Falling for a Hustler: A Benton Harbor Love Story

by Jerniqua K.

  I smiled at the thought of having a niece, even though I was mad that Mariah was knocked up. She was only twenty and still in cosmetology school. I knew that between her and Riq the baby would have everything and more; I just wasn’t ready for my little sister to grow up yet. As much as I hated to admit, whenever shorty got here, she would have me wrapped around all of her fingers.

  After making my rounds and catching up with a few of my niggas, I excused myself and went upstairs to my room. I made sure no one followed me up and locked my door behind me. Going into my closet, I pushed my jeans to the side, and for a moment I stared at the space before me. With my index finger, I traced a crack in the wall and gently pushed. The section of the wall wiggled, and I grabbed it and pulled it away, revealing a safe. I sighed a breath of relief when I opened it and saw my money stacked neatly and untouched inside, along with my two Desert Eagles. At that moment, I was glad that I had never told Journee about that stash. She had already cleaned the safe at my corner store, and from one of my stash houses.

  Just the thought of that bitch was making my skin crawl! I grabbed a crisp pair of dark blue jeans, and a money green shirt from my closet and laid them across my bed. I turned my TV on and placed it on MTV Jams. Instantly I bobbed my head to Big Sean and Chris Brown’s new joint while I rolled a blunt. Though I had a house full of people wanting to celebrate my return, I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I still couldn’t believe that the first time I allowed myself to love someone I had gotten played. I knew one thing though; she had definitely made it hard for anyone to ever get that close to me again. I had already promised myself; from this day forward, Brick wasn't loving these hoes.

  Journee

  “Hey Lala!” I said as I happily walked into the hair salon. Bird had finally come through with a few dollars, allowing me to finally get something done to the bird's nest that was sitting on top of my head.

  “Damn, look what the wind blew in!” she cracked. I waved her off as I grabbed a magazine and sat down in the waiting area.

  “I’ve been so damn busy with work lately, I just ain’t been having the time,” I lied. Truth was, I didn't have the funds like I used to. I mean, I made a few dollars here and there but every little dime I did manage to scrape up ended up going to a fucking bill. I couldn't win for losing.

  “Work? Now why the hell you working when yo nigga back home? You know damn well he ain’t gon’ have you out here working.”

  My head whipped in Lala’s direction so quick, I thought for sure I heard turned into the lil bitch from ‘The Exorcist’. What she said couldn't be true. There was no way Brick had gotten out early. I needed more info from her, so I chose my words carefully.

  “Shit, when they took him to jail and raided his store, they took everything girl. I didn't have a dime to my name, so I did what I had to do and got a job. Just cause he home don’t mean I gotta stop grinding. He gotta start over from scratch, and as his bitch it’s only right that I carry us until he can.”

  “I hear that girl.” She put the girl in her chair under the dryer and motioned for me to sit down. “Now I ain’t trying to be in ya business or nothing, but what you gon’ do about Bird now that Brick is home? You know that nigga don’t play that shit.”

  “That shit with me and Bird been dead. That nigga can’t do shit for me.” That was a half lie. Bird did a lot for me, and most of the times it always landed my ass in some kind of trouble...just like now.

  “Bird, why the hell you call me over here?” My arms were folded across my chest and annoyance was written all over my face. If he couldn’t tell that I didn’t want to be here, he was a damn fool.

  “Damn ma, that’s what we on now?” When I didn’t answer, he pulled me closer to him. I hated this man, but somehow his touch always made my ass weak. I closed my eyes as his index finger gently traced the side of my face. I felt his thick lips graze over mine, and just like that I was putty in his hands.

  “What is it, Bird?” My voice was filled with lust, and I knew he didn’t miss it.

  “You serious with that nigga Brick?”

  My eyes flew open, and I stared at him for a moment. I wanted to tell him that I was so that he would leave me alone, but Bird always knew when I was lying, so I decided to keep it one hundred with him. “No. We’re just chilling.”

  “He know about me?” His fingers had long left my face, and were now playing with the rim of the cotton shorts I had on.

  “No.”

  “Good.”

  I furrowed my brows in confusion. I didn’t exactly know where he was going with his line of questioning. Before I could ask why he was so interested in Brick, he filled me in.

  “I got a play togetha, but I need you on board, ma.”

  “Hell nah Bird!” I said, pushing his hands away from me. I should have known that he was only calling me to use me.

  I had met him when I was 16. My parents had kicked me out with nothing, so I did what I had to do. Pussy was the only thing I had to offer, so I swallowed my pride and started turning tricks. Only two months into my new profession, I met Bird and he swept me off my feet. He wasn’t a rich nigga, but he was stable and stability was something that I needed desperately. Though we weren’t in a relationship, we fucked with each other heavy. Shit, we fucked so much I wasn’t even surprised when I found out I was knocked up four months later. After I found out about my pregnancy, I promised myself that there was no way I was going back to that shit.

  “I told you I was done with that shit! The fuck you on?” I yelled.

  He stood to his feet and ran his hand across his face. Clearly, he was frustrated. I took a step back. I had been dealing with Bird long enough to know that when he couldn’t get his way, he usually retorted to kid-like tantrums that often resulted in us fist fighting.

  “What’s the fuckin problem, Nee? You just said you wasn’t serious about that fuck nigga! You out here tryin to play wifey with his ass, but I’m trying to get this paper so we can get Justin back, or did you forget you had a fuckin son?”

  Just like that, the wheels were turning in my head. Justin was our son. When I had him, me and Bird settled down and tried to live life as normal as possible. Bird’s mother had passed a month before, leaving him sixty thousand from her life insurance, so there was no need for me to be out here tricking and bullshitting around. Bird had become depressed about losing his mother, so we mostly sat inside and did nothing until one day he decided we should get out. We didn’t have a sitter and it was late, so I knew I should have said no, but it had been so long since we had done anything together that I agreed.

  Justin had just turned five months and couldn’t crawl or anything, so neither of us felt guilty about leaving him alone. What could a six month old possibly get into? I made a bottle for him and placed it right next to him, just in case he woke up before we returned. He was a good baby, so a bottle would put him right back out. After I made sure he was ok, we left the small apartment we shared in search of a good time.

  No matter how many times I’d asked, Bird wouldn’t tell me where we were going. After riding for fifteen minutes, I knew that we had to have been leaving Benton Harbor. I wanted to protest, but when he passed me the fat blunt he had rolled while driving, all of my worries seemed to fly out of the window. Before I knew it, we were in Kalamazoo at some college party. I was so high off the blunt we had smoked that I couldn’t even tell you the name of the school, but what I did know was that them muthafuckas partied hard!

  We went in, danced a little bit, and then I ended up running into of my homegirls. Bird said he was going to get us some drinks and dismissed himself. He never liked being around too many females, and swore up and down that any nigga that did was gay.

  “Bitch you finally got a damn babysitter! I was starting to think you was turning into Molly the Maid or some shit!” Constance joked.

  I looked at her and rolled my eyes. She was trying to sneak diss, and if she knew what was best she’d shut the fuck up.


  “A sitter ain’t the problem. Bitch I got a nigga and a baby to tend to, so this shit is irrelevant. I’d rather stay at home and chill with them than to be out here looking for the next come up,” I said, shooting her a knowing look as Jasmine and Lauren looked on, trying to figure out what I was talking about. Constance opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. She knew better than to try me when I had so much shit I could hang over her head after I beat her ass.

  Instead of waiting for a response, I went searching for Bird. Constance had rubbed me the wrong way, and I knew what had started out as a good night wouldn’t be the same at all. When I finally found him, he was standing near the wall talking to his boy Stevie. I walked up to him with my arms crossed, lips twisted, and my hip sticking out. He held his finger up and continued his conversation. I smacked my lips and stood waiting. About five minutes later, my phone was ringing.

  “Hello?” I said, placing my free hand against ear as I searched for a quieter location.

  “Journee! Where the hell are you?” my mother yelled. “What the hell is wrong with you leaving that child at home alone! If your neighbor Ms. Taylor hadn’t heard him crying and called 911, he would have fucking suffocated!”

  Tears fell from eyes as I digested what she had just said. “Where is he?”

  “They’ve just released him from Lakeland into my care.”

  “I’m on my way to come and get him ma–”

  She rudely cut me off “Don’t bother, Journee. I’d be a damn fool to give this baby back to you. You already messed your life up, you won’t fuck up his.”

  She hung the phone up, and my world came crashing down. How dare she try to keep my baby from me? I stomped back over to Bird, and he was still talking.

  “Bird, we have to go.”

  “I just need a few more minutes, baby.” He gritted his teeth, and I knew that he was pissed but I didn’t give a fuck at that moment.

  “This can’t wait a few more minutes.” He finally looked at me and noticed the tears in my eyes. He shook hands with Stevie and promised to hit him up later. He filled the small space between us and pulled me close to him.

  “What’s wrong, Journee?”

  “Justin. He um...he was rushed to the hospital. Ms. Taylor heard him screaming and when she finally got the police to open the door, he had almost suffocated.”

  Without saying anything, he grabbed my hand and we rushed to his car. I don’t know how we made it back to Benton Harbor without being pulled over, but the forty-five minute ride had quickly turned into a twenty-minute one.

  “Go to my mom’s,” I said once we got off the exit.

  “Your mom’s? I thought you said he was at the hospital.”

  “They released him to her. She’s talking like she ain’t gon’ give him back.”

  Anger flashed in his eyes as he turned away from me and focused on the road. We finally pulled into my mother’s driveway five minutes later. Bird turned the car lights off and sat back in his seat. I got out and made my way up the three steps that served as a porch. I rang the doorbell, and waited for someone to come. Not even a minute later, the door swung open.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I came for Justin, mama. Please, it’s late and I’m not for your games.”

  “Games? You left a six-month-old at home so you could run behind a nigga and you think I’m playing?” she grunted. “You need to leave my house before I call the police. According to the social worker that came to the hospital, you ain’t to be around him until we go to court anyway.”

  My mouth went dry and a lump formed in my throat. “Court?”

  “Did you think they would just give him back to you? Clearly, you are unfit! I gave them your number, they’ll be contacting you.”

  She turned around and slammed the door in my face. I felt like a fucking zombie as I walked toward Bird’s car. I slid in and as soon as the door shut, I broke down. One stupid ass decision had caused me to lose my son. I wasn’t even 18 yet, and I had no job. No judge in their right mind would give a child back to me.

  “What happened?”

  I filled Bird in and he pulled out of the driveway, angrily mumbling the entire time. I tuned him out as I thought about what our next move would be. When we got home, I ended up crying myself to sleep in Justin’s room.

  The next day, I woke up bright and early trying to put a plan together. The check for the life insurance money had just been deposited into Bird’s account. I figured we could use at least fifteen thousand from that to get a good lawyer to help us. I ran the idea past Bird, and he quickly shot it down. He figured since I was getting food stamps and Medicaid, the state would provide me with a free lawyer. Being young and stupid in love, I believed him and called my caseworker.

  I sat on the phone with her for all of ten minutes. She told me that there was nothing that DHS could do to assist with that, and I would have to talk to the CPS worker that was handling my case. I did as I was told, and was given a court date. I asked if there was a number I could reach the lawyer at, and she chuckled. I didn’t find shit funny, and I guess she caught on because she then told me that whoever I was assigned to would contact me the day before. I was pissed off, but there was nothing that I could do to change shit.

  Court came and went, and just like I thought, they gave my mother full custody. The court had granted me supervised visits, but my mother always stood me up so eventually I gave up. Everything was all bad! Even things with me and Bird turned into shit quickly, and he ended up leaving me. Before he left, he gave me ten thousand. I figured he wouldn’t be gone long and used most of the money as a down payment on a nice four-bedroom house. Unfortunately, I was wrong about Bird coming back, and my dwindling funds proved it. While he was out blowing through his money in strip clubs and on name brand shit, I had nothing and was left to struggle, so I got a job working at a call center. All I did was listen to muthafuckas complain about appliances that I couldn’t even afford. I hated the shit, but it kept the bills paid. Whenever I got paid, I would always set aside $150. Fifty was toward getting a lawyer for Justin, and the hundred was toward getting a car. I had been lucky that Keisha, a girl who lived four houses over, allowed me to ride with her for free. The rest of my check was used toward bills and whatever I needed.

  Once I had saved a thousand dollars, I went on the BH Yard Sale page on Facebook and saw that someone was selling a little Cavalier for $900, and ended up buying it. Since I had a way to get back and forth now, I enrolled in three classes at LMC. I didn’t have to work until eleven, so it worked out perfectly. I had an eight a.m. class Monday through Thursday, and a three-hour class on Saturdays. It was time I started getting myself back on track.

  I met Mariah, Brick’s sister, in our Child Psychology class. We had gotten partnered up for a group assignment and hit it off instantly. We quickly became friends, and she ended up inviting me to the party that changed my life forever. When she introduced me to Brick, it was like I had died and gone to heaven. His jeans hung low at his waist, but he wasn’t sagging. Giuseppe sneakers graced his feet, and his Jesus piece and earrings almost blinded me in the dim lighting. I wasn’t a gold digger but when I used to trick, I learned quickly how to spot a baller, and this nigga definitely smelled like money! When he smiled at Mariah, I noticed he had dimples to go along with his perfectly aligned white teeth. The moment he opened his mouth to speak to me, I could have fainted. His dreads hung past his shoulders, his cinnamon-kissed skin had no marks or blemishes, and he sported a neatly trimmed goatee. His lips were a dark pink, and I would bet my last penny that he smoked weed. I usually didn’t like men who smoked, but the way he licked his lips had me saying fuck it! His hazel eyes roamed my frame, and I felt like a schoolgirl under his gaze.

  We talked for a moment, and then he went and got us drinks. The liquor had me feeling good and before I knew it, I had allowed him to sneak me into one of the bedrooms. As soon as we hit the room, he was all over me and I didn’t even try to stop h
im. It had been almost four months since me and Bird had been broken up, and I was well overdue.

  After we were done, he offered me a ride home but I declined, telling him that I had driven. All I wanted to do was get out of his presence. I was embarrassed that I had fucked this nigga after only knowing him for two hours. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I’ll never forget the way he grabbed my arm and pulled me into him.

  “You grown ma. I ain’t judging you.” He slid his phone from his pocket and handed it to me. “Put ya number in there. I’m trying to see you again. Under different circumstances, of course,” he smiled, and again I got lost in his dimples.

  That night changed my life! After two months of dating, he moved me into this bad ass house on a private lake. My Cavalier was replaced with a new Camaro, and my closet was out of this world! He opened my eyes to new things, and I loved every moment of it.

  I felt bad that I never told him about my son, but I didn’t want him to deem me as some unfit mother trying to lockdown a street nigga. I was so much more than that! I had made one stupid ass mistake that had cost me my son, and I would spend the rest of my life dealing with the shit. I didn’t need someone else judging me.

  A year later when Bird saw that my relationship was still going, he started calling and like the fool I was, I always answered. He said how he was wrong for leaving me and all that good shit. I won't even lie and say I didn’t fall for the shit he was saying, because I almost did, but, I got over the shit quick. I knew Bird well enough to know that he didn’t want me; he just didn’t want anyone else to have me. Though I didn’t have any intentions on taking him back because of how he left me, I agreed to meet up with him, and here I was looking stupid and allowing him to manipulate me once again.

  “Of course I didn’t forget about my child, Bird! I just don’t see what Brick has to do with this.”

  “That nigga got money and we need that shit. I know that nigga done told you where his shit at.”