The Turtle Moves!
Page 25
124 I had assumed that the pun on the Stone of Scone, whereupon the kings of Scotland are crowned, was too obvious to need mentioning, but at least one advance reader felt I should point it out. So now I have.
125 Note that the wizards of Unseen University consider the fifth element to be surprise, according to The Science of Discworld.
126 I mentioned this back in Chapter 2, in musing about Great T’phon’s name.
127 You may recall he was made a duke at the end of Jingo, complete with coronet. It’s worth mentioning, perhaps, that in Jingo, Lord Vetinari said the coronet would have knobs on; in The Fifth Elephant, Vetinari says, “The ducal coronet, if I remember my heraldry, does not have knobs on. It is decidedly . . . spiky.” I have no idea why this contradiction exists.
128 If you don’t like that, you can class it however you please, of course, in the privacy of your own mind. If you want it classed differently in print, though, write your own damn book.
129 The title comes from a proverb: “Procrastination is the thief of time.” Since the story involves devices called Procrastinators that literally steal time. . . . 131 Or perhaps bragged.
130 We only find out that his name is Keith several chapters into the story. And it only now occurs to me to wonder whether this has any connection to the suggestion in Soul Music that Death ought to have a first name, such as Keith.
131 I wonder—am I the only one who sees this as reminiscent of the Lilliputians in T.H. White’s Mistress Masham’s Repose?
132 One might reasonably wonder why wizards were participating in anything so active that didn’t involve food. It’s a team-building exercise instigated by Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully. Of course, it wasn’t working.
133 Who is now, we are informed, not merely Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography, but also Chair of Experimental Serendipity, Reader in Slood Dynamics, Fretwork Teacher, Chair for the Public Misunderstanding of Magic, Professor of Virtual Anthropology, and Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy, thanks to the Archchancellor’s realization that Rincewind was a handy place to dump unwanted posts that for one reason or another had to be filled.
134 In The Fifth Elephant, he was Duke of Ankh-Morpork. Now he’s Duke of Ankh. Clearly, the History Monks have been meddling. But in Thud! the “Morpork” is back.
135 I feel a little silly sometimes explaining these names, but you never know who might be missing them. For those of you so innocent that it’s not obvious, the name “Rosie Palm” is an old joking euphemism—“a date with Rosy Palm and her five sisters” means masturbation.
136 “Agony aunt” is an old slang term (more British than American, in my experience) for an advice columnist.
137 Nuggan and some of his Abominations appeared in The Last Hero. No one there seemed to consider him especially good company.
138 It’s described in terms of socks.
139 Not a big surprise.
140 I find it interesting that British songs about war are almost all depressing stuff like “Johnny Has Gone for A Soldier.” Other countries have rousing battle hymns like the Marseillaise or “Deutschland Über Alles” or “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” while Britain has “The Cruel War” and “The Deserter,” even though it was the British who conquered a fourth of the world in their day. This may be related to Sgt. Jackrum’s pragmatism.
141 Yes, it does. “Pieces of eight” were each one-eighth of a Spanish gold dollar; hence the name. They were also known as “bits,” as in “Shave and a haircut, two bits!”
142 Which means, contrary to the evidence of their publication dates, that Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook was written by Mrs. Ogg well after the events of Going Postal happened, since Nanny includes in her etiquette section a guide to the significance of stamps.
143 And I’ll have more to say about those stamps in Chapter 49.
144 An idea which, you’ll have noticed, I shamelessly stole.
145 Since postage stamps were invented during Victoria’s reign, this isn’t unreasonable.
146 The Mint is mentioned in the epilogue of Going Postal, so apparently he had this planned for some time.
147 Not this one, the next one.
148 It’s the Auditors of Reality, as seen in Reaper Man, Hogfather, and Thief of Time. They’re defeated largely by the methods seen in Thief of Time.
149 And yes, of course someone has actually designed the game—primarily Trevor Truran, a professional game designer, under Mr. Pratchett’s guidance. The game has its own website, in fact, at www.thudgame.com/.
150 For my American readers: “Go spare” is British slang, roughly equivalent to “go nuts.”
151 Where’s My Cow? has actually been published here in Roundworld, illustrated by Melvyn Grant, written (of course) by Terry Pratchett, but the book version is somewhat modified from the original, as it includes both the original rural material, and urban material Vimes added. The result provides an entertaining look at a handful of Discworld characters, though perhaps not entertaining enough to justify the cover price.
152 1 oz. vodka, 1½ oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream, ½ oz. Kahlua. The Discworld recipe is somewhat different.
153 In Greek myth, the Eumenides are the Furies, the spirits of vengeance. Literally, though, “eumenides” means “the kindly ones”—the Greeks used it (not entirely without sarcasm) as an appeasing euphemism, rather the way the English called elves “the Fair Folk.”
It’s not accidental that Miss Treason is named Eumenides.
154 Allegedly from Überwald Winter, by Wotua Doinov, and meaning, “It’s getting cold again.”
155 Based on an Old English or Norse game called Hnefatafl, apparently.
156 No others have been anywhere near as funny, either. Nor as good in other ways. At least, in my personal, unsupported, but absolutely correct opinion.
157 First edition published in 2000 by the Science Fiction Foundation; U.S. edition published in 2004 by Old Earth Books.
158 Oh, fine. Yes, technically, this book you’re reading is literary criticism. I admit it. But it’s light and fluffy literary criticism, not deep and scholarly. It’s not intended as a textbook, and not intended for English professors. This is a book about the Discworld™ series, aimed at the casual reader. I’m not doing anything remotely like formal analysis here, I’m just talking about stories I love. It’s like the difference between analytical chemistry and chatting about cooking, or the difference between surveying land and admiring the view.
159 Yes, he’s written other stuff. I’ve mentioned that before. Some of it is quite good, but it’s not what this book is about.
160 Emphasis in the original.
161 I’ve already mentioned how the naiveté of the over-honest Zoons reappeared as a dwarfish trait.
Say, I’m not overdoing these footnotes, am I? I mean, I wouldn’t want to run the joke into the ground.
162 He meets everyone, but for the vast majority of us, it’s only once apiece, and generally not for long or under the best circumstances.
163 I had assumed that this gag was too obvious to need explanation, but apparently that’s my age showing. It used to be that a standard name for a retirement cottage or guest-house was “Dunroamin,” or some variant thereof, which looks like a Gaelic place-name, and might actually mean something in Gaelic, but mostly means “Done roaming,” as in, “this is where I’m settling down to stay.” It was a kitschy sort of gag.
Well, the gods of the Disc named their home “Dunmanifestin,” indicating that they’re kitschy gods.
164 Nine hundred and sixty-nine years, from the year 2050 of the Third Age until the year 3019. In other words, Aragorn reclaiming the throne of Gondor was roughly equivalent to the rightful heir of Edward the Confessor showing up here and now to reclaim the English throne that William the Conqueror usurped in 1066 A.D.
165 Moving Pictures is arguable, since most of it isn’t actually set in the city itself and the changes aren’t permanent, but I’m including it here all the same.
166
To Rincewind’s dismay in The Colour of Magic; he had really hoped for a nice, sensible, technological explanation, rather than more mundane but inexplicable magic.
167 I’m showing my age again, I suppose. Sigh.
168 Please tell me I don’t need to explain what a phonograph needle is.
169 See www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html. Seriously, if you’ve never read this, check it out.
170 Lest anyone forget, the first edition of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ran 766 pages. There’s a quick read for a kid, right?
171 It’s a short story by O. Henry. Surely you’ve heard of it?
172 Author of The Princess and the Goblin, among other things. Well worth a read. Especially if you’re one of those poor misguided people who thought modern fantasy started with J.R.R. Tolkien, rather than just being transformed by him.
173 Gaius Germanicus Caesar.
174 “Caligula” is the Latin word for an army boot, caliga, with a diminutive ending—in other words, Bootsie.
175 Partly just because I liked the title I’d come up with for it.
176 Which presumably comes from the sapient pear tree, and I find myself wondering just what the fruit of that tree is like. And what the intact tree’s behavior is like—is the Luggage’s surly streak inherent in the wood, or the result of being cut down and used to manufacture trunks? (There ought to be a pun on “trunk” there somewhere, but it’s eluding me.) Or is it perhaps just an individual quirk, and other sapient pearwood products are friendly and easy-going?
What else is made from sapient pearwood? Surely, it doesn’t all go into travel gear. Has anyone built an entire house of the stuff?
Alas, even in Interesting Times, set in the sapient pear’s native Agatean Empire, we aren’t given answers to any of these questions.
177 Black Ribboners generally don’t count.
178 Yes, Hollywood, not folklore. Igor, for example, isn’t from folklore; he’s purely a creation of Hollywood, invented in 1931 to give Victor Frankenstein someone to talk to. The idea that vampires all wear evening clothes—Hollywood. It’s all Hollywood. 181 Except the bartender at Biers.
179 I know, I said I wouldn’t bring it up again, but honestly, I can’t help it!
180 Except perhaps in Leonard of Quirm’s workshop.
181 Or perhaps I should say, even sillier than the rest of this book.
182 Most Americans don’t understand their own attitudes regarding social class, let alone anyone else’s, and get them hopelessly tangled up with money, race, and other possibly relevant complications. At least the British are aware that they have class issues.
183 Insert Roger Rabbit reference here.
184 No, that’s not redundant. I wish all satire was funny! And there’s certainly plenty of funny fantasy that isn’t satirical. A lot of it is parody, some is farce, and some is just weird.
185 Letter to the Times, July 31, 2005.
186 Sometimes the comment amounts to, “Wow, that was cool! Can I do it, too?” Thus we get third-rate imitations of The Lord of the Rings. But usually it’s a bit more thoughtful than that.
187 I use science fiction only because it’s the field where I happen know the best examples; they can be found in every genre.
188 It may be true; I’ve never asked Mr. Haldeman, and wouldn’t consider anyone else’s opinion meaningful.
189 Neither is Harry Potter, for the same reasons.
190 And maybe Harry Potter.
191 Though could I be, say, Hephaestus, do you think?
Nah, I’m not that important. More likely some obscure deity no one remembers, like the god of hang-nails or something.
192 That’s at www.watt-evans.com. The Laws of Fantasy are at www.watt-evans.com/lawsoffantasy.html.
Copyright © 2008 by Lawrence Watt-Evans
Terry Pratchett™, Discworld™, Wee Free Men™, and Nac Mac Feegle™ are trademarks of Terry Pratchett.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Watt-Evans, Lawrence, 1954-
The turtle moves! : Discworld’s story (unauthorized) / unauthored by Lawrence Watt-Evans. p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN : 978-1-935-61838-6
1. Pratchett, Terry—Criticism and interpretation. 2. Pratchett, Terry. Discworld series. 3. Discworld (Imaginary place) I. Title.
PR6066.R34Z97 2008
823’.914—dc22
2008009671
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