The Fear That Divides Us

by M. N. Forgy

  “Mom, someone is at the door,” Addie remarks, breaking me from eye-fucking her mom. I didn’t hear a knock.

  “I’ll get it,” I announce, pulling from the counter. I open the door to find Kane holding two paper bags and a cardboard cup holder filled with drinks. His long dark hair sits past his broad shoulders, and he’s wearing his cut labeled as a prospect. He’s only in his prospect days and already gets more pussy than I do. He says it’s because chicks dig his year-round tan. He’s Native American and the girls eat that shit up.

  “Here,” he grumbles, pushing the paper bag to my chest and holding the cups out for me to grab. His bushy dark brows slanted inward with annoyance.

  “Thanks, man,” I reply, grabbing the crap from him.

  “Who knew you had sexy men at your beck and call,” Jessica smarts over my shoulder. I turn and scowl at her, Kane laughing in the doorway. I turn and kick the door shut, shaking my head at Jessica.

  “You have a sexy man at your beck and call and refuse to use it to your advantage,” I snipe, pushing the cups in the cup holder to her chest. She huffs and sets them on the counter, pulling one from its place. Addie positions herself on her knees on the stool and leans over, plucking a cup from the cardboard cup holder.

  “You wanna see something cool?” I ask, grabbing a straw from the bag.

  Addie’s eyes light up as she watches me. I tap the end of the straw on the countertop, scrunching the paper that covers it. I pull the scrunched up paper resembling an accordion off the straw and set it on the counter. I take the straw, get a dab of liquid from the cup, and drop it in the middle of the paper, making it appear as if it’s crawling.

  “It’s like a caterpillar,” I say, smiling, dropping another drop onto the straw’s wrapper making it grow again.

  “That is cool,” Addie laughs, grabbing a straw from the bag.

  I look over and see Jessica eyeing me, the depth of her blue eyes soft and endearing as she watches me interact with her daughter.

  “Who taught you that?” Jessica questions softly as she eyes Addie attempting to make her own caterpillar.

  “My dad,” I mumble. She nods and opens the paper bag, digging for food. She doesn’t ask more. She never does when the conversation goes toward my parents. It goes against that crossing the line of simple and easy, to complicated.

  Jessica and I eat in silence, listening to Addie talk about some boy she is crushing on. Jessica doesn’t seem to approve of her puppy love, but I say she’s young. She hasn’t lived unless she has had her heart broken a few times.

  I crumple up the paper bag and throw it in the trash, and head to the bedroom to put the rest of my clothes on.

  “I think we need to distance ourselves from one another.”

  I pull my shirt over my head, the fabric brushing along my bottom lip as I groan loudly at Jessica’s statement.

  “Why is that?” I ask, fetching my boots to pull on.

  “I think it's best. So we don’t grow feelings for each other,” she mumbles, chewing on the pad of her finger. I know Jessica wants nothing of love; she has told me that before.

  “The idea of falling in love with someone, giving them your heart, the organ that keeps you alive, is suicide.” She has said it repeatedly. Last night was more than emotional. I figured she would wake up freaking out, and my suspicion was correct.

  I stand up after tying my bootlaces and stalk over to her, her hand wrapped around her body as she continues to nibble on her finger. I slide my hand under her chin and tilt it upward, making her look me in the eye.

  “Are you growing feelings for me, Jessica?”

  She begins to talk, but it comes out a stutter.

  “Maybe I should have made the rule for you not to fall for me?” I interrupt, my voice low and rough. I saw the way she looked at me after we had sex. She looked at me with an entirely different vibe.

  Jessica’s eyes squint in anger as she grabs my finger under her chin, pushing it away from her.

  “This is just a game to you,” she hisses, her blue eyes vibrant with rage.

  I smirk, and run my hands through my hair. “No, it’s not a game to me. I just think you are being ridiculous,” I continue, putting my hands in my pockets.

  “Me protecting my daughter is not being ridiculous,” she snaps, placing her hands on her hips.

  “I have been around for years, Jessica. I haven’t gone anywhere. Not when you pushed me away, and not anytime soon. So why don’t you really say what this is about. Stop using Addie as an excuse. Stop protecting yourself,” I respond, my tone coming off angry more than I intended it to.

  “Excuse me!” she shrieks. Oh, shit! Here comes the crazy.

  “I think you need to take a fucking chill pill. Stop over thinking things,” I clip, grabbing my cut off the floor. I need to split before this goes south. Besides, I need to get to the club anyhow.

  “I—” she breaks off when I shake my head, and lean in, kissing her forehead.

  I walk into the kitchen and ruffle Addie’s hair. She’s sitting at the counter still eating.

  “See ya around,” I mutter. Addie turns her head and smiles as I walk toward the door and leave.

  9

  Jessica

  What the hell just happened? I sit on the couch replaying everything that took place starting from yesterday. I saw the look in his eye last night when we were having sex, the feeling of his arms around my body as he comforted me, and the way he acted as if he was Addie’s best friend this morning. I close my eyes and sigh. Maybe he is right. Maybe I am the one breaking the rules, or maybe I am just over thinking everything in general.

  “He seems really nice,” Addie remarks, sitting on the couch. I turn and look at her, trying to read if she is joking or not, but the smile on her face is proof she is completely smitten by Bobby.

  There is no denying that Bobby and I have chemistry, but I won’t allow Bobby to fall for me and lay claim to me. I won’t be trapped like that again. But it doesn’t make Bobby any less alluring or charming. Even with the flaws of danger lurking around him, I am completely powerless to the way my body ignites for him.

  “He is nice,” I reply. I lean over, giving her forehead a kiss and then walk over to the food sitting on the counter.

  ***

  I’m looking at a chart for one of my patients, trying to focus, but my mind keeps replaying me and Bobby in my bedroom, my mind flicking through the images of how he and Addie clicked so well yesterday. I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to get a grip of myself.

  “Get an IV in her arm. She’s dehydrated from the heat,” I inform the nurse as I walk back to the desk. As things start heating up outside, people forget to hydrate themselves, causing an ER visit.

  “Dr. Wren, you owe me a date, ya know,” Shane interrupts, laying his clipboard on the counter. I remove my gaze from the chart on the wall and look at him. I knew this conversation was coming. I have been dodging him for days, and he knows it.

  “Why, so I can end up in the paper again?” I snide, grabbing a patient’s file from the rack on the counter.

  “Oh, but you looked so good plastered on the front page. Why hide it?” he laughs. “I have to feed the gossip hunters something, so why not some hot doctor?”

  “I don’t think so,” I respond, looking at him from the corner of my eye.

  “How about if anyone takes your picture tonight, I will break their camera,” he replies and I can’t help but giggle. Shane doing anything violent is an image to behold.

  “We made a deal,” he informs, his face emotionless. Deal, my head swims around that word, making me think of Bobby. I need to distance myself from him. I can feel myself becoming vulnerable. I don’t want to love; I can’t love Bobby. I made the fucking rule of no falling in love.

  “I don’t know, Shane,” I whisper, exasperated.

  “It’s just as friends,” he shrugs, making me feel silly thinking Shane wants more. Maybe I really am over thinking things lately.

&nb
sp; “My shift ends in an hour. We’ll go then and I’m picking the place this time,” he rambles, walking off down the hall.

  “Tonight?” I shriek, surprised by the urgency. He chuckles, walking away.

  I look back down at the desk and see Nurse Helga staring at me, her dark eyes wide.

  “What?” I ask, curious as to why she’s looking at me with hazy eyes like that.

  “Do you know how many nurses have been after that fine ass?” she laughs, looking down the hall where Shane strides away. Helga runs her hand through her dark hair, bobbing her head up and down in appreciation of Shane’s backside.

  I slap the counter and laugh. “Who needs to be seen next, Helga?” I question, changing the subject.

  Bobby

  Sitting in a leather chair in the middle of the room, I watch the growing crowd in the Wicked Birds strip club as I listen to Trove Lo singing “Habits”. I just happened to walk into the Devil’s Dust at just the right moment, or wrong, depending on how you look at it. Bull ordered me to come here and make sure things didn’t become hectic. Watching naked chicks hump a pole for a few hours, why not? I could find worse things to do with my time.

  “Bobby baby, I’ve been waiting for you to call me back,” Diamond says seductively, walking toward me in some black fuck-me heels along with a black laced corset. Her dark hair falls over her shoulders in perfect curls as her eyes trail up and down my body.

  “Hey, there,” I reply, sitting up straighter in my chair. Shit, I have been ignoring her calls, but only because I’ve been busy with Jessica.

  “Where have you been?” she questions, kneeling on the floor between my legs.

  “Been busy, is all,” I respond, giving her hand that is sliding up my leg, a tender squeeze. The music suddenly fades and the DJ introduces the next dancers to appear on stage, Diamond being one of them.

  “Well, I’m glad you are here now. I hope you enjoy the show, baby,” she coos, standing up and walking away. I admire her fine ass, making me groan in response. Diamond is a beautiful girl. I’m kind of curious why I haven’t tapped that yet. Actually, I know why I haven’t tapped that. She’s not Jessica, far from it. And Jessica is all I’ve had on my mind lately. I sigh. Somewhere along the way, I became pussy whipped.

  Some commotion catches my attention over by one of the stages. I look over and find some fat guy leaning over the stage grabbing one of the girl’s legs. She looks down, startled, trying to pull her leg from his grasp.

  “Shit,” I mutter, standing from my chair.

  “Come on, baby, take those pesky bottoms off,” the guy encourages, pulling on her leg harder.

  “Let go,” I order, giving him a tap on the shoulder. He barely turns his head in my direction, eyeing me from the corner of his eye.

  “Fuck off, this doesn’t concern you, punk,” he grunts, curling his lips in anger, his hand still wrapped around her leg tightly.

  “You are in my club, harassing one of my girls. It concerns me,” I growl, pissed. I broaden my shoulders, ready to pummel the asshole for his tone of disrespect.

  The guy looks back at the scared blonde who is stumbling, trying to keep her balance.

  “Maybe if you made your cunts worth the entry fee—” I collide my fist in his face, not letting him finish his sentence. Calling her a cunt throws me over the edge of anger and into rage. You want your front teeth missing? Call a woman a cunt in front of me and see what the fuck happens.

  He falls on his ass, taking the skinny blonde off the stage with him.

  “Shit!” I yell, grabbing the half-naked woman before she nose-dives onto the floor.

  I pull her up onto her feet and steady her.

  “You all right, babe?” I ask concerned, looking her over for injuries.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” she mutters out of breath, running her hands down her bare stomach.

  “Go take a break,” I demand, tugging her away from the stage.

  As she walks away, I see the fat guy trying to stand up, shaking his head back and forth from where I hit him. His mouth bloody, dripping onto his greasy shirt.

  I stride forward and grab him by the collar, pulling him close.

  “Get out of my club, now,” I hiss, my tone a promising threat.

  “Fine, man,” he answers, trying to pull from my hold. I let go and watch him stumble out of the club, holding his mouth.

  “Damn, brother, you only took over for a couple hours and you manage to beat up a customer?” Tom Cat asks, watching the guy leave. I look over my shoulder, not realizing Tom was even here.

  “He was damn near pulling one of the girls off the stage by her leg,” I defend, pointing at the now empty stage.

  “I’m going to go make sure she’s not hurt,” I continue, making my way back into the dressing room.

  I may have lost my cool, not handling things in the most professional way. But one thing my father taught me is to treat women with respect. I love women, and to see one hurt from a fucking bastard getting his rocks off by treating them like shit, I can’t handle it. I’ve witnessed my dad punch a guy’s teeth out for slapping an underage girl’s ass at a gas station before. The memory still makes me smirk. My dad was a badass when he wanted to be.

  I push open the red door covered in a gold design, and walk right into the ladies’ dressing room. There are a bunch of vanities on both sides of the room. Small tables with huge back mirrors attached are outlined in light bulbs, along with chatty women sitting at them. I walk past a bunch of them, their tits hanging out, and some spraying perfume on them. At the back of the room, I spot the girl who was being harassed and go to her.

  “You sure you’re all right?” I ask, stopping a few feet from her station.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” she responds, standing up. She has on a white thong and lacy top. It’s sexy. I didn’t notice it before from all the commotion.

  “What happened?” Diamond asks, walking up to us.

  “He rescued me from some scumbag trying to pull me off the stage,” the blonde informs, rolling her eyes.

  “You saved Sugar?” Diamond asks, her eyes raised in praise. “I mean I saw some commotion from my stage, but I didn’t know it was that bad.”

  I shrug. “I guess I saved Sugar,” I laugh nervously, running my hand along my neck.

  “I think Bobby deserves a treat,” Diamond suggests scandalously as her hand slides up my chest.

  “Ooh, that is a great idea,” Sugar agrees, her voice like silk as she walks behind me, running her hand over my shoulder.

  The thought of two strippers fucking me is appealing, but regardless of what Jessica thinks, I am not about to give up on her. Sleeping with these two girls would make feel like I’m cheating, and my mother raised me better than that.

  “I can’t ladies. I’m on the clock,” I laugh, my heart thudding against my chest in complete panic that I am turning down a threesome.

  “Aww, baby,” Diamond purrs.

  “Darn, that would have been fun,” Sugar adds, walking away.

  “My shift is over. Wanna take me to get something to eat?” Diamond suggests.

  I look down and see her honey-colored eyes peering up at me. I feel like shit ignoring her calls the last few days.

  “Yeah, I can do that. Where you wanna eat?” I ask, running my hand over my chin, my eyes having a hard time not darting to the naked redhead walking by.

  “Mexican, anywhere Mexican,” she informs. “I know just the place,” she continues, pointing at me as she walks to her mirror.

  I smirk and nod.

  Jessica

  I sit across from Shane, a bowl of chips separating us and some Spanish music playing in the background. Luckily, no photographers have shown up yet.

  “You look different,” Shane remarks, popping a chip into his mouth and crunching down on it loudly.

  “I do?” I question, grabbing a chip from the bowl as well.

  “Yeah, less stressed. You been working less?” he asks, chomping on another chip and stari
ng at me.

  “No, about the same,” I respond, taking a bite.

  Shane nods, and looks off.

  I pull my phone out and check it, making sure I haven’t missed any calls over the music. I am on call tonight, so I have to be alert.

  “You seeing anyone?” Shane continues, his eyes staring at me intently.

  I open my mouth to answer, but shut it quickly not sure how to answer that. I am not with anyone, but with this deal Bobby and I have, I am not really available either. Then again, I don’t want a relationship either, so maybe telling Shane I am with someone will have him back off a little bit.

  My skin rises with a sudden chill, and the room takes on a sudden charge causing goose bumps to race up my arms. I look around the restaurant curious what has my body reacting the way it does and spot Bobby. He has his blond hair blown everywhere from riding on his bike, a snug gray shirt on, and that cut of his on top.

  As his eyes survey the tables, they catch mine. My heart stammers in panic, the air zapped from my lungs. Why is he here? I quickly look away and see Shane, bobbing his head to the music, my eyes widening in awareness. Is he going to beat up Shane?

  I release a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding, and risk a glimpse at Bobby. I see a short woman step up next to him, her arm hooked around his waist intimately. She is wearing a short black dress and the tallest black heels I have seen on a woman. She’s not afraid to show some skin that’s for sure.

  Shane turns in his seat, looking at what has me in a trance and spots Bobby.

  “You know them?” he asks, popping another chip into his mouth.

  “Eh, I know him,” I nervously remark. Wondering if I should tell Shane to run for his life. Bobby and I have dated other people along the years we have been seeing each other, but we have never seen one another on a date the entire time.