One American Dream

by Bernard Beck

  One American Dream

  Bernard Beck

  Amberjack Publishing

  New York, New York

  To my wife, Judy, with whom I have shared more than half a century of Kavanah.

  Glossary

  Baal Shem Tov: Jewish mystical rabbi, considered to be the founder of Hasidic Judaism.

  Bar Mitzvah: Confirmation: the religious initiation ceremony of a Jewish boy who has reached the age of 13 and is regarded as ready to observe religious precepts and eligible to take part in public worship.

  Bubba: Grandmother

  Bubbe meises: Old wives tales

  Chasidism: A Jewish religious sect which arose as a spiritual revival movement during the 18th Century and spread rapidly through Eastern Europe.

  Cohen: A person from the priestly class

  Daven: Pray

  Derash: Intensive investigation

  Dybbuk: The dislocated soul of the dead

  Ein Sof : Literally “without end”—another name for God

  Frum: Religious

  Goy: Non-Jew

  Hashem: Literally: “The name”—another name for God

  Kabbalah: An ancient wisdom that claims to reveal how the universe and life work.

  Kavanah: Spiritual intensity

  Kliphos: Hindering spirits

  Maimonides: A brilliant medieval Spanish Jewish philosopher and mathetician.

  Mamzer: Bastard

  Mein Liebe Rivka: My Darling Rivka

  Mezuzah: A piece of parchment in a decorative case that is mounted on door-posts and is inscribed with the Hebrew verses from the Torah that begin: “Hear, O Israel, the LORD (is) our God, the LORD is One”.

  Minsk: A city on the Russian Polish border that once contained a large Jewish population.

  Mishnah: The oldest authoritative post-biblical collection and codification of Jewish oral laws, systematically compiled by numerous scholars over a period of about two centuries.

  Mitzvah: Good deed

  Pale of Settlement: The term given to a region of Imperial Russia in which permanent residency by Jews was allowed and beyond which Jewish permanent residency was generally prohibited.

  Peshat: Simple meanings

  Pogrom: An organized massacre of a particular ethnic group, in particular, that of Jews in Russia or Eastern Europe.

  Rashi: A medieval French rabbi and author of a comprehensive commentary on the Talmud and the Torah.

  Rebbitzen: Rabbi’s wife

  Remez: Research

  Shabbos: Sabbath

  Shaina Maidel: Pretty girl

  Shema: The central prayer of Judaism that begins: “Hear, O Israel, the LORD (is) our God, the LORD is One”

  Shmatas: Rags

  Shnops: Whiskey, usually Scotch

  Shtarke: Big shot

  Shtetle: Small town, usually with a substantial Jewish population.

  Shul: Synagogue

  Sod: Divine realm

  Talmud: The central text of Rabbinic Judaism that contains more than six thousand pages of discussion and debate on all aspects of Jewish life

  Tefillin: Also called “phylacteries,” are a set of small black leather boxes containing scrolls of parchment inscribed with verses from the Torah. They are worn by male, observant Jews during weekday morning prayers.

  Torah: Or the Pentateuch, is the central reference of the religious Judaic tradition.

  Vus macht a yid?: How’s it going?

  Yarmulke: Skullcap

  Yeshiva: Jewish religious school

  Yiddishkeit: Jewish spirit

  Zayde: Grandfather

  Epigraph

  Welcome to our house. Come freely, go safely, and leave something of the happiness you bring.

  —Bram Stoker

  Prologue

  From the time that we are born, we invent and reinvent ourselves—reducing our options and narrowing the perspective as we age. And as we continue to invent ourselves—responding to external stimuli and internal struggles—we shape and reshape our impression of what we have achieved, what we still expect to achieve, and what we hope to get out of life at the end of our days.

  My grandfather and I are at either ends of our days: I’m just starting mine, and he’s been reviewing his. I am going out into the world; he is retiring from the world. I have the advantage of a life ahead of me; he has been burdened with retrospection.

  The best that I can hope for is to live a good, moral life and not to do too much damage. The best that my grandfather can hope for is that the good that he has done outweighs the damage.

  My grandfather was blessed—or perhaps cursed—with a passion: to be an authentic American. This passion often clashed with his determination to also be a good, Orthodox Jew. These two passions often pulled him in opposite directions, and he was so conflicted and insecure that he would either under-think or over-think nearly every decision he made.

  Of course, we are all blessed with twenty-twenty hindsight, and I’m sure that, had my grandfather been able to anticipate the consequences, he would have made different choices.

  Is it ever possible, I wonder, to accurately balance the scales? Does a good intention compensate for a foolish act? Does naiveté compensate for arrogance? Do acts of goodness later in life compensate for earlier damage done?

  Hard to say.

  Chapter 1

  Rose and I had not expected this. We had expected a battle, and we had been prepared to relent. I took my glasses off and slowly folded them and put them in my breast pocket. I suddenly felt older—tired. I had fought a battle and won, but somehow, I didn’t feel good about it. I felt that there was something missing—that there should be something more—but I couldn’t tell what it was. It had been too easy, something was off kilter, but I couldn’t tell what. I stared at Rose, hoping for inspiration. Something was wrong, very wrong, and Ruthie, I sensed, was at risk. I needed time to think, but they were here now, and they were waiting for my answer, and I had to give it. But still, I needed time to think.

  “Ruthie is our pride,” I said aloud. “You must promise to take care of her always. She is a special person with a special gift. You must honor that gift.

  “Here,” I said, standing up, “give me your hand. Promise me now.”

  I stood and Harry stood and we shook hands. Formally.

  “Harry,” I said, still holding his hand, my mind racing for guidance, trying to buy time. “You have pledged to learn the Orthodox way. I don’t expect you to do everything that you promised. But I am a businessman, and I want to make sure that you are going in the right direction, so here is my offer: you study and show me that you are serious, and I will give you and Ruthie my whole-hearted blessing. We should make a deadline. How about Chanukah?”

  Harry freed his hand and looked at Ruthie, who was anxiously watching him. “That sounds like a good plan, Mr. Rubin. We can then arrange for a spring wedding, maybe in June.”

  “Chanukah, it is,” I said, taking Harry’s hand once more. And then Harry and I embraced, and then we all hugged each other. And Rose began to cry.

  __________

  Looking back, this was the turning point in all our lives. Was he right? Wrong? Guilty? Innocent? Maybe a little bit of each. You really need to know what happened before this to understand where he was coming from and the intensity of the impact that his choices had on his family and the lives of those close to him. He wasn’t proud of the events that his decision ultimately created, but he thought he was doing what was best for Ruthie and our family . . .

  __________

  I don
’t remember much about that time, only feelings. The engines had stopped, and the ship was cruising quietly. There was excitement in the front of the ship as word came back that you could see the Statue of Liberty. And then I saw it. I was holding my mother’s hand, and I clearly remember saying to her in Yiddish, “Now we are Americans.” She smiled at me and squeezed my hand.

  “Not yet,” she said, “but soon.”

  “No,” I said, pulling my hand away from hers, “now I am an American.”

  I had decided to be a real American on July 17, 1890, the day my mother and I arrived in New York from Europe. On that fateful day, as we stood on the deck watching the New York skyline gliding by, I resolved that, from that moment on, I would be a one hundred percent American—not a Polish-American, not a first-generation American, not even a Jewish-American.

  And from that time on, I never spoke Yiddish or Polish again. I dressed American, and the only kids I hung out with were the tough kids on the Lower East Side where we lived. I taught myself to walk like them and talk like them because I believed that they were real Americans, and I had to learn to be like them.

  I guess you could say that I am a self-made man in the most literal sense: starting with my name. When I arrived, I was Jacob Rubinowitz, and, as soon as I could, I became Jack Rubin. Throughout my life I have invented, reinvented, burnished, refurbished, constructed, and reconstructed myself as often as necessary in order to achieve my ultimate goal: to be a real American.

  It took me nearly half a century to accomplish this, but, in the end, I can proudly and confidently say that I am finally an authentic American in the fullest and proudest sense of the title.

  I learned my first American words from the sailors on the ship; the rest I learned on the street, so you can imagine what they were and how I sounded. I only spoke “American” and I only dressed “American.” I rejected the “Old World” clothing and mannerisms that my mother had valued so highly in Europe, and I refused to be seen in public unless I was properly dressed in what I felt was genuine “American” style. I told my mother that I would rather stay home than look and sound like a newly arrived immigrant, a “greener,” and I begged her to use the little money that she had brought with her from Poland to buy “American” clothing for me.

  We had come from Minsk, a town on the Russian-Polish border, with a trunk filled with clothing and personal memories, but my father, who had gone to America two years earlier and who was supposed to meet us at the boat, never showed up. An “uncle,” who may or may not have been my uncle, found us a place to live.

  My mother had grown up wealthy in Warsaw. Her family owned a successful factory, and they had sent my father to America to develop a market for their products. He had sent back glowing reports of potential opportunities in the New World, and they had sent him money to get the business established. They had also encouraged my mother to join him in New York.

  My mother and I had embarked from Bremen with great expectations. But once in America, and without a husband, my mother discovered that the skills that she had valued as a middle-class woman in Warsaw, such as playing the piano, doing fine needlework, and decorating a home, did not transfer well to her new situation. In the world in which she now found herself, she had no marketable skills, and she had trouble keeping a job and earning money. For a while, she sang and played the piano in a local tavern, but, eventually, she became dependent on my so-called “uncles,” and the occasional gifts from her parents. She never told her family that my father had disappeared and, instead, sent glowing reports of life in America.

  At first, friends and neighbors helped her, but they soon got tired of her fancy and pretentious ways. It was rumored that my father had married someone and had another family somewhere in the west. We never heard from him.

  I was not a particularly good student, and we were always having money troubles at home. So when I finished the eighth grade, three years after my mother and I had arrived in New York, I had to quit school to work full-time to provide for us.

  My first official job was on the back of a newspaper delivery truck delivering newspapers twice a day to newsstands, and picking up the remainders on the way back. We loaded the truck around three in the morning and finished our first route before five. We then had some breakfast, loaded the afternoon edition, and were done delivering and picking up by noon.

  After lunch, I would go down to the schoolyard to wait until it was time for my friends to get out of school. This was the hardest part of the day for me. I sat in the park across the street, feeding the pigeons. Occasionally, when I got cold or bored, I would walk over to the library and look at some picture books. I was a slow reader and was embarrassed that people might notice how I struggled.

  Sometimes in the afternoon, when my friends were out of school, I would jokingly look at their school books. I was curious about what they were learning and was jealous that they could go to school and that I couldn’t. Although I had never liked school, I was sure that I would be more authentically American if I attended. But we were too poor, so that was impossible.

  I lived in two worlds: my mother’s immigrant world and the gritty world of unskilled laborers—and I was accepted in neither. The men on the truck teased me about my age and naiveté, and they never included me in their after-hours friendships. The few friends that I had made in elementary school now had new friends and new experiences in high school. I had nothing. No friends, no money, and no father. I had rejected my Polish and Jewish background, so I didn’t even have that. I was the poorest kid in the neighborhood.

  I liked the camaraderie on the delivery truck and the feeling that all the older men treated me like an adult, but, at the end of the shift, they went home to their families, and I had nowhere to go. I longed to be with people my own age, but I felt more and more like an outsider. I knew that my mother and I could not survive without the money that I made on the truck, and I bitterly resented my life and obligations.

  I was so frustrated and angry that I began to look for other, faster ways to make money. I figured that if I couldn’t go to school, at least I could make enough money to have something to show for it. I was short and slightly built, which made it difficult to find construction jobs, and I didn’t want to work in a factory because I had heard frightening stories about how the workers in the sweatshops were forced to work long hours for very little pay. I had heard, however, that there were opportunities on the street for quick money, and I asked the men on the delivery truck where I could find some afternoon work. One of them told me that I could make really good money working as a kind of messenger. He gave me a paper with an address written on it and told me to go there after work.

  The office that I was sent to was not far from my house. It wasn’t really an office, just someone’s apartment. When I got there, they told me to go into the kitchen where other young boys like me were waiting. The boss, a gruff man with yellowed fingers, asked me what I knew about being a runner. I said that I didn’t know much but that I was willing to learn. The other boys looked at each other and laughed.

  “That’s a good boy,” the man said. “Here’s all you have to do: I give you an address and you go to that address and ask for the person I tell you. They will give you an envelope, and you will bring it to me. Is that clear?”

  “Yes, it sounds pretty simple.”

  “Yeah, there are only a couple of things you gotta remember,” he growled. “First, you might be carrying a lot of money in those envelopes. If I ever find out that you took any of the money, you’ll be very sorry. And second, keep away from the cops. If you see one around when you are making a pickup or delivery, don’t make the delivery—just walk away. If they stop you and ask what you’re doing, don’t tell them where you are working, or I will make sure that your family suffers. Is that clear?

  “Oh yeah, one thing more. I pay you two bits every time you make a pickup or a delivery. Make both on one trip an
d you can make half a buck for only a few minutes’ work. Any questions? No? Then go sit over there, and I’ll call you when I need you.”

  I sat with the other boys along the wall on wooden kitchen chairs forming a line. As one boy was called, the others moved up one chair until their turn came. The line seemed to go quite fast. The phone would ring and the man with the yellow fingers would write something down on a pad in front of him, then call the next boy and tell him the address.

  When it was my turn, I was told to go to an apartment on East Twenty-Seventh Street. “Take the Lex to Twenty-Third and then walk uptown. You got it? Give this to Solly. Don’t give it to anyone else. If you don’t know who Solly is, ask. Stick it inside your shirt, OK?”

  Excitedly, I took the envelope and slipped it into my shirt. I walked over to the subway and took the uptown train. At first, at the Twenty-Third Street station, I walked the wrong way, but then I got my bearings and purposefully walked up the stairs and out onto the street. I found the address without difficulty, walked up the steps to Solly’s apartment, and knocked on the door. A huge man in just an undershirt opened the door.

  “Are you Solly?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” he answered.

  So I handed him the envelope that I had been carrying in my shirt, and, in return, Solly handed me a small envelope.

  “You’re new, huh?”

  “Yes, sir, this is my first trip.”

  I took the envelope that Solly held out to me and slipped it into my shirt as I had been instructed. “Good kid,” Solly said, “here’s a buck for you. Keep your chin up.”

  As I emerged from the building, two men fell into step behind me. I started to walk faster, but the men broke into a trot. When I got to the subway entrance, one of the men grabbed my arm. The other flipped open his wallet to display his badge.

  “New York City Police, kid. Mind showing us what you’ve got inside your shirt?”

  “I don’t have anything in my shirt, officer.”