Hannah's Choice

by Jan Drexler

  The next stop was the barn to fetch the milk. She could hear Daed’s voice as she opened the door to the lantern-lit interior and slipped in.

  “You mean you walked all night?”

  Who was he talking to?

  “Ja. It was not that far.”

  The accent was familiar. Hannah walked around the farm wagon. There was Josef Bender, pitching hay to the horses along with Daed while Jacob milked the cow. When Josef saw her, he put the pitchfork tines on the ground and acknowledged her with a little bow.

  “Gut morgen, Hannah.” The tones of his voice were soft as he spoke her name. Hannah blushed as Jacob looked from her to Josef with a silly grin on his face.

  “Josef decided he wanted to go to meeting with us, so he walked here from Ephrata last night.” Daed caught Hannah’s gaze and gave her a quick nod. “A dedicated man, ja?”

  “Ja, Daed.” Hannah’s answer was automatic, but her mind was racing. Josef had promised he’d see her soon, but she had never expected him to come all this way to go to Sabbath meeting with her.

  Jacob finished milking and she took the pail from him. “I’ll let Mamm know we’ll have a guest for breakfast.”

  “Not a guest, Hannah.” Daed slapped Josef’s shoulder. “A member of the family.”

  Hannah left the barn as quickly as she could with a basket of eggs in one hand and the pail of frothy milk in the other. She hurried into the house. Liesbet and Margli looked at her as she burst into the kitchen. She took a deep breath to calm herself and set her burdens down on the table to buy some time.

  “Hannah, you look like you were chased in here by King George’s cavalry,” Mamm said, turning from the fireplace. “What has you so flustered?”

  “Not so flustered, Mamm, just in a hurry. Daed said to set an extra plate for breakfast. Josef Bender is here to go to meeting with us.”

  Liesbet let out a laugh, but Margli and Mamm stared at her.

  “Josef Bender?” Mamm turned to stir the porridge before it could burn. “From Ephrata? Here this morning?”

  “Ja, ja, ja.” Hannah hung her shawl on the peg in the entry and then pushed past her sisters to the bedroom door under the steps. “He walked all night, I suppose. He’s doing chores with Daed and the boys and will be in for breakfast with them.” She pushed the door open before anyone could make a comment. “I’ll get William up.”

  She left the door open to let light into the room from the kitchen. William was already half awake, roused by the voices in the rest of the house.

  “Gut morgen, William.” She reached to pick him up, but he pushed her hands away.

  “Do it myself.” He rolled over the high sides of the cot and stood for a minute. He pulled at his diaper. “Pot, Hannah. I use the pot.”

  “Ja, William, that’s a good boy.”

  Hannah dressed him in clean clothes when he finished and went back into the kitchen with him. The men had come in from the barn and were seated around the table. Peter stared at a plate piled high with slices of cold corn pone while Liesbet and Margli bustled around the table, laying out cups and plates. Josef had been sitting next to Daed, but rose when Hannah started to lift William onto his stool.

  “You will let me help you, ja?” He set the little boy on his seat.

  “Ja, denki.”

  Hannah caught a glance pass between her parents as she went to help Mamm spoon the porridge into bowls. Her face grew hot, and it wasn’t only from the heat of the fireplace. Josef was being too obvious. Anyone could see that he was here to visit her, and Daed had already adopted him as part of the family. She had no say in this matter. Was he thinking they would be married without so much as a minute alone together to get to know each other?

  She sat next to Liesbet, waiting while Daed read the morning Scripture, but she didn’t hear a word. What kind of man walked several miles, through the night, just to attend Sabbath meeting with a girl he barely knew? She stole a glance and saw that he was sitting with bowed head, listening to Daed read. Then he looked at her, and their eyes met for a brief second before she looked down at her folded hands, lying on her lap.

  Adam wouldn’t have done such a thing. He spent hours helping the runaway slaves and walked miles to attend one of his camp meetings, but would he ever sacrifice the time to attend a Sabbath meeting with her?

  Breakfast was finished quickly, and the family stacked the dirty dishes into a dishpan as they finished. The walk to Sabbath meeting would be subdued, Josef knew, as the family contemplated the worship service to come, followed by fellowship with the rest of the community.

  He fastened his coat while he waited for the others. The sun had not yet risen and the air was frosty, so shoes had to be worn and coats brought into the kitchen from the lean-to to warm. He watched Hannah with her little brothers and sister as she helped them get ready. Her soft brown hair, so light it was nearly blond, gleamed in the lamplight, framing her face. Her kapp covered most of her head modestly, as it should. She was wearing a black dress with a white apron, as all the women did, but on her the black had a holy feel rather than somber.

  Once the children were ready, Hannah reached for her shawl. Josef helped her settle it around her shoulders, and she gave him a smile. How wonderful-gut it would be when he had the right to kiss those smiling lips!

  Christian led the way, carrying little William. He motioned for Josef to join him at the front of the family line.

  “Meeting is at my brother John’s farm today. It’s only two miles.”

  “Two miles? That’s the farthest Daniel travels for Sabbath meeting.”

  “The community there isn’t as widespread as ours. Families have left the Conestoga recently, so many that the district lines were redrawn last spring. Now our family and the Hertzlers are at the edge of the district that is mostly in the Cocalico area, down towards the Pequea Creek.”

  “What happened to the other families around you? Have they all moved west?”

  “Two families moved to Somerset several years ago, and some more moved to Canada, where they heard land was cheaper. The worst, though, is that as those families moved out, outsiders moved in. Instead of Amish neighbors, we now have Dunkard or Mennonite. Quakers bought one of the farms, and Methodists another. We’ve lost more families to the influence of those new neighbors.”

  “When you and the Hertzlers move to Indiana, there won’t be any Amish along the Conestoga?”

  Christian shook his head. “Not until someone else moves in. I hope our farm will stay in the family. My nephew, John’s oldest son, is interested in buying it—so it might stay Amish. And the Cocalico district is growing, so eventually there will be more Amish here, perhaps even a district again. But we can’t wait that long.” He looked over his shoulder at Jacob walking behind them. “There is too much at stake to remain where we are surrounded by outsiders.”

  Josef glanced back also, at Jacob, Hannah, and Liesbet following along behind them with Annalise and the younger children.

  “Ja, my mutti felt the same way. Once my sister married, the two of them were settled. Then her thoughts turned to me.”

  “Was she afraid of losing you to the world?”

  Josef nodded, his throat tight, thinking of Mutti’s face that last day. “The army had taken my vater, and he never came back. She knew they would come for me too.”

  Christian nodded. “I can understand. It’s much better to never see you again, knowing you’re safe in America, than have you lost somewhere in Europe. It was a great sacrifice she made.”

  Ahead of them, another group of Amish filled the road.

  “It’s the Hertzlers, Daed,” Jacob said, catching up. “I’ll go tell them to wait, and we’ll walk with them.”

  “Ja, it will be good to journey together.”

  When they caught up to the Hertzlers, the women embraced. Josef took Elias’s hand in greeting.

  “It’s good to meet you, Josef.” Elias turned to walk beside Christian, while Josef fell back to walk next to Jacob.
/>   “He came to attend Sabbath meeting with us,” Christian said, winking at Elias.

  As the older men walked on ahead, Jacob said, “Is that the only reason you came all the way from Ephrata last night? Just to attend Sabbath meeting with us?”

  Josef glanced behind them. Liesbet walked close to them, and behind her was Hannah arm in arm with the oldest Hertzler daughter. “Today is an off Sunday for our district, so I came to get to know your family better. If we’re going west together, we should become friends, ja?”

  Jacob glanced behind them too, and then leaned closer to Josef so his sister wouldn’t hear. “It isn’t the family you want to know better, is it? Hannah is the one you have your eye on.”

  Josef laughed. “Is there any better reason for me to be here?”

  Jacob grinned, and they hurried to catch up with the older men.

  Christian had said the meeting was at his brother’s farm, the closest farm in their district other than the Hertzlers’. The John Yoder farm was larger than Christian’s, closer to the size Josef was used to around Ephrata. Open fields surrounded the red barn and frame house, and the barnyard was well-kept. Josef still hadn’t become accustomed to the difference in America, where the Amish farmers owned their land rather than working as tenants for the landowner. The work these farmers did benefited the farm and their families instead of sending most of the profit to the landowner.

  The two families joined the rest of the community, gathered into the house that smelled of bean soup. The host family would have started cooking the noon meal yesterday afternoon, and now a big pot of soup simmered on the fire. The congregation took their places on benches in the big main room. Josef took off his coat as the room grew warmer and checked to see where Hannah was sitting. She caught his eye from her seat between her mother and Elias’s daughter, and then turned away as one of the men started singing the first hymn.

  Josef sang along with the familiar song. The slow, almost chanting rhythm of voices singing in unison taking him back to Sabbath meetings at home. They had sung the same songs from the Ausbund there, in the same way. The heritage of his ancestors and the worship of the community blending into one. He looked over to the women’s side again. Hannah was singing, her face quiet as she contemplated the words of the hymn.

  Ja, she was the one he had been waiting for. The woman who would become his partner in life.

  Since they had a shorter walk home today, Daed was in no hurry to leave the meeting. He and Elias stood with the other men outside under the cellar overhang of the barn, talking until midafternoon, gathered in a circle with their hands folded behind their black coats, identical hats nodding as each one had his say.

  Beside Hannah, Johanna sighed. “We’ll never start home if they keep talking out there.”

  The girls were sitting together on a bench beneath a window that gave them a view of the men.

  “They’ll tire of talking presently. Someone will remember milking time is coming and it’s a long walk home.”

  Johanna grasped Hannah’s arm. “I have a favor to ask.”

  “What is it?”

  “Don’t walk with me on the way home.”

  “What?”

  “Walk with that Josef, or with Liesbet. Let me walk alone, and then maybe Jacob will feel sorry for me and walk with me.”

  Hannah shook her finger in Johanna’s face. “You know that if Jacob wanted to walk with you, he would. You don’t need to be scheming behind his back.”

  Johanna slouched on the bench. “But he doesn’t do anything. When he’s at our farm, he never even looks at the house. And you’ve seen him today, always talking with Josef Bender. You’d think Josef would want to be talking with you, not your brother.”

  “All right.” Hannah laced her hands over one knee, using the leverage to support her back. It was sore from the morning’s walk and then sitting on the backless benches during the three-hour meeting. “I have a feeling Josef will want to walk with me, anyway.”

  “Did he really walk all the way to your house from Ephrata last night, just to attend meeting with you this morning?”

  Hannah felt her face getting red. “Ja, he did.”

  “So when is the wedding? You can tell me.”

  “I’ve hardly said two words to him all day. I just met him. I’m not thinking of marriage.”

  Johanna poked at her arm. “You can’t tell me you’re not thinking of marriage. Of course you don’t know each other yet, but that will change. You’ll get to know him, he’ll get to know you, and before you know it, he’ll be making plans for a spring wedding. Maybe even before we leave for Indiana.”

  Hannah looked out the window again. The circle of men was breaking up. She couldn’t tell Johanna that if things worked out, her family wouldn’t be going west at all. She wouldn’t tell her until she was sure.

  The women inside the house started gathering the children together for the walk home. Johanna went to help Magdalena with the baby, but Hannah stayed by the window. Josef fit in with the men. Every gesture, every nod of the head, was in unity with the other men. He belonged. Adam would never fit in so well. He would probably cause dissension as he shared his views on slavery and holding political office. But he would make himself fit in if he loved her, wouldn’t he?

  Johanna’s plan for walking home worked. Hannah hung back and took a place behind Mamm and Magdalena, leaving Johanna alone just behind Jacob and Josef. But it wasn’t Jacob who fell back to walk beside her, it was Josef. He talked to her briefly, and then when she motioned to the back of the group, he stepped aside to let the others pass until Hannah caught up to him. Meanwhile, Johanna hurried to catch up with Jacob.

  “May I?” Josef made his little bow and indicated the spot next to her on the road.

  “Of course you may.” Hannah stepped aside to let him join her.

  “Your friend seems to be anxious to talk to Jacob.”

  “She’s sweet on him, and hopes he’ll notice her.”

  “And you? Were you hoping someone would notice you?”

  Hannah felt her cheeks burning. She was glad for the edges of the shawl that hid her face from his view.

  “You don’t have to worry.” Josef lowered his voice as he spoke. “I noticed you.”

  She walked on in silence. She didn’t know how to answer such a comment.

  Josef slowed his pace and Hannah matched him, letting Peter go past them with Margli and Johanna’s sister, Barbli. So he had found a friend after all, even though she was a girl.

  She glanced at Josef. “You must be tired after walking all night, and now to meeting and back again.”

  “Not too tired.”

  “And you must walk home yet this evening?”

  “Ja. Daniel expects me home in time to do the milking tomorrow.”

  She stopped in the road, waiting until he halted and faced her.

  “Why did you do it? Why did you come all this way?”

  Josef stepped closer to her. “I wanted to see you. I wanted to spend time with you and your family. I asked if I could call on you, remember?”

  She nodded.

  “This is the way for me to know you, to find out if we would make a good match.”

  “And? Have you decided?”

  He smiled at her, crinkles forming at the corners of his blue eyes. “Ja, I have decided.”

  Hannah looked past him at the backs of her family disappearing around a bend in the road. She knew what he was going to say. She didn’t need to ask him . . . but . . . She looked into his eyes again. His smile faded as he stepped even closer, reaching out with his hand to cup her cheek inside her hooded shawl. Her stomach flipped over and pressed all the air from her lungs. His hand was roughened from work, but warm and tender against her skin.

  “You are all I have thought of since we first met. You are everything I have been looking for in a wife. Your vater is a gut man, and I have seen what a gut daughter you are.” He brushed her cheekbone with his thumb. “I already know you are a
good cook, and you like children. And you’re beautiful.”

  “You know all that already, when we’ve just met and have barely spoken?”

  He smiled again. “Ja. I want you to be my wife, Hannah Yoder, and I will do everything I can to convince you that you want it too.”

  18

  By the time they returned to the Yoder farm late in the afternoon, Josef was even more sure of his decision.

  It had been so hard not to kiss her as they had stood alone in the middle of the road, out of sight of her family, but he had restrained himself. They would have a future together, and he would be able to kiss her to his heart’s content then. Now was the time to learn about each other. So he had taken her hand and they had run along through the drifts of fallen leaves until they had caught up with the others. She had laughed at him, breathless from running.

  Josef closed his eyes as he waited for her to come out of the house—she had promised she wouldn’t let him leave until she said goodbye—and brought back the image of her face, so pretty, so fresh as she laughed with him. He stored that picture away in his memory to bring out during the long winter nights ahead.

  And then during the rest of the walk home they had talked of everything from their favorite pie to what color was the best for a man’s shirt. He learned all about each of her siblings, her favorite places to visit in the woods near her house, and her favorite story from the Martyr’s Mirror. They had reached her home much too soon for him.

  The sound of the door latch brought his mind back to the present.

  “Ja, Mamm, I won’t be long.” Hannah closed the door behind her, and Josef took her hand, threading it through his elbow.

  “You’ll walk me to the road?”

  “Ja, for sure.”

  “And perhaps even a little farther?”

  He couldn’t see her smile around the edge of her shawl, but she ducked her head in a quick nod. Even now, after such a short time, he knew her face was turning a becoming pink in her embarrassment. He laid his hand over hers as it rested on his arm, and he started down the farm lane.