean’s gaze. What I see on his face takes my breath away.

  Love. I feel enveloped by love.

  When Sean told me he loved me, I thought the stress of the situation had unhinged my mind, but it’s finally sinking in. This man loves me and I feel like my heart is going to explode with joy.

  Cael snorts, breaking our eye lock. “I can’t be witness to this. You better take care of my sister, asshole.” He punches Sean lightly in the shoulders.

  “Always,” Sean says, looking straight at my brother, making a promise.

  With a smile, Cael turns around and walks away. He looks so lonely. I ache for him to find someone to love him the way he deserves.

  “Let’s go home,” Sean says, pulling my attention to him.

  “Yes. Let’s go home.” I smile.

  Yes. Home. Home is wherever he is.

  The cab ride is a silent blur.

  I gasp in shock when I see the empty apartment. It looks like a demolition team has gutted the space. Other than the sofa, there’s nothing in the living room. “What happened to the furnit—” I spin around to look at him.

  Lunging at me, he slams his mouth over mine and then nothing else matters except for being as close to him as possible. Our tongues tangle, desperate to take in each other’s essence.

  Without breaking the hungry kiss, he cups my backside and hitches me up. Automatically I wrap my arms and legs around him. He rolls his hips against me, letting me feel the hardness of his erection. Its heat burns through the layers between us until I feel like my center is about to burst into flames.

  “I need you, angel,” Sean mutters urgently against my lips.

  “I need you, too,” I reply, my blood coursing through my veins like liquid lightning.

  Cheeks dark with desire, Sean moves swiftly up the stairs. Before we clear the threshold of the bedroom, I’m yanking his tie off his neck and undoing his buttons. He sets me on my feet and then we desperately tear at each other’s clothes. Even when we’re both naked with his body covering every inch of mine, I still can’t get close enough. I want to crawl into his skin.

  “Now, Sean. Now!” I beg, opening my legs to make room for him. There is no need for foreplay. I’ve been ready for him the moment our lips touched and I can’t wait a second longer to be joined with him.

  His eyes flare with passion as he presses his thick cock against my drenched sex. The skin of his shaft is like hot satin. I tilt my hips so that his crest aligns with my vaginal opening and then I thrust up, taking several inches into my body. I’ve forgotten how tight the fit is, but I welcome the slight discomfort. I’ve felt so empty without him. “More,” I moan against his throat.

  With a flick of his wrist, he turns on the bedside lamp. “I need to see you.” He rears back, his eyes moving over me like he’s starved for the sight of me. “You’re so beautiful, angel. Perfect.” His hands clasp my knees and spread my legs wide apart, exposing where we are intimately joined. There is no self-consciousness in me. I’ve bared everything to this man. My body. My heart. My soul.

  “I love you, Sean.”

  “I love you so damn much, Maggie.” His blue eyes glitter with strong emotion.

  With a low groan, Sean pushes his whole length into me in one inexorable thrust and I cry out at the too-full sensation. I clench around his shaft, eliciting an animal-like growl from his chest. Then his hips start to move. He’s not gentle and I don’t want him to be. Between the weight of his lower body and his firm grasp on my legs, I can’t move my hips, but I don’t need to because he feels the same clamoring, insatiable desire as I do. My fingernails score down his broad back and he grunts in approval. He leans down and takes my mouth roughly, his tongue mirroring the movements of his cock. Our mouths and bodies strain to become one.

  It is primitive and raw, satisfying the need to assert our ownership over each other.

  In minutes, I already feel the tightening pressure in my core. Breaking away, I pant and moan, trying to reach the pinnacle.

  On the next thrust, he sinks in even deeper, hitting a sensitive bundle of nerves. I scream as pleasure crashes over me relentlessly, knocking every thought out of my head until all that is left is white-hot ecstasy.

  Gasping, he says into my mouth, “Fuck, you feel so good.” His sexy words draw out another throb of pleasure from my pussy. He increases his rhythm and starts to hammer harder into me. I can tell he’s close when his grits his teeth.

  Raising my face I lick a bead of sweat off his neck and say into his skin, “I love you.”

  He groans and with a deep lunge of his pelvis, he finds his release. The look of ecstasy on his face is mesmerizing. I tilt my hips and pull him down for a kiss, willing the intimate moment to stretch to eternity. As if he can read my mind, Sean leans down to take my mouth sweetly and softly. He’s still hard and thick inside me and I can’t resist tightening my inner muscles.

  “I’m going to make slow love to you now, angel,” he whispers.

  He grazes his lips over every one of my freckles as he rocks his hips. Every thrust of his cock strokes my inner walls lovingly. As promised, he goes slowly, letting the passion build incrementally until I feel as if I’m about to burst. And then I do, crying out his name softly at the exact same moment he does.

  When our bodies cool, Sean drops to the side and then turns me around until we’re spooning. Hand splayed over my abdomen, he nuzzles his nose against my ear. “I’ve missed you so damn much.”

  “Me too.” My body is limp with pleasure, but I have too many questions to fall asleep. Now that my body is satiated, my mind and heart are hungry for answers. “How…I mean, when…” I growl in frustration and then flip around so I’m facing him. “Sean, when I walked out of here a few days ago, you said you couldn’t love me.” A shard of pain stabs into my heart at the memory.

  He tucks a curl behind my ear and gives me a soft kiss of apology. “I was in denial. I fell in love with you when you wagged your finger at my father at the party.”

  “But you said—”

  “Angel, it was all a front. All of it. I tried to keep my distance because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough for you. I thought if you found out about what a bastard I was, you’d leave me. But you
left me anyway and I was miserable.”

  “I left because you said you couldn’t love me.”

  Another sweet kiss. “I know, angel. I know.”

  “What were you afraid of telling me?” I ask.

  He hesitates, his eyes turning navy blue.

  I cup his jaw and say, “There’s nothing you could have done that would make me love you less. Nothing.” Whatever this man may have done in the past, I know who he is now and that’s all that matters to me.

  He sobers and looks deeply into my eyes. “I’m going to hold you to that. And if you decide to leave me after I tell you, I’m going to drag you back and tie you to me for the rest of your life.”

  My kiss is a promise to stand by his side. Always.

  He takes a deep breath and entwines our fingers. “Did you know my ex-partner is James Montanari?”

  I blink in surprise. “What? You know the author of the Justice Files? He’s Leslie’s husband?”

  “Yeah.” He pauses for a long time, his eyes looking into the past.

  “My first partner was ready to retire. Art was a good cop and taught me a lot, but he wasn’t always the most eager to get onto a scene. He was overly cautious and it made me crazy.”

  I smile, imagining Sean chafing to go after the bad guys.

  “When Art retired, I asked my captain to team me up with James. He hated his partner at the time, who was known to be lazy and apathetic. We always joked that the only time Erwin Woods was in a hurry was when he went to the locker room to take off his uniform. My cap wasn’t too keen on the idea of teaming up two new cops.”

  He pauses, absently petting my curls. “I knew my captain was ambitious. I had never invoked my status as a senator’s son before, but I hinted that my father knew the mayor personally and could put in a good word for him. My cap agreed to the move the next day. The following week, James was transferred to my precinct and the captain became the Deputy Inspector a year later.”