Hannah's Choice

by Jan Drexler

  Mattie ran across the yard to the barn and stopped inside the big open door, catching her breath while she waited for her eyes to adjust to the dim interior. Daed stood on the far side of the center bay, silhouetted against the open door on the other end. Christopher, Annie’s husband, stood facing him. Neither of them noticed Mattie.

  “We’re staying here.”

  Daed moved to the workbench and dropped a hammer on the wooden surface with a thump. When Mattie saw the expression on his face as he turned back to Christopher, she knew she should make herself scarce. She slid behind some boards standing against the wall next to the door.

  “You can’t stay here. Our family is going west in a few days. You and my daughter are coming with us.”

  Mattie peeked out between two of the boards. Eavesdropping was almost as great a sin as . . . as . . . Well, bad enough. She should leave or make her presence known. But she had to find out what was going on. Christopher held himself stiffly. His entire five and a half feet quivered as Daed stepped toward him, a frown on his face as he looked down on his son-in-law.

  “We’re staying.” Christopher squared his shoulders. “I’m not taking my family to the wilderness. It’s too dangerous.”

  “That isn’t your only reason though, is it? I saw you talking with Peter Blank last Sunday. You’re still in favor of building the meetinghouse.”

  “I am. I think it’s time we let go of the past and move on toward the future. We no longer need to live like our ancestors, afraid of being arrested every time we meet. And hosting the church is too hard for some of the folks. A meetinghouse is the best solution.”

  “And the Mennonites have meetinghouses.” Daed’s sarcastic words cut the air.

  “I’m not talking about becoming Mennonite. I’m Amish, and that won’t change. My family will stay Amish, but we don’t need to move to Indiana to do it.”

  Daed bowed his head. His shoulders sagged. “Annie agrees to this?”

  “Of course. I wouldn’t make a decision like this unless my wife agreed.” Christopher scuffed his foot in the dust on the barn floor. “It isn’t easy for either Annie or me, this separation. But we both know you and I would come to an impasse sooner or later. I believe with all my heart that we as Amish need to progress or die. Change is coming, Eli. You need to face that, not run away from it.”

  Daed’s head shot up, his dark eyes lit with fire. “I’m not running. Indiana holds new opportunities for us. For all of us.” His expression softened as his voice dropped. “Christopher, come with us. We want you and Annie close. We want to watch your Levi and little Katie grow up.”

  “Our minds are made up and talking won’t change them.” Christopher took a step back. “I’ll help you load the wagons tomorrow.”

  “Send us on our way?” Daed turned back to the harness he had been mending, his voice again holding a bitter edge. “We don’t need your help. You’ve made your choice.”

  Mattie wiped her eyes with the hem of her apron. Christopher hesitated for a few seconds, but when Daed didn’t turn from his work, he left the barn.

  Wiping her eyes again, Mattie started to follow him, but a sound from the workbench made her turn back. Daed leaned on his elbows, his face buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking as a quiet, sobbing groan escaped. Mattie slipped out the door.

  A burning sensation rose in Mattie’s breast, constricting her throat. If Annie hadn’t married Christopher, this wouldn’t be happening. If it wasn’t for him, Annie would come west with them. She would walk behind the wagon with her sisters just as they had done when they came to Brothers Valley from the Conestoga ten years ago. They would play games as they walked, and make up stories—

  Mattie drove the thoughts away. She couldn’t change Christopher’s mind, and it was no use blaming him for making a decision he thought was best for his family.

  But, oh! If only he had decided to come with them. What did Amish have to do with new ways and meetinghouses anyway?

  Mamm was at the table with her back to the door when Mattie walked in. Annie sat on the opposite side, holding little Katie, her baby. Two-year-old Levi was in Mamm’s lap. Naomi, sitting next to Annie, looked up as Mattie came near, her eyes red from crying.

  Annie had told them the news.

  Without a word, Mattie slid onto the bench next to Mamm and handed her a clean handkerchief from the waistband of her apron. Levi looked from Mamm to Annie and back again.

  Mattie took a cookie from the jar on the table and handed it to her nephew. “Here, Hansli. Have a cookie.”

  She set him on her own lap as Mamm sniffed back her tears.

  Annie reached across the table toward her mother. “I’m sorry. If there was any way for us to go with you, you know I would. But this is our home.”

  Mamm nodded, controlling her tears. “Ja, ja, ja. I know. But we will miss you.” She looked at her oldest daughter then. “Perhaps sometime you might follow us?”

  Annie watched their hands, entwined in the table’s center. “Who knows what the future holds? Perhaps God will call us to go west someday.”

  The front door opened. Christopher took one step into the room, his normally pleasant face grim. “Annie, we must go home.”

  Mamm hiccupped. “You were going to stay . . . it’s dinnertime.”

  Christopher shook his head. “Ne, we won’t eat here today.” He held out one hand. “Levi, come home with Daed.”

  Mattie lowered the little boy to the floor and he ran to Christopher. Annie slowly let go of Mamm’s hand and rose. She didn’t look back as Christopher closed the door behind them.

  Naomi rose from the table, motioning for Mattie to follow her out the back door.

  When they reached the porch, Mattie whispered, “We can’t leave Mamm alone, can we?”

  Her sister took her hand. “Right now Mamm needs to cry. When she’s done, she’ll be back to her usual self, but she won’t let herself cry while we’re in there.”

  Naomi was right. “How do you know things like that? You always know what someone needs and I never do. I wouldn’t have thought that she wants to be alone.”

  “I saw it on her face. She didn’t want to cry in front of us.”

  She sat on the top step and Mattie sat beside her, leaning her elbows on her knees and resting her chin in her hands. “How long should we wait?”

  “For a while. Dinner is in the oven and will be done soon. Mamm should feel better by then.”

  “I never really thought Annie wouldn’t go west with us.”

  “She needs to stay with her husband.”

  “Is that what it’s like when you get married? Whatever your husband decides, you have to do?”

  Naomi brushed some flour off her apron. “Annie said she agreed with Christopher.”

  “But you saw how miserable she is. And Mamm doesn’t want to go west. She agreed because Daed wants to. If she had her way, she would never leave Brothers Valley.”

  Naomi scooted down to the next step and leaned back with her elbows propped behind her. “The Bible says that when two people marry, they become one flesh. I suppose married people have to agree on things, or else they’d be torn apart.”

  “But would you agree with some man if he wanted to do something awful like take you away from your family?”

  “First of all, I wouldn’t marry ‘some man.’ If I ever get married, it will be to the man who loves me.” Naomi crossed her legs at the knee and bounced one foot in the air. “And second, he would be my family, not you.” She bounced her foot again.

  Mattie felt a little sick. “You would choose him over me?”

  Naomi looked up at her, smiling. “Of course, even though I would hope I will never have to make that choice. But you will do the same thing when you marry Andrew, or whoever wins your heart.”

  “Never.” Mattie shook her head. “If he doesn’t do what I want, then I’ll head west to Oregon or somewhere without him.”

  Naomi grinned. “You just wait until you fall in love,
like Annie did. Nothing will be as important as being with your husband.”

  Mattie didn’t answer but watched a male robin chase another away from the oak tree. Andrew Bontrager would never win her heart. Only one boy had ever come close to doing that, but when he arrived from the Conestoga, he probably wouldn’t even remember her.

  Author’s Note

  Genealogy is a dangerous hobby. You never know where it might lead you!

  Several years ago I started searching through records for the story of my father’s side of the family. He had done extensive research and had published a book with the tales from our family tree, but there were stories in that book that called me to dig further.

  What I found was that my Brethren and Mennonite ancestors had started out in Pennsylvania before they moved to northern Indiana in the 1850s. I found that the route they took from Lancaster County, through western Pennsylvania, Ohio, and ultimately to Indiana, took them through established Amish settlements. I found evidence that showed my Mennonite and Brethren ancestors had descended from some of the first Amish settlers in Lancaster County. They came from Europe in ships named the Charming Nancy and the Francis and Elizabeth in the 1740s, settling in communities called Northkill and Conestoga.

  That’s when the questions started: Why did my ancestors move from the Amish faith to the Mennonite and Brethren churches? When did that happen? How did it affect the rest of their families? This book is the story of that journey of discovery.

  As I dug into Amish and Mennonite history, armed with some wonderful resources and my ancestors’ records, a story developed. The story of a family, facing a changing world and a changing church, who decides to emigrate west to leave chaos behind in search of a promise.

  This is a work of fiction, otherwise known as “filling in the gaps.” I went beyond the bare facts of several different family lines to tell what might have happened. I hope you enjoy this first installment, and join in as the story continues to unfold.

  Acknowledgments

  No writer works alone.

  My poor family. You have been so patient as I spent many, many hours on my computer, scouring bookstores, visiting museums, and reading instead of making supper. Thank you, guys, for stepping around my piles of research books.

  I’d like to thank my friends for pretending my imaginary characters were real, and listening politely as I’d tell you what was new in Hannah’s life. The Ladies Bible Study of Black Hills Community Church prayed me through my deadlines. Thank you!

  I would also like to thank my agent, Sarah Freese of WordServe Literary, for everything she did to make this book a reality.

  And without my editor from Revell, Vicki Crumpton, no one would have read Hannah’s story. Thank you, Vicki, for all your hard work.

  I’m indebted to researchers who went before me to make the historical facts clear: Steven M. Nolt, Donald B. Kraybill, and David L. Weaver-Zercher—to name a few. I have pored over your works for so long, I feel like we’ve met over a research table in a quiet library.

  Finally, thank you to the staff of the Mennonite Historical Library of Goshen College, Goshen, Indiana. I haven’t yet spent as many hours in your facility as I would like, but I appreciate the time and effort you have made to gather such a fascinating collection. It is an invaluable resource. I’ll be back for more visits.

  Jan Drexler brings a unique understanding of Amish traditions and beliefs to her writing. Her ancestors were among the first Amish, Mennonite, and Brethren immigrants to Pennsylvania in the 1700s. Their experiences are the basis for her stories. Jan lives in South Dakota with her husband, their four adult children, two active dogs, and a cat. When she isn’t writing, she enjoys hiking the Black Hills and the Badlands. She is the author of the Love Inspired novels The Prodigal Son Returns, A Mother for His Children, and A Home for His Family.

  jandrexler.com