Beautiful With You

by Jen Andrews

  The words were barely out of her mouth before I turned and headed for the stairs, running up them three at a time. Just outside my closed bedroom door, I paused to calm myself. What was I going to say to her? Why was she here? Would she forgive me? I placed the palm of my left hand on the door and silently said a prayer that she didn’t hate me.

  Quietly, I slipped inside the room and closed the door behind me.

  “Zoey?” I whispered loud enough for her to hear me, but not startle her.

  No response. I made my way over to the bathroom and flipped on the light inside. When I turned to face my bed, I was not prepared for what I saw. Her head was on my pillow, and her right arm wrapped around a pillow in front of her. Her golden blonde hair was loose, and part of it was fanned out on the pillow behind her while the rest hung over her shoulder and neck.

  Carefully, I eased onto the bed next to her. I wanted to touch her and wake her up right then, but seeing her there in my bed caused a surge of emotion I hadn’t expected. Embarrassed by my reaction, I had to cover my mouth so a sob didn’t escape with the tear that trickled down my cheek. I couldn’t force my eyes away from her. Her skin looked like porcelain with a slight rosiness to it, and her cheeks had filled in so her cheekbones weren’t so visible. She looked perfect, healthy, and more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. She looked the same, yet so different.

  She stirred when I pushed her hair back over her shoulder to get a better look at her. Her hair was so much softer than I’d remembered and her lips were perfectly pink. I dried my face with my sleeve and just stared at her. Please open your eyes, Beautiful . . . let me see those baby blues.

  My wish was granted and Zoey slowly opened her eyes to meet mine.

  As soon as I woke up, I felt Andy’s presence before my eyes even opened. I’d been dreaming about him running his fingers through my hair and across my skin, the way he had so many times before.

  “Zoey, hey Beautiful. Wake up,” he said in a calm, soothing voice mixed with emotion.

  I breathed in¸ catching the unmistakable scent of Andy . . . and fish. I immediately started giggling. “You smell like fish, Sexy.”

  He laughed his deep, sexy laugh that was laced with nervousness. “I’m sorry . . . God, I can’t believe you’re here. What’s going on? Are you okay? What are you doing here?” He rattled off questions so fast I couldn’t answer him before he asked another. He finally stopped talking and brushed a lock of hair away from my face, staring down at me in wonder.

  “I’m fine, perfect actually, now that I’ve seen you. I have a lot to tell you and I couldn’t do it over the phone, so here I am.” The smell of the fish on his clothes was actually making me a bit nauseous, so I chuckled. “But you really do stink like fish,” I teased to keep the mood light.

  He laughed and pulled the collar of his shirt up and gave it a sniff. “You’re right. Let me go shower so I smell better. I’ll be right back.” Andy started to stand.

  Fish stench or not, I needed to feel his lips on mine. Reaching out, I grabbed hold of his wrist. “Wait . . . come back here and kiss me. I’ve missed those lips of yours like crazy.” I propped myself up on my elbow and he knelt down on the floor. I could barely make him out because the only light filtering into the room was coming from the bathroom. Plus, I knew he couldn’t see my body very well with the large pillow in front of me.

  He put his fishy hands behind his back and leaned forward to kiss me.

  “These lips have missed you too. More than they could ever say,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against mine.

  Our lips hovered near each other without touching. I held his face in my hands and pulled him closer until our lips finally touched. We both paused, as if unsure of each other, lips touching for several seconds before I had to have more. I parted my lips and ran my tongue across his bottom lip.

  That was all it took before our kiss was so involved, he began pulling the covers off to get into bed with me. Using all the mental strength I had, I broke the kiss and pulled the covers back up.

  “Easy there, fish man,” I said, out of breath. “You still need a shower.”

  Andy stood again. “I’ll be right back.”

  He bent forward and kissed me again. “I’m happy you’re here, Zoey. I have missed you so much. But you have lots of explaining to do.”

  He grinned as he backed up all the way to the bathroom, never taking his eyes off me.

  While he showered, I set everything I’d brought with me on the nightstand. I needed to keep busy, but I ran out of things to do because I had been so well prepared. He had left the bathroom door open while he showered, so of course, I stood in the doorway and watched him through the misted shower doors in all his naked glory as he soaped up.

  Thank God for glass showers, even though I could only see the outline of his gorgeous body. I felt safe standing there because I knew if I couldn’t see him clearly, he couldn’t see me very well either.

  “I can feel you standing there, Beautiful,” he said, after a few minutes.

  We both let out a nervous laugh at the same time.

  “Sorry,” I said, even though I really wasn’t. “You know I can’t help myself. It’s been too long since I’ve seen you.”

  He lathered his hair with shampoo. “You can always join me in here if you want to.”

  It was just like old times, for now. Over the time he had been away, I had forgiven him for leaving. My anger had turned to forgiveness and compassion for everything he’d gone through since finding out about Emma.

  But, he had broken my heart when he left me, and I needed him to know that. Tonight wasn’t the right time, so I’d save that talk for another day. The most important thing was for us to be back together, and for him to know about Emma and our baby.

  As soon as he was done in the shower, everything was going to change. Hopefully for the better.

  “I’ll take you up on that shower invite tomorrow, okay?”

  “Suit yourself,” he said as he rinsed his hair.

  I needed to get out of here before I climbed into the shower with him, like I had so many months ago. I needed to play this smart.

  “Zoey, while you’re in here watching me, can you bring me a towel please? I forgot to grab one.”

  Shit . . .”Yeah, just a minute.”

  As soon as I opened the door of the towel closet, he shut off the water. Shit!

  My nightgown was loose, but if it pulled against me the tiniest little bit . . . I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed the entire stack of towels. I carried them in front of me over to where he was standing, naked, dripping all over the rug on the floor outside the shower.

  He watched me curiously with his eyebrow raised. Dear God, he looked incredibly sexy when he did that.

  “I only need one,” he joked as he took a towel off the top of the stack.

  I smiled at him, taking in the sight of his entire body. He was breathtakingly beautiful, and I had missed him more than I ever thought possible.

  As I turned away, he snaked his arm out and pulled me close to kiss me, smashing the stack of towels between us. We kissed so desperately, I actually let go of them to wrap my arms around his wet body.

  The droplets of water raining down on my face from his hair got my attention.

  Shit, Zoey, snap out of it. I let go of him and took hold of the towels again so they wouldn’t fall.

  He pulled back. “What’s going on with you?” he asked suspiciously, doing that sexy eyebrow-raising thing again.

  Out of breath, I let out a small laugh. “Well, according to you, I have lots of explaining to do. I’ll just wait for you in your bedroom.”

  I turned around to exit the bathroom still carrying the towels. I dropped them on the dresser and jumped back in bed before he could see me.

  Settling myself on a couple of pillows against the headboard, I pulled the covers up around me. I went so far as to take an extra pillow and set it on my lap.

  A few minutes later, he came ou
t of the bathroom. Completely naked.

  “Seriously, Andy, what is with you and nudity? Are you some sort of an exhibitionist or something?”

  He laughed as he pulled the covers back to get in bed.

  “Oh no you don’t,” I scolded and yanked the blankets out of his hand. I pointed to his dresser. “Clothes. Now! We have a lot to talk about before you’re allowed in bed with no clothes.”

  “But it’s my bed, I should get to wear what I want,” he teased and propped his hands on his narrow hips.

  Andy stood there, defiant, waiting for me to cave and let him into bed. He was going to lose this battle. Just this once.

  “It might be your bed, but they’re my rules for now and I need you to abide by them for me. Please?” God that man flustered me with his affinity for being nude. He knew what it did to me and always played it to his advantage, but damn it, we had very important things to discuss.

  Tapping my fingers on the pillow that blocked my stomach, I scowled at him until he turned around and pulled some boxer briefs and shorts out of his dresser.

  Once he put them on, he turned to face me. “Can I come to bed now?” He shot me a sinful grin as his blue eyes burned into mine. “Please?”

  I pulled the covers back just enough for him to get in and patted the bed. “Yes, you can get in now that you’re wearing the proper bedroom attire. By the way, I like your new tattoo.” I stared at my name scrawled down his side.

  “Thank you. She’s a very special girl.” He turned to the side to show me the tattoo.

  “I still want my snowflakes, you know . . . and you never took me to get them.” I gave him a hopeful look that I prayed would help the situation and let him know that I still wanted everything he’d promised me.

  “Maybe I’ll take you to get them while you’re here,” he said with a smile.

  Uh no, definitely won’t be getting any tattoos for a while.

  Andy dropped onto the bed next to me and propped himself against the pillows. He looked at the stack containing Michelle’s envelope and my medical records laying on the bed in front of me.

  “What’s all that?” He pointed to the items.

  Before I responded, I thought for a second to make sure I chose my words carefully. “It’s our past, present, and future,” I said as I watched his expression go from happy to anxious in two seconds flat.

  “Zoey . . .” He shifted his body toward me then took in a deep breath to speak.

  “Wait,” I said, so he wouldn’t tell me we didn’t have a future. “Please, you need to trust me. I have all the answers you’ve been waiting for, right here.” I laid my hand on the papers. “So much has happened since you left. Can you let me do this the way I need to? It will all make sense.”

  I was trying to keep my emotions inside for the time being, but it was hard.

  He nodded. “Yes, of course. I trust you with my life. You know that.”

  Then why did you leave me?

  “No, I didn’t know that,” I whispered and looked down at the information that was going to change both our lives forever.

  I chose the first thing he needed to know about. Emma.

  I handed him the manila envelope from Michelle.

  “What’s in it?” He turned it over in his hands to open it.

  “I’m actually not sure,” I admitted honestly. “It’s from Michelle. She asked me to give it to you.”

  To say that he was surprised was an understatement.

  “You talked to Michelle?” he asked. “How did you get in to see her?”

  “We made an appointment,” I said bluntly.

  He waited for an explanation, which I gave him. He was shocked, to say the least.

  “Open the envelope,” I urged.

  He almost looked scared at what he might find inside and I was definitely scared to find out what was in it.

  Once the seal was broken on the envelope, he carefully slid the contents out onto the bed. There were several folded papers and another smaller envelope. Andy stared nervously at the papers laying in front of him. He swallowed hard, and then brushed his knuckles over his jaw.

  My heart was aching for him so badly I wanted to pull him into my arms and take all his sorrow away. I could tell simply by looking at him he hadn’t been sleeping well. His eyes were slightly bloodshot with dark circles beneath them and he seemed exhausted.

  “Andy, will you look at me please?” I waited for his blue eyes to meet mine, and when they did, I motioned toward the papers. “No matter what is in there, I want you to know I’m right here with you. Everything will work out. I swear it. You have to believe me.”

  He nodded and picked through the papers, looked them over, and then handed them to me when he was done with them.

  The first paper he handed me was a copy of Emma’s legal birth certificate from the State of California. His name wasn’t listed in the box under the “father” title.

  It simply said, “Unknown.”

  I watched him as he scanned the next paper. Andy rubbed his fingers across a small area of the paper, and I wondered what was on it. He had tears in his eyes. After a minute, he handed it to me. It was a copy of a Certificate of Birth, from the hospital where Emma was born.

  It had Emma’s tiny footprints stamped in ink on it. Andy had been touching the area where her footprints were stamped.

  Oh God, her tiny, little footprints.

  Suddenly, Andy set everything else aside and got off the bed.

  “I need a minute, Zoey,” he mumbled as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

  Within seconds, I heard him sobbing. My heart broke again at the sound, and I began to cry myself.

  For several agonizing minutes, I watched his shadow pacing back and forth past the gap between the floor and the door. I knew he was probably touching his face and running his fingers across his stubbly jaw the way he did when he was upset. I wanted to go to him, but he obviously needed to be alone for a few minutes, so I stayed where I was.

  After fifteen minutes, he still hadn’t come out, so I went to the bathroom door. I knocked lightly. “Andy, are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” His voice trembled when he spoke.

  I heard him turn on the water in the sink.

  “I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Again, I began crying at the sound of his tortured voice over the noise of running water. I wanted to be with him to comfort him, but chose to give him space. I went back to the bed and covered up, drying my tears on the sleeve of my nightgown as he came out of the bathroom.

  His eyes were now bright blue, but rimmed red from crying. He returned to the bathroom and retrieved a box of tissues. He sat back on the bed, pulled a tissue from the box, and handed it to me, then brushed his thumb over my cheek to help wipe away the remaining tears.

  He still worried about taking care of me when he was upset. I pressed his hand against my lips and kissed his palm.

  “I love you.” I held his hand and looked at him through the tears in my eyes.

  He wiped his eyes with the back of his other hand. “Thank you, Zoey.”

  I wasn’t sure what he was thanking me for exactly, so I simply nodded. I let go of him, and he picked up the last few papers that were in the envelope. He sighed heavily as he slowly read the first page, handed it to me, then moved on to the second.

  I looked at it and found it was a letter from Michelle. To me, whatever the letter said was between him and her, so I set it aside.

  As he continued to read, the tension slowly eased from his body. His shoulders relaxed and his breathing slowed down.

  She must have told him about how Emma died, and that it had nothing to do with him.

  He handed me the other pages as he finished them and I added them to the rest. I was relieved he was sharing everything with me, but I definitely didn’t want to read the letter.

  The last thing left for him to look at was whatever was inside the smaller envelope.

  He pulled the contents out and lo
oked them over, one by one. After setting them down, he covered his face with his hands, and cried.

  They were photos of Emma. I was rendered speechless.

  His strong shoulders shook as he sat there and cried. All I could do is scoot closer to him, and rub his back while he looked through the photos again. I rested my head on his shoulder and whispered how much I loved him and that I was there for him.

  When he was finished with the pictures, he handed them to me.

  I carefully looked over each photo. Emma had been an adorable baby, and I immediately saw a resemblance to Andy in the shape of her eyes, the color of her skin. Her dark hair was the color of Michelle’s.

  I set the pictures down and looked over at him. He was running his hands roughly over his jaw. I didn’t try to stop him. If it helped to ease his heartache, then so be it.

  He didn’t say anything, so I didn’t say anything. We sat in silence as I watched the minutes on the clock tick forward. After an hour, I needed to break the silence and finish our conversation.

  “Andy, I’m so sorry for all of this. Even if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I refuse to let you go through life not knowing what happened to her. There is too much at stake,” I said as I thought about our baby girl.

  “Zoey stop, please, never apologize for this,” he said softly.

  The way he was staring into my eyes, I knew I had done the right thing for him.

  “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t know what happened to my daughter. Did Michelle tell you anything?”

  I nodded. “Yes, she did, and I’m so sorry about Emma.”

  He leaned over and kissed me. “Thank you . . . so much. Zoey, I love you. I don’t know how I can ever thank you enough for this.”

  I sat on the bed and wondered if I should tell him the rest now, or wait until the next day. If Andy wanted to wait until the next day, I would need to sleep in another room away from him. I hoped he wanted to continue, but I knew better than to push. He was already overwhelmed with me being here, and with all the information about Emma coming to him unexpectedly.

  “There is still a lot more I need to tell you. Do you want to wait until tomorrow?”