Hannah's Choice

by Jan Drexler

  He pulled his hand back. Was he too late, already? “And you? Are you interested in him?”

  When she hesitated, he knew he could dare to hope. “It isn’t as easy as that. Adam and I are friends, and that’s all we can be. He isn’t Amish.”

  He pulled another handful of wool from the bundle. “I don’t want to push in where I’m not wanted, but I also don’t have time to be proper.” He picked at the wool, letting his words sink in. “My redemption period is nearly finished, and I’m looking for a wife, Hannah Yoder. If you would consider it, I would like to court you.” He glanced at her, but her gaze was still on the wool in her lap.

  “I don’t know.” Her words were so quiet, he had to strain to hear them over the sounds of the farm. “You’re going to Indiana.”

  “Aren’t you going?”

  “I . . . I suppose I am.” Her hands stilled, her fingers tangled in the fibers.

  He glanced at her again. She was lost in thought, staring at the fleece in her lap. What was it about this Adam that drew her? Was he the one who made her doubt that she would be going to Indiana with her family?

  “Then you will see me again? You will let me call on you?”

  “Ja.” She nodded. “Ja, you may call on me. Mamm and Daed would like that.”

  Josef dared to touch her again, to rest his hand on her arm. “Denki, Hannah. I don’t know when I’ll be able to come, but I will.”

  A whistle from the barn was Daniel’s signal that he was wanted. It was time to leave. Josef stood, his knees shaky. With only six more months to go until he was free from his debt, it was time to find someone to share his life with. The thought that Hannah might be that person was wonderful.

  “I must go now, but I will see you again.”

  Hannah looked at him, giving him a quick smile. “Ja, Josef. I will be looking for you.”

  That smile. It was all Josef could do to keep from jumping into the air with a triumphant yell, but he settled for a return smile. He backed away from her, toward the barn, his smile turning into a grin.

  “I’ll be back soon, Hannah Yoder.”

  She ducked her head down, and he nearly ran to the barn. Hitching the horses to the old farm wagon was a breeze, and he was soon holding the team steady as Daniel climbed into the seat.

  “I’ll talk to my neighbor, Elias Hertzler, about the route we discussed,” Christian Yoder was saying. “He had mentioned going to the south, following the rivers before turning north, but if we want to stop in Ohio, we’ll have to go overland.”

  “Ja,” Daniel said from his seat on the wagon. “Talk to him. The overland route is shorter, and with the right teams and wagons it won’t be any more difficult. I’ll come down here again in a few weeks, and we can make our plans.”

  Daniel lifted the reins and clicked to the horses. Josef returned Christian’s wave, and then turned on his seat to look for Hannah. She had stood to watch them go and returned his wave.

  As the wagon turned from the farm lane onto the road, Josef settled in for the ride with a sigh. Beside him, Daniel chuckled.

  “You didn’t waste any time, I see.”

  Josef felt his face grow warm. “Ne. I don’t believe in wasting time.”

  “I’ve noticed that.”

  Daniel drove on, following the river road until it turned north toward Ephrata.

  “You surprised me when you said you had decided to move west.” Daniel eased the team to the side of the rutted road, but Josef still bounced on the hard wagon seat. “What made you change your mind?”

  “Hearing you and Christian talking about it, I suppose. It sounds like an adventure.”

  “Weren’t you the one who said you were done with adventure in your life? That you didn’t want to move to Ohio with us, but wanted to settle here in Pennsylvania?”

  “Ja.” Josef swallowed hard. “Ja, I remember saying that.”

  Daniel chuckled again. “I suppose you had second thoughts when you met the Yoders.” Josef made a move to protest, but Daniel held up a placating hand. “I don’t blame you, boy. Not at all. Hannah seems like the kind of girl who would make a fine wife.” He looked at Josef. “She is the one you have your eye on, right?”

  Josef gave up his protest. “Was I that obvious?”

  “Ne, you weren’t obvious at all, except that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of her all through dinner.” He chuckled again. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cleaning wool.”

  “It was the only way I could talk to her.”

  “So you did right.”

  Josef thought the subject was closed, but Daniel went on. “You plan to settle in Indiana? Not Ohio?”

  “From what Christian was saying, land is less expensive in Indiana.”

  “Ja, less expensive, but also more wooded and harder to clear. Ohio has good, flat farmland, and there are already a lot of Amish living there. This settlement Christian talked of is too new. There are only a few families.”

  “But with room to grow. And I’d hate to be the one who takes Hannah from her family.”

  Daniel nodded his understanding. “You know how that is all too well.”

  As they covered the next few miles in silence, Josef went through the conversation with Hannah in his mind. She had said he could come courting, ja, but what else did she say? Her mutti and vater would like it. She never said she would like it.

  He could make her like the idea, though. When his sister was being courted by Helmut, before he left home, Ulla never let Helmut see how much she loved him. But whenever he left after spending an afternoon with the family, she would drop into a chair with a silly smile on her face. Mutti would hum as she went about her chores, happy and satisfied. But at twelve years old, Josef had been mystified, until Helmut finally asked if they could set a date for the wedding. Then Mutti told Josef that all was well. Ulla had wisely waited until Helmut was willing to make a commitment to her before showing him her true feelings.

  Josef hoped that was the route Hannah was taking and that she was as attracted to him as he was to her.

  Josef loosened his hold on the edge of the wagon seat and stretched his cramped fingers, working the tension out of them. This Adam she had mentioned, the one who wasn’t Amish, hovered in the back of his thoughts. If Hannah thought of him as only a friend, as she claimed, why was he still preying on Josef’s mind?

  He looked closely at the crossroads Daniel passed, memorizing the route. He would need to make this trip soon if he had any hope of claiming Hannah as his wife.

  Hannah pulled at another twig stuck in the fleece. What had possessed her to say he could call on her? What had possessed her to watch Josef drive away, as if he meant anything to her?

  The twig stuck in a woolly tangle, and Hannah broke it to take the two ends out from different directions. That knot in the fleece would be hard to tame with the carders too. Just like her life. Things were complicated enough with Adam and Liesbet pulling her two ways, and then this Josef shows up. Her life would be so much simpler if he would decide Liesbet was the right girl for him. That would take care of two problems at once.

  She dug into the fleece to reach a burr just as Liesbet came out of the house. Hannah patted the seat Josef had just left.

  “Here, Liesbet. Sit down and you can help with the wool.”

  Liesbet reached for a handful of wool as she slumped down on the bench. She yawned, picking at the wool. “I don’t know why you like this chore, Hannah. It’s almost as bad as washing the wool at shearing time.”

  “It isn’t that I like it. It’s something that needs to be done.” Hannah reached for another handful. “The wool has to be sorted before we card it, and so I do it. If I only did what I wanted to do, I’d . . .” Hannah stopped herself before she could say she’d be like Liesbet. As aggravating as her sister’s ways were, it wouldn’t do to start an argument about them.

  “Well, I don’t like to do it.”

  Hannah glanced at Liesbet. The girl’s hands were still and she was l
ooking toward the trees between the farm and the Conestoga.

  “You aren’t still watching for that George fellow to come back, are you?” Hannah kept her voice low.

  Liesbet turned toward her with a hiss. “He isn’t ‘that George fellow.’ He’s my beau. And ja, I’m waiting for him to come back. He should be here any day now.”

  “Why don’t you look for someone more suited to you? Someone like Josef Bender?”

  With a snort, Liesbet tugged at the fibers of wool in her hands. “Someone like Josef? What a stick-in-the-mud! Did you hear the way he talked? He’s just another dumb farmer. Whoever marries him won’t have anything more in life than tedious chores and crying babies.”

  “Chores aren’t tedious unless you make them that way.”

  “Maybe for you, but I was born for better things.” Liesbet tugged at a stick and then gave up, throwing her handful of fleece in the basket with the bundles Hannah had already cleaned.

  “Nothing could be better than this life, Liesbet. Working with our hands, living a simple life . . . that’s what God has ordained for us. We serve him through our work.”

  Liesbet snorted again. “You may have fallen for that line, Hannah, but not me. This—” She waved her hand toward the barnyard. “This is hard, dirty, and tiring. It’s boring, and I don’t like it. I want excitement.”

  “And you think you’ll get that with George?”

  Liesbet smiled. “Of course. George isn’t a backwards farmer. He’s going places.”

  Hannah shook her head. “Liesbet . . .”

  “Besides, I saw the way Josef looked at you. He barely spoke to me all through dinner, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”

  Hannah felt herself blushing. “He looked at everyone. He’s friendly and wanted to get to know us.”

  Liesbet stood, brushing off her apron. “Not us, Hannah. You. He wants to get to know you, and you’re welcome to him.” She started down the steps to the yard, then paused and looked back. “I wonder what Adam would think about Josef? He wouldn’t be so happy to meet him, would he?”

  She disappeared around the corner of the house. Hannah picked up the handful of fleece her sister had dropped and finished removing the stuck twig.

  Josef Bender spun in her thoughts. So different from Adam. He surely had no hesitation about making his wishes known!

  She reached for another handful of fleece. Adam could be bold, but he took longer to get to his point. He had mentioned marriage once, but then nothing had changed. Hannah tugged at a burr. He was the same as he had been last year and the year before, except for the stolen kiss. He should know she would never break her baptismal vows to become Mennonite, even for him. Unless he chose to become Amish and give up this idea of helping the escaped slaves, marriage to him was impossible.

  Josef, on the other hand, was a different story all together. They had barely spoken to each other, and yet he seemed sure they would make a good marriage. They shared the same views on religion and picking apples, but that couldn’t be all there was. All that meant is that they wouldn’t argue, but a marriage had to be more than friendship.

  Hannah picked at the wool in her hands, digging for another burr.

  She didn’t want to settle for that kind of marriage. Watching Mamm and Daed . . . a marriage without love could be miserable. Hannah forgot the wool, leaning her head against the wall, listening to the thump of Mamm’s loom. Daed left the barn, and he and Jacob headed down the creek path toward the Hertzlers’. Her parents had loved each other once, she was sure of it. Before . . .

  It wasn’t only the little ones who died nine years ago.

  But lately, she had seen Mamm pat Daed’s shoulder as she passed by him. Once Daed had caught Mamm’s hand and squeezed it when he thought no one was watching. Perhaps their love, though it once seemed dead, was growing again.

  15

  Hannah had nearly finished cleaning the wool fleece when Mamm came out to the porch.

  “Has your daed gone to the Hertzlers’ already?”

  “Ja, he left a little while ago.”

  “Would you mind taking something over there for me? I promised to share the packet of cinnamon with Magdalena, and I forgot to send it along.”

  Hannah brushed twigs and dust off her apron as she stood up. “Why don’t I take Margli with me? She can play with Barbli while I visit with Johanna, ja?”

  Mamm nodded, pulling her shawl close. “Don’t be too long, though, and take Margli’s shawl with you. The air is turning chilly this afternoon.”

  Hannah took the shawls and Mamm’s packet of cinnamon. It took some convincing for Margli to leave Henni behind, but soon they were on their way.

  “Can we take the creek path, Hannah?” Margli skipped beside her.

  “For sure. We never know what we’ll see along the creek, ja?”

  Margli ran ahead while Hannah took her time, watching the swirling waters of the Conestoga. Indiana couldn’t have creeks as beautiful as this one. Birdsong filled the air, and Hannah caught glimpses of cedar waxwings. They were gathered in the wild plum bushes along the other side of the creek, eating the little dried plums and fighting over the laden branches. Soon the flock would head south, and they wouldn’t be back until spring.

  Spring. If she went west with Mamm and Daed, she wouldn’t be here in the spring. How could they think of leaving the Conestoga behind? They couldn’t turn their backs on the farm and the creek. They couldn’t abandon the graves in the cemetery. This was their home. And yet they still continued with their plans.

  “Hannah! Hurry up!”

  Margli waited for her where the path bent away from the creek and toward the Hertzlers’ farm. She hurried to catch up, anxious to talk to Johanna.

  Daed waved to her from the barn where he stood talking with Elias. Jacob stood with the men, chewing on a straw. He nodded at Hannah and Margli, and then turned his attention back to the conversation. He stood with his back to the house, ignoring Johanna, who sat on the porch swing with some sewing in her lap. She dropped it on the swing beside her and ran to meet Hannah.

  “Hallo! So good to see you!”

  “Ja, you too.” Hannah gave her friend a hug. “Mamm sent some cinnamon.”

  “Is Barbli here?” Margli jumped up and down until Hannah put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Can she play?”

  Johanna reached out to pull the string of Margli’s kapp. “For sure, she’s here. Go in the kitchen. I think she’s helping Mamm make a pie for supper.”

  “Take the cinnamon with you.” Hannah gave Margli the packet and watched as she skipped to the kitchen door. Excited squeals from the kitchen made her laugh. “It sounds like Barbli is happy to see her.”

  “They’re best friends, aren’t they? Just like the two of us.”

  “Ja.” Hannah linked arms with Johanna. “Just like us.”

  “And maybe they’ll be sisters someday. Barbli and Peter could get married . . .”

  “Johanna! And now you’ll have William marrying baby Veronica.”

  “Why not? Who knows what will happen in the future?” She took Hannah’s hand and pulled her to the porch. “Come on and sit by me. I hoped you would come when I saw your daed and Jacob.”

  Hannah picked up Johanna’s sewing from her side of the seat and handed it to her as she sat down. “It’s been a busy day, and a busy week. I have so much to tell you.”

  “Your daed told us you are going to Indiana with us. Won’t that be wonderful-gut? Our families traveling together?”

  “That will give you plenty of time with Jacob, ja?”

  Johanna made a face. “He hasn’t looked at me once all afternoon. He’s too busy talking to the men.”

  “That’s Jacob. Once he gets his mind on something, he doesn’t think about anything else.”

  “It seems he’d think about me.”

  “Don’t pout. There’s another young man going west.”

  Johanna raised her eyebrows. “Who?”

  “His name is
Josef Bender, from Ephrata—” Hannah stopped. What would Johanna think of Josef? He had said he wanted to visit with Hannah, but would he change his mind once he met Johanna?

  “And? Is he handsome? How old is he? Will he be settling on his own farm? What do you know about him?”

  Johanna’s questions came faster than Hannah could think. “Um, I’m not sure. We didn’t talk very much.”

  “But he talked to you? What did he say?”

  Hannah looked down at her fingers, twisting themselves together on her lap. It was one thing to talk about Johanna and Jacob, or Adam, but Josef . . . he was different. “He wants to come see me.”

  “You mean he wants to court you?” Johanna’s eyes grew wide. “How long have you known him?”

  “We met this morning.”

  Johanna fell over into her lap in a pretend faint. “And he’s interested in you already?”

  “Get up.” Hannah pushed her friend back into her seat. “He’s very nice, and yes, he’s handsome.” If she wasn’t careful, she could dream about his blue eyes all day. Hannah pulled her mind back. “He’s a redemptioner, but nearly at the end of his term. He’ll be just starting out in Indiana.”

  Johanna picked up her sewing again. “And you’ll be his wife, starting out with him.”

  “I didn’t say I was marrying him.”

  “You said . . .” Johanna stared at her, the sewing forgotten again. “You mean you’re thinking about not marrying him?”

  Hannah ran her hand up and down the rope that suspended the swing from the porch ceiling. “I’m thinking about not going to Indiana.”

  “But you can’t do that. You have to go.”

  “Why?”

  “Because . . . well, because your family is going.”

  “Ja . . .” Hannah grasped the rope tightly. If she refused to go, wouldn’t Daed change his mind? She watched him, standing in front of the barn, gesturing as he talked with Elias. Ne, he would only force her to go.