by Jo Jakeman
‘Pip?’ she called.
Ruby dropped her clutch onto the ottoman and went through to the kitchen. The party had been fun, even though she hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol all night. She was on a health kick that no one knew about. When people asked why she wasn’t drinking, she told them that she was the designated driver.
What they didn’t know was that she had joined the fancy new gym in the converted mills by the park and was on the treadmill by 6 a.m. four mornings a week. The doctor said it wouldn’t hurt to lose a bit of weight and look after herself a bit better. There was no reason why she couldn’t conceive. These things would take time. All the best things did.
She opened the fridge, to see how solace was dressed tonight. A mantle of cold meats or a robe of rich cheese? But, with her resolve stronger than her greed, she closed it again. The remnants of today’s dinner lay in the dish on the stove. She scraped at the edges of the fish pie with a fork. Just cleaning up the ends – not worth counting those calories.
The night air pushed its way into the kitchen through the open back door and the curtains swayed gracefully. The scent of warmed rosemary bushes and the lingering of a neighbourhood barbecue reminded her that this was summer’s last fling. Ruby took a glass of water and flipped the switch for the outdoor light before she stepped outside.
Pip was on the low wall that separated the patio from the flat piece of ground that could be a lawn, if they paid it some attention. He held a tumbler in one hand and a cigar in the other. He blew smoke rings into the air as she neared him – ever the kid playing at being a grown-up, trying to look cool.
‘There you are. Didn’t you hear me calling?’
Pip didn’t answer. He was giving her the silent treatment, though Ruby didn’t believe she needed treating.
Pip could be the most charming person you were ever likely to meet. His smile was the dawning of the sun. Ruby felt loved and important when it touched her, but when he turned away, the contrast was so marked she thought she might freeze in his shadow.
Ruby had given him two hours to calm down before she drove home to face him. She had learned that no amount of talking could change Pip’s mood. He dug in his heels if you tried to push but, if you waited long enough, he would come round. It was a good job that she was patient.
Pip was still wearing his tie, though it was loose now around his unbuttoned collar. His jacket had been discarded somewhere between the party and the garden, but the rings of sweat still darkened his armpits and radiated towards his shirt pocket.
‘Missed you at the party, darling,’ Ruby said in her sing-song voice. She didn’t want to antagonise him.
Pip took a swig from the tumbler and bared his teeth as if the liquid stung his gums. Ruby let her head fall backwards and rotated the tension out of her shoulders. She sat on the wall a few feet away from her husband. Like a wild animal, it would be unwise to get too close too soon.
‘I was worried about you. You didn’t say goodbye.’
He sucked on his cigar. ‘Huh.’
‘Come on, Pip. I hate it when we fight. Especially when I don’t know what we’re fighting about.’ She lowered her head and looked up at him through heavy eyelashes, but he didn’t acknowledge her attempts to win him over.
‘You were having a good enough time without me.’
‘Come on, Pip. That’s just …’
‘What? Stupid? I’m stupid now, am I?’
‘That’s not what I was going to say. You’re one of the cleverest people I know.’ She edged closer to him.
‘Not as clever as your vet friends, though.’
‘Pip, they’re lovely people, if you’d take the time to get to know them. And they loved you.’
He shrugged and emptied his drink.
‘I don’t want you working there any more. You’re embarrassing yourself. Everyone says it’s not right how you put animals before people.’
Ruby’s smile faded and her eyes hardened.
‘You don’t mean that,’ she said, still trying to keep her voice light. ‘I’ve worked hard for this. And think about the extra money. We can have nice holidays and—’
‘Now you’re saying that I don’t make enough money, is that it?’
‘No, I …’
‘Are you doing this to humiliate me?’
Ruby undid the top button on her skirt. It wasn’t made for sitting down in, even if she had lost nine pounds. She pulled her long hair into a knot on the top of her head, held it there for a moment to let the cooler air kiss her neck and then let it drop again.
‘This isn’t any old job. This is my career, Pip. I’ve wanted to be a vet my whole life and, thanks to you,’ she looked at him as she said this, so that he would acknowledge her gratitude, ‘it’s thanks to you it has become a reality. I never thought I could do a degree, at my age.’
‘You should have warned me.’
‘About what?’
‘That he was gay.’
She looked away to hide her annoyance. So that was why he was in such a foul mood.
‘Do you mean Jason? Until he turned up with his boyfriend, I didn’t know, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have thought to mention it.’
Pip snorted and upended his glass over his open mouth, even though there was nothing left but a drip.
‘Pip, you’re not really this angry about him, are you?’
‘He touched me.’
‘Inappropriately?’
‘He rubbed my arm.’
‘How? In a sexual way?’
‘I don’t know. In a fucking gay way, that’s how.’
Ruby knotted her fingers together and pursed her lips for a moment before she allowed herself to speak. Pip was important to her, but so was her job, and she wouldn’t let him ruin it for her.
‘Let’s talk about this tomorrow. Now, I’m going to bed. Coming?’
She walked into the kitchen and poured the last of her water into the dog’s bowl.
‘Is Rufus out there?’ she shouted into the darkness. ‘He didn’t come to see me when I came back.’
‘The front door was open.’
‘It was what?’ She stepped outside and looked at Pip, with her hands clenched in front of her mouth.
‘You forgot to shut the door. He must’ve legged it,’ said Pip.
‘No, I didn’t. He wouldn’t.’ Her eyes were wide with fear.
‘You were the last one out of the house.’
Ruby looked at the floor, trying to remember. Sweet lord, Phillip was right. She had run back into the house to use the loo. But she was certain she’d felt the latch catch behind her as she dashed to the car. Hadn’t she?
‘Pip, help me. Quick!’ She ran into the house and looked for her car keys.
‘Where to?’ Pip called.
‘I need to drive around, see if I can spot him. He’ll be so scared. Pip, please, help me.’
She went back into the garden, her eyes beseeching Pip to help her.
‘There’s no need,’ he said.
‘Please, Pip, I need another pair of eyes.’
‘I know exactly where he is. I saw him when I was walking back from the party.’
‘Where? Where was he? Why didn’t you get him?’
‘Because,’ he said, ‘my wife, the animal-lover, left the door open and let him run straight out into the path of an oncoming car. Well done! You’ve killed your own dog. He’s dead.’
Ruby felt the blood drain from her face. Her hand was trembling. Pip put his hands in his pockets and she thought she saw him suppress a smile. The night was suddenly colder and the air brittle. She heard a buzzing in her ears and had to swallow hard to clear them.
‘What did you say?’ her voice was barely audible to her own ears, yet Pip heard her.
‘Hit by a car. He’s dead.’
She shook her head so that the words couldn’t take root.
‘I need to get to him!’
Pip said nothing.
‘Where is he, Pip?’
�
��Told you, he’s dead. Your expensive degree can’t help you now, can it?’ He stood up and looked her squarely in the eye. ‘It’s about time you realised your husband is more important than a stupid animal.’
‘Please, you know what Rufus means to me. I have to see him.’
Pip walked past her on his way into the house. She grabbed his arm. He looked at her hand with narrow eyes and a twitching jaw. She let go and asked softly. ‘Will you show me where he is, Pip, please?’
‘I’m going to bed. Why don’t you get Jason to help?’
Ruby ran from the house. The pain was physical and she kept stopping to double up with gripes in her stomach and her heart. She lurched from street light to street light, pausing to steady herself on walls and hedges. Late-night revellers slipped off kerbsides and laughed into the night as she rushed by.
‘Have you seen a dog? A dog? Have you seen him? He’s a red setter. About this big. His name’s Rufus.’
There was still the smallest gem of hope in her heart. Another dog, perhaps? One that looked like Rufus? Pip might be wrong. Might be lying. Yes, that’s it. Lying to hurt her. She retraced the route that Pip would have taken from the party, but she couldn’t see a body. Her hopes lifted. Perhaps Rufus had got up, walked away. He could be looking for her somewhere.
‘Rufus!’ she called. ‘Rufus, where are you?’
There were tears on her face. She spun about, looking everywhere.
An accident? Or a punishment, for refusing to put Pip first?
Ruby wiped her face. Whatever the truth was, Pip was on his last warning. He wasn’t the only one who knew how to hurt people.
SEVENTEEN
10 days before the funeral
Naomi, Ruby and I sat in the living room, facing each other. Ruby looked from Naomi to me and back to Naomi, and then smiled. We were waiting for someone to say something of significance, but all I could do was smile and scratch a pretend itch on my shoulder. My smile was to hide my nerves, the awkwardness and the truth. Ruby’s might have been genuine. Or medicated.
‘How long did the journey take you?’ I asked out of politeness.
‘Wouldn’t have a clue, darling. I don’t believe in clocks,’ she said. ‘The one in Bertie broke years ago. It’s better for your mind to be free of the constraints of hours and minutes, don’t you find? In the morning you set the alarm, because of all the things you have to do, instead of waking when our body tells us to. We’d be so much more productive on a full night’s sleep. All this watching the clock and “I’m going to be late” or “too early” … Imagine how much calmer we’d be if we all left the house when we were ready.’
‘Imagine,’ I said, though I couldn’t think of anything worse.
I picked up my mobile phone from the arm of the chair and waved it in Ruby’s direction.
‘It’s a shame you didn’t phone. Could have saved yourself a journey.’
‘I don’t have a phone, not a mobile one anyway. I had to get a landline when they turned our phone-box into a defibrillator, but I don’t see the need to be contactable at all hours of the day.’
She smiled, but it still felt like an insult and I placed my mobile back on the chair arm. The image of Alistair on a swing flashed across the screen and I turned it face-down.
‘A pity Naomi didn’t remember you were due for dinner,’ I said with a pointed look at her. ‘She could have met you at The Barn.’
I kept rubbing at the back of my neck as if I could feel someone’s eyes on me. I didn’t know how to ask Ruby to leave without arousing suspicion, but couldn’t tell her the truth without sounding crazy.
‘Where is Pip anyway?’ she asked.
Naomi and I shared a look. Passed it between us like a silent game of pass-the-parcel, waiting for the music to stop.
‘I’m not sure,’ I said. ‘Work, I suppose. Naomi? Phillip’s at work, isn’t he?’
‘What?’ she said. ‘Phil? Sure, if that’s what we’re going with.’
I pretended to find it funny. Funny Naomi, making it sound like we were hiding something.
‘Naomi loses track of Phillip’s shift pattern, don’t you, Naomi? But I’m pretty sure that he’s on days this weekend. Why don’t we get him to call you when he’s free? Perhaps you should drive home while there’s a break in the weather. I’d hate for you to be stranded.’
‘Has something happened?’ Ruby asked. She was on alert. Gone was her hazy look.
‘No, nothing’s happened. Not really,’ I said.
‘What’s he done?’ she asked with a sigh, like she was talking about an errant child rather than an irate adult.
I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to tell her about the threats to take my son away, the assaults, the cancer, the cellar, but I didn’t know where to start. Ruby and I didn’t have the sort of relationship where we would wait to hear the full story without passing judgement on each other and, if I knew anything about her, she would side with Phillip before the words had left my mouth.
‘It’s nothing,’ I said. ‘Things are a bit strained while Phillip and I sort out the divorce. You know how difficult these things can be.’
‘Not really,’ she said. ‘Our divorce was perfectly amicable because we both still cared about each other.’
It took all my restraint to point out that Phillip wasn’t so amicable towards her when he was declaring his love for me, before he’d even asked her for a divorce. She seemed to view me as a phase that Phillip was going through, and that he would return to her eventually. In her eyes, Alistair was an unwelcome anchor that tied Phillip to me. She was undoubtedly thrilled when he left me, but she hadn’t counted on there being a Naomi.
I saw an opportunity to deflect attention from the secret in my cellar and said at a rush, ‘Naomi’s been a great help. Haven’t you, Naomi?’ She raised an eyebrow in response and I continued, ‘Yes, she’s helping me move the divorce along so that she and Phillip can get married. Isn’t that great news?’
Ruby’s eyes lost some of their shine, but the smile was fixed.
‘Congratulations, darling,’ Ruby said to Naomi. ‘I had no idea.’
‘Hasn’t Phillip told you?’ I asked with wide-eyed surprise. ‘I bet he was waiting to tell you in person this weekend. Funny how he forgot you were coming, though, but he must have so much on his mind, with the wedding.’
‘And when will the happy day be?’ Ruby squeezed out her words through a clenched jaw.
‘Never,’ said Naomi.
I laughed again.
‘What Naomi means is …’
‘He’ll be dead soon, anyway,’ Naomi said. ‘Cancer.’
I watched Ruby’s expression change from false smile, to confusion, to horror.
‘Naomi!’ I snapped. I put my head in my hands and rested my elbows on my knees.
‘Why are we covering for him anyway?’ she said.
‘We’re not. We’re covering for us.’
‘She knows summat’s up. Look at her! She’s not an idiot.’
I looked up and saw Naomi pointing at Ruby, who was watching first one and then the other of us with her mouth slightly open.
Naomi and I glared at each other. She wasn’t backing down and neither was I. I felt panic rising and blood pulse in my ears. Ruby’s voice broke the silence.
‘I don’t understand,’ she said.
‘You and me both, duck,’ said Naomi.
Ruby tilted her head in confusion.
I was on my feet, pacing, unsure how to explain it. It was important that I found the right words, but before I could open my mouth, Naomi spoke again.
‘Jeez,’ she said. ‘Thing is, Ruby, Phil’s got lung cancer. He says he’s got weeks to live.’
Ruby gasped as her hand flew to her mouth, but Naomi batted away her concern. ‘Yeah, yeah, bloody shame and all that. But that’s no excuse for him attacking the pair of us in the space of a week.’ She pointed at the butterfly stitches on her forehead and then at the side of my face.
I tucked
my hair behind my ear, so that Ruby could see the red scabs where he’d ripped my earring out.
‘Imogen knows what happened to me, because she saw me at A & E. I reckon Phil only told me about the cancer so I wouldn’t report him. He told Imogen that she had to be out of the house by the end of the month or he’d go after custody of Alistair.’
Naomi barely took a breath. She delivered this news as if she was reeling off items on a shopping list.
‘He said we should get married before the end, and that we’d have to be quick about it. He didn’t want Imogen to know, in case she slowed down the house sale or whatever, and he didn’t want any delays in sorting out the money side of things. He weren’t serious about the custody – I mean, how could he? He’ll be dead by Christmas. But Imogen didn’t know that, obviously. And she didn’t know about the cancer, neither. She thought he were for real, so she flipped out and shut him down in the cellar. Put him in handcuffs and everything.’
Ruby’s hands were clamped over her mouth. A sound somewhere between a wail and a scream slipped between her fingertips. The dirty-white dog yapped.
‘I … I don’t quite … He’s got cancer?’
Naomi nodded.
‘And he did that to your face?’ Ruby pointed at Naomi’s head. She stared at the carpet as if she was working out a difficult puzzle. It was a lot for her to take in and, if I hadn’t been so annoyed with Naomi, I might have felt sorry for her.
‘I think that’s everything?’ Naomi looked at me for confirmation and I closed my eyes, feeling the blood drain from my face.
‘That’s the simplified version, but …’ I said.
Ruby cleared her throat. ‘He’s in the cellar?’
‘Well, it’s the cinema room really,’ I said. ‘There’s a bed and a—’
‘In handcuffs?’ she asked. Her words were clipped. Sharp.
‘I know it doesn’t sound good, but if you could have heard how he was threatening me … I was going to let him go, but when I opened the door he attacked me and I reacted just as any sane person would. I pushed back and he fell down the steps. I’ve cuffed him for my own safety.’
Ruby got to her feet and the older dog barked.
‘I need to see him. I can’t believe Pip would attack you, like you say he did. And I need to hear about the cancer from his own lips.’ She folded her hands in front of her and pulled herself up straight. ‘I can’t believe you’d do something like this, Imogen.’
