by Jo Jakeman
Naomi was coughing and sucking in shallow breaths. Ruby sobbed. The dogs barked in distress behind the closed door.
Phillip pulled me to my feet by my hair and smashed my head off the wall. I spun away from him, too stunned to feel pain, too disorientated to do more than stagger towards the bed.
He took the second set of cuffs from the radiator, rolled Naomi onto her front and fastened her right wrist to her left ankle. I fought to stay alert. The ground swayed. I blinked my eyes open as Phillip’s face swam in front of me. My head was throbbing and the pain from my nose was radiating across my cheeks.
‘Immie, Immie, Immie.’
He shook his head.
‘Look what you’ve made me do.’
He sat on the bed and pulled me up beside him. My neck hurt and my ribs stabbed me with every deep breath. Tears were already on my cheeks. He put his arm round my shoulders and squeezed. I audibly sucked in air through clenched teeth against the pain.
‘Take a look,’ he said, gesturing at the scene around us. ‘Poor Ruby. Did she deserve this? And Naomi, she’s just a kid, and now look at her. Lucky to be alive, I’d say. And all because you thought you could get the better of me. You did this, Imogen.’
‘It’s not my fault.’
‘No? Then who was it shut me down here? Eh? Who made me angry? Was it Ruby? Was it Naomi?’
I shook my head. I wouldn’t let him lay the blame for this on me. I couldn’t let him get into my head.
‘I’ve known you for a long time, Immie, and yet your stupidity still astounds me. When will you learn that you can never outsmart me?’
‘Let them go.’ I was surprised at how calm my voice sounded.
‘Why would I do that?’
‘You said it yourself. It was all me. They didn’t agree to this. Both of them told me to let you go,’ I said. ‘It’s me who locked you down here. It’s me you’re angry with.’
I couldn’t breathe through my nose. Phillip noticed and, keeping one hand round my shoulder, he put the other over my mouth and pushed hard. I knocked his hand away and he laughed.
‘Too easy,’ he said. ‘I could end your life if I wanted to, silly bitch. Now, tell me, where’s Alistair?’
‘What?’
‘My son. Where is he?’
I thought I’d misheard him, couldn’t understand why he’d want Alistair. We both knew that his illness meant he wouldn’t get custody. My mind was in turmoil, I could hardly think straight, but I still knew that I wouldn’t let him near Alistair. Not in this state. Not ever.
‘He’s out. A friend’s house.’
My heart was racing.
‘What friend?’
I said the first lie that came to mind. ‘A friend from school. Thomas.’
In my head, over and over again, I said the words Stay away from my son. Would Phillip take him just to hurt me? Did he hate me enough to hurt Alistair? I wouldn’t put anything past him.
‘And where does this Thomas live?’
‘They’re … they’re out – bowling.’
‘What time will he be back?’
‘He’s staying overnight.’
‘What’s their address?’
Naomi had gone quiet and there was no noise from Ruby.
No sounds from the outside world could reach us down here.
‘I don’t have their address,’ I said evenly.
‘Lies!’
He took a handful of my hair and pulled it back so that my chin pointed upwards.
‘You expect me to believe that you don’t know where they live? You, who never let the boy out of your sight? No wonder he’s such a bloody wimp. Time to cut the apron strings, Imogen. Now where the fuck is he?’
Phillip’s voice was getting louder, and I’d already seen what he was capable of. I’d always known that he could be cruel and, recently, had seen his anger boil over, but the man next to me was unhinged. I’d fallen for his lies too many times, and now it was time to make him fall for mine.
‘I don’t know his address, I swear. I dropped Alistair off at the bowling place this morning and Thomas’s mum said she’d bring him back here tomorrow. They’ve got my number, if there’s any problems. Yes, it’s out of character for me to let him out of my sight, but so is having my husband in a cellar. I was desperate, Phillip, I wanted Alistair out of the house while we spoke to you, and when Thomas invited Alistair over, it seemed like the perfect opportunity.’
Phillip let go of my hair and said, ‘Why isn’t he with your mother?’
At last something I could give an honest answer to.
‘She blacked out and dislocated her shoulder. Naomi’ll tell you – I bumped into her at the hospital after I’d seen Mother. That’s how I knew about the stiches. I swear it’s the truth.’
‘If I find out that you’re lying …’ He left the threat hanging in the air.
‘Is all this about Alistair? I asked. ‘Because if you really want the best for him, Phillip, you have to let us go. The more reasonable you are now, the more likely you are to be able to see him more often.’
‘I can feel Alistair pulling away from me, no doubt because of the rubbish you fill his head with. You’re not fit to be a mother,’ he spat. ‘I’d been thinking that there’s nothing more important than family; that it was time I had more of a hand in Alistair’s upbringing, but I’ve had some time to think – thanks to you – about what I really want. And do you know what I decided? That there’s only one thing more important than family. Can you guess what it is?’
I shook my head.
He slapped my face. ‘Guess!’
My hair fell over my eyes and I looked up at him through strands of knotted brown.
‘The only thing you care about is yourself,’ I said.
‘Try again.’
He grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled my face to his.
‘I don’t know. Please, Phillip, you’re hurting me.’
‘Try again.’
‘Money? I don’t know … Love, maybe?’
He leaned into me and smoothed my hair off my face, so that I could feel his breath in my ear. He said one word.
‘Revenge.’
His eyes held mine and I felt my breath start to quicken. The adrenaline was starting to leave my body and now my overriding emotion was fear.
Naomi wasn’t moving. She had rolled onto her side, but she was facing away from us and I couldn’t tell whether she had her eyes open or closed. I lowered my head.
‘If I were you, I’d leave while I could.’
‘What would you do,’ he asked, ‘if I took Alistair away, so you never saw him again? We could go anywhere in the world. We might be in St Lucia or Stoke. You’d never know.’
‘I won’t let you take him.’
‘It’s time to toughen him up,’ he said. ‘Make him a man.’
‘If you touch him, I’ll kill you.’ I meant it. I shook his arm off me and sat as straight as my throbbing ribs would let me.
‘I’d like to see you try,’ Phillip said.
‘It’s a matter of time. If I don’t kill you, the cancer will and …’ My words died in my mouth as I saw his slowly spreading smile. ‘You bastard!’ I said.
I saw it then: the truth.
‘You don’t have cancer, do you? I should have known it was another one of your lies.’ Even as I said it, I hoped I was wrong, but I knew by the look on his face that I wasn’t.
‘Ah, yes,’ he said. ‘The cancer.’ He gave a false little cough. ‘I’ve got to thank Naomi for that one. That little story was only meant for her ears. I intended to buy some time and stop her from reporting me. I knew that not even Naomi would leave a sick man to fend for himself. I had no idea it would play so nicely into my hands. Admit it, Imogen. You felt sorry for me after our little heart-to-heart the other night, didn’t you?’
He was smug, and I was stunned. Lately I’d held Phillip in low regard, but this seemed beneath him.
‘You let us think you were going to di
e just so that you could … what? Find somewhere else to live? Is that why you wanted me out of the house? Because you want to live here?’
He held his hands up like it couldn’t be helped.
‘Don’t you think Naomi would’ve noticed when you didn’t bloody die?’ I said, my voice rising.
‘But by that time I’d have made sure she couldn’t get her hands on my money, and I’d have made plans to leave her. You should know by now that you only get to leave if I say so. Hands behind your back!’
I did as I was told, still too shocked to do much more. I kept my face turned to his. I wanted Phillip to read in my eyes how much I hated him.
‘So, you asking Naomi to marry you …?’
‘A distraction. Girls and white dresses, eh?’
Ruby sniffed loudly. I’d almost forgotten she was there. By the look on Phillip’s face, he had too.
‘Pip?’ she said. ‘Pip? You don’t have cancer?’
‘Thought you’d be pleased,’ he said gruffly as he used her scarf to tie my wrists.
‘What a rotten thing to tell people. I understand why you lied to Naomi, but why didn’t you tell me the truth? I could have helped you.’
‘Nothing personal,’ he said, not looking at Ruby.
‘You should leave,’ I said.
‘But we’re only just starting to have fun, you and me. Remember fun, Immie? It was something we used to have before Alistair came along. Back before you became a miserable bitch. We used to have a laugh, you and me. Didn’t we, eh? Oi! I’m bloody talking to you!’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Yes.’
‘Tell me what was fun,’ he said.
‘Erm …’ I studied my feet, trying to remember something – anything – but struggled to recall memories that had been formed outside this room. He had lied to me. He was after my son. I couldn’t let Phillip leave.
‘Erm?’ he mocked. ‘Cat got your tongue? Go on, Ims, we had lots of fun times. You said so yourself. Come on! Good times. Tell me!’
‘The … thing. The bike rides?’
‘The Suzuki? Now you’re talking. Your mother’s face when I turned up with my bike. Remember? I thought she was going to have a coronary. Where did we go that day? Was it Scarborough or somewhere? It was the beach, anyhow. The weather was shit. You said you might as well be grounded for staying out all night as for getting on a bike. What else? I bet you can do better than that.’
‘Holidays?’
‘Which one?’
I closed my eyes, conjuring up sunshine and suitcases.
‘The time we went to Italy,’ I said. I began moving my wrists against the fabric of Ruby’s scarf. The more I wriggled, the tighter it got, but I thought I might be able to tear the whole thing apart if I could make a hole in the material.
‘Nah, I didn’t like Italy. It was full of bloody mopeds and ponces. Didn’t I get my wallet stolen in Pompeii? It was an absolute shithole. Try again.’
‘The um …’
‘Yes?’
My mind went blank, but I needed more time.
‘I don’t know. You’re putting me under pressure. There’s too many things. I can’t think of just one.’
‘You do disappoint me, Immie. What d’you want to go and do that for?’
He shook his head and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.
‘I … I don’t want to disappoint you. There’s too much to choose from. Remember Tunisia? And the hotel entertainment with those dancers and—’
‘Pathetic,’ he said. ‘It seems my memory is better than yours. We got food poisoning, didn’t leave the room for three days and, when we did, I got stung by a jellyfish. Remember now?’
I did. It was ten days of torture when everything was my fault, for booking such a terrible place, even though he’d chosen the resort.
Phillip leaned his chin on my shoulder. I could feel his breath on my cheek. I looked at the table, which lay four feet away from me, and wondered whether I could use it on him again. I could grab it, swing it, run for help. He seemed to sense my thoughts, because he tightened his grip around my shoulder and with his free hand he stroked my cheek.
There was a shift in the atmosphere, as if talking of times we’d shared brought back memories of physical intimacy I’d rather forget.
‘You really need to go,’ I said. ‘People will be here soon. They’ll find you. They’ll call the police.’
‘What people? You said yourself that Alistair won’t be back until tomorrow. And who else is there to care where you are? As for the police … It was you who locked me up, remember? I’m sure the police would love to hear all about that.’
‘Fine. You call them,’ I said.
His hand moved to my neck and he stroked one finger down to my collarbone.
‘There’s three of us who will all testify to the fact that you attacked us and tied us up,’ I said, arching my body away from him. ‘Witnesses. They’ll believe us, not you. You don’t have a leg to stand on. I’m sure you’d be really popular in prison. Lots of old friends.’
His hand continued snaking down my body, over my breast and down to my waist, where he rested it on my hip.
‘And why,’ he began, ‘would they believe a bunch of bitter exes?’
‘You’d back me up, right, Ruby?’ I called over my shoulder.
‘Pip, this isn’t like you. You need help. What’s going on with you? They told me you’d attacked them, and I didn’t believe them. I didn’t believe them, Pip, because I thought I knew you. And I do. So, tell me what this is really about,’ she said.
He sighed, like he was dissatisfied with us for ruining his fun, and stood up. He frowned at Ruby and I wondered whether he was considering what she’d said.
I relaxed a little, now that his hands weren’t on me, and my breathing slowed. I looked at the floor, making myself small, so he wouldn’t think of me as a threat. I needed him to let us go.
‘You’re a waste of space, Immie,’ he said at last. ‘What did I ever see in you? Look at you – you’re pitiful. Now Ruby, she’s smart. And Naomi, she’s hot. But you? I felt sorry for you. I only proposed to you to stop you from crying. Couldn’t stand the wailing. And I needed someone to look after Alistair for me, otherwise I’d have got rid of you years ago.’
He bent over and took my chin in his hand. He tilted my face upwards so that he was looking directly at me. His blue eyes were icy; his pupils enlarged and glaring.
‘No one would miss you if you were gone,’ he hissed. ‘You’re middle-aged and on the shelf. Has anyone even looked twice at you since I left? No? Your own mother hates you. Even Alistair would be better off without you.’
His opinion didn’t matter. Shouldn’t matter. And yet.
I’d muttered my insecurities across the pillows, back in the days when Phillip said he’d never hurt me, and he used them as ammunition now. The fear of being so unlovable that not even my own mother could love me. The fear of losing Alistair – the only thing in my life worth keeping.
Phillip knew what kept me awake at night and he made my nightmares come alive.
He smiled as tears escaped my eyes. He let go of me, but stayed bent over with his smug face two inches from mine. I raised my chin, swallowed back the tears and spat in his face.
He reeled backwards, then hit me across my face with the back of his hand. I fell onto the bed and laughed out loud. Mocking him and his pathetic attempt to control me.
‘Is that all you’ve got?’ I shouted.
Phillip gave no indication that he’d heard me; he simply went to leave.
I scrambled off the bed and stumbled over Naomi’s outstretched leg. Phillip kept walking.
I got to the foot of the stairs as he switched off the light and plunged us into darkness.
‘Wait! Phillip, wait. You can’t just leave us,’ I shouted.
‘Sweet dreams,’ he said.
He was illuminated momentarily as he went through the door. A scrabble of dogs were at his knee.
I heard
him say, ‘Down! Get down!’ before the bolt slid across the door and the key turned in the lock.
And then there was nothing except Ruby’s gentle sobbing in the impenetrable darkness, and the fear in my chest that Phillip was going after my son.
NINETEEN
10 days before the funeral
‘Naomi?’
She was blinking at me, dazed but conscious. The bruising was already starting to bloom at her neck. Ruby had helped me untie the scarf around my wrists with her free hand and her teeth. Putting aside our personal issues, we would have to work together to get out of here.
Ruby was trying to pull her wrist out of the handcuffs, but there was no way it was going to slide out. She was grunting to herself in frustration, and occasionally shouting in the direction of the closed cellar door, ‘Pip! I know you can hear me!’
I helped Naomi up. Her ankle was chained to her wrist, so she had to kneel rather than sit.
I skated my tongue around my mouth and felt it snag on the jagged edge of a broken tooth. I tried swallowing but I tasted metal, and my throat was too dry to let anything down without a fight. I opened my mouth, poked the insides of my cheek with my tongue and wriggled my jaw. It clicked and shot pain into my temple like a whip.
I couldn’t breathe through my nose, but taking in air through my mouth began a wave of nausea that threatened to drench me. I turned suddenly, bent double, and vomited on the floor.
‘What the …’
Naomi turned away as my warm stomach contents hit the floor beside her. I closed my eyes, thinking the word sorry over and over again.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I hoped she could hear me, even though I couldn’t speak. I was sweating and shivering, unable to move because of the pain, yet unable to stay where I was. I had to find Alistair before Phillip did.
Naomi struggled to manoeuvre her foot in front of her and passed the cuffs under her and to the front.
I groaned and wiped my chin. I pressed my lips together and held my breath until the pain became bearable. I was stiff, sore, and my head was threatening to split every time I moved, but I had to get free.
